Playing for Keeps (Texas Scoundrels) (20 page)

His eyes narrowed further. “Is that what you think I did?” he asked, the words spoken slowly.

She shrugged again. “I don’t know. That’s what it looks like.”

He looked past her to the solid brown draperies, then back again. “I’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” The pain that flashed through his eyes, matched the ache she detected in his voice. Yes, he did have a lot of time to make up for, but that wasn’t his fault. Dani had made choices. Choices which had affected many lives.

For the space of an instant, she felt guilty and selfish. All this time she’d been too busy wallowing in her own self-pity to understand what he must be feeling. A few days ago, she hadn’t thought him capable of anything other than his own self-serving needs. Mattie had been right when she’d said Jed could be hurting, too. He had a son he’d only just learned about, a son Dani had kept from him.
 

“That isn’t your fault,” she told him. “You didn’t know about Austin.”

“No, I didn’t.” The anger in his voice was unmistakable. He pushed away from the door and paced the confines of the bedroom. “I wasn’t given options here, dammit.”

“Don’t you dare blame me for this.”

“Dani’s been dead a long time. What took you so long?” His angry words lashed at her.
 

“We’ve been over this,” she argued heatedly. “I’ve only known you were Austin’s father for a couple of weeks. Dani’s journal—”

“Yeah? And where is this mysterious journal?” he demanded.

“Austin has it.” She pulled in a deep breath.
What happened to calm and rational
? “I’m sure if you asked him, he’d give it to you. She tells him about her relationship with you. How much she loved you.”

“Loved me?” He laughed, but the sound held no humor. “She sure had a hell of a way of showing it. If she loved me so goddamned much she might have at least given me a chance to know about my own son. Austin was four when she died. I think she had plenty of time.”

“No, Jed. She didn’t. Not really.” She crossed the space between them and rested her hand on his arm. “Having Austin was too hard for her. Dani’s body just couldn’t take the stress of having a child. I know it was wrong, but she never wanted to burden you.”

He looked down at her and her heart snagged at the torment in his eyes. “Dammit, Griffen,” he said in a harsh, pain-filled whisper. He started pacing again. “She never would have been a burden. I loved her.”

He strode to the bed and sat on the edge, propping his elbows on his knees. He didn’t look at her. He was lost in the past. “We were going to elope to avoid the press. I was in Las Vegas for the draft. She was going to fly in and we were going to get married once the draft was over. I’d even talked to her that morning. We’d planned to come here afterward to tell your parents.”

Griffen hadn’t known. Dani had only told her that the father of her baby had offered to marry her, but she’d refused and had come home. Her sister had known the risks involved if she carried the baby to full term, but she’d wanted the child so desperately. She realized now just how self-centered Dani’s actions had been.
 

“When I got back to my hotel after all the press bullshit, she wasn’t there. When I called her, there was no answer, so I figured her flight was delayed. After I checked with the airline, I found out she’d never used her ticket.”

Griffen moved to the bed and sat beside him. “Jed, I’m so sorry.”

“No explanation. Nothing,” he said. “I thought about searching for her, but pride got in my way.”

She resisted the urge to wrap her arms around him in an attempt to ease his hurt over Dani’s betrayal. “I didn’t know,” she whispered instead. “Dani wouldn’t talk about it.”

He turned to face her, a wry grin canting his mouth. “I didn’t publicize the fact that I was dumped, either.”
 

He searched her face, and an understanding passed between them. She hadn’t been lying when she’d told him she’d eventually get used to the fact that he was Austin’s father. Now that she knew the truth, there was no way she would deny him his son.

He took a deep breath and smacked his hands on his knees. “It was a long time ago.” He stood and headed toward the door. “Come on. Austin and I didn’t slave over a hot stove all afternoon to let that spaghetti go to waste. I hope you’re hungry.”

“I’ll be right down,” she said, not fooled by his sudden shift of gears. Jed felt betrayed, and she couldn’t blame him. But that didn’t change the fact that she was sending the money back.
 

Eleven

GRIFFEN DOUBLE CHECKED the inventory list one last time. Satisfied she had it as comprehensive as possible, she started adding a list of personal items she’d selected from the house to sell, as well. The bungalow in town didn’t have half the square footage of her current home, so downsizing was a must.
 

From her place at the kitchen table, she looked over at the family room and Austin, who lay sprawled on the sofa watching a sit-com on television. Jed dozed in the recliner. A lock of dark hair fell across his forehead, softening the hard lines of his face. She should send him on his way, but he looked so peaceful, she didn’t have the heart to wake him.
 

That, she decided, was her problem. Her heart. Jed infuriated her, made her edgy and confused. Made her want to be reckless and daring. When she was with him she felt anger, passion, emotions she’d never really understood were missing from her life—until him.

After supper, she’d offered to clean the kitchen since he and Austin had cooked. They’d gladly relented, but instead of disappearing at the first sign of real work, Jed offered to help Austin with his pre-algebra homework. So while she’d put a semblance of order back into her usually organized kitchen, Jed described the algebraic theory behind exponents. For someone with a short fuse, his patience had amazed her as he’d carefully explained the why’s behind each equation until he was certain Austin understood.
 

The entire scene had been so domesticated, so homey, and it bothered her because she knew it was temporary. Apparently she was the only one willing to admit they weren’t a real family and the domesticity definitely wouldn’t last.
 

The problem was, when Jed wasn’t being pigheaded or trying to shove a crap ton of cash at her, she could easily get caught up in all that wicked charm. While he hadn’t raised the money issue again, she wasn’t fooled. So far, Jed Maitland hadn’t taken no for an answer on anything. No reason to believe he’d start now.

