Plain Proposal (21 page)

S
AUL CHASED AFTER
M
IRIAM AS SHE RAN TOWARD THE
buggies. He felt like a louse, but he’d be even more of a louse if he asked Miriam to leave her family and all that she’s ever known behind.

“Miriam, wait!” He finally caught up with her and grabbed her arm so she’d stop. Tears spilled from her eyes, and with little thought, except that he couldn’t stand to see her cry, he cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed the tears on her face. “Please, Miriam. Please don’t cry,” he whispered. When his lips finally met with hers, he kissed her softly, and when she kissed him back, something inside of Saul made him want to beg her to go with him if he left, but nothing could be more selfish. He eased away from her. “I’m sorry I made you cry.” He brushed away her tears with his thumbs, then pulled her into his arms.

“I am such a
dummkopp
.” Her body shook as she choked out the words, her face buried in his chest. “I should have known that you didn’t feel the same way I do.”

He gently pushed her away. “Is that what you think, Miriam? I’ve liked you since we were
kinner
.” He kissed her again. “But I would never ask you to leave your family and your friends. Never.”

She sniffled as she gazed into his eyes, and Saul wanted to drop to one knee right there in the old Zook front yard.

“I thought you had changed your mind about leaving our community because of
me
,” she squeaked out as she started to cry again. “And I wanted you to know that I would go with you, if that were the case.” She stepped back from him and stomped her foot. “I’m such a
dummkopp
!” she repeated even louder this time.

Saul pulled his eyes from hers as he rubbed his forehead. He couldn’t tell her the real reason he might not be able to go, but her willingness to follow him certainly gave him cause for speculation—
Would she really go with me?
He could envision a life with Miriam. But just as quickly the image faded.
Ruben and James
. He couldn’t leave his brothers, not with their father like this. “You’re not a
dummkopp
, Miriam. Please don’t say that.”

“I want to go home, Saul.” She swiped at her eyes, and Saul saw Jesse and Shelby heading their way. “I’m embarrassed, and I want to go home.”

“Miriam, you don’t understand.”

“
Ya
. I do.” She moved toward her buggy. Saul followed her.

“I can’t ask you to leave here.”

She faced him, her cheeks stained with tears, and she spoke softly. “No. It appears you can’t.”

Jesse walked up on them, Shelby trailing behind. “What’s going on?” Jesse nudged Saul out of the way and put his hand on Miriam’s arm. “Miriam, what is it?”

“It’s nothing, Jesse.” She sniffled again, and Saul didn’t think he could feel any lower.

Shelby charged ahead, pushing Jesse out of the way. “Miriam, what’s wrong?” She didn’t wait for an answer but instead balled her hands into fists at her sides, moving closer to Saul. He backed up. “What did you do to her?”

“Shelby, he didn’t do anything.” Miriam grabbed her cousin’s arm. “Come on, we need to get home.”

Saul opened his mouth to say something, but everyone was glaring at him. “I’m sorry.” It was all he knew to say.

Saul pulled into his driveway, and his stomach began to ache the way it always did. Who would he come home to? Which father would greet him?

However, when he saw Ruben and James happily playing basketball, his fears subsided.

He parked the buggy, then hollered, “Can one of you put Rascal in the barn? I’ll go get supper started.” He paused as he wrapped the reins around the post. “Everything okay?”

Both boys nodded, and Ruben started to make his way toward the horse and buggy. Saul walked inside. His father was sitting in his chair, reading the Bible.
“Wie bischt, Daed?”

His father took off his reading glasses. “
Gut, gut
. I finished the last of the planting, and. . .”
Daed
smiled. “I took off early.”

Saul let out a huge sigh of relief. This was the man he knew and loved, not the monster trapped in a way that Saul couldn’t understand. “
Gut
for you,
Daed
. You work hard and deserve to take off early.” Saul hung his hat on the rack by the door. “I’ll go get supper started.”

“
Sohn
, can we talk?”

Saul held his breath for a moment. “Sure.”

His father motioned for Saul to sit down on the couch across from him. “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve made arrangements to have a hundred acres deeded to you. That way when you find a
fraa
, you’ll already have the land to build on. How does that sound? It’s the acreage on the north side of the house. There’s plenty of room for your own planting, and a house would be perfect up on the hill out there.”

Daed
smiled, and Saul knew that this was his father’s way of apologizing for recent events. Saul could see his dream slipping further and further away, and he was still confused about Miriam and her willingness to leave the community to be with him.
Does she care about me that much?

“Danki, Daed,”
Saul finally said as he forced a smile.

“Tomorrow we’ll walk the land, see what you think, and where might be the best place for you to build a home. I still think you could put a nice
haus
right on top of the hill.”
Daed
stood up and walked to where Saul was standing. He put his hand on Saul’s shoulder. “Today is a new day. A day blessed by our Lord.” He paused as his eyes grew sad. “Perhaps we could think of it as a new beginning.”

