Picture Me Naked (Stoddard Art School Series) (15 page)

“Is that a yes?”

“No.” Zee pictured herself nude trying to eat spaghetti no less with a naked Jagger sitting across the table. She had an immediate vision of the two of them at a Roman feast with her feeding him grapes and other delights while draped in thin veils of silk, lying on satin pillows and… “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

Jagger laughed. “No?”

“No. The silverware is in that drawer. I’ll be back in just a minute.”

“I’ll be here.”

As Zee rushed to the relative safety of her bedroom, her hands were trembling. Hell, her whole body was trembling. She knew better than to gulp wine. It was making her light-headed.

She stripped off the sweatshirt. She still wore the tank top from this morning. The one Jagger liked. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Over one shoulder, she caught sight of the painting of Jagger set in the corner of her room. The painting made her feel sexy, feminine, sensual.

Zee pulled off the tank top and tossed it to one side and stood in nothing but her panties. Her hands skimmed her breasts and rested on her fluttering stomach. She remembered her erotic dreams.

No, the painting wasn’t what made her feel like this. It was the man who had inspired her to flood the canvas with all she felt. He made her feel this way. And at this very moment,
he
was in her kitchen suggesting naked pasta night!

She was in way over her head. Zee gave her body another brutal appraisal. All her self doubt reared its ugly head. Suppose she stood before him and saw disappointment on his face. Or worse, what if she ended up in bed with him and Jagger learned all her shortcomings?

Ed had no problem listing them. He’d blamed their lukewarm love making on the fact that he didn’t find her very attractive. He called her cold. He acted like he was doing her a favor. And afterward, after he’d finished, he’d leap out of bed, strip off the condom like it was poison ivy, and hit the shower before she could pull the sheet over herself.

As much as she wanted to believe it would be different with Jagger, it was still her standing in her big white practical panties. What if Ed was right? What if she was the worst lay he’d ever had? Let’s not find out. She liked Jagger.
Liked
was not the right word, but now was not the time to figure that out.

She owed him a lot, and bad sex wasn’t what he deserved. He’d have to settle for one memorable kiss, and some chicken parm.

As Zee slipped on a pair of khakis and the only blouse she owned that didn’t have paint splatters. She set a mantra.
Just dinner. Just dinner.
She pulled her hair out of its clip and ran her fingers through the mess.

“Relax,” she told her reflection in the mirror. “It’s just dinner.”

“What if he asks for another kiss?” asked Nana.

“I’ll give him more chicken.” Zee placed a hand over her nervous stomach.

****

The table was lovely. Jagger added some candles from the living room. The salad was there and Zee’s wine glass, which she promptly lifted and drained. She saw Jagger out on the roof and joined him. The day had warmed, and the late afternoon sun sat low casting the space in a golden glow.

“The table looks beautiful.”

He turned and smiled at her. “So do you.”

“Thanks.” She looked out over the roofs of the neighboring buildings. “Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Great, I’m starved.” Jagger moved to the roof’s edge and looked over the guard wall. Zee’s stomach took a familiar lurch. She knew he couldn’t fall, but she was always nervous near the short barrier. You couldn’t pay her to look over the edge. It made her dizzy just thinking about it. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was Jagger.

“It’s bloody fantastic out here. Are you allowed to use the space?”

Zee nodded then shrugged. “It’s a roof. It’s either icy cold and full of snow, or it’s blistering hot. It isn’t very usable. I’ve tried some furniture, and a few plants, but they fry in the summer.”

He raised his face. The sun kissed it gold. “I’d live out here, if I were you.”

“I fry faster than the plants.” But somehow Zee pictured them having coffee in the mornings, or a picnic sitting under the stars, or making love in the warmth of the sun.
Stop.
Zee heard the faint beep of the kitchen timer. “Speaking of burning, I should get that.”

Zee headed back into the kitchen and finished the final touches on their meal. She swung through the door with a platter filled with steaming chicken over a pile of spaghetti.

“That smells incredible.” Jagger took the platter from her and placed it on the table then stood behind her chair and held it while she sat. “I had no idea you were such a good cook.” He sat across from her and filled his plate.

“I’d taste it first. I have a bad habit of forgetting things like salt, garlic, flavor.”

