Pink Wellies and Flat Caps (42 page)

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Authors: Lynda Renham

Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Humor, #Love; Sex & Marriage, #Literature & Fiction, #Humor & Satire, #General Humor

BOOK: Pink Wellies and Flat Caps
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‘Edward,’ I scream.

He stops and looks at me before running to me with Pepper under his arm. I stupidly find myself wishing I looked better. I seriously couldn’t look any worse now could I? He reaches me and I feel his comforting arms around me and I can’t stop crying. His lips are all over me and I cling onto him for dear life.

‘Alice, Alice,’ he keeps repeating over and over while I keeping saying,

‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.’

Molly jumps up at us and barks continuously. Edward pushes me back and hands me Pepper.

‘Put him in your car. I’ve got to get back. The bull is going mad and I need to tranquilise him.’

I grab Pepper and slide my hand reluctantly out of Edward’s. As I turn he says quietly,

‘They may still be here Alice, be careful.’

Oh God. He takes a gulp of the water from the bottle.

‘Keep your face covered. Help should be here soon.’

He disappears along with Molly into the smoke and I’m overcome with panic. My hands tremble again and I stumble back to the car feeling my legs wobble beneath me. I gently place the squealing pig into the back seat.

‘There, there. It’s okay,’ I say reassuringly but think it is actually me I am trying to reassure. As I grab the torch from the glove compartment the sparkling of my ring catches my eye. I give it a cursory glance. The sky is illuminated from the blazing barn and the torch seems redundant. Covering my mouth with the wet Lycra I walk slowly towards the barn feeling the heat becoming more intense as I get closer. The Lycra dries quickly from the heat of the fire and gives little protection. My throat seems to close up and I gulp down some water, only to cough it all up again when my throat refuses it. My head spins as I am overcome from the acrid smoke and feel faint with the heat of the flames. I grab a nearby tree and fall against it, sliding down as I struggle to breathe, feeling a numbness overpower me. The roaring of the flames becomes distant and I willingly allow my heavy lids to close and darkness begins to envelope me. The last thing I remember whispering is,

‘Edward I love you and I’m so sorry.’

Chapter Thirty-Seven

 

‘Alice,’ cries a familiar voice.

I am yanked up by strong arms and something is being pushed over my face. I struggle to fight and splutter as an oxygen mask is placed over my mouth. Charlie’s eyes look into mine and sadness is reflected back at me.

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ he yells, removing his own mask.

‘We have to get to Edward,’ I say hoarsely, pulling away from him.

‘We have to get out of here,’ he screams, ‘Things are way out of hand. They are maniacs. Alice, will you listen to me.’

He pulls
me roughly towards the car.

‘No, you’re going the wrong way,’
I say slapping him.

‘Christ Alice, what the fuck is wrong with you? These people are nutcases. They’re not animal activists, they’re thugs. Everything is out
of control; even I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared Alice. I’ve tried to contact the president, but …’

‘Get off me. Montfort is a fraud and a monstrous brute,’ I scream hysterically, freeing myself and running to the barn.

I watch terrified as Edward struggles to open the doors of the cowshed to free the herd. I shout his name but he cannot hear me above the noise from the cows. The cows pour from the shed like a river between us and I see Edward pick up his tranquiliser rifle and walk to the bull shed. As he opens the door I watch with horror as the adjoining barn collapses, sending burning splinters through the air, igniting the shed like kindling. My heart stops as a burning beam falls across the doorway, trapping Edward and Molly inside, and I can no longer hear the howling flames around me or the cries from the cows. There is just silence. And then my eyes fall upon the rifle and my heart beats again and I hear nothing but the drumming of my heart like a jungle war cry. Edward must have dropped it outside the shed and now he is trapped inside with the bull. I run to the doorway but back away from the heat of the flames. Edward is hemmed between the barn wall and a stack of crates, with the bull snorting and banging like crazy. Molly runs round and round trying to control the bull while backing away from the flames. It then seems like everything is happening in slow motion, Edward’s eyes widen when he sees me at the doorway and he shouts, telling me to get away from the shed and for a moment the bull seems to calm down and turn to Edward. To my horror the bull lowers his head, snorts and charges at Edward. I feel sick with fear as the crates scatter and Edward is knocked to the ground. I then see that Charlie is holding the rifle,

‘Shoot it,’ I scream.

