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Authors: George Bernard Shaw

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BOOK: Plays Unpleasant
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PRAED
. Certainly. [
He goes to the door and opens it. Frank sits down in Vivie's chair to scribble a note
]. My dear Kitty: come in: come in.

Mrs Warren comes in, looking apprehensively round for Vivie. She has done her best to make herself matronly and dignified. The brilliant hat is replaced by a sober bonnet, and the gay blouse covered by a costly black silk mantle. She is pitiably anxious and ill at ease: evidently panic-stricken
.

MRS WARREN
[
to Frank
] What! Youre here, are you?

FRANK
[
turning in his chair from his writing, but not rising
] Here, and charmed to see you. You come like a breath of spring.

MRS WARREN
. Oh, get out with your nonsense. [
In a low voice
] Wheres Vivie?

Frank points expressively to the door of the inner room, but says nothing
.

MRS WARREN
[
sitting down suddenly and almost beginning to cry
] Praddy: wont she see me, dont you think?

PRAED
. My dear Kitty: dont distress yourself. Why should she not?

MRS WARREN
. Oh, you never can see why not: youre too innocent. Mr Frank: did she say anything to you?

FRANK
[
folding his note
] She must see you, if [
very expressively
] you wait til she comes in.

MRS WARREN
[
frightened
] Why shouldnt I wait?

Frank looks quizzically at her; puts his note carefully on the inkbottle, so that Vivie cannot fail to find it when next she dips her pen; then rises and devotes his attention to her
.

FRANK
. My dear Mrs Warren: suppose you were a sparrow – ever so tiny and pretty a sparrow hopping in the roadway –
and you saw a steam roller coming in your direction, would you wait for it?

MRS WARREN
. Oh, dont bother me with your sparrows. What did she run away from Haslemere like that for?

FRANK
. I'm afraid she'll tell you if you rashly await her return.

MRS WARREN
. Do you want me to go away?

FRANK
. No: I always want you to stay. But I advise you to go away.

MRS WARREN
. What! And never see her again!

FRANK
. Precisely.

MRS WARREN
[
crying again
] Praddy: dont let him be cruel to me. [
she hastily checks her tears and wipes her eyes
]. She'll be so angry if she sees Ive been crying.

FRANK
[
with a touch of real compassion in his airy tenderness
] You know that Praddy is the soul of kindness, Mrs Warren. Praddy: what do you say? Go or stay?

PRAED
[
to Mrs Warren
] I really should be very sorry to cause you unnecessary pain; but I think perhaps you had better not wait. The factis – [
Vivie is heard at the inner door
].

FRANK
. Sh! Too late. She's coming.

MRS WARREN
. Dont tell her I was crying. [
Vivie comes in. She stops gravely on seeing Mrs Warren, who greets her with hysterical cheerfulness
]. Well, dearie. So here you are at last.

VIVIE
. I am glad you have come: I want to speak to you. You said you were going, Frank, I think.

FRANK
. Yes. Will you come with me, Mrs Warren? What do you say to a trip to Richmond, and the theatre in the evening? There is safety in Richmond. No steam roller there.

VIVIE
. Nonsense, Frank. My mother will stay here.

MRS WARREN
[
scared
] I dont know: perhaps I'd better go. We're disturbing you at your work.

VIVIE
[
with quiet decision
] Mr Praed: please take Frank away. Sit down, mother. [
Mrs Warren obeys helplessly
].

PRAED
. Come, Frank. Goodbye, Miss Vivie.

VIVIE
[
shaking hands
] Goodbye. A pleasant trip.

PRAED
. Thank you: thank you. I hope so.

FRANK
[
to Mrs Warren
] Goodbye: youd ever so much better have taken my advice. [
He shakes hands with her. Then airily to Vivie
] Byebye, Viv.

VIVIE
. Goodbye. [
He goes out gaily without shaking hands with her
].

PRAED
[
sadly
] Goodbye, Kitty.