He took a mouthful. “You didn’t forget a thing. It’s delicious.”

“I don’t get to cook much. I’m glad you like it.”

“I don’t get many homecooked meals.” He helped himself to another piece of bread. “After we eat, I’ll show you how the alarm works.”

“You didn’t have to go to so much trouble for me.”

“It was no trouble.”

“I do feel better knowing Ed can’t continue to mess with George. That first siren is going to be a surprise.”

Jagger sat back and wiped his mouth. Picking up his glass, he took a sip of wine. “So what’s the story with you and him?”

“We dated. We broke up. End of story.” Zee pushed the food around her plate again.

“He wants you back.”

“That’s not going to happen. I keep telling him. He doesn’t listen very well.”

“How did you two get together?”

“I started dating him to humor my mother. She likes to think she’s a matchmaker, among other things. Last week she wanted to be a cowgirl.” Zee gave him a smirk. “Ed’s her mechanic. Things were fine, for a while.”

“Then?”

“It was little things at first. Things he said. A comment here and there.” She should have put the wine on the table. She tipped the last drop of wine from her glass to ease the sudden tightness of her throat. “Are you sure this is what you want to talk about?”

Jagger nodded.

“Things just got ugly.” She crushed her napkin and tossed it over her food.

“Ugly?”

“Nasty, you know? He would say hurtful things, disrespectful things. When it starts, you’re in shock, but as it continues a part of you starts believing what they’re saying. They make it seem like it’s your fault they’re angry, and somehow you deserve it. I used to hear stories about women in abusive situations, and I remember wondering why anyone would stay in a relationship like that. They must be stupid. Then
I
was the stupid one. Ed calling me that just confirmed it in my head.”

“You’re anything but stupid.”

Zee couldn’t look at Jagger. “Then one day you wake up and realize what’s really going on. When Ed threatened my dream, it was bigger than just me. I saw how he wanted to control me…my life. I ended it.” Twirling her wine glass on the smooth tabletop, she worried her lip. “Now he wants to control the breakup. He thinks he can wear me down.” Zee shrugged. “It’s not going to happen. I’m a lot stronger now.”

“You slept with him.”

It wasn’t a question. “I-I only slept with him because he—”

“He didn’t force you, did he?” Jagger’s voice was ominously quiet.

“No. Nothing like that. Not exactly. He was persistent. And I…” She wasn’t about to tell him the rest. “I, um, I thought I loved him, but he wasn’t… I wasn’t, I mean, we…” Zee stood and began clearing their plates. “Let’s just say it wasn’t what they write romance novels about. For either of us. Things went downhill from there.”

“I’m sorry.”

Her eyes met his. “No, I’m sorry my mess has spilled over onto you.”

“It hasn’t.”

“You’re helping me lie to my mother, and you just spent an hour on the cold ground under my car. I would call that spillage.”

Jagger shrugged it off. “Don’t worry about it.”

Zee knocked over her empty glass and was surprised when it didn’t shatter like her nerves. “Wow, give me a little more wine and I’ll tell you all my secrets. Well, most of them anyway.” Zee tried to laugh, but the look on Jagger’s face stopped her.

She retreated to the sanctuary of the kitchen and stood with her hands braced on the counter. She filled her wine glass with water from the tap and drank. Maybe eating dinner in the nude wouldn’t have been the most uncomfortable thing. What an idiot she was.
Why don’t you just go out there and tell him all about Nana? Make the night a total disaster.

Jagger came into the kitchen carrying the rest of the items from the table. “Why don’t you leave the dishes and let me show you something?” Zee turned to look at him. He held out his hand to her. “It will only take a minute.”

Jagger led her onto the roof. The sun was setting and the sky wore that magical blue gold of the time between night and day. A few faint stars had appeared overhead.

“This is my favorite time of day,” he said. “The amazing color of the sky. Day and night melting together. You can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.”

“It’s lovely.” Jagger still held her hand. A shiver ran through her.

“You’re cold. Come here.” He moved her in front of him and wrapped her in the warmth of his arms. He whispered in her ear. “Warmer?” Zee nodded. They stood that way for a long time. His chin brushed the top of her head; his breath was warm on her cheek. “He’s a bloody bastard, you know. You were smart to get out. You deserve much better,” he murmured against her hair.

