Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (23 page)

I could stand there and tell him I was falling for her and that everything I wanted was within my reach, but I was scared that if I admitted it out loud I’d lose it. And I was scared that she didn’t want anything to happen between us.

“I need something stronger than this,” he said, holding up a cup of what must’ve been Coke.

“Me too, but it’s a four-year-old’s party.”

He smiled. “Right. Better wait for the after party then.”

“Am I forgiven?”

“I reserve the right to hold it over you if I want the last slice of pizza, first call on who to chat up or who’s paying for the last round.”

I held my hands up. “Deal. And if you’re a dick to me I can use the I’ve-slept-with-your-sister line to shut you up.”

“I fucking hate you, Jasper,” he said, shaking his head and holding his hand out. I shook it, glad to have my friend back.

“You’ve made up,” Holly said from the doorway.

“Er, yeah. Suppose it could be worse, could’ve been a guy that did a runner.”

Her jaw tightened. “I don’t sleep around, Brad, Jasper was my first.”

I spun my body to face her.
I’m her first?

Holly registered the shock in my eyes and added, “First one-night stand! Not my first first.”

“First or only?” I asked.

She blushed scarlet. “Only.”

Good.

I mentally calculated her sexual past. Her first boyfriend, Harry The Boring, and me. Only three.

Good.

“Can we talk about something, no, anything else?” Brad asked.

“Cocktail sausages,” Holly said, eyeing the two stacked bowls on the counter. And I was pretty sure I saw another plate in the dining room with the rest of the food too. When I asked Oakley to grab another bag because they were what Holly was craving I had no idea she’d go that crazy.

I still couldn’t even eat them after lobbing the full plate at the wall when I was arguing with Abby.

“What?” Brad asked, looking at Holly like she was crazy.

“Her craving,” I said. “Cocktail sausages dipped in chocolate milkshake.”

Brad turned his nose up. “Holly, that’s disgusting!”

She held her hands up. “Hey, it’s not my fault. It’s what Jasper’s child wants.”

The baby was my child whenever it made her hormones freak out, made her pee extra turned her ankles into ‘cankles’ or wanted weird things to eat. I was pretty sure it was going to be all mine when she was in labour too.

“I think this one is going to be just like his or her cousin,” she said.

Christ, two Everleighs!

I passed her one of the bowls. “Maybe not. Oakley didn’t like them when she was pregnant. Actually she didn’t really eat any meat because at the time she was absolutely not going to ‘eat any fucking defenceless animals’.” I tried to imitate her voice, but even I knew I’d failed.

Holly laughed. “That’s probably for the best. Think I’m going to be sick of them by the time she’s here,” she replied, popping two in her mouth.

“Are you two together?” Brad asked out of nowhere.

“No,” I said.

“This is messed.”

“It’s not. We’re happy. Right, Holly?”

She nodded.

“Yeah. Honestly, Brad, everything’s fine. This is working for us so please can you just be happy for us and excited to be an uncle?”

“Hey, I am. I just don’t know how you do the ‘best buds having a baby’ thing.”

“Man, you should’ve just said. You’re still my bestest bud.”

He stuck his middle finger up.

“You’re both adults so do what you want. Just can’t help thinking this is going to all go horribly wrong.” He stopped and smirked as I put my arm around Holly. “Or horribly right.”

I stuck my middle finger up.

Neither of us wanted that. We’d known each other five months and were already having a baby. There was no need to rush anything else. The more I thought about my future the more I saw Holly beside me but as much as I wanted her I still didn’t feel ready for a new relationship.

Holly bit her lip and looked away. There was something she wanted to say. “Hol, spit it out.”

“Okay, this is no big deal but my aunt is getting married next Saturday, and she asked if I wanted a plus one. Fancy going with me? Free food and alcohol.”

“Love to,” I replied. But not because of the free food and booze. The more time I spent with her the more I wanted. It was ridiculous and annoying and not only because she was carrying my child.

“Pass the parcel time!” Everleigh shouted.

I grabbed Holly’s hand. “Come on.”

“We’re playing?” she asked.

