Please Forgive Me (39 page)

‘Of course I’m not trying to justify it,’ Grace said. ‘Believe me, I’m just as appalled as you are. A woman who could do something like that…’ she shook her head in bewilderment, ‘it’s disgusting, no matter what the circumstances. But I suppose I’m also just trying to play devil’s advocate. This is a dangerous situation Leonie, and you need to be
very
sure you have your facts right before you go shooting your mouth off to Adam. Have you made up your mind about what to say to him?’

Leonie’s heart sank at the mention of his name. ‘Not really.’ She gave a watery smile. ‘There’s a small side of me that wonders if I should just carry on and say nothing, but I know I can’t do that.’

‘But you do realise that whatever you do say is going to have enormous repercussions on the two of you as a couple, don’t you?’

She bit her lip. ‘I know.’

Leonie knew exactly what Grace meant. After this, her and Adam’s relationship (if there was one) would never be the same again. But at the same time, she also knew that she had to do what she believed was the right thing.

Regardless of the consequences.

***

‘Adam, I need to talk to you about something.’

It was late that same afternoon, and Adam was just home from his team-building weekend away. He’d arrived back at the apartment in great form, full of chat about it all and when soon afterwards, Andrea called to pick up Suzanne and the two were one again alone, Leonie decided she couldn’t put this off any longer.

‘Sure, what’s up?’ he said easily, his mouth full of chocolate M&Ms. ‘God, I’m starving – will we order in tonight or…hey what’s the matter?’

Leonie kneaded her hands together, and perched herself alongside him on the armrest of the sofa. ‘Look, before we start, I want you to know that I’ve thought long and hard about this,’ she began, her mouth drying up all of a sudden. ‘You’re my fiancé and I love you but – ‘

‘Hey, hey, what’s all this about?’ he asked again, his carefree expression vanishing as he realised she was being serious. ‘What’s going on, Lee? Did something happen while I was away?’

‘No, no, it’s nothing like that. Suzanne was fine.’ She was quick to reassure him. ‘It’s just that…’ Now that she’d started, she wasn’t sure of the best way to approach this. Should she just come right out and say it? No, she couldn’t do that, not with something like this … ‘Can I just ask you a couple of questions first?’ she asked then. ‘Just so I can get a few things straight in my head.’

Adam looked perplexed. ‘What kind of questions?’ he said, sitting forward. ‘Leonie, you’re kind of freaking me out here, to be honest.’

‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to – it’s just… Well, I just wanted to ask a couple of things about you and Andrea. I mean, I know you told me all about it before but –’

‘Is
that
what this is?’ he interjected, his blue eyes twinkling with amusement. ‘Are you jealous of Andrea? OK so I might have spent a lot of time down in Wicklow recently, and I wouldn’t blame you for feeling a little peeved about that in the circumstances. I know what ye women are like and Andrea did say…’

‘Said what?’ Leonie asked shortly, wrong-footed. Now what had the conniving little wagon been saying behind her back? Bloody hell, was there no end to her scheming?

‘You really can’t stand her, can you?” he said. ‘OK, I know dealing with her isn’t exactly a bed of roses but
-
’

‘I don’t hate Andrea,’ Leonie assured him, lying through her teeth. ‘And despite what you think I’m not jealous of her either. This is about something else entirely.’

Adam frowned in confusion, but she could tell she had his full attention. ‘Go on.’

But by now, Leonie was no longer sure whether she
should
go on. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said backing off, ‘I just wanted to clear up a couple of things in my head, that’s all.’ She walked away from him towards the kitchen.

‘About me and Andrea?’

‘Yes, but it doesn’t matter,’ she said with a carefree wave of her arm. ‘We’ll talk about it some other time. Do you fancy a cuppa?’

‘No, it does matter, Lee.’ He stood up and followed her into the kitchen. ‘I want to know what’s bothering you about Andrea and what I can do to set it right. Look, I’ll admit I was very much into her way back when. But I was twenty years old Leonie, and it didn’t take me that long to get over her – especially when I moved to London.’ He shook his head and smiled. ‘But then, when I found out she was pregnant – with my baby – well my first reaction was complete and utter shock.’

‘And how
did
you find out about the pregnancy?’ Leonie asked him. ‘You never told me that.’

