Point of No Return (4 page)

My schedule played havoc with my sleep patterns, and it seemed that no matter what I did, I was always tired. When I came home from the hospital in the mornings, I showered, ran errands, and did chores. Most days I had to be at work by four, so it was like each one passed in the blink of an eye. Eating was an afterthought. Guilt tarnished the happiness I felt about Kade and me growing closer, and the only respite I found was in the dark of night when I was in his arms. When I could pretend nothing outside of that room existed.

Kade was asleep this morning as I slid from the bed. I slipped quietly out the door and into the hallway, turned, and nearly ran right into someone.

“I’m sor—” I looked up into Blane’s eyes and my words died mid-apology.

“Morning, Kat,” he said, seeming completely unsurprised to find me there. He handed me one of the two cups of coffee he held. “You look a little tired.”

Self-consciously, I tried to smooth my hair. My ponytail had loosened during the night and I knew from the bathroom mirror that my makeup was long gone. I’d just climbed out of bed and I looked it. Whereas Blane was again impeccably dressed in full suit and tie, the knotted silk perfect at his throat against the crisp white linen of his shirt. His jaw was smooth and freshly shaved, and his dark blond hair didn’t have a strand out of place. I could smell the scent of his cologne, which made me want to lean closer for a better whiff. A bad idea.

“Um, yeah,” I said nervously. “Hospitals aren’t exactly conducive to sleep.” I took a quick gulp of the coffee, immediately regretting it when the hot liquid scalded my tongue. Shit, that hurt.

“How’s he doing?”

“Good,” I said. “He seemed good.”

“They said he’s healing really well,” Blane said.

“I’m glad,” I replied. This was different, Blane talking to me again. He didn’t seem angry that I was spending so much time with Kade. I was glad. I missed Blane, but could do nothing but take my cue from him on our relationship status.

“Do you have to work tonight?” he asked, leaning his shoulder against the wall. Somehow he’d moved closer to me.

I thought for a minute, then shook my head. “I’m covering for Scott this week so I’m working through the weekend, but I’m off tonight.” I’d planned on sleeping.

“Why are you covering for Scott?”

“He’s out of town and he asked,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t mind.” And I needed the money.

“Of course you don’t,” Blane muttered with a sigh, glancing away.

I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

His gaze returned to me. “It means you’ve been through a lot. You look like you can barely stand because you’re so exhausted, and you must’ve lost ten pounds that you couldn’t afford to lose the past couple of weeks. You need rest, not to be covering Scott’s shifts.”

I was sorry I’d asked.

“Go home and take a nap,” Blane said, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’ll be by later and take you to dinner.”

Dinner? That sounded alarmingly like a date.

“I can’t
. . .
we shouldn’t
. . .
” I stammered.

Blane stepped even closer, halting my words and forcing me to tip my head back to see his eyes. The warm scent of him wrapped around me like a blanket. “If you’re spending your nights with Kade, I should at least get dinner, don’t you think?” The low rasp of his voice made my pulse jump.

I didn’t know what to say. I swallowed hard and nodded.

Blane smiled. “Good. Then I’ll see you tonight.” He brushed a kiss to my forehead, then moved past me into Kade’s room. The door closed behind him, leaving me alone in the hallway.

Mindful of Blane’s comments about my appearance, I made a concerted effort to buy some groceries, eat lunch, and take a nap. It pricked my vanity, the things he’d said, so I took great care as I dressed for dinner.

“It’s not a date,” I muttered to myself as I flung hanger after hanger of clothes onto my bed, discarding each outfit in turn. And yet I was as nervous as I’d been that first night when Blane had given me a lift and walked me to my door.

Finally, I settled on a deep navy dress with cap sleeves and a V-neck. The skirt was why I’d bought the dress. It ended right above my knees, but from mid-thigh down, it was made of tulle with two thin strips of fabric that wrapped around the skirt. The result was that it was kind of see-through, because of the tulle, but not tacky, because of the fabric.

The color brought out my eyes and contrasted nicely with my long hair, which I curled and left loose. As I stood in my bedroom, surveying the results in the mirror, I caught sight of my jewelry box.

I opened it, eyeing for several long moments the sapphire pendant and earrings Blane had given me. They would go much better with the dress than the gold locket I was wearing.

