Playing With Fire (Glasgow Lads Book 3) (6 page)

“Shorter than usual.”

“I’m developing my powers of brevity. Hoping to learn from the master.”

Robert made a hollow noise in his throat. “I realized today that as of last month, I’ve been alive longer without my mum than I was alive with her.”

Liam’s heart felt like it was folding in half. “I’m sorry.”

“And now it’s Dad’s…deathiversary or whatever,” Robert said. “I cannae believe it’s been only five years.”

Liam thought back to that time. At least Robert had already turned sixteen—officially an adult in Scotland—before Big Bob died, or he would have ended up in foster care. Instead, with no close relatives nearby, Robert moved in with Liam’s family for the ten months before he was to start uni.

During all the nights they shared a room that year, Liam never heard his mate so much as sniffle over his parents. But on more than a few mornings, Robert came to the breakfast table with puffy, bloodshot eyes.

“Are you gonnae toast or not?” Liam asked.

“Right.” Robert paused. “To Dad. You always understood me, even though I never gave you much material to work with. I wish you were here. I wish—” His voice caught. “That’s all I wish.”

Liam heard the chug of liquid in Robert’s beer bottle, then a pair of hard swallows, and finally the swipe of a hand across wet lips.

“What if your da
was
here?” Liam asked. “What would you tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on.” Liam shifted in his chair, enough so Robert could hear him clearly. “Pretend I’m your father and it’s the two of you alone. I, Liam, am not here just now cos I went to pish in the woods and got bit on the prick by a rabid toad. Eventually I’ll come back to the campfire, foaming at the mouth—no, not at the mouth—and chomp you both, and then the three of us will attack the nearest village, starting rumors of a zombie apocalypse. But at the moment, it’s just you and your da, having a heart-to-heart chat, oblivious to the nasty fate which awaits us all.”

There was a long pause, then Robert said, “Only mammals get rabies.”

Liam chucked his bottle cap at him, narrowly missing his head. “Let’s start with something casual.” He lowered his voice into Big Bob’s range. “All right, son? How was the match today?”

“Pure shite,” Robert said. “My fault again. I’m not focused like I should be.”

Liam jumped on the opportunity to segue. “So what’s got your head up your arse? Problems at uni?”

“No, that’s fine. Hard work, but fine.”

“Is it the ex-girlfriend? What’s her name, Danica?”

“Danielle,” Robert said with annoyance, since Liam knew Dani’s full name perfectly well. “And no, we’re still friends.”

“Talking of friends, what about that useless wee ned Liam? Is he annoying you again?”

“Liam’s not a ned,” Robert said firmly. “He’s not in a gang. He’s got a good job. He wears things other than tracksuits. You shouldn’t call him a ned. Ever.”

“Okay, son, okay. I’m just kidding.” But he wasn’t, not really. Liam knew himself to be low-class compared to Robert’s university mates. “So what’s the problem, then? Spill.”

Robert took a sip of beer, then another. Liam could tell by the sound of the second slurp that the bottle was empty—which surprised him, as Robert wasn’t usually a fast or enthusiastic drinker.

Finally Robert said, “There’s this secret chewing holes in my gut. I cannae tell anyone yet.”

A chill ran over Liam’s arms. He hugged himself to warm them. “Not even your best mate?”

“Him least of all. He’ll hate me when he finds out.”

Another chill.
He’s got a dream job offer in Dundee. Our friendship is over.
“When will you tell him?”

“Soon. Maybe.” Robert’s voice faded to a near whisper. “Once he knows, it’ll change everything.”

Liam’s beer seemed to crawl back up his throat. He’d made a huge mistake, searching for this secret. He wanted nothing to change—not between them, not ever.

“I already know,” Liam said in a voice that barely resembled Big Bob’s.

Robert gasped. “What? That’s impossible. How did you—”

“I saw you bury the body, down by the Tidal Weir Bridge. It was three a.m., the nineteenth of June.” He tried to keep his voice even. “Gonnae no worry, lad. I’ll not tell the police, and anyway, they’d never believe the word of a ghost.”

“You’re a mad wee prick, you know that?”

“Oi, watch how you talk to your father!”

“Sorry, Dad.” Robert stood up with a sigh. “I’m away for a pish. Then I need sleep. Gonnae put out the fire for us?”