Zee closed her eyes to the beautiful view of the night sky to relish the feel of his arms about her. The heat of him embraced her. It felt so good. If she could just relax and lean back to rest against the muscled wall of his chest, but that would take a leap of faith like jumping off this roof. Was Jagger really all he seemed? Could she believe in all his kindness? Wrapped in his arms like this she felt safe and protected, but could she trust him? Even more, could she trust her heart and her body not to betray her…again?

What if she just turned in his arms, wrapped her arms around his neck, pressed her body against his and kissed him? Forgot the fears. Forgot all the insecurities. Forgot that Ed Zeigler ever existed. Before she could move, Jagger slipped his hands under the hem of her blouse.

Zee froze, stiffened, and pulled in the muscles of her stomach. She held her breath, praying his hands would not roam. About now, Ed would have been grabbing crudely at her breasts with some demeaning comment about how he could use her bra as an eye patch. Cold fingers of panic snatched at her. Zee pulled out of Jagger’s hold.

“Um…Coffee. Would you like coffee? I-I should make coffee,” Zee stammered.

Jagger was quiet. His thumbs hooked into the front pockets of his jeans. Zee couldn’t read his face in the fading light. “Thanks anyway. I should probably be on my way.”

“Oh, of course. I’ve taken up your whole weekend, haven’t I? I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Zee. Thanks for dinner. It was delicious.”

“You’re welcome.” Zee followed him back into the apartment and to the door kicking herself. She’d blown it, just like she predicted. She was pathetic, and he was leaving.

“I’ll see you tomorrow in class. Have a good night. Oh, damn, I almost forgot.” He brought her the remote. “Here. If your alarm goes off, this button will shut the siren off. This red one will reset the alarm, and this black one shuts down the system.”

“Well, that’s easy enough.”

“Right. Then you should be all set. I parked George so you can see him from your windows. If I were you, I’d be prepared to call the cops.”

“I will. Thanks.”

“Good enough. Good night, Zee.”

“All right then…Um…Good night…” Zee’s brain frantically struggled for something to say. Something to explain why she pulled away. Something to allow her to turn the clock back two minutes. She frowned as he headed to the door. “Aren’t you going to ask?” She blurted.

Jagger stopped with his hand on the doorknob. “Ask what?”

“I thought you’d ask for another kiss.”

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Oh. Can I ask why?”

Jagger sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t stop with one kiss.” He looked toward the roof. “I really want to be with you. Make love to you, and I’m pretty sure that’s not what you have in mind. Maybe you’re not ready. Maybe it’s me. But I’m not going to push you into something you obviously don’t want.”

Jagger shoved both hands into his pockets, his voice low. “You’re an amazing woman, Zee. Full of passion. I see it in your work. Any man would be lucky to have a chance with you. And you deserve the best. Better than Ed. Better than me.” His gaze held hers. “You’re right. You should share all that passion with someone who’ll treat you right. Someone who’ll make you promises and stick around long enough to keep them. You’re smart.” He opened the door. “Good night.”

And then he was gone.

As soon as the door closed, Nana piped up in a Chanel cloud. “Are you
that
afraid to be happy?”

“Stop, Nana. Not now.” Zee leaned against the door.

“Yes, now. And I will not stop. You want him.”

“You don’t know what I want.
I
don’t know what I want.”

“I know you’re falling in love with him. I can see it. Now go catch him. If you don’t, you’ll regret it.
Go!”

Zee swallowed the objection she knew was a lie. She did want him.

GO!

Zee whipped open the door and rushed into the stairwell.

Chapter Nineteen

“Jagger?” she yelled.

“Zee?” His voice came back to her from deep in the twists of the stairs.

“Wait right there.” She ran back into the apartment, snagged his shirt off the end table and raced down the stairs. Breathless, she caught up with him three flights down where he stood on the landing, waiting.

“Y-your shirt. You forgot your shirt.” Her heart pounded in her chest.

“You ran down all those stairs to give me back a shirt you could have given me tomorrow?”

“Yes. No…” She pulled a deep breath into her lungs. “Ask me, Jagger. Ask me for a kiss.”