His hands shake. The bull backs up and I see Edward crouching behind a few crates.

‘Fucking shoot it Charlie, do it,’ I scream.

‘I can’t take an animal’s life,’ he sobs.

‘It’s a
tranquiliser
gun,’ yells Edward. ‘For pity’s sake man, shoot the bull.’

‘I don’t believe you,’ says Charlie, turning the gun on Edward.

My God, what is he doing? The bull lowers his head and scrapes the floor with his foot while Molly stands between him and Edward, barking and snarling at the beast. I close my eyes as I can’t bear to look.

‘Shoot the damn thing you fucking asshole, or I'm gonna splatter
 your ugly face all over this nice car.’

I open my eyes to see Georgie pointing the AK47 replica at Charlie’s
head while Jed looks horrified.

‘I thought you would never come Thelma,’ I mumble.

I hear a yelp from Molly and the angry snorting from the bull. Charlie drops the rifle and stares shell-shocked as the bull gets ready to charge at Edward. I throw myself forward like my life depends on it and reach for the tranquiliser gun.

‘Alice hurry, hurry,’ screams Georgie.

My hand slides around the butt of the gun and I aim at the bull’s neck.

‘No,’ screams Charlie.

I squeeze the trigger. Nothing happens.

‘Alice,’ Georgie screams
. ‘Hurry.’

I look wildly at Edward.

‘Release the safety catch Alice, you can do it,’ he says calmly.

I slide the catch up carefully, aim again at the bull and
pull the trigger. I am about to fire again when the bull’s legs collapse and he totters.

‘Enough,’ says Edward shakily.

The bull lies limp and I reach out to Edward, and with Georgie and Jed’s help we pull him from the barn.

‘Goddam it Ali, I think you got a knack for this stuff,’ laughs Georgie through her tears.

‘I believe I do,’ I say, attempting a weak smile.

Charlie leans against his Jaguar.

‘Ah, sorry about the dent on your Jag Charlie, but it was blocking our way,’ says Jed with a twisted smile.

‘You’re insane Charlie,’ says Georgie, squirting him with water from our replica AK47.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, and fortunately I don’t have to do either as blue lights from the fire engines appear moments later. Thank God for friends like Georgie.

C
hapter Thirty-Eight

 

‘The last time anyone saw Dominic was outside the hall,’ says Georgie. ‘He told someone he was going to his farm. The police called but he had gone and so had his passport they said.’

‘So he’s got away with it,’ I say miserably, allowing the doctor to tend to my swollen ankle.

Trenowyth is surrounded by police cars and fire engines. Through the open doorway I can see Edward talking to a policeman while Molly sits forlornly beside him, licking her injured paw.

‘You’ll be all right,’ says the
doctor. ‘The ankle is sprained but it will be okay. Take two of these for the pain.’

I take the prescription and thank him.

‘What are you going to do?’ asks Georgie, inclining her head to the police car where Charlie sits.

‘He said he didn’t know about the stuff that Dominic had organised,’ she says disdainfully.

I look at my feet.

‘I believe him
,’ I say softly.

‘Well then you’re a fool. If they don’t do him for arson they should do him for being an arsehole
,’ she quips.

She looks at Pepper who is squealing in her arms.

‘Here, this is yours,’ she wrinkles her nose. ‘At least I don’t have to travel back with him, although I have to say he is quite cute. I could actually live down here myself and look after the pigs, there is a certain attraction,’ she smiles looking at Jed.

Charlie
had begged me to forgive him saying he will give up all his animal activism work if I did. He has promised to make me the happiest wife ever. I believe him when he says he knew nothing of Montfort’s plans.

‘You must think me an utter fool Ali,’ he had cried. ‘I had only good intentions in rescuing the animals. I couldn’t hurt an animal Alice, I
…’

‘I know,’ I said.

‘I don’t even know who those people were. I was expecting the Cornish branch of the FFFAA, not a bunch of thugs. Oh God Ali, say you’ll forgive me?’