Hesitantly, I removed the locket, setting it carefully aside before I added the sapphire jewelry. I felt odd, as though somehow I was betraying Kade.

The doorbell rang and I shook off the feeling, slipping on a pair of navy heels before going to answer the door.

It was déjà vu, opening the door to see Blane filling the space. His suit looked as fresh and polished as it had hours earlier. Light glinted briefly off one cuff link as he pushed his fingers through his hair and smiled wide enough to show the dimple in his cheek. The white of his teeth gleamed in the dusky light.

“You look
. . .
” He shook his head, as though any adjective he might use was inadequate. His voice trailed away as his gaze swept me from head to toe and back, lingering briefly on the pendant nestled in my cleavage. Appreciation and lust gleamed in his eyes, which, I decided, was compliment enough.

“These are for you,” he said, handing me a bouquet of red roses.

Surprised, I automatically took them. It had been a long time since Blane had brought me flowers. Their heady fragrance was divine and I buried my nose in the velvety depths.

“Thank you,” I said, stepping back to let him in. I went to the kitchen and reached for the cabinet above the stove for a vase.

“Here, I’ll get it,” Blane offered, and I had to suck in a breath.

He was standing right behind me, so close I could feel the brush of his body against mine as he stretched up to retrieve the vase. My hormones kicked into high gear and I bit my lip hard. Whatever problems Blane and I had, they’d never been in the bedroom, and my body was forcefully reminding me of that fact.

Blane took his time getting the vase down, his hips pressing lightly into my backside as he moved, then he gently set the vase on the counter and took a step back. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose, or if I was imagining things.

I arranged the roses and added water to the vase before grabbing my purse.

“Ready?” Blane asked.

“Ready,” I said too brightly.

He opened the door and I stepped through, not at all sure if I was ready for my non-date with Blane.

C
HAPTER
T
WO

T
hat feeling of déjà vu got stronger as Blane took me to the first restaurant we’d ever been to together. Now, though, he knew of my distaste for stools and we were led to a booth instead of the bar area. It was on the top level in a cozy corner.

“Good evening, Mr. Kirk.”

It was even the same waiter we’d had that first time, I realized, my eyebrows climbing.

“Evening, Greg,” Blane said. “I’d like a Dewars and water, please, and the lady would like
. . .
” His eyes were on mine as he said, “The lady would like a manhattan.” The hint of a smile tugged at Blane’s lips.

“You remembered,” I said, somewhat surprised. Bourbon wasn’t usually my drink of choice, but it had been what I’d ordered that night.

“Of course I do,” Blane said, settling back in the chair. “You were suspicious of me, and wary. And every time you evaded my questions, my curiosity grew tenfold.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I retorted with a grin, blushing. “I’d seen you go through women the way you go through ties.”

“Not anymore,” he replied, his voice soft. “Not after you.”

My blush grew warmer and I had to look away from his intent gaze. Picking up the menu, I pretended to look it over, though I didn’t really read a thing printed on it.

“And just so we’re clear,” Blane said, “I’m
taking
you to dinner, so order what you want.”

He hadn’t bothered with the menu, probably because he already knew it by heart.

“You don’t have to—”

“I know I don’t have to,” Blane interrupted. “I want to.”

Greg came back with the drinks, and after a moment’s hesitation I ordered the scallops. Blane ordered a steak and added a shrimp cocktail appetizer.

Blane loved good food and when the appetizer was set between us, he dug in. I watched with too much interest as his long fingers dipped a shrimp and carried it to his mouth.

“You have to have some,” he insisted, dipping another piece and offering it to me.

I reached to take it from him, but he pulled it back.

“Uh-uh,” he said, a teasing note in his voice.

I lowered my hand and he held the morsel out again. My eyes narrowed. I didn’t think I’d ever seen Blane quite so
. . .
playful before.

Giving a mental shrug, I leaned forward and let him feed me. The cold seafood combined with the heat of the sauce on my tongue, but it seemed I barely tasted it at all, too consumed was I with how Blane was watching me.

“Did I ever tell you about when I beat up James that first time?” he asked out of the blue.

I shook my head, recalling all too clearly how furious Blane had been when he’d seen the bruise on my face from when James had hit me.

