Point of No Return (2 page)

“Like I got shot,” Kade deadpanned.

“That tends to happen when you get in the way of bullets.”

Kade’s lips twitched.

“Thought I was going to have to wake your ass up myself,” Blane said. “She wasn’t going to make it much longer if you didn’t.” He nodded toward Kat, who slept on, oblivious to the conversation taking place.

Kade glanced back down at her, his face softening.

“She’s one tough chick,” he whispered, brushing his knuckles gently down her cheek.

“In some ways,” Blane agreed. “In some ways not.”

Kade looked back to Blane, who met his gaze.

“Are we going to do this now, brother?” Kade asked, his voice deceptively smooth, though Blane could see a flicker of fear in his eyes. Kade’s hold tightened on Kathleen, as though he was afraid that Blane would take her from him.

“You mean talk about the elephant in the room?” Blane said dryly, cocking an eyebrow.

“She’d get pretty pissed off if she heard you call her an elephant.”

Blane grinned. Kade never failed to amuse him, even when they were talking about something so serious. For a moment he just reveled in the knowledge that Kade was alive, was going to be fine. Thank God.

Blane couldn’t help reaching out, his fingers lightly grasping Kat’s lax hand. She didn’t stir. Kade’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t protest Blane’s touch. It seemed as though each of them wanted to mark her as his.

“She told me she loves you,” Blane admitted, “and me. What that means, I have no idea. But we can talk about that later. For now I just want you to get better.”

Kade’s grip on Kathleen loosened, just a fraction.

Blane pretended not to notice, though his gut twisted. Too many mistakes and, eventually, you couldn’t go back. He vowed not to make any more.

Blane glanced at his watch. “It’s late, and I’m beat,” he said with forced nonchalance. “Since you’ve reasserted your presence among the living and coherent, I’m going home to get some shut-eye. I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Sounds good,” Kade said, resting his head against the pillow. His eyes slipped closed.

Blane turned away and headed for the door. Pulling it open, he glanced back one more time.

The dim lights cast a faded, golden glow over Kade and Kat. He’d resumed stroking her hair and she still hadn’t moved.

“Kade,” Blane said.

He glanced up.

“Thank you. For saving my life.”

The ghost of a smile flitted across Kade’s lips. “The least I could do,” he said. “You saved mine first, remember?”

Blane shook his head sadly. “No, I didn’t. Not really.” He paused. “But she may have.” His gaze fell on Kat as Kade’s brow furrowed, then he turned and left, quietly closing the door behind him.

Sunlight streaming in through the window woke me in the morning. I squinted, and it took a moment for my sleep-fogged brain to realize where I was and who I was with.

Kade.

He’d finally regained consciousness last night, and now I lay curled into him, his arm slung over my shoulders and mine draped low across his abdomen. The heart monitor beat a quiet, reassuring rhythm while the IV hooked to Kade’s left arm steadily dripped its fluid down the plastic tubing.

His eyes were closed, the evenness of his breathing signaling that he was sound asleep. I dearly wanted to wake him, see his eyes and hear his voice again, but I resisted the temptation. I knew he needed to rest.

Being careful not to disturb him, I eased out of the bed and slipped on my shoes. After using the bathroom and splashing water on my face, I felt more awake. The few hours of sleep I’d gotten by Kade’s side was more than I’d had in days, though I was still tired. I felt like I could lie down and sleep for a week.

As I came out of the bathroom I suddenly realized
. . .
Blane wasn’t there.

Maybe he’d gone downstairs for coffee or something? I prayed I was right, but knew it was more likely that he’d woken, seen me in bed with Kade, and left.

I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I’d just been so tired and so relieved to speak to Kade, but now I regretted climbing into bed with him. I didn’t want to dwell on what Blane must be thinking.

The thought of Blane and Kade still being at odds, even after everything that had happened, had my stomach churning with nausea. Grabbing my purse, I decided to go get some coffee. Everything would look better once I had some caffeine in my system. Even hospital coffee was better than nothing.