MRS WARREN
[
snivelling
] – oobye!

Praed goes. Vivie, composed and extremely grave, sits down in Honoria's chair, and waits for her mother to speak. Mrs Warren, dreading a pause, loses no time in beginning
.

MRS WARREN
. Well, Vivie, what did you go away like that for without saying a word to me? How could you do such a thing! And what have you done to poor George? I wanted him to come with me; but he shuffled out of it. I could see that he was quite afraid of you. Only fancy: he wanted me not to come. As if [
trembling
] I should be afraid of you, dearie. [
Vivie's gravity deepens
]. But of course I told him it was all settled and comfortable between us, and that we were on the best of terms. [
She breaks down
]. Vivie: whats the meaning of this? [
She produces a commercial envelope, and fumbles at the enclosure with trembling fingers
]. I got it from the bank this morning.

VIVIE
. It is my month's allowance. They sent it to me as usual the other day. I simply sent it back to be placed to your credit, and asked them to send you the lodgment receipt. In future I shall support myself.

MRS WARREN
[
not daring to understand
] Wasnt it enough? Why didnt you tell me? [
With a cunning gleam in her eye
] I'll double it: I was intending to double it. Only let me know how much you want.

VIVIE
. You know very well that that has nothing to do with it. From this time I go my own way in my own business and among my own friends. And you will go yours. [
She rises
]. Goodbye.

MRS WARREN
[
rising, appalled
] Goodbye?

VIVIE
. Yes: Goodbye. Come: dont let us make a useless scene: you understand perfectly well. Sir George Crofts has told me the whole business.

MRS WARREN
[
angrily
] Silly old – [
She swallows an epithet, and turns white at the narrowness of her escape from uttering it
].

VIVIE
. Just so.

MRS WARREN
. He ought to have his tongue cut out. But I thought it was ended: you said you didnt mind.

VIVIE
[
steadfastly
] Excuse me: I do mind.

MRS WARREN
. But I explained –

VIVIE
. You explained how it came about. You did not tell me that it is still going on. [
She sits
].

Mrs Warren, silenced for a moment, looks forlornly at Vivie, who waits, secretly hoping that the combat is over. But the cunning expression comes back into Mrs Warren's face; and she bends across the table, sly and urgent, half whispering
.

MRS WARREN
. Vivie: do you know how rich I am?

VIVIE
. I have no doubt you are very rich.

MRS WARREN
. But you dont know all that that means: youre too young. It means a new dress every day; it means theatres and balls every night; it means having the pick of all the gentlemen in Europe at your feet; it means a lovely house and plenty of servants; it means the choicest of eating and drinking; it means everything you like, everything you want, everything you can think of. And what are you here? A mere drudge, toiling and moiling early and late for your bare living and two cheap dresses a year. Think over it. [
Soothingly
] Youre shocked, I know. I can enter into your feelings; and I think they do you credit; but trust me, nobody will blame you: you may take my word for that. I know what young girls are; and I know youll think better of it when youve turned it over in your mind.

VIVIE
. So thats how it's done, is it? You must have said all that to many a woman, mother, to have it so pat.

MRS WARREN
[
passionately
] What harm am I asking you to
do? [
Vivie turns away contemptuously. Mrs Warren continues desperately
] Vivie: listen to me: you dont understand: youve been taught wrong on purpose: you dont know what the world is really like.

VIVIE
[
arrested
] Taught wrong on purpose! What do you mean?

