Pink Wellies and Flat Caps (40 page)

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Authors: Lynda Renham

Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Humor, #Love; Sex & Marriage, #Literature & Fiction, #Humor & Satire, #General Humor

BOOK: Pink Wellies and Flat Caps
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‘Did you leave them in the car honey? Please don’t make her go back in this cold
weather,’ she says seductively.

Good heavens, I never knew Georgie had it in her. A raucous group arrives behind us and I can barely hear the doorman’s response. There is loud laughter and groans, and an overpowering smell of a cocktail of perfumes. All the men are wearing heavy overcoats and I feel a desperate temptation to steal one as I am shivering so much. I can see into the oak
-panelled hall where masked couples are dancing amid tables covered in crystal and shimmering with lit candles. A group of women in backless cocktail dresses push past us, waving their invites as they do so. How could I have been so stupid not to have realised the ball would be by invitation only?

‘What’s going on? It’s cold back here,’ shouts a man good-naturedly.

I feel a presence at my side and before I can speak a heavy coat is thrown around my shoulders, and a familiar fragrance takes me so by surprise that I feel my legs weaken.

‘What’s the problem Mike?’

Oh my God, Edward. It can’t possibly be. No of course not, it’s just the Spanx is stopping the blood from getting to my brain and I am hallucinating. All the same, I feel myself trembling so much that I seriously may pass out. I’m shaking more with the overcoat on than before I had its warmth. It can’t be him. He is in New Zealand, or at least he is supposed to be. Perhaps it’s someone with a voice like Edward’s. He won’t be able to tell it’s me, it’s too dark in the hallway and my face is closely hidden. Keep your mouth shut Alice. I try not to inhale his familiar smell, but the coat is caressing me with the scent of him, sending a surge of emotion through me that is so powerful I can barely breathe. It’s all I can do not to turn around and look at him. A thousand memories assault my brain and I sway towards Georgie and hold onto her arm.

‘We left our tickets in the car,’ says Georgie without any attempt to disguise her voice. Does she not realise Edward is standing next to me? Is he masked also? I am too afraid to look. His hand rests on my shoulder and I’m sure he can feel me trembling.

‘I’ll vouch for them Mike,’ he says, and the hand is suddenly gone.

I close my eyes and when I open them all I see is Georgie.

‘You’re quivering all over, are you all right?’ she asks.

‘Yes,’ I mutter, keeping my head down.

‘Let’s get inside,’ she says, taking my hand.

I glance behind me to a mass of people in overcoats and fancy dress.

‘Where did he go?’ I whisper to Georgie, taking her hand and allowing myself to be led into the noisy ballroom.

‘What?’ she yells.

I wobble on my heels and grab a drink from a passing tray. Georgie jiggles to an empty table and I follow wobbling as I go, feeling like my legs will give way any second. I look at the men and struggle to see their faces, but everyone is so well hidden behind a mask or a costume that it is impossible to recognise anyone. I down my drink and immediately regret it, and make a quick bolt for the loo. I push my way through the throng of dancers and lock myself in a cubicle. I must calm down, this is ridiculous. I pull the mask off and check my reflection in my mirror. My face is flushed and my lips pink. It couldn’t have been Edward, I must pull myself together. You can do this, and Charlie will never know, and you’ll have your fairy-tale wedding and all this will be behind you, I assure myself. I’m not quite sure where Pepper will be but I’ll worry about that later. Right now the most important thing on my agenda is peeing through this ridiculous hole. I don’t mind making sacrifices to look good but when nobody actually knows it’s me it rather all seems a bit pointless. The sound of hooting laughter and the banging of the loo door draws me back to the ball.

‘I don’t believe it,’ screams a woman, ‘and your parents were fine about it?’

‘Yes, absolutely great, especially after they talked it over with Ted.’

I recognise Sara’s voice and contract my muscles to stop peeing. Honestly Alice, what’s wrong with you? Sara won’t recognise the sound of your peeing I whisper to myself, feeling the Lycra roll up and pinch my navel. I stifle back a cry and bite my lip.