“Mom?” Austin quietly called to her. “Do we have to sell
all
the dirt bikes? Can’t we keep at least one?”

She sighed and looked at him over the lid of her laptop. “I’m sorry, Austin.” She kept her voice down so as not to awaken Jed. “But we need the money. Maybe later I can manage to pick up a used one for you, but for now every penny counts.”

Austin’s dark brows creased, making him look like a much younger version of his father. “This sucks, Mom. Everybody’s going to be riding this summer and I’ll be stuck at home.”

Just take the money
.
 

“I know, honey, and I am sorry.” Guilt slammed into her. She’d make it up to him somehow. On her own.

Other than a dramatic sigh, Austin didn’t argue and turned his attention back to the television. She looked over at Jed. He looked back. Her stomach tightened at the sight of the hard line of his jaw coupled with the intensity in his eyes. She wasn’t taking his money. She was in financial hell because she’d depended on another man to take care of her. She’d be damned if she’d repeat history.

She tried to ignore him and returned to her task, but she could feel him watching her. He distracted her and she couldn’t concentrate. He wanted answers. She’d managed to evade them earlier, but once Austin disappeared to his room for the night, she suspected he’d start badgering her again about her finances. Perhaps she should tell him the truth, then at least he’d understand her reasons. Plus, he did have a point. Her life, her choices, did affect Austin. The only problem was, she wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of him knowing she’d been so incredibly stupid.

She powered down her laptop and headed to the sink. Resisting the urge to run as far away from Jed as possible took willpower she wasn’t sure she still possessed. She filled a mug with water and set it in the microwave. Nothing was working out according to her grand plan for reorganization. She’d been so confident she’d pull herself out of the hole, but realized her mistake had been counting on a job at her old firm.
 

She tugged her sweater tighter around her, afraid she’d fall apart again. She needed to hold it together, for herself and for Austin. But if she didn’t find a job, a decent paying job, they were sunk. There were too many variables, too many outside influences left to chance. A bad economy, the fact that she’d been out of the job market for a number of years, all worked against her. A failed business didn’t help, either. But she needed something solid beneath her, and until she had it, the ground would continue to shake with each tentative step she took toward recovery.

“I can help you, Griffen.”
 

She spun around at the sound of Jed’s voice. He stood in front of her, compassion and sympathy lighting his gaze.
 

The microwave dinged but she didn’t move. “I don’t want your money.”
 

“Is it just my money, or anyone’s?” he asked. He settled his hands on her shoulders, his touch warm and oddly comforting. “How much do you need? One phone call and you can have what you need right now.”

She pulled in a deep breath. She wasn’t about to depend on someone else to solve her problems. Problems created by her own blind trust. “I appreciate the offer, but no.”

He dropped his hands. “Why the hell not?” he demanded, frustration lining his voice.

She moved away and pulled her mug from the microwave. The man was worth millions, that much was common knowledge. The money he’d had sent to the bank little more than pocket change to someone like him.
 

“I have to do this myself.”
 

“No, you don’t. Dammit, you’re stubborn.”

She dropped a tea bag into the mug, then turned to face him. “You don’t understand. It’s a matter of—”

“Pride?” he retorted with a laugh that held no humor. “Trust me, Sister, I know all about pride.”

Her refusal had nothing to do with pride and everything to do with her own survival. “It’s a matter of taking care of myself. And Austin.”

He narrowed the distance between them again, standing so close she caught the spicy scent of his aftershave. He reached out and ran the back of his hand down her cheek, a touch so feather-light and gentle, her breath caught. “Let me help you.”

There was only so much a person could expect to withstand at one time without falling apart just a little. For a split second, she hesitated, then came just as quickly to her senses. Allowing Jed to fight her demons would be so simple, an easy way out, but she couldn’t let him.
 

Oh, God, she was going to cry. She pulled in a shaky breath, fighting to hold onto the strength and determination that had carried her this far before her world started crashing down around her. She blinked, trying to hold the tears at bay.

Jed slipped his arms around her before the first tear hit her cheek. He pulled her against him and held her close. He’d never known anyone as brave, or as hardheaded, as the woman drenching the front of his shirt. He let her cry, let her get it out of her system. In his experience, when a woman cried she was trying to get something from him, but not her. No, the woman pressed intimately against him, clutching his shirt in her delicate hands, wanted nothing from him. Didn’t she realize he’d give her the world if she’d let him?

His heart skidded to a halt. Suddenly, he forgot how to breathe. The realization of exactly what Griffen was starting to mean to him should have made him run. Instead, he held her tighter. He should leave, ditch this town so fast no one would even remember he’d been in Hart. Only his days of disappearing when things got tough were behind him. No longer did he have only himself to think about. Now there was Austin. And Griffen.

He held her, stroking her back, running his hands over her sleek chestnut hair, murmuring nonsensical reassurances, and loving the feel of her slender curves tucked against him. Like he hadn’t wanted another woman in a long time, he wanted Griffen. Previous thoughts of having her to get her out of his system evaporated. He’d never be able to forget her once they made love. And they would, too. He didn’t doubt it for a second. He wanted her. After last night, there was no question that she wanted him, as well. But could they share a relationship with Austin and still enjoy each other on a deeper, more intimate level without complications?
 

Not a chance. Griffen was all about complications. The question was—did it matter?

She pulled in a ragged breath and looked up at him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I never cry, but lately—”

“Shhh.” He swiped at the moisture staining her cheeks, then brushed his lips across hers in a quick kiss. “Everyone is entitled to few tears once in a while. Even you.” How had she gotten into her current predicament? Divorce was never easy, or cheap, but what she was going through went beyond the norm. “Sweetheart, talk to me.”