Adam leaned against the countertop. ‘Andrea got in touch. She’d heard through a few friends that I was back home for the weekend, and she phoned me up and arranged a meeting. She was quite a way gone at that stage, so as you can imagine, I was a bit…well floored.’ He looked at her. ‘But look, as I said, that was years ago, a lifetime ago almost. Even though we got back together, there really was nothing between me and Andrea back then, and there isn’t anything now either. It’s all about Suzanne.’

Of course it is, Leonie reflected.

‘I believe you,’ she said in the most neutral tone she could muster. ‘But was there any particular reason why she hadn’t let you know about the pregnancy before then?’

‘Well, because she couldn’t, I suppose,’ he said shrugging. ‘I moved to London shortly after we split up, and we hadn’t kept in contact. So she moved on with her life and I with mine until …’

‘And hadn’t she started seeing someone else in the meantime?’ Leonie asked, relieved that Adam had now more or less taken the lead in the conversation. ‘When you found out about Suzanne I mean?’

‘As far as I remember yes, she’d taken up with Billy again not long after I left.’

Leonie nodded. She took out a mug and put a teabag in it. ‘So were you surprised when she told you about Suzanne?’

‘Well that’s a weird question – of course! Imagine someone telling you out of the blue that you’re going to be a father! I felt pretty damn guilty too, I can tell you. Look, where is all this going?’ he asked again, sounding more than a tad impatient now. ‘Is this about maintenance again? I guess I thought we’d worked all that out…’

‘I’m just curious that’s all,’ Leonie said, and she supposed this was partly the truth.

‘Yeah, it was a strange time, but now I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ He smiled. ‘Suzanne’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me Lee; the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.’

And right then Leonie realised that she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t continue down the road she was headed, she decided, a lump coming to her throat. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair. She loved Adam and he didn’t deserve this.

She was about to tell him that he was a great father, when all of a sudden, he seemed to tense up and his body became ramrod straight.

‘Oh my God,’ Adam said, enunciating the words slowly and painstakingly. ‘Oh my God. I can’t believe that you…’ His gaze bored into hers, and Leonie was horrified by the hard glint in his eyes and the white pallor of his skin. ‘I know what you’re suggesting,’ he whispered, looking at her like she’d just crawled out from under a rock. ‘At least, I know what you’re
trying
to suggest, and I can’t believe you would even consider it.’ He turned away and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I can’t believe that someone who’s supposed to love me, who I’m supposed to
marry
, for God’s sake, would knowingly try be so spiteful!’

Now Leonie was pale too. ‘Adam…’ she pleaded reaching for him, although she realised now that it was too late. She’d gone too far, and while she’d thought she’d pulled herself back from the brink, she hadn’t done it in time.

‘Don’t touch me!’ he gasped, in a voice that Leonie had never heard him use before and which sounded dangerously close to that of a wounded animal.

‘Please, I wasn’t trying to do anything, I was just …’

‘I know what you were trying to do,’ he barked hoarsely, ‘or more exactly, what you’re trying to
say
.’

‘Adam, you don’t understand,’ As a desperate last-ditch measure, Leonie tried to explain herself. ‘Yesterday I drove Suzanne down to Wicklow and I saw Billy. OK, I’ll admit I was going to talk to you about it, but then I realised I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt you.’ Her bottom lip wobbled. ‘But for your own sake, you must at least consider the possibility that
-
’

‘Don’t say it Leonie, don’t even
think
it!’ Adam warned her murderously. He picked up his jacket and marched towards the door.

But she knew she had to try and save this situation, it was her only chance of saving anything else. ‘You don’t understand, Adam, I’m not making things up! The resemblance is incredible, there’s just no way that …’

By now, Leonie was in tears, and she could see that Adam was dangerously close to them too. ‘I’m sorry Adam, but Andrea lied,’ she sobbed, before finally getting the words out. ‘Suzanne can’t possibly be your daughter – she looks exactly like Billy.’

On Tuesday morning, Alex stopped by the station to check in with Sylvester and arrange to take some more time off, when she got the long-awaited call from the hospital telling her that Seth had regained consciousness. His folks were due to fly in that same afternoon and Alex prayed she’d have good news for them.

‘Does this mean he’s OK?’ she cried with a burst of relief. ‘How is he?’