Saul was never affectionate with his father—or his brothers. It wasn’t their way. But he couldn’t help but put his arms around his father. “I love you,
Daed
.”

When his father squeezed him and whispered, “I love you too,
sohn
,” Saul knew everything was going to somehow be okay. Even if he never did become a chef in a restaurant.

Shelby was the last one in the tub this evening. After she finished in the bathroom, she passed by Rebecca and Aaron’s room on the way to her room, and she heard her name. Instinctively she paused, even though she knew she shouldn’t be eavesdropping.

“I don’t care, Aaron. I still think that Miriam would have never snuck out if Shelby hadn’t put her up to it.”

“I told you before, Rebecca. . . you don’t know if Shelby encouraged Miriam to do that. You ain’t being fair about it.”

Shelby brought her hand to her mouth, her feet rooted to the floor, and she listened.

“There is much worry in my heart concerning Miriam. Not only is she being influenced by an
Englisch
outsider, but we also have Saul Fisher to worry about. What if he leaves and tries to take our Miriam with him?”

Shelby kept her hand over her mouth as she blinked back tears.
An outsider?
She was just starting to feel more at home here than she had in Fayetteville. And today had been wonderful—Jesse had been wonderful. But hearing Rebecca speak about her this way pushed a tear down her cheek. She forced her feet to move and hurried down the hallway. When she opened the door, Miriam was sitting on the side of her bed, her eyes red and swollen. She knew her cousin needed to talk, but she just couldn’t tonight.

She walked to her bed, crawled underneath the covers, then glanced at Miriam, whose eyes widened as if she couldn’t believe Shelby was going to go to sleep. “I don’t feel well, Miriam. I’m so sorry. Can we talk tomorrow? I know you’re upset about Saul and sad about your uncle, but I feel like I need to go to sleep.”

Miriam hung her head a bit but then looked at Shelby and sniffled. “Sure. We can talk tomorrow. I probably need to sleep too.”

Sleep was the last thing on Shelby’s mind. Her life was a wreck, and now the family she thought she’d found didn’t want her either. No one wanted her. Not her parents. Not Tommy. And now. . . not Rebecca. She covered her head with the sheet and buried her sobs in her pillow, hoping the sound of the fan would drown out her self-pity. Her cousin had enough worries, and Shelby couldn’t even keep herself together enough to listen to the one person she’d come to trust and love.
Like a sister
.

God, if You’re there, please, oh please, help me. I feel so lost and alone. I don’t know who else to turn to
.

Shelby realized right away that her plea sounded as though God was her last effort, her last hope. She could remember a time when she used to turn to God first. She took a deep breath.

Dear heavenly Father, lately I began to feel like I was part of a family again and that my life was on the mend. Now I’m confused and alone. Please, God, help me to find peace in my heart. Please
 
.
 
.
 
. What is Your plan for me?

She buried her head into her pillow even farther, pulling the edges up over her ears, as if covering her ears would prevent her from hearing anything that she didn’t want to hear. What did she expect to hear?

Please, God. Please . . .

She heard Miriam crawl underneath her covers and twist the knob on the lantern until the room went dark. All that could be heard was the steady spinning of the fan on the nightstand. She stifled her tears, pulled the sheet away from her head, then rolled onto her back. She stared at the ceiling, into darkness.
Please, God
.

She squeezed her eyes closed and mouthed the words over and over.
Please, God
 
.
 
.
 
. Please, God . . .

I am here for you, My child. I will never forsake you
.

She held her breath, released it slowly, then felt a sense of calm. . . as if God had sent the Holy Spirit directly to her at that perfect moment, as only He could do. When she finally began to breathe, she slowly sat up in bed, hugged herself tightly, and began to sob.

“Shelby. . .”

She heard her cousin but didn’t answer. The room seemed brighter somehow, and she wanted to bask in the knowledge that God was with her, that He would always be with her, even when she couldn’t understand His plan for her.

“Dear Lord, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I doubted You.” She cried harder until she felt Miriam’s arms around her.

“I’m here, my sister. I’m here,” Miriam said softly.

Shelby turned to Miriam, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. “God has not forsaken me.”

“Of course He hasn’t.” Miriam rubbed her back as she spoke.

Shelby wept in Miriam’s arms for a long time, knowing that the pains of her past were slowly being released into God’s hands.

After a long while, Miriam turned the lantern up, then they sat like Indians and talked well into the night. Miriam told her everything that happened with Saul, and Shelby told Miriam about her parents’ divorce, how her faith had slipped, and about the bad choices she’d made. It was painful to tell Miriam about the shoplifting and how she’d experimented with drinking and drugs, but her cousin never judged.

She didn’t tell her what she overheard Rebecca saying. She knew Miriam well enough to know that she would go straight to her mother and tell the truth—that it was Miriam who insisted on sneaking out. And Shelby figured Miriam had enough troubles right now.

But her heart ached every time she heard Rebecca’s voice, calling her the “
Englisch
outsider.”

I want to belong somewhere
.

But tonight, for the first time in a long while, she had faith that God would put her on the right path.