“Well
. . .
” he began, settling back again. His fingers toyed with his drink as he told me the story of ruining James’s golf outing, provoking a fight so he could kick his ass, and managing to get James thrown out of the club. By the time he’d finished the story, our entrées had arrived.

I laughed as Blane described his feigned outrage that’d had the club’s manager falling all over himself apologizing for James.

Blane kept me entertained and laughing all through dinner, ordering a bottle of wine when our cocktails were empty and making me split dessert with him. When we finally left the restaurant, I was pleasantly tipsy and in a better mood than I’d felt in weeks.

I wasn’t too steady climbing the stairs to my apartment, and Blane kept his arm locked firmly around my waist as I giggled my way to the door. When I reached it, I leaned my back against the wood with a sigh.

“I had a nice time on our non-date,” I said with a smile.

Blane braced his hands on either side of my head as he leaned into me. “Me too,” he said. His eyes gleamed in the dark, the corners of his lips tipping up ever so slightly.

His cologne was a faint trace of scent now and I inhaled greedily.

“You smell nice,” I breathed, then realized I’d said that out loud. Maybe I was a bit more than tipsy?

“So do you,” Blane replied, his body moving closer to mine. The deep timbre of his voice washed over me, doing funny things to my insides.

Blane’s tie caught my eye. It dangled between us, the knot slightly loosened at his neck. I reached up, the silk soft between my fingers, and tugged.

Blane needed no more urging and I whimpered when his lips met mine, heat flaring between us immediately. He tasted of wine and his own unique flavor. My hands pressed against the hard planes of his chest, creeping up to wind around his neck until my fingers were buried in his hair.

My mind was a complete blank, thoughts incoherent as Blane’s mouth moved to skate down my neck, nipping and sucking until my blood was on fire. I tugged at his hair and he obeyed my silent request, his lips returning to mine.

His body was pressed against me, his hands spanning my waist, and the hard length of his erection prodding my abdomen made the flesh between my thighs ache.

Light flooded the terrace and I blinked in the sudden brightness. Blane pulled back, his body protectively shielding mine as he glanced around.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Alisha said, peering out her door. Bits was in her arms. “I was just taking Bits out for his evening toodles.” Her voice said she wasn’t a bit sorry and the look she gave me had a flush creeping up my neck.

“Um, that’s okay,” I said, lightly pushing against Blane’s chest until he took a step back. I took a shaky breath, trying to regain my equilibrium.

Alisha and Bits headed down the stairs. We watched them in silence, then Blane turned back to me, his expression slightly sardonic.

“I’d better go,” he said, and I nodded.

“Thanks again for dinner,” I said, my voice a little too breathless.

“I’ll call you,” Blane said. Leaning down, his lips brushed mine again, then he was jogging down the stairs to his car. A moment later, the Jag was roaring out of the lot.

I wanted to be in my apartment before Alisha came back up, but I wasn’t quick enough.

“What the hell?” she said, rushing up the stairs. Poor Bits was dragged the last few steps. “Since when are you seeing Blane again?”

Alisha still held a grudge against Blane for breaking our engagement, not that I blamed her. She’d seen me fall apart and hers had been the shoulder I’d cried on.

“I’m not,” I protested. “Not
. . .
really.” Finally, I managed to unlock my door, but Alisha followed me inside. Bits ran to greet Tigger, who acted like he wasn’t pleased as could be to see his canine buddy.

“Did I not just see you making out with him?”

“Yeah, but we just went to dinner, and there was wine, and I dunno
. . .
” I avoided eye contact as I tossed my purse onto the kitchen table.

“So he got you drunk?” Alisha asked, appalled.

“No, of course not,” I protested. “I don’t know what’s going on. He knows I slept with Kade, but—”

“You slept with Kade?” Her voice was a near screech. “And didn’t
tell
me?”

I collapsed on the couch, laughing a little at her incredulity.

“It was in Vegas,” I explained. “After Blane and I broke up. But then he didn’t remember, so it didn’t matter, and then he did, and then he got shot.” I sighed. Recounting the recent history between Kade and me had sobered me right up. “Now Blane seems intent on making me pick him, even though I said I wouldn’t choose between him and Kade.”

I covered my face with my hands. “Oh God, what am I going to do?” I moaned.

“Don’t care,” Alisha said, plopping down next to me. “I want details.”