Unfortunately, I didn’t spot Blane in the cafeteria as I’d hoped I would. My heart sank. I must have been right in guessing that he’d left. Was he angry with me? He couldn’t be angry at Kade, not after what he’d done to save Blane. I’d much rather have him mad at me, though I didn’t want to hurt either Blane or Kade—I loved them both too much for that.

I sipped my coffee, loaded up with cream and sugar, as I headed back to Kade’s room. The sound of voices greeted me as I drew closer to his partially open door. I recognized Mona’s voice as she spoke, and her husband, Gerard’s. Kade must have woken. They would be overjoyed to see him conscious again.

I paused outside the door, glancing in just long enough to see Kade sitting upright in the bed while Mona, Gerard, and Blane surrounded him. Mona laughed, likely at something Kade had said. I could hear his voice, a low rasp when he spoke, but it was too quiet for me to understand what he was saying. They were all smiling, even Blane.

I thought about going in—I wanted to go in—but my feet wouldn’t obey.

They were all there together, happy. A family. If I went in, there’d be tension, putting a strain on everyone. Blane’s smile would become forced. Kade would be stressed, the last thing he needed as his body tried to recover. Mona and Gerard wouldn’t know what to say, since no one would want to talk about the elephant in the room.

Me.

I didn’t want that, for any of them. So I did the only thing I could think of doing.

I turned around
. . .
and I left.

KATHLEEN

C
HAPTER
O
NE

C
ounting. Counting minutes and hours until time passed, because the more time that passed, the less I’d hurt. Or at least, that’s what everyone always said:
Time heals
. I wasn’t sure how much I believed that.

I was in an unwinnable situation. In love with two men—two brothers—and the consequences of that would hurt us all. So I’d taken myself out of the equation, again, but that didn’t stop the ache in my chest or the acid eating in my stomach as I unlocked my apartment door and let myself inside.

Tigger wrapped himself around my legs, nearly making me stumble. I guess he’d missed me. I reached down to scratch behind his ears and was immediately rewarded with loud purring.

Aimlessly, I went to the refrigerator, staring into its lit depths. Nothing seemed appealing, not that there was a lot to choose from anyway. Going to the cabinet, I grabbed a bag of animal crackers and retreated to the couch.

I munched, trying not to think. Yet I couldn’t stop myself from seeing Blane and Kade inside my head. The first night Blane had brought me home when my car had died, the night he’d stayed when Sheila had been murdered. The Christmas tree we’d decorated together and the many meals we’d shared while curled up on the couch.

And Kade. The morning he’d been there in the nick of time when I was being chased by a man who would have killed me. He’d sat with me, staring daggers at me, a sneer curling his lips. Playing bodyguard when he’d seemed barely able to tolerate my presence. The night he’d been wounded and collapsed on my couch, to when he’d shown up on my doorstep just a few weeks ago, his mere presence breaking through the ice encasing my emotions.

What was I going to do?

A part of my mind asked a question I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer. If I had it all to do over again, would I have gotten involved with Blane? If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be hurting like this.

The truth was something I didn’t want to face, because I cringed from what it said about me. Yes, I would do it all over again
. . .
because I’d not only fallen in love with Blane, I’d also fallen in love with Kade.

My nearly nonexistent appetite disappeared completely and I set aside the crackers.

Even as I loved Blane, Kade had also made his way into my heart. That had become crystal clear in the hours I’d spent waiting to see if he’d live or die. So what did that make me? The kind of person I swore I’d never be—someone who could come between Blane and Kade.

What would happen to the three of us? Kade loved me—he’d told me so—but had offered me nothing that he hadn’t rescinded. When he’d been lying on the hard ground, his blood coating my hands and each breath possibly his last, all the worry and heartache over what I felt for Blane—what my admitting that I’d fallen in love with Kade would do to him—had paled in significance to the very real possibility that I might lose Kade forever.

Priorities tend to shift in the face of death. While I’d faced my own mortality before, I hadn’t until that moment faced Kade’s.