How could I not?

 

My eyes meet his as the police car pulls away. I jump as a hand strokes my arm. I turn to Martha and give her a weak smile.

‘I’m taking these two back to my place. A hot bath and Horlicks is what is needed,’ she says.

Jed has wrapped a blanket around Georgie’s shoulders and she is snuggled up close to him.

‘I like her,’ Martha whispers softly with a wink of her eye. ‘She’s what Jed needs.’

I nod.

‘What about you?’ she asks.

‘I have to speak to Edward.’

‘Well, there is plenty of Horlicks if you want to pop over later.’

 

***

 

I stand by the door. Edward is at the sink washing his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask.

He looks at me and my heart reaches out to him when I see his bruised face and bandaged arm.

‘It’s just a dislocated shoulder, I’ll live
,’ he smiles.

‘They’ve arrested Charlie,’ I say dully.

‘He said he didn’t know anything,’ he retorts, slipping his arm into its sling.

‘I believe him,’ I say softly
. ‘He was set up by Dominic.’

Neither of us
moves and I have no idea what to say next.

‘He begged me to forgive him. He wants us to carry on and put this behind us. He promised to make me the happiest wife ever.’

He shrugs and turns back to the sink.

‘I’m pleased for you.’

‘I said no. I told him I don’t love him, not any more.’

His shoulders drop but he says nothing. There is an unbearable silence
that seems to last forever.

‘Will the farm be okay?’ I ask finally.

He exhales.

‘It wasn’t that great to begin with was it?’ he says with a smile, turning to me. ‘I was the lucky one. The next few weeks will be hard. We’ll all rally round Mona and Matt and get them back on their feet.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble.

‘It isn’t your fault.’

We stand in silence until I can’t bear it any longer.

‘Well, I should go to Martha’s. She has Horlicks waiting for me.’

I turn to the door with a heavy heart.

‘Of course there will be lots to do. I expect I will need a housekeeper. You don’t know of anyone do you? Obviously she will have to get used to having dogs up her skirt,’ he says.

‘I think I may know someone,’ I say.

‘Really? I can’t pay much, and she may have to cope with spiders in the bath.’

I shrug.

‘Oh, she doesn’t mind spiders,
or animals up her skirt,’ I say.

‘Is that right?’ he grins.

I nod happily.

‘She’ll need to comfort and cheer me,’ he grins, beckoning with his forefinger.

I move into his open arms.


She refuses to shop at Lidl though,’ I say laughing.

‘Fine, I’ll draw up a contract.’

‘Oh Edward,’ I cry, covering his face in kisses

‘You didn’t think I could get this place back on its feet without you did you?’

Molly paws us affectionately and we fall backwards against the sink and then Edward’s lips are on mine, demanding and possessive. Molly howls.

‘Get down dog and wait your turn,’ he laughs.

I slide my hands over his buttocks and smile.

‘It’s good to be home,’ I whisper.

 

***

 

Other titles by Lynda Renham:

 

Croissants and Jam

A Romantic Comedy

 

 

Annabel Lewis (Bels) has two days to get to her wedding in Rome, but her journey is beset with one disaster after another as fate takes its turn. Will the stranger she meets on the way get her to her wedding on time or will he change her life forever? Come with Bels on her humorous romantic journey to see if she marries Mr Right or if destiny takes her in a different direction.

 

***

 

Coconuts and Wonderbras

A Romantic Comedy Adventure

 

 

Literary agent Libby Holmes is desperate for her boyfriend, Toby, to propose to her and will do anything for him and if that means dieting for England then she’ll have a go. However, when Libby’s boss introduces her to her new client, Alex Bryant, her life is turned upside down. Alex Bryant, ex-SAS officer and British hero, insists Libby accompany him to Cambodia for a book fair. What she hadn’t bargained for was a country in revolt. Libby finds herself in the middle of an uprising with only Alex Bryant to protect her, that is, until Toby flies out to win back her affections. Come with Libby on her romantic comedy adventure to see if love blossoms in the warm Cambodian sunshine or if, in the heat of the day, emotions get just too hot to handle.

 

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