Please Forgive Me (18 page)

‘Honey, let’s not jump into something like this so quickly,’ he pleaded. ‘Let’s give ourselves some time to think about what we’re doing here. Divorce … it just seems so drastic.’

‘I’m not your honey, and soon I won’t be your wife either.’ Alex countered, unmoved. She couldn’t take him back, couldn’t even contemplate it. She didn’t want to be one of those women who forgave and then watched the same thing happen over and over again until every last shred of self-confidence had disappeared. That was no life. And as much as she still loved Seth, she couldn’t be that woman. No, it was now or never.

And today, watching him in action with Leonie, Alex was more convinced than ever that she’d made the right decision.

‘I wasn’t going to be made a fool of again,’ she said in conclusion. ‘And thinking back on it, I was the bigger fool for getting into that situation in the first place. What was I thinking, getting hitched to a guy like that? It was always going to end in tears.’

‘Well, I’m no expert,’ Leonie said, ‘but from what you’re telling me, it sounds like Seth didn’t want to get divorced at all. Maybe – and I’m not condoning what he did – but maybe he really did love you?’

Alex had to smile at Leonie’s romantic little heart. ‘That’s not it. A guy like Seth will always find it difficult to face up to his responsibilities, and I think he just hated the idea of having to sign the paperwork, the finality of it. He hated having to legally undo what had seemed like such a good idea at the time.’

‘Well, that doesn’t make much sense to me.’ Leonie said, frowning. ‘Disappearing for the best part of a year is a hell of a length to go to just to avoid signing some paperwork.’

‘Well, you don’t know Seth. But I’ll tell you this much,’ she said grimly, making a mental note to ring her lawyer first thing Monday, ‘he’s not going to get away so lightly this time.’

***

That evening at eight, the girls met up again with Seth back at Cannery Row, despite Leonie’s protests that she didn’t want to get in the way.

‘The last thing you need is me stuck in the middle like a big gooseberry,’ she insisted. ‘I’ll just stay here and watch the telly, maybe order in a pizza or something.’

‘No you won’t.’ Alex practically frog-marched her outside and into a cab. ‘We came here to try and find Helena Abbott and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Don’t you worry about Seth Rogers, I’ll deal with him.’

But despite her determination not to let her ex get to her, Alex’s insides gave an involuntary flip when she saw Seth waiting for them outside the restaurant. Dressed in camel chinos and a stark white linen shirt that set off his tanned skin, he wore a row of wooden beads around his neck, and his hair was freshly washed but slicked back with gel. He looked the epitome of laid-back, masculine bohemia and Alex had to admit, sexier than ever. Damn…

The Mexican place he was taking them to was located on the edge of the coast high above the ocean. Its immense floor to ceiling windows, and the dual level seating arrangements ensured that every table in the room had a magnificent unobstructed view out over Monterey Bay.

Seth sat on the banquette seat beside Leonie and directly across from Alex, and while she wasn’t happy about having to circumvent his gaze, it was a damn sight better than them sitting side by side.

Full of enthusiasm, Seth instantly ordered a round of frozen margaritas for the table. ‘You’ve got to try the guacamole here,’ he said, as they studied the menus. ‘They make it fresh at the table and I guarantee it’s the best you’ll taste outside of Mexico.’

And he would know, Alex mused, knowing how much he adored that kind of stuff. It was funny, but Mexican food almost summed up Seth; fiery, exuberant and extraordinarily delicious, yet very messy and often difficult to grabble with.

She recalled now how their very first proper date had been in some Mexican place on Castro Street, and how inherently sensuous the simple act of eating it had been; or at least how Seth had
made
it seem. The way they needed to use their hands instead of utensils, wrapping warm tortillas with spices and jalapenos, sprinkling grated cheese, and licking off the runny cream and spicy salsa that dripped onto their hands and fingers. And then there was this other time back home, when Seth had got particularly imaginative with some chillies a half piece of lime…

She looked up to see him watching her with a knowing smile, almost as if he could read her mind, and Alex made a mental note to order a mild and categorically mess-free burrito.

‘I’ve never actually tasted guacamole,’ Leonie admitted.

‘You haven’t?’ Seth turned to look at her. ‘Well, boy are you in for a treat then.’