I couldn’t pinpoint where or when it had happened. It wasn’t like one moment I hadn’t loved Kade, and the next I had. It had been gradual, creeping up on me when I wasn’t looking.

I shouldn’t love him, not like this. By all rights, I should want to be with Blane. Blane was the good guy, the white knight. He wanted the same things I did—a settled life together and a family. His career had great potential and he was good at what he did. We were a good pair, had a good time together. Blane loved me, and yes, I loved him, too.

Yet Kade and I clicked, like two puzzle pieces fitting together. It shouldn’t work, shouldn’t be like that. Kade had done awful things. He’d been paid to kill people, and I’d never been brave enough to ask how many. He broke the law on an almost daily basis and displayed an alarming lack of concern as to what would happen to him if he ever got caught. My parents would roll over in their graves if they knew I’d fallen in love with such a person.

But I’d seen firsthand that there was more to Kade than what he allowed people to see. He’d let me in through the chinks in his armor. He did care, had cared about me right from the start, no matter what his mouth had said to the contrary. Kade may have been insulting me and cursing me six ways from Sunday, but he’d protected me from harm and saved me from certain death many times over. Whether it was as simple a thing as carrying me across a gravel lot so my feet wouldn’t get torn up, to pulling me from a car set to explode, to doing the impossible and finding me chained in a shed in the middle of nowhere.

It was dangerous, loving Kade. My run-in with Garrett had taught me that. Using me as leverage, Garrett would have killed me, if not for Kade’s timely arrival. Who was to say that wouldn’t happen again? There were probably a dozen people or more who could want Kade dead. I would be a weakness, an Achilles’ heel that could end up hurting him. Who’s to say that he would want to be together, even now? He’d once told me,
You’re the most vulnerable part of me. A year ago, I would have killed you myself if I’d known.
And I hadn’t doubted him.

But what would I do if Kade
did
offer me something? Would I take it? Hurting Blane in the process and losing him from my life? Or could I spend my life with Blane and hope my feelings for Kade would fade over time? No matter what I did, I’d be that person who came between two brothers. I didn’t know if I could live with that, but neither could I live without them.

I was too tired to think anymore, so I got off the couch and crawled into bed. The apartment was sweltering as the sun climbed into the sky. My head hit the pillow and I sighed, closing my eyes.

In the end, the only thing I might have to show for falling in love with Blane and Kade was a lonely bed and a broken heart.

I woke when it was late afternoon. Shadows were long in my room as I opened my eyes. I was cool and comfortable, and it took a moment for me to realize I was mostly lying on top of someone, my leg nestled between his. I jerked my head up in surprise, and green eyes met mine.

Blane.

The gentle affection in his gaze made words die on my tongue.

My heart ached at the warm strength of him and I rested my head on his chest with a sigh. One arm was curved around me, holding me in place. The other lifted to touch my hair, his fingers combing slowly through the strands.

“How long have you been here?” I asked quietly. I slid my hand over his shoulder, savoring the opportunity I’d just been handed to nestle more closely to him.

“Since shortly after you left the hospital,” he said. His voice rumbled in his chest. “Why did you leave?”

I gave a little shrug. “I didn’t belong. Don’t belong.”

Blane’s hand stilled, then moved to my chin, turning my face up to his.

“You belong with me.”

The absolute certainty in his voice made my insides warm. I opened my mouth to reply but didn’t get the chance.

Blane started kissing me, his tongue stroking mine. There was no urgency in his kiss, it was languid and sweet, as though nothing had broken between us. And just when my thoughts caught up with my actions and I was about to pull away, he did.

I stared at him in confusion, but he just smiled and brushed the hair back from my face.

“What are you doing?” I managed.

“Kissing you,” he said simply.

I was utterly confused. I’d told Blane I was in love with his brother. He should be yelling at me, looking at me in loathing and disgust, not holding me, gazing at me as if I were the most precious thing in the world.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I wanted to.”