“For the baby, yeah.”

“Jasper!” Holly said and laughed, squeezing my hand.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Holly

“So this is husband number…?” Jasper asked, trailing off.

“Five.”

“Wow, I’ve given up after wife number one. How does she still believe in marriage?”

I looked down, playing with my fingers under my small baby bump. He never wanted to be married again. Half the time it didn’t even seem like he’d ever want a relationship again.

“Not every woman is going to cheat on you, Jasper,” I said quietly.

He turned his head, and I avoided eye contact in case he could see through what I said.

“Maybe not, but how do I know who will and who won’t?”

I won’t.

“You can’t know that, no one can. You just have to find someone you trust.”

“The only women I trust are my mum, sister and you.”

And me.

If he trusted me, why was he still ruling out a relationship? I curled my arms around my belly. Because he doesn’t want a relationship with me. He doesn’t feel that way about me.

Tears sprang to my eyes, so I picked up the Order of Service and pretended to read it. I wasn’t ready to hear that and have my little family fantasy ripped away. The baby and I were going to be alone. He’d be there, of course, but it wasn’t the same as us being together.

I was spared; the music started playing, signalling my aunt’s entrance. I stood with the rest of the guests and plastered a smile on my face, pretending my heart wasn’t breaking.

Inviting Jasper was a mistake. When he agreed immediately I was elated, but now I felt lower than I had in a long time. I was almost at the point of finding myself, and had a clear image in my head of what I wanted, but now that was gone and a part was missing.

Tammy walked down the aisle for the fifth time, arm through her dad’s, beaming as if it was the first. For her, I hoped it was the last. I wanted to be that happy to be with someone. I didn’t need Jasper to achieve what I wanted career wise, but I felt like I did for what I wanted in my family life.

Tammy passed us, keeping her eyes on an equally thrilled Toby. Jasper’s arm wound around my waist, and his hand rested on my hip. I wanted to push him away. If we were going to have a strictly friendly relationship, then I didn’t want the physical contact that made warmth spread through my entire body. But I didn’t push him away because I loved the feeling too much.

We sat down once Tammy reached the front and the music came to an end. Jasper’s arm stayed around me.

“They look so happy,” I whispered, leaning into him because I was too damn weak to pull away.

Get a hold of yourself, Holly!
And I would, tomorrow. Right now I wanted to enjoy today with my family and my baby’s dad.

“They do,” he agreed stiffly as if he was adding in his head ‘For now’.

Why I thought bringing Mr Negative to a wedding was a good idea I’d never know.

Once the ceremony was over we went into another large, high ceiling room that gave the place a grand feel for drinks and canapés while the photographer did his thing. Since I wasn’t a bridesmaid I didn’t have to pose for many photos, which suited me just fine.

“Orange juice?” Jasper asked.

“Please.”

“You want the Pimms fruit on top?”

I shook my head. “No thanks, that’s way too tragic.”

He pursed his lips.

“If you weren’t pregnant you probably still would have had the OJ.”

“I wouldn’t. At weddings, I get drunk.”

He gave a crooked grin.

“Well as soon as this one,” he cupped my belly, stroking it with his thumb, “is out, I’m taking you to a wedding. I’d love to see you drunk again.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Holly, darling, you look beautiful,” Tammy said. “Oh you’ve got that pregnancy glow.”

That glow was because my temperature was running higher than usual. I wasn’t glowing I was a fat, hot mess. I’d only just started looking pregnant – even though I was five months – and not like I’d had too many pies.

“Thank you. You look gorgeous. Congratulations!”

“Thank you, love. Where’s your date? He’s very yummy,” she said, wiggling her eyebrow.

I looked over to see Jasper at the drinks table, talking to Brad and his date, Casey

“Over there,” I replied, nodding my head towards him.

“And this is baby daddy?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, you’ve done well there!”

I nudged her arm. “You’ve just got married!”

“Hey, I can still look. What’s the story there anyway? Your mum said you’re not together, but then you turn up here…”

“We’re just friends. He doesn’t want a relationship.”

“Bad experience?”

“His ex cheated on him. He’s in the middle of a divorce.”