“Alisha!”

“Kade seems like he’d be really good, lots of stamina. Was he good?”

I laughed at the eager excitement on her face. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” I said.

“Are you kidding?” she protested. “He’s stunningly gorgeous, saved you from being blown up, and oozes sex. Of
course
I want to know how it was!”

Alisha was completely unrepentant about her avid curiosity, which made me laugh despite myself.

“It was
. . .
” I searched for the right word, images replaying inside my head of Kade and me making love in Vegas, and again in the warm sunshine of an Indiana July afternoon. “It was
. . .
the best,” I said simply, shrugging. I couldn’t help the small smile tugging at my lips.

Alisha squealed in delight, throwing her arms around me in an exuberant hug, but then she suddenly pulled back, a frown on her face.

“So then why were you making out with Blane?” she asked.

My smile melted away. “Because a long-term thing with Kade is out of the question,” I said. “The closest he ever got to it was asking me to stay with him when we were in Vegas, but then he took it back.”

“Took it back? What do you mean?”

“He said it was too dangerous for me to be around him,” I explained. “So, yeah, I’m in love with him, but what’s the point? It’s not like he proposed.”

“And Blane?”

I remembered what Blane had said outside The Drop when we’d both been afraid he was heading to jail for Kandi’s murder:
If I get out of this, if I still have a name worth giving to you, please tell me you’ll give us another chance. I can offer you more than Kade ever can or will.

“Blane still wants to marry me,” I said. “I think. Maybe.”

“Is that what you want?”

I thought about it. Part of me longed to settle down, build a home, a family, a life. But the other part of me wavered in indecision, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I didn’t think I was ready for that, or if I didn’t know who I wanted to settle down with.

“I don’t know,” I finally answered. “I don’t want to choose between them. It just seems wrong. They’re brothers.”

Kade wasn’t exactly a “settle down” kind of guy. Would being with him mean I’d have to give up having a family? Kids? But then again, I had to remember that he hadn’t offered me anything. Despite all we’d shared with each other in the darkened hospital room, future plans had not been discussed.

Whereas Blane had been clear about a future with him. He wanted to get married and start a family. When I’d apologized months ago for a pregnancy scare, he’d simply smiled and replied,
I wasn’t scared.

Alisha sighed, sitting back against the couch and staring off into space like I was.

“Well, we could make a list of pros and cons?” she said, making it a question.

I turned and looked at her.

“It was just a suggestion,” she muttered. She thought for a moment. “I guess it comes down to
. . .
who you love more, doesn’t it?”

“I’m not choosing,” I said again.

We sat in contemplative silence for a few minutes, then Alisha stood.

“Well, I don’t have to tell you who I’d pick,” she said with a snort. “And as captivating as the soap opera of your life has become, I’ve still got to get to bed. Let me know if you need anything.” She gathered Bits in her arms while I stood, then gave me a hug. I walked her to the door.

“Love you,” she called as she left.

“Love you, too,” I replied, closing and locking the door behind her.

I cleaned the makeup off my face, brushed my teeth, and ran a brush through my hair. After changing into pajamas of knit shorts and a tank, I crawled into bed.

As tired as I was, though, I couldn’t sleep. I watched the minutes tick by on the clock, my mind refusing to quiet. I was doing my best to ignore the voice in the back of my head that was insistent on wanting to see Kade.

It was after midnight when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and my pulse leapt as I answered it.

“Did I wake you?” Kade asked.

“No. Can’t sleep.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” I lied. I closed my eyes so I could concentrate on the sound of his voice in my ear.

“Are you boycotting the hospital?” he asked.

I frowned, unsure what he meant. “No
. . .
”

“Because I haven’t seen you today.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I
. . .
I know you need to rest, so you can get better, and I didn’t want to come by tonight and wake you again.”

“You’re lying.”

I didn’t reply. I never could get a lie past him, so there was no sense denying it.

“Why aren’t you here really?” he asked. “And don’t lie to me, because I’ll know.”

I sighed. There was no hiding it. I might as well just tell him and let the chips fall where they may. “Because I was out to dinner with Blane tonight,” I confessed, flopping onto my back. “And it felt
. . .
wrong for me to see him, then come see you.”

Kade was quiet for a moment while I held my breath. Would he be angry?