I couldn’t think what to say, still bemused by his actions.

“I’m not giving you up without a fight, Kat,” he said. “Until you make your choice, I’m not going anywhere.”

My eyebrows flew up at that and I scrambled off him and out of the bed. “Choice?” I asked as he sat up. “What do you mean, ‘your choice’?”

“Me or Kade,” Blane answered, looking at me as though this were obvious.

I was already shaking my head. “No, I’m not doing that.” I backed up rapidly, hit the wall, turned, and hurried into the kitchen. Blane was right behind me.

“What do you mean?” he asked, latching onto my wrist and pulling me to a stop.

“I’m not doing that!” I exclaimed, horrified at the thought. “You make it sound like I’m picking which pair of shoes to wear or what movie I should go see. You and Kade are
brothers
. I am
not
choosing one of you.” Though the thought had occurred to me just hours ago, hearing Blane spell it out made me cringe in mortification.

Blane’s expression was unreadable as he stared at me. He let go of my wrist, pushing his hands into the pockets of his slacks as he leaned back against the wall.

“You have to,” he said with a shrug.

“Forget it,” I shot back. My mind was already playing the scenario in my head, me choosing a brother, forever alienating the one who remained. The one I chose resenting me for coming between them. Losing them both from my life, forever.

“I’m not
. . .
I can’t
. . .
” Suddenly, it was hard to breathe, anxiety swelling in my chest.

Blane was next to me in an instant, his hands wrapped around my arms to hold me steady. Worry and concern now creased his features.

My voice was a choked whisper. “I can’t
. . .
lose
. . .
both of you. I just
. . .
I can’t.” I shook my head, trying to dislodge the images in my mind. I stared up at him, willing him to understand.

It was the best I could do to explain it, the terror and despair that loomed at the mere thought of Kade and Blane no longer being in my life. I’d be alone, having lost the men I loved—the men who’d come to be my whole world. What I’d felt when Blane and I had split up four months ago would be a mere shadow compared to the agony I’d feel now if I lost them.

“What do you think is going to happen, Kat?” Blane asked with a frown. “It’s not like we can share you.” He seemed genuinely confused.

“I know it’s not fair,” I admitted, “but I’m not going to be what breaks you and Kade. Not now. Not after all that’s happened. We can be
. . .
friends.” A laughable goal, but it was all I could come up with.

“Do you need more time?” Blane asked, completely ignoring my friends comment. “Of course. It’s too soon. Kade’s still recovering and you’ve been pushed to the edge of your endurance.” He looked vaguely relieved, brushing the back of his knuckles down my cheek. The sweet touch made me ache inside.

Time. That sounded good. I latched onto that. “Yeah. I just need
. . .
some time.” I ignored that it’d be borrowed time. I was sure it wouldn’t take long before they’d tire of waiting for me to make a choice that my conscience wouldn’t allow me to make.

Blane studied me intently, as though seeing through my pathetic desperation. “You should know I won’t just walk away, Kat. And I know my brother. Neither will he.”

I swallowed, my stomach clenching into a hard knot. I didn’t believe him, not really. Eventually I’d lose them both, and all I wanted right now was to put that moment off for as long as possible. It made me incredibly selfish, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Holding on to Blane and Kade felt like an act of self-preservation.

“Are you going back?” I asked, anxious to change the subject. “To the hospital?”

“Yes.”

I eased out of Blane’s hold and he let me step away. “Tell him
. . .
tell him I said hi, would you?”

“You’re not coming?”

“I have to go to work,” I explained, glancing at the clock. I had to get moving if I wanted to shower first. “Did you turn on the air-conditioning?”

“Yes,” Blane said, snagging me around the waist as I made to pass by. I looked up at him in surprise. “Don’t turn it off,” he ordered. “I’ll pay the fucking bill. Just leave it on.”

“I can’t—”

“Leave it,” he ordered again, interrupting me. He seemed pretty adamant about this, and considering the conversation we’d just had, I wasn’t anxious to test his patience further. I nodded.