“Aye.” As Robert walked off into the woods, Liam drained the rest of his beer. Then he stood, turned his back on the distant lights of Luss, and pissed on what was left of the campfire. It sputtered and hissed like an indignant cat.

Liam was already inside the tent, taking off his shoes and putting on a second pair of wool socks, when Robert entered holding the camping lantern.

He drew back the covers and frowned. “You zipped our sleeping bags together?” he asked Liam.

“We always do that when it’s cold.”

“Promise not to do that thing where you pull the covers over my head, then let loose a massive fart.”

“I’ve never done that,” Liam deadpanned.

“I must be thinking of some other sick ginger bawface.” Robert removed his jacket and shoes, slipped into the right side of the sleeping bag, then switched off the lantern. Like Liam, he was still wearing his knit cap, fingerless gloves, and heavy hoodie against the cold November night.

They lay on their backs in silence, close enough to touch but far enough
not
to touch.
This feels weird
, Liam thought.
It’s weird that it feels weird.

“Huh,” Robert said. “We always sleep on the same sides of the bed, even in the sleeping bag.”

“Yeah?”

“They’re the same sides we play on in the back line. Me to the right and you to the left.”

“You never noticed that?”

“Incredibly, no.” After a long moment Robert said, “We don’t work the way we used to.”

Liam’s chest tightened.
Here it comes. A minute from now, my BFF will be my BFNMBNLFYST (Best Friend No More Because Nothing Lasts Forever You Stupid Twit).

“It’s my fault,” Robert said. “I know it. You know it.”

Liam knew nothing. He knew less than nothing.

“Charlotte knows it, too,” Robert continued. “She might give my place to someone else.”

What’s our manager got to do with—oh, he’s talking about football again.
“If Charlotte puts you on the bench, she can put me there too.”

“But you’re the vice-captain.”

“I don’t care,” Liam said. “I’ll not be paired with another center-back.”

“Even if it’d help the team?”

“Fuck the team. You and me,
we
were a team long before Warriors ever existed. And on that happy day when they’re obsolete because so many gays play for straight clubs, and we all burn our kits in a joyous bonfire orgy, you and I will still be a team.” He turned his head to face Robert. “Right?”

“Liam…” He shoved his palms against his face, covering his eyes. His breath rattled in his nose, wheezing around the heels of his hands. “You know what I could go for just now?”

A trap door? A new best mate?
“No, what?”

Robert dropped his arms. “You didn’t say it.”

“Say what?”

“‘A blow job.’ I said, ‘You know what I could go for just now?’ meaning a cigarette, and you’re supposed to say, ‘A blowjob.’ What’s wrong with you?”

Liam thought his head would explode. “What’s wrong with
me
? What’s wrong with
me
?” He lurched to a sitting position. “You’re the one amping up the drama with your big life-changing secret. You’ve got me pure feart you’re leaving forever, that maybe there’s a job in Dundee waiting for you after graduation, or maybe you’re just tired of me.” He clutched the edge of the sleeping bag in his fists. “And because you’re a good person, it’s ripping you to bits. You never want to hurt anyone. But it’s what people do, hurt each other, even if they don’t mean to.” The words kept pouring forth, faster than Liam could think. “You cannae move on and move up without moving away—from the East End, from Glasgow, and especially from me. So do it now, Rabbie. Stop torturing me and just say goodbye.”

= = =

When Liam finally took a breath, Robert opened his mouth. His lips moved and his throat rippled, trying to push out the words. Of all the things that terrified him—feeling judged, feeling vulnerable, making an irreversible mistake—nothing compared to Robert’s fear of hurting his best mate.

“You think I’m leaving you?” he choked out. “You think that’s my secret?”

“What else could you not tell me, when we’ve always shared everything?” Liam lay down again, facing him. “What are you hiding?”

The light of the full moon filtered into their tent, making Liam’s face glow. His eyes held a sharp glint that might have been tears.

Robert knew he couldn’t hide this any longer. But he didn’t know how to say it. He could only show it.

He slid forward. “I’ve been hiding this.” Robert kissed Liam, hoping he wasn’t destroying everything he held dear in this world.

Liam jerked away to look at him. “What are you…what?”

“I like you.”
Och, that sounded juvenile.
“I fancy you.”
Slightly more adult, but a bit shallow.
“I want you.”

