Playing With Fire (Guarded Hearts) (5 page)

He thought that it was a choice? I hated that I needed to explain this to him. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me. "I'm not anti-cell phone, Carter. I don't have a job, and my scholarships and loans covered my tuition and housing with just a little bit left over for necessities." I could see that he felt sorry for me, but that wasn't what I wanted. I got to go to college, which was all I'd spent last year dreaming about.

"I don't want you to feel bad for me. I have what I need." I was not going to cry. I should be thankful that I got enough help to go to school, not feeling sorry that I didn't get to have any luxuries.

"I understand being tight on money. After my mom died, we had it pretty rough. My family still isn't very well off. I really just wanted to stop by and see you before I left. I hope you have a good break, Maddy." He gave me a hug, and it took every ounce of strength I had to hold back the tears. "So, where are you going?"

Shit. I didn't want to tell him this but, for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to lie to him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here on campus." I didn't want to look up at him and see the pity on his face.

"Why?"

"Why what, Carter?"

He lifted my face to his. "Why are you staying here alone?"

"You really wanna know, Carter?! Because I don't have anyone! No family, no house, no one! I didn't tell you this because I didn't want you to feel bad for the poor little foster kid who bounced from bad house to bad house!" I turned away from him and sat on my bed. I just wanted to be alone right now. Nicole had been begging me all week to come home with her, but I refused to be anybody's charity case.

"What about Chris? Where is he?"

"He's going home. He left a couple of hours ago." Please don't let him ask why I didn't go with him.

"Come home with me." Was he crazy? "No, I'm not crazy, Maddy. Come home with me."

How did he do that? There was absolutely no way I was going home with him. First of all, Chris might actually kill me this time and second, can you say awkward?!
'
Hi, I'm the poor orphan your son has taken pity on. Thanks for dinner.'

"Carter, you can't be serious."

"I'm serious
,
Maddy. Come home with me...please?"

"Carter, you can't just invite me home with you! I'm not a charity case and I'm used to being on my own. Not to mention, Chris might literally kill me!"
FUCK! Why don't I have a filter around him?
I stole a glance up at Carter and could see him trying to control his anger. Was he pissed at me?

"What did you mean by that?"

"By what?"

"You said Chris might literally kill you. What did you mean? What's going on, Maddy?"

"Nothing, Carter. It's just an expression. Leave it alone."

He pulled out his cell phone. What was he doing? Was he calling Chris? No, he wouldn't call him. I doubted he even had his number.

"Hey…I'm good…leaving tomorrow afternoon…can I bring a friend with me?" What was he doing? Didn't I just tell him no? Yes, I did! I told him NO! "Yeah…okay, great…love you too…I'll see you tomorrow." He put the phone in his pocket and then looked at me. "It's done. You're coming home with me."

I started to shake my head. I couldn't do this with him, not with how I was starting to feel about him.

"Yes, Maddy. You're not spending the holiday alone. You said Chris was going home anyway. He won't even know. Please come home with me. I want you with me. I love being around you. Can't you see that? I'm not doing you a favor in all this. You're doing one for me."

It would be amazing to be able to spend five days with Carter. But how would he explain me? "What would you say to your family?"

"It's just my dad, brother, and sister. You heard me say that I was bringing home a friend."

My heart hurt a little when he said "friend." I hated how much I was falling for Carter. This trip was only going to make my feelings for him worse, but maybe I was a glutton for punishment. "Okay, you win." The smile he shot me made me weak in the knees. Thank God I was sitting down or I might have fallen over. "I'll pack a bag."

I reached under the bed to get my suitcase and when I stood up, Carter wrapped his arms around me. It felt so good to be in his arms like this. I relaxed and laid my head back against his chest. Yep, I was definitely a glutton for punishment.

He let me go and I started packing my stuff. "You don't have to stay here. I agreed to go. I'm not going to run away. I'll be ready tomorrow."

"I want you to come to my house with me tonight. Everyone is gone and I was just going to hang out and watch a movie. There's no reason we can't do that together."

I swear this boy will be the death of me.
"Carter, I don't-"

"Please"

I looked up and the bastard was giving me puppy dog eyes and was actually pouting! "Ugh, fine!"

Then he smirked at me, sat down on Nicole's bed, and waited.

Carter

I couldn't believe I got her to agree to come home with me! At that moment, I wanted to jump up and punch my fist in the air, I was so damn happy. We were on our way back to my house now and I could tell Maddy was nervous. I knew my family would love her as much as I did. Wait...did I just say I loved her?

I couldn't believe she was actually going to stay on campus all alone, and that piece of shit just left her. He didn't even deserve to look at her much less call her his. "Can I ask you a question?" She looked over at me and nodded her head. "Why didn't you go home with Chris?"

"He…um…he said dinner was family only and, well, I'm not family." She looked down into her lap and I thought I saw her wipe away a tear. She didn't deserve the way he treated her.

"Well, this weekend you're part of my family." She looked at me and gave me a smile, but I could tell she was still unsure of everything. We left her bags in the car and she just grabbed a change of clothes for tomorrow. I ordered Chinese food when we left her dorm so it should be here any minute. I told Maddy to put her stuff in the bedroom. I'd sleep on the couch tonight. I'd love to sleep next to her, but I think I pushed her enough today. The food came while Maddy was in the bathroom. I made us plates and brought them into the living room. She came out in a T-shirt and sweatpants. God, she looked beautiful in everything.

"Thank you for dinner, and everything else. You really didn't need to do everything you are for me, but I appreciate it."