‘Well, I just know the two of you will be really happy, and I’m thrilled it’s finally out in the open,’ says the other voice and I fight back my gasp.

‘I know, can you believe it? Ted is so great isn’t he?’ gushes Sara, and I can picture her flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes.

‘I’m thrilled for you guys, I really am. Is it going to be a spring wedding?’

Spring wedding? Oh my God. In my distress I miss the hole and splash over the Lycra.

‘Bugger,’ I say, and quickly bite my lip again to shut myself up.

There is silence and then a giggle before Sara says, ‘Come on, let’s get back. Frankie will be here soon and I can’t wait for you guys to meet.’

There is the sound of a door opening and the loud thumping music from the hall reverberates around me and then all is silent. Looking down at my feet with my heart hammering in my chest I recall her words. Sara and Edward are getting married. He must have gone to New Zealand and broken up with Lucy, short for Lucinda, but everyone calls me Luce and now he’s marrying Sara. I’m such a fool. He never fancied me. What was I thinking? Tears fall onto my knees and my vision blurs. How did I get everything so wrong? The happiest times of my life were spent here. I don’t love Charlie, at least not enough. I wipe at my tears angrily. I must not cry, after all it’s no worse than him being in New Zealand. Why am I kidding myself? It’s much worse. I’ll always know that the man I love is just a few miles up the motorway, or is it down? Anyway, the point is, being back here has made me realise that it is Edward I love. What a fool I have been. How can I possibly marry Charlie? How can I possibly marry anyone? I shakily dab at the Lycra and curse Georgie for making me wear it. I then repair my tear-streaked face and put my mask back on. The sooner this night is over the better. I enter the noisy ballroom again and look for Georgie. I spot her at the buffet and walk towards her and notice our leaflets on the tables. Blimey, she is a fast worker. I have almost reached her when a hand grabs me and I am spun into someone’s arms. Before I know it I am dancing with the Phantom of the Opera. He twirls me around so fast that I barely get a second to look at him. As the music moves to a slower pace he pulls me close and whispers.

‘Enjoying the party Alice?’

I gasp. Dominic, but how did he recognise me?

‘You look, and smell, gorgeous, as always,’ he whispers.

‘How did you …?’

‘I have my spies, besides your perfume is a giveaway.’

Oh no, did Edward recognise it too. How could I be so stupid? What does he mean spies? His hand grips mine and I find it difficult to get away. I see Georgie looking at us.

‘Dominic, you need to know that there will be a raid on lots of farms tonight. You need to warn everyone
…’

‘What are you talking about?’ he laughs, pulling me even closer as the tempo changes for a slow dance.

I try to pull away again but he holds me too tightly. He smells of whisky and I turn my face away.

‘My fiancé
has arranged it. He is part of the FFFAA …’

Oh dear, I have had far too much to drink and the
FFFAA
sounded more like
fay.
He won’t have a clue what I am going on about. His lips brush my neck and I shudder. Something about Dominic makes me uneasy. Now I think about it there has always been something about Dominic that made me uneasy. I think back to the night I went to his house and feel myself stiffen.

‘We know all about the FFFAA Alice. You worry too much. Why don’t you just enjoy yourself? Your information is all wrong, we know when it’s happening and it isn’t tonight. Relax.’

He releases me slightly, spins me around and pulls me close again. What does he mean? How do they know? Who told them? I strain to see Georgie but she has gone.

‘It must be tonight,’ I say insistently and try to pull myself out of his arms but he pulls me roughly back and I can see the perspiration on his neck.

‘I just told you it isn’t tonight Alice. Anyway, where is your fiancé this evening? Playing away from home are you?’ he laughs, his lips brushing my neck again.

I struggle to push him away. My heart races and I feel panicky. The lights dim and then there is darkness. I let out a small cry along with many others.

‘Okay guys, time to reach out for a new partner,’ shouts the DJ and I feel a hand pull me from Dominic’s grasp.

There is laughter and the lights come on again. I find myself looking at a masked man’s profile but I know from the fragrance it is Edward, and feel my body weaken.