‘The doctor is examining him now, so I’m afraid that’s all I can tell you,’ the nurse replied.

Alex raced down to the hospital in quick time, having on the way called Leonie at work to tell her the (hopefully) good news.

‘I’m just not sure what to expect,’ she admitted fearfully, before promising to call her again later for an update. ‘What if he’s paralysed – or doesn’t want to see me or –?’

‘Just see what the doctors have to say first, OK?’ Leonie soothed. ‘Is Jon with you?’

‘No, he was working last night, so he’s gone home to get some rest.’ Alex said cursing the timing. It would have been nice to have Jon here to translate what (if anything) the doctors had to say about Seth’s condition.

But on the other hand, it was probably better that she go to see him on her own. Especially if …

When Alex reached the ICU and saw Seth lying in traction on the hospital bed, drips, bandages and machines all over, she almost threw up. He looked so shattered, so
broken
and it was all because of her.

 
‘Mr Rogers, your wife is here,’ the nurse said, leaning over him and to Alex’s amazement and immense relief, Seth opened his eyes and …what the hell, was he
grinning
at her?

‘Hey darlin’’ he greeted hoarsely, and his behaviour was so unexpected and so normal
 
(yet completely out of place given the circumstances) that Alex wasn’t sure she’d heard right.

But if anything, she thought with considerable relief, it meant that he couldn’t be that upset at her. Why else would he be grinning? Especially when in so much pain? Suddenly, all the heartache and worry of the last few days came tumbling out in a combination of relief, frustration and downright confusion.

‘What’s going on Seth?’ Alex cried, unable to control her emotions. ‘What the
hell
were you doing jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge? It’s a two hundred and fifty foot drop!’ As the nurse left the room, she seemed to give a sideways glance at Alex’s decidedly none-sympathetic tone. Well she didn’t feel all that sympathetic at the moment. After all she’d been through the last few days and now Seth was
laughing
at her for Christ’s sake!

‘Yeah. I know how big a drop it is,’ he replied, grimacing.

‘So what the hell were you
doing
? Was it some kind of dare or …? Jesus Seth, you scared the hell out of me! Your folks will be here soon, but I really didn’t know what to say to them on the phone. All this time, I thought it was… that you’d
-
’

He looked at her, understanding what she was getting at. ‘That I was trying to … sign out, or something?’ he finished his breath coming thick and heavy. ‘Come on Alex, I thought you… knew me better than that.’

‘Well why would I think otherwise, when the cops told me you were seen jumping off the bridge?’ For some reason, tears were now rolling down Alex’s cheeks – especially weird when she felt so damned angry. But there was no denying she was unbelievably relieved too.

‘I’m sorry, I thought you knew,’ he gasped grimacing, and despite his bravado, there was no denying he was in considerable pain. ‘I told the cops when I ... woke up.’

‘Told them what?’

‘There was this kid…’Again he paused for breath and licked his lips. ‘Hey, any chance you could … get me some water?’

‘Sure.’ Alex filled a glass from the nightstand and held it gingerly to his lips, her emotions dissipating somewhat. He really was in a bad way, and now that she knew her worst fears about his motives were unfounded, she wondered what the extent of his injuries actually was. Severe internal and external fractures, the doctors had said. What did that mean? Then almost without realising it, she reached down and took his heavily bandaged hand in hers.

Seth beamed. ‘Why honey … I didn’t know you … cared!’ he teased, and Alex instantly let it fall. ‘Hey, I’m only kidding,’ he added with a slight wince. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Alex. For a while there I thought I… really was a goner.’

So did I,
she said silently. ‘Just tell me what happened – and start at the beginning.’

Through painful fits and starts, Seth explained that on Friday afternoon he’d been jogging across the Golden Gate Bridge when he noticed a group of teenagers stopped near the south tower. ‘They’d been drinking beer and … making fun of this smaller guy, daring him to climb out onto the … ledge,’ he told her, his hand shaking uncontrollably as he tried to hold the glass of water. Alex quickly took it from him and held it to his lips, her heart breaking to see him so helpless.
 
After a pause, Seth continued. ‘Poor kid looked terrified, and the others just … watched and laughed so …’ Grimacing, he stopped mid-sentence.