Pole Position (32 page)

Going back to Mum and Dad’s was hard. It’d never been my home as such, so I knew I’d always be a lodger with them. They were delighted at first, especially to see Danny and Colette with me, and then alarmed when I told them I’d split up with Jon.

Mum whispered in corners with Colette, while Danny whispered in corners with Dad.

I felt like laughing with the endless stupidity of everything. What was the bloody point of it? Without Jon, it felt as though one of my limbs was missing.

I saw no point in getting up, bathing, or dressing in clean clothes. All I wanted to do was sleep. I pulled the covers over my head and stayed in bed. At some point, I’d have to sort out stabling for Sam, but for now, I couldn’t think about anything.

I’d been in Houston almost two weeks when I stopped work and thought about everything. I had an afternoon and evening to myself, and I decided to go for a drive. I missed my ‘Vette. The Pontiac Saloon I rented was huge and boring in comparison, but it was a set of wheels. With my iPod playing the Foos, of course, I set off toward the desert. I loved the highways in America, the length and endlessness of them, and I drove pretty much in a straight line until my eyes ached. I stopped for fuel at a gas station, and I bought a coffee.

My longing for Anita remained intense. Two weeks of absence, with zero contact, was more than I could manage. It wasn’t an option to contemplate the rest of my life without her.

So as I sat there, drinking coffee and staring into nowhere, I made plans. Dad always maintained if you wanted something badly enough, you could get it. Well, I wanted her more than anything. I just had to work out how.

Jordan said it was all about choices. He’d given up his highflying career for the woman he loved. He didn’t regret it.

The choice was simple really. Did I want the life I had now, or the life with Anita in it?

I had to tell my parents, although I think they already had a pretty good idea. I waited until their solitary guest checked out on Friday night, a week after I arrived, and I sat down and told them. Dad was furious with Jon. Mum was shocked and worried. But they were great, as I knew they’d be.

Moving back with them was the best thing, they insisted. Mum would help me look after the baby, and this was a perfect place to bring up a child. Dad even started plans to build a train set in the attic. I had lots to think about, and even more to arrange, but having made these first steps I’d now take my time and do it slowly.

I bumped into Kate one day while I wandered aimlessly around Holyhead. I suppose it had to happen eventually. She looked delighted to see me, gave me a quick hug in the street, and asked me straight away about Jon. Even hearing his name hurt. I looked away and muttered that we’d finished. I expected her to say something bland and walk away, but that wasn’t her style. Instead, she pulled me into the nearest café and ordered hot chocolates.

“I have to say, Anita, you look like shit.”

I managed a ghost of a smile. “I’ve felt better.”

“We haven’t heard from Jon for ages, and he hasn’t updated his blog for weeks. We just thought you were busy.”

I played with the drink, toying with my spoon. “Kate, I never really had the chance to thank you, you know, for helping Jon. You and Jordan, you saved his life. I will always be grateful.”

She gave me a narrow-eyed gaze. “You’re still in love with him.”

I laughed, it came out sounding slightly hysterical. “Is it so obvious?”

“So what happened? What has he done now?”

“He hasn’t done anything. It was my decision. I can’t live the life he does.”

She raised her eyebrows in a silent question, and I sagged in my seat. After weeks of carrying everything inside me, I wanted to let some of it go.

“I can’t sit there and watch him race again, not now. Not when I’ve seen how dangerous it is. Every time he goes on the track I’ll be freaking out and wondering if I’ll ever see him again.” I swallowed hard. “It’s destroying me.”

“If you don’t mind me saying, living
without
him appears to be destroying you.”

“Please, Kate, I can’t talk about it.” I trembled like a rose bush in a gale.

She sighed, and squeezed my hands. “For time immemorial, women have watched their men go out and do dangerous things. Whether it’s hunting a woolly mammoth, or going off to war, it’s what they do. And when we love them, we grab the time we have and make the most of it.”

She paused, and gave my hands another squeeze. “Look, I just want you to know, we’re here for you too. Are you staying at your mum’s at the moment?”

I nodded.

“Please come and visit us. Poppy would love to see you again. Or we could come to you?” She gave me a smile. “You have my number, so phone me. If you don’t, I’ll ring you.”

I didn’t know where to look. “Why are you doing this? You’re a friend of Jon’s.” My voice stumbled over his name.

She cocked her head slightly on one side. “I’d like to think we could be friends too. And I could be wrong, but I think you could do with a friend right now.”

I had a plan and I’d been busy. I’d finalized my divorce, and the paperwork would be through any day now. My ‘Vette had been part of the deal, but in the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter in the slightest. I’d made an offer on the house near Bryn Dinas, and that had been accepted. I’d been looking at engagement rings and was baffled at the choices. I selected a silver ring with tiny diamonds set along the edge. I’d no idea if it would fit, but she had slim fingers. Long, golden fingers with short, neat nails. She never wore nail polish. I’d never seen her wear any jewelery.

There was some good news, the first in ages. Pedro had woken from the coma. It looked as though he hadn’t suffered any brain damage, but he still had a long way to go. It gave me hope.