‘Good evening,’ he says politely.

He doesn’t recognise me.

‘Hi,’ I mumble, relief enveloping me.

‘I’m not a great dancer,’ he says, the familiar lil
t in his voice making me heady.

He twirls me to the music and my breathing returns to its normal pace. We dance silently and I feel myself relax and begin to enjoy myself. Then the music changes to a slower tempo and, I don’t believe it, Leonard
Cohen’s ‘Take This Waltz’ drones through the PA system. For a minute I seriously consider getting the gun from the boot and shooting the sodding DJ. I wait for Edward to release me but he pulls me in closer and I inhale sharply.

‘Hopefully I won’t step on your toes,’ he says softly.

He slides his arm around my waist and guides my arms around his neck. I look nervously for Sara. My eyes fall on Georgie who is chatting to someone by the bar and she sees me, rolls her eyes and makes a wrist slashing movement in sympathy with the music. Does she realise I am dancing with Edward?

‘Have you had your tongue extracted?’ Edward asks suddenly, ‘Or
have you taken a vow of silence?’

Shit. Can I say both?

‘No,’ I reply.

H
e will think I am a retard or something.

‘I like your perfume,’ he says casually
. ‘It reminds me of someone.’

‘Oh,’ I say, laying my head on his shoulder.

His lips gently touch my cheek as I do so. His hand squeezes mine and his finger moves across my engagement ring.

‘Is the lucky man here?’

He twirls the ring around my finger and then intertwines his fingers in mine.

‘I’m not sure,’ I say honestly. I so don’t want the music to end and I never thought I would say that about Leonard Cohen. We bump into another couple and they laugh merrily at us.

‘Happy Christmas,’ they yell in unison.

‘Y
ou’re not sure where you fiancé is?’ he questions, seemingly ignoring the couple.

‘Where’s yours?’ I say boldly, trying to disguise my voice and failing miserably. I sound like Lily bloody Savage.

‘I don’t recall saying I had one,’ he whispers into my ear and then gently kisses it.

Oh my God, this is awful. How can he do this with Sara in the same room? I feel like giving him a piece of my mind but I feel a strange tingling in my loins and it has nothing to do with the Spanx.

‘But if you really want to know, I left her in New Zealand snuggling up to someone else …’

I gasp.

‘But …’

I stop as his hand moves from my neck and strokes my back, stopping at the top of my buttocks. He waltzes me to a quieter corner of the room as Leonard Cohen croons
There's a concert hall in Vienna.

‘Have you ever been there?’
he asks.

I feel like my breath has got trapped deep inside my body, no doubt in the Spanx somewhere. I lick my dry lips.

‘Where?’

‘Vienna
,’ he whispers, his voice husky.

My body is going crazy with desire for him. If this goes on much longer I will drag him outside to tear his clothes off. But he is marrying Sara and I am marrying Charlie. He is acting like a man who doesn’t have a fiancée and I’m not behaving much better. I make a feeble effort to pull away but he gently eases me back into his arms.

‘Would you like to go,’ he whispers breathlessly into my ear, ‘to Vienna?’

‘Yes,’ I whisper back.

‘I’d like to take you,’ he says so softly I barely hear him. His lips are on my cheeks and moving closer to my lips.

‘Yes,’ I say again, barely able to breathe as his hot lips meet mine. I close my eyes and spin round and round to Leonard Cohen. I’m on a carousel of love. My arms are wrapped tightly around his neck. My
mouth opens to meet his tongue and it is like I had never left him. The music stops, his lips leave mine and I realise he is speaking to me.

‘What?’ I say shakily.

‘I said, what would Charlie say?’

My head snaps up so forcefully that I feel sure I hear a crack. I pull off my mask and stare angrily at him.

‘How dare you pretend not to know me,’ I say, fighting back tears, ‘and with Sara here too.’

He removes his own mask. He smiles and his eyes twinkle.

‘How dare I pretend? You should have known your perfume would give you away, and what’s Sara got to do with anything?’

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