‘This is great!’ she grinned at Alex, when their margaritas arrived in huge, oversized glasses as big as hot tubs. ‘First, The Crab Shack and now this, I’d never have come across places like this on my own.’

‘You’ve been to the Crab Shack?’ Seth said enviously, and Alex remembered that it had been he who’d originally introduced her to the place. ‘How are Dan and Phil? Still chasing UFO’s?’

She finished drinking from her straw. ‘Yep. Same as always.’

‘Man, those guys do the best clam chowder! Did they ask about me?’

Alex looked at him. ‘People stopped asking about you a long time ago, Seth.’

Before he could reply, the waitress appeared alongside the table, and laying down an enormous basket of fresh tortilla chips, she pulled up a trolley and set to making the guacamole they’d ordered. The three of them watched with interest as she scooped out avocadoes, added fresh tomatoes, chillies and sour cream and the juice of three freshly-squeezed limes, before including a hefty dose of coriander and mashing it all together.

‘Have fun guys.’ Job done, she put the bowl on the table and left them to it.

‘Mmm, this
is
delicious,’ Leonie licked her lips and went to load another tortilla chip.

‘Here, try it with some salsa too,’ Seth suggested, pushing the bowl towards her.

‘Be careful Leonie, he likes it really hot and if you’re not used to it…’ Alex stopped short, only just realising the double-entendre. By his grin, she knew Seth had spotted it too but to her relief, he let it go. ‘The green stuff isn’t as spicy,’ she added softly.

But her warning came too late, just as Leonie gaily put a chip with piquant salsa in her mouth. Alex winced, waiting for the inevitable, and she and Seth both watched as first the poor girl’s eyes widened like saucers, before she immediately leapt on the nearest glass of water.

‘No, water won’t help, use the margarita!’ Seth chuckled, as Leonie practically buried her face into the crushed ice.

‘That was mean.’ Alex berated him, but she too couldn’t resist a giggle. Poor Leonie looked like she was going to burst into flames.

‘Oh my God!’ she gasped, when she’d downed close to half the liquid in the glass. ‘That stuff is unreal!’

‘I did try to warn you, but you wouldn’t listen.’

 
‘I didn’t expect it to be that bad. God Seth, I don’t know how you can stomach that, or anyone can to be honest. I’m surprised it’s not used as a form of punishment.’

‘It has a few uses,’ he said, not taking his eyes off Alex, who immediately looked away and fixated on a flock of seabirds swooping down on the water.

The bay looked completely different at this time of night, when dusk had set in and the light was fading. It was as if all the wildlife had come out to hunt, feed and play, oblivious to the audience behind glass high above them. She spotted a group of seals frolicking in the surf, leaping and diving with happy abandon, and was struck again by the delicate beauty of the place, and the calming effect it had on her. Ironic then that it was here she’d bump into the person who wielded the very opposite of calm, wasn’t it?

‘So tell me again why you guys are down here,’ Seth asked Leonie, who had just about recovered from her run-in with the salsa, and had since returned to the tamer guacamole. ‘You said before you were trying to find someone?’

Leonie looked at Alex, as if asking permission to tell him.

‘Who knows, maybe you can help,’ she said to Seth, before the two of them in turn went on to explain all about the letters and how they believed Helena might now be working in the Cannery Row studio.

Seth was dubious. ‘You read someone’s else’s mail? You know that’s a – ‘

‘Yes I know it’s a felony!’ Leonie groaned in exasperation, before going on to tell him the hows and whys of opening the letters in the first place. ‘Then the more I read of them, the more the need to find them sort of took on a life of its own.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know, it just seems so sad that she hasn’t read them and he seems so nice.’

‘Well if he was that nice, he shouldn’t need to look for forgiveness in the first place, should he?’ Alex pointed out, again wondering why Leonie seemed so fixated with this. ‘Maybe she’s much better off without him.’

‘You know I don’t believe that,’ Leonie argued. ‘But at least, if she got a chance to read them she could make up her own mind.’

‘I agree,’ Seth said, with feeling, ‘whatever the guy did, he’s her husband and for that at least, I think he deserves a second chance.’