“I know how that feels.” Her eyes narrowed. “You love him.”

I blinked in shock. “I… No.”

“You do. You’re in love with him; it’s written all over your face.”

It was written all over my face? Did he notice it? Was that why he was blowing hot and cold?

“You look like a deer in the headlights right now, Hol. If he’s in the middle of a divorce, the last thing he’s going to see is another woman in love with him. If I can recall, you’re less than warm towards members of the opposite sex at that time.”

“Can we stop talking about me now, please? This is your wedding.”

“Yes, so we should talk about whatever I want.”

I groaned, making her laugh.

“Okay, point taken. I’ll drop the subject, just be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt. Give the boy time, he’s not in the place to even think about a future relationship at the minute.”

Don’t I know it.

“So where’re you going on honeymoon?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Jamaica!”

“Wow.”

Jasper walked back over to us, awkwardly holding two glasses of orange juice and a glass of champagne. Now I knew they said you should eat for two – although you shouldn’t – but this was ridiculous.

“Congratulations,” Jasper said, handing Tammy the champagne. He gave me an orange after and kept one for himself. What?

“Thank you and thank you,” Tammy replied, taking a sip and then kissing Jasper on the cheek.

“You’re not drinking?” I asked.

“No, I’m taking you home tonight.”

“Oh. Right, well I’m sure we can get a lift with Mum and Dad or Brad if you want to drink. We can pick your car up tomorrow.” I’d assumed we were going to do that anyway. “Or I can drive.”

He laughed. “You’re not driving my baby. I don’t mind not drinking. Gotta look after you anyway, so I need to be sober.”

“How much trouble do you think I’m going to get into?”

He looked me up and down, and I blushed. My aunt was right there!

“In that dress…”

“He’s right, you look stunning, sweetheart,” Tammy said and winked. “Anyway, I’d better move on.” She glided across the floor elegantly with the train of the dress following. I wanted that one day. With Jasper.

“I look fat.”

He snorted. “You don’t look fat. You look pregnant and so beautiful I can barely keep my eyes off you.” He took my hand and caught my breath.

Why say things like that if you don’t want anything to happen between us?

“I love it when you blush.”

I didn’t. It was embarrassing. “You make me do it a lot.”

He smiled. “I know. Think we’re gonna get fed soon?”

I laughed, shaking my head. Moment over.

When it was time to go through for the meal Jasper and I took our seats along with my parents, Brad and Casey.

I fell into conversation with Mum and Casey while Dad, Jasper and Brad chatted about football. My cheeks ached from smiling so much, especially when Jasper’s hand found mine under the table. It was so easy to pretend that we were together, or that he was open to it in the future at least.

The evening reception kicked off with Britney Spears and the top tier of the wedding cake falling off the stand. The bride and groom shrugged it off, too happy to care that their six-tier cake was now a five. I’d dragged Jasper around, introducing him to more family and then we used the excuse that my feet were hurting to escape and sit back at our table.

Brad and Jasper held a conversation about some car part for a full ten minutes, and I sat there wishing I was anywhere else. I laid back in my seat, looking around, bored. Poor Casey, it looked like they weren’t getting on. She had been texting for a while.

“Okay?” Brad asked.

“Yep,” I replied.

“Dance with me,” Jasper said, standing up and holding his hand out.

Brad turned to his date. I could tell he still wasn’t completely happy with me and Jasper having a baby together. At first I thought it was because I was his sister, but now I think it’s because Jasper was his friend. They spent a lot of time together, even when Jasper was with Abby, but now he comes to see me a couple times a week and most weekends.

I took Jasper’s hand, and we walked to the dance floor. Thankfully it was quite full so we wouldn’t have the embarrassment of being the only ones. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his body to mine as much as he could.

My small, five-month bump poked him in the stomach, and his eyes lit up. “I hope she kicks,” he said and started swaying us to the music.

“You wouldn’t say that if you were getting the kicks from inside.”

“It really hurts?”

“When she gets my ribs it does but only for a second. But I’d rather she was active, so I don’t worry about not feeling her move.”