“Whoa.” Liam sat up again, the sleeping bag falling from his chest. A rush of cold air hit Robert, along with a rush of cold fear. “This is a joke, aye?” Liam asked. “I’m being pranked?”

“Why would I be so cruel?”

“Oh, because you’re such a prize that anyone would feel robbed if they’d not had a piece of you?”

“That’s not what I—”

“You’re my straight best mate, Rab. You’re the straight guy on the Warriors. You’re…” He put his head in his hands. “You’ve always been straight.”

“I never was. Not completely.” Slowly Robert sat up beside him. “I wanted to tell you years ago, but then when you turned out to be gay and I saw how the other lads treated you…I lost my nerve.” He wrapped his arms around his own waist. “I was a coward.”

“So all those girlfriends, they were just beards?”

“No, they were real. I wanted them. I loved a few of them.” He glanced at Liam before continuing. “But I also fancied boys. I never did anything about it, because there were so many girls. I’d see a hot guy and it would only ping the back of my mind, reminding me I was—” He couldn’t utter the
B
-word, especially not with Liam. “That I liked both.”

“So what’s changed? Why now?” Liam’s voice sharpened. “Because you and Dani broke up? Why not just have another girl?”

“Because this piece of me is tired of being ignored. It wants to be heard. It wants to be
real
.” Robert’s pulse was slamming his throat so hard he could barely breathe, much less speak.

Liam hunched over, pulling up his knees. “Why me, then? Cos I’m convenient?”

Robert’s chest wanted to cave in at the thought. “My God, Liam. With all that we’ve got, with all that we are to each other? You’re the most incon-fucking-venient man I could ever be with.”

Liam lifted his head, meeting Robert’s eyes for the first time since the conversation began. He looked like a wild animal backed into a corner, ready to strike. Robert braced himself.

“I don’t believe you.” He reached out and grasped Robert’s face with both hands. “Not without proof.”

“What are you—”

“Close your eyes.”

Robert obeyed, plunging himself into darkness. Liam’s fingers slid over his cheekbones into his hair, sending shivers down his spine. Then he brought his cheek to Robert’s, so gently his stubble didn’t scratch.

Liam’s lips traced the right side of his jaw, then the left, making a long, lazy figure of eight. Finally he stopped with the corner of his mouth next to Robert’s. After what seemed a lifetime, his tongue flicked out, teasing and coaxing where Robert’s lips met, like someone quietly knocking on a house’s side door, asking entry.

Robert granted it.

Liam’s lips were a wee bit rough around the edges. But in the center where they parted, they were soft and wet. Inch by inch, Liam’s coaxing grew more assured. He took his time, never demanding, just…asking. Over and over, Robert’s answer was
yes
.

Liam deepened the kiss, tongue trembling as though his own self-control was teetering on the edge. His fingers slipped beneath Robert’s knit cap, stroking his scalp, one thumb caressing his earlobe.

When Liam’s mouth released his, Robert gave a whimper, which cut off when Liam took his lower lip in his teeth and tugged. This simple act sent a bolt of desire straight to Robert’s cock.
God…

Finally Liam sat back with a heavy breath. “Okay.”

Robert felt he might pass out. “Okay what?”

“Back at school,” Liam said, staring at the sleeping bag between them, “when straight lads pretended to fancy me cos they wanted their cocks sucked, I’d go along with it. I was desperate for any sort of contact with a man.”

Robert nodded, remembering how angry he’d been that others would take advantage of Liam, how he’d vowed never to be one of those guys.

“Eventually I got fed up with that.” Liam rubbed his lips. “So if I had doubts about a lad, I’d kiss him first, exactly like I did you just now. It was my litmus test—lickmas test, if you will—to see if they were straight.” He drew in a shuddering breath, then let it out. “Which you…incredibly…are not.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” Robert whispered.

“Got it.” Liam squeezed his eyes shut. “I just need a minute to process this. It’s a big fucking deal.”

Robert waited, frozen in place, longing to pull Liam close and feel that mouth on his again. Now that he’d tasted it once, he didn’t know what he’d do if Liam rejected him.

Which maybe he should.
Us together is madness. If it all goes wrong, then that’s our friendship over. Fifteen years gone down the pan.

But if it all went right…it could be amazing. It could be everything.

Liam lifted his head. “Actually, when I said I needed a minute, I didn’t mean that literally. Twenty seconds was plenty.” He said nothing more, but the gleam in his eyes spoke volumes.