MRS WARREN
. I mean that youre throwing away all your chances for nothing. You think that people are what they pretend to be: that the way you were taught at school and college to think right and proper is the way things really are. But it's not: it's all only a pretence, to keep the cowardly slavish common run of people quiet. Do you want to find that out, like other women, at forty, when youve thrown yourself away and lost your chances; or wont you take it in good time now from your own mother, that loves you and swears to you that it's truth: gospel truth? [
Urgently
] Vivie: the big people, the clever people, the managing people, all know it. They do as I do, and think what I think. I know plenty of them. I know them to speak to, to introduce you to, to make friends of for you. I dont mean anything wrong: thats what you dont understand: your head is full of ignorant ideas about me. What do the people that taught you know about life or about people like me? When did they ever meet me, or speak to me, or let anyone tell them about me? the fools! Would they ever have done anything for you if I hadnt paid them? Havnt I told you that I want you to be respectable? Havnt I brought you up to be respectable? And how can you keep it up without my money and my influence and Lizzie's friends? Cant you see that youre cutting your own throat as well as breaking my heart in turning your back on me?

VIVIE
. I recognize the Crofts philosophy of life, mother. I heard it all from him that day at the Gardners'.

MRS WARREN
. You think I want to force that played-out old sot on you! I dont, Vivie: on my oath I dont.

VIVIE
. It would not matter if you did: you would not succeed. [
Mrs Warren winces, deeply hurt by the implied indifference towards her affectionate intention. Vivie, neither understanding this nor concerning herself about it, goes on calmly
] Mother: you dont at all know the sort of person I am. I dont object to Crofts more than to any other coarsely built man of his class. To tell you the truth, I rather admire him for being strongminded enough to enjoy himself in his own way and make plenty of money instead of living the usual shooting, hunting, dining-out, tailoring, loafing life of his set merely because all the rest do it. And I'm perfectly aware that if I'd been in the same circumstances as my aunt Liz, I'd have done exactly what she did. I dont think I'm more prejudiced or straitlaced than you: I think I'm less. I'm certain I'm less sentimental. I know very well that fashionable morality is all a pretence, and that if I took your money and devoted the rest of my life to spending it fashionably, I might be as worthless and vicious as the silliest woman could possibly want to be without having a word said to me about it. But I dont want to be worthless. I shouldnt enjoy trotting about the park to advertise my dressmaker and carriage builder, or being bored at the opera to shew off a shopwindowful of diamonds.

MRS WARREN
[
bewildered
] But –

VIVIE
. Wait a moment: Ive not done. Tell me why you continue your business now that you are independent of it. Your sister, you told me, has left all that behind her. Why dont you do the same?

MRS WARREN
. Oh, it's all very easy for Liz: she likes good society, and has the air of being a lady. Imagine me in a cathedral town! Why, the very rooks in the trees would find me out even if I could stand the dulness of it. I must have work and excitement, or I should go melancholy mad. And what else is there for me to do? The life suits me: I'm fit for it and not for anything else. If I didnt do it somebody else would; so I dont do any real harm by it.
And then it brings in money; and I like making money. No: it's no use: I cant give it up – not for anybody. But what need you know about it? I'll never mention it. I'll keep Crofts away. I'll not trouble you much: you see I have to be constantly running about from one place to another. Youll be quit of me altogether when I die.

VIVIE
. No: I am my mother's daughter. I am like you: I must have work, and must make more money than I spend. But my work is not your work, and my way not your way. We must part. It will not make much difference to us: instead of meeting one another for perhaps a few months in twenty years, we shall never meet: thats all.

MRS WARREN
[
her voice stifled in tears
] Vivie: I meant to have been more with you: I did indeed.

VIVIE
. It's no use, mother: I am not to be changed by a few cheap tears and entreaties any more than you are, I daresay.

MRS WARREN
[
wildly
] Oh, you call a mother's tears cheap.

VIVIE
. They cost you nothing; and you ask me to give you the peace and quietness of my whole life in exchange for them. What use would my company be to you if you could get it? What have we two in common that could make either of us happy together?

MRS WARREN
[
lapsing recklessly into her dialect
] We're mother and daughter. I want my daughter. Ive a right to you. Who is to care for me when I'm old? Plenty of girls have taken to me like daughters and cried at leaving me; but I let them all go because I had you to look forward to. I kept myself lonely for you. Youve no right to turn on me now and refuse to do your duty as a daughter.

BOOK: Plays Unpleasant
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