‘Oh come on!’ Alex gasped, wide-eyed, while Leonie looked like she wanted to crawl under the table. ‘He could have being screwing around the whole time for all we know. What makes you think he
deserves
a second chance?’

Taken aback by her own vehemence on the subject, now she wanted to kick herself. Had she been talking about Nathan, or Seth?

A bit of both probably, but Alex knew she needed to talk again to her lawyer and get those papers served soon. Having Seth around was clouding her judgement and making her feel on edge and uncomfortable.

And when a couple of minutes into their main course, Leonie got up to use the rest room, she decided to tell it to him straight.

‘I’m not taking this any longer, Seth. I’ve been waiting long enough. You need to sign those papers and I need to know exactly where you are so I can get them to you.’

When he said nothing, she reached for her handbag and took out a notepad and pen. ‘Here, write down the address of the place you’re staying, and the dive shop address too. I’m not taking any chances this time.’

‘OK.’ Oddly compliant, Seth took the pen and did as he was bid. For some reason, this seemed to annoy her even more.

‘Why couldn’t you have done that before now?’ she said shortly. ‘Why keep me hanging on all this time?’

He shrugged, but this time his body language held none of the indolence of earlier. ‘I just thought we shouldn’t make any hasty decisions. You were so angry and
-
’

‘I’ve had to keep my life on hold for the last year or more, trying to find you, wondering if I’ll ever be free. It might be no big deal to you but it is to me, and as long as I stay married to you, I can’t move on with my own life.’

‘You can’t?’ he said, giving her wide-eyed look. ‘Why?’

Alex gritted her teeth. ‘Don’t flatter yourself – for all sorts of reasons, mature adult things, things that you wouldn’t have the faintest idea about.’

‘Hey, are those
seals
leaping around out there?’
 
Leonie said reappearing at the table, and as she and Seth looked out the window, Alex tried to compose herself again.

Why did she get so out of control like that? She couldn’t allow him to get under her skin again, it had been difficult enough getting to the place she was in now without him coming along and messing things up even more. No, she’d talk to Doug first thing Monday morning and with any luck Seth would be out of her hair soon enough.

Seth was chatting to Leonie as if nothing at all was amiss, which was of course absolutely typical. ‘So tell me, how does an Irish girl end up living all the way out here in California? And how do you guys know each other?’

‘Well, I work in a flower shop in the city and ended up delivering flowers to her for Valentine’s Day.’

‘Flowers?’ he repeated, raising an eyebrow. ‘Who from?’

Leonie grimaced, realising she may have made a faux pas.

‘From the guy I’m seeing,’ Alex said with a determined slice through her burrito before adding archly, ‘not that it’s any of your business.’

‘A guy you’re seeing … and he sent you
flowers
?’ Seth’s worlds dripped with scorn. ‘What kind of
moron
sends someone who has hay-fever flowers?’

Alex put the fork in her mouth. ‘He didn’t know.’

‘He didn’t
know
? How long have you known this guy?’

‘Long enough to know that he treats me well and makes me happy.’

‘By sending you flowers that could potentially kill you? Sounds like a
complete
moron to me.’

‘Well, you don’t know anything about him,’ Alex gave Seth a level stare. ‘And now that I know where to find you, you won’t need to either.’

Alex and Leonie spent the following morning down at Monterey Bay wharf lazing in the sunshine while they waited for Helena Abbott’s shift to start in the photography studio at midday.

‘Even though I know what he did was awful, I have to say I really like Seth,’ Leonie admitted.

Alex groaned and shook her head. ‘Everyone usually does, that’s part of the problem,’ she said. ‘But behind that handsome face and winning smile, he’s nothing but trouble.’

‘Oh no, I didn’t mean …’ Leonie was horrified that Alex was getting the wrong impression. ‘I don’t
fancy
him or anything, although he is very attractive. I just meant that I really warmed to him – as a person.’ She looked at her. ‘And from the way he was behaving around you yesterday, I think he’s genuinely sorry for what he did.’

‘Don’t be taken in by the charm overdose Leonie, that’s classic Seth. The puppy dog eyes and cheesy smile are all part of his ‘please forgive me’ routine.’ She gave a short laugh. ‘Maybe he and this Nathan should get together sometime and swap stories.’