I hated that she always felt so negative about herself. She had no idea how amazing she was. "I wanted to, Maddy. Please don't feel like you're a burden. Let's watch a movie. I'll even let you pick."

She looked up at me through her lashes. "Anything?"

She didn't know it, but I'd give her anything she ever asked for. "Just name it."

We cleaned up the dinner mess and I went to go get changed before we started the movie. When I walked back into the living room, Maddy was curled up on the couch. I loved seeing her so comfortable in my house.

She looked up when she heard me come in and smiled. Usually I just slept in boxers, but I knew that would make her uncomfortable. I had on sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt. I saw her looking me up and down. When her eyes met mine, she started to blush. She knew I'd caught her looking, and I loved it. I knew she wanted to be with me, she just wasn't ready yet.

I looked at the TV and saw she had picked "A Walk To Remember." Normally, I'd groan about having to watch a chick flick, but I didn't care what she'd picked. I just wanted to watch it with her. "Why did you pick this one?"

"I read the book in high school and always wanted to see it. I just never got to. If you don't want to watch it, though, we could pick something else."

She was so damn cute. "This is fine. I've never seen it, either." I only had a loveseat because it was usually just me, so we were sitting pretty close. By the end of the movie, Maddy was snuggled up against me and crying. As much as I tried to fight it, I had let a couple tears escape too.

When did I turn into such a little girl? Truthfully, I think it was because Carter and Jamie were similar to Maddy and me. At first, they fought what they felt for each other, but when they finally got together, it was amazing. When the credits started running, Maddy looked up at me and smiled. She saw me crying. This was just great.

I lifted my hand and wiped the tears from her eyes. She turned her head and kissed my palm, and all my control went out the window. I lowered my head and kissed her lips. Every time I kissed her was better than the last. I was about to pull away when she sat up and straddled me. She ran her fingers through my hair and deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue into my mouth.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her so tight. If I could crawl inside of her, I would. I gripped her hips. I knew she could feel how hard I was. I lifted my hips and she jumped up and off the couch.

FUCK! I'm such a stupid idiot!
I pushed her too far. I looked up and expected to see anger in her eyes, but what I saw was fear. Why was she scared? I knew this had something to do with Chris. That motherfucker was hurting her.

"Maddy, I'm so sorry! I got carried away! I just-"

"I'm not one of your whores, Carter!"

What was she talking about? I hadn't been with anyone since I met her in September. I'd tried to go home with girls after she told me we couldn't hang out anymore, but I could never go through with it. Before then, I definitely had my fair share of girls, but I never treated them like whores. I just never had a relationship.

"What do you mean, Maddy? I know you're not a whore! I don't know who's telling you things about me, but it's not true! I haven't been with anyone since the first day I met you. I haven't wanted anyone else!" I got up and made my way over to her. I kissed her. She needed to feel how I felt about her.

She pushed me away. "Carter, I can't do this." Her eyes betrayed her. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

"Why not?"

"I just can't right now." Shit, she was crying. I held her and walked her over to the couch.

"I'm sorry I pushed you. I'll back off, I promise."

She let me hold her for a few minutes, then got up. "I'm going to go to bed now. I'll see you in the morning."

God, I hoped I didn't just blow it.

Madison

I woke up in the morning to the smell of bacon. Was I dreaming? I walked out of the bedroom and saw Carter in the kitchen...cooking. I didn't remember the last time someone made me breakfast. It had to have been before my mom died.

I was just watching him move around the kitchen. He hadn't noticed me yet. He was so amazing. I didn't know what I did to have someone like him care about me. I closed the bedroom door and he turned around to look at me. He gave me his to die for smile. He looked so cute, I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"I hope you like bacon and eggs. I made some coffee too."

"Carter, that is so nice of you, thank you." I didn't think he understood how much everything he did for me meant. I walked over to him and gave him a hug. He tensed for a minute and I second-guessed myself, but then he wrapped his arms around me.

He was probably scared to touch me after last night. I didn't know what had come over me, but I'd just heard Chris yelling in my head how he only wanted me to be his whore. "You know, I don't think anyone has ever cooked for me, at least not that I can remember."

I saw a look of sadness cross his face. "Well, that's a damn shame. If you were mine, I'd cook for you all the time." He has no idea how much I wanted to be his. "It would be a very limited menu, and you'd have to sign a waiver saying if you got sick you couldn't blame me. However, if you were willing to take the risk, I'd do it."

I laughed. He was so adorable. I wanted to cook for him too. Maybe I could help with dinner tomorrow. "You're too good to me. I'll have to make it up to you one night." I just realized how bad that sounded. I hope he didn't take it that way. I was really falling for Carter, but there was no way I was ready to do that with him.

He put the food down on the table and then walked back over to the counter where I was still standing. "You don't have to make anything up to me. I do things for you because I want to, not because I want something in return." He kissed me on the forehead, then went to sit at the table.

It took me a second to remember how to walk. I'd never had a relationship where someone didn't want something in return. I went and sat down next to him and started to eat. Damn, he could cook too? "This is really good."

He looked up at me and smiled. "So, how about you? Can you cook?"

Here we go.
"Yeah, I actually can. When I was growing up, if I didn't cook, I didn't eat." I didn't know why I was always so honest with him. I trusted Carter, which was scary because I hadn't trusted anyone in a really long time. "Does your dad cook?"

"No, not unless you count frozen meals." He started laughing and so did I. This felt so right and so normal. "Hey, I have an idea. We usually just do take out for Thanksgiving, but since you're coming home with me, would you want to cook? I could be your assistant."