I worked round the clock with Dad, covered off everything I needed to do and booked my flight home a week early. Everything was in place. If this didn’t work, God help me.

Things were strangely quiet without Anita. I phoned her every few days, and sent her funny little text messages, but rarely heard back from her.

Danny and I were on our way out one evening, and the taxi was late. He’d forgotten to charge his phone so he borrowed mine to chase the taxi. As he scrolled through my list of contact numbers, he paused and stared at me.

“You have Jon’s number?”

“Yes, what of it?”

“You frustrating woman, you’ve had Jon’s number all this time and you never said?”

I was annoyed. “Hey, less of that! Why would you want his number?”

He turned and kissed me on the lips. “I’m sorry. You are a beautiful, gorgeous, sexy woman. But I’d no idea you had his number. I need to ring him.”

I tried to grab my phone back. “Oh no you don’t. We promised Anita, remember?”

He annoyingly held it out of my reach then went and locked himself in the bathroom. I heard the rumble of his voice as I banged fruitlessly on the door.

I stood at the airport, waiting to go through the gate and board my flight back to Manchester when two text messages popped up on my phone. The first was from Jordan:

Hey. Kate saw Anita, we know you guys split up. Really sorry to hear this. Gimme a call when you have 5 mins. Jordan

The second was from Colette:

I need 2 spk 2 U. Ring me ASAP.

The steward at the gate beckoned me forward, but I hung back. This would have to be quick. I dialed Colette’s number, and it was answered straight away, by Danny. My heart sank. “This is Jon, did Colette just text me?”

“No it was me. Don’t hang up, we need to talk.”

I stepped back from the line and watched as the other passengers filtered through to board the flight. “I’m just getting on a plane back to Manchester. Is Anita okay?”

There was a pause. “If you’re on the way back, call in. You know where to find me.”

“What about Anita?”

“It’s
about
her. She’s not good, but I think you can fix her.”

The steward eyed me, his lips pursed. I’d be the last passenger to board. I gave him a wooden smile and stepped forward one pace. “Tell me, Danny, for fuck’s sake!”

“It can wait. Believe me, this will be easier face-to-face.”

He hung up on me, and I stared at the phone. Was he completely unable to end a conversation in the usual way?
She’s not good
. What the fuck did that mean? My nerves ran riot.

As I finally walked through the gate, I quickly replied to Jordan’s text.

On my way back to UK now. I’ll call you from Manchester. Thx.

Some arsehole was ringing the doorbell at daft o’clock in the morning. I glared at my watch. It was six thirty on a Saturday. I nudged Danny. “
Babe
. Someone’s at the door.”

He just grunted and rolled over, dragging me back under the covers. Marvelous. I slithered out from under him, tugged on my bathrobe and staggered down the stairs. My thighs complained loudly. We’d only been asleep a few hours after shagging most of the night. I shouted to the person at the door to shut up. They now had their finger continuously on the bell.

“What do you want?” I roared as I ripped the door open. The noise stopped.

It was Jon. I blinked, bleary-eyed in case this was just a dream.

“Morning, Colette.” He gave me a tiny, tired smile. For once, I was speechless. “Danny’s expecting me. Can I come in?”

What the fuck
? I’d no idea what he was talking about, but for Chrissake, it was Jon on our doorstep. I thought he was still thousands of miles away. I squealed with belated delight and rushed to hug him. He bent down, and hugged me back.

“I’ll thank you to put my fiancée down.” Danny clumped down the stairs behind me. I glanced back at him, but he smiled in welcome.

“Fiancée?” Jon looked surprised and pleased all at the same time, and then to my amazement, reached out to shake Danny’s hand. “Congratulations, I mean it. I’m glad you two are okay now.”

“Thanks to you. I hope to try to repay that debt today.”

We sat round the kitchen table. Where else? Danny brewed coffee while I tried not to stare at Jon. He looked awful. Although he was tanned, probably from being in Texas for the past few weeks, he had huge shadows under his eyes and furrows of worry lines across his handsome face. He looked thin, tired, and incredibly stressed.

Danny placed a mug of coffee in front of him, and he wrapped his fingers around it. He took a sip, and then looked directly at Danny. “Go on.”

“Hang on, Danny, what is this?” I had to interrupt. “You’re not going to tell him?”

“Tell me what!”

“Yes, Colette, I’m going to tell him.”

“But you can’t.” I was practically dancing in my agitation. “We promised. We
swore
.”

He gave me a kiss. “I have to.”

“
For fuck’s sake
. What’s going on with Anita?” Jon banged on the table to get our attention.

Danny smiled at me and then turned back to Jon, who now paced up and down like a caged lion.

“Well? Tell me for God’s sake.”

Danny took a deep breath. “I betrayed Anita’s trust before, and I was bang out of order. So now, when I do it again, it’s to put right my earlier wrong. I’m doing it for the right reasons.”

Jon and I both stared at him, puzzled. Jon scratched at his stubbled chin, a man badly in need of a shave.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means she made us promise not to tell you why she left you. But you need to know.”

Jon sat on the edge of his seat. His eyes never left Danny’s face. “I’ve come back to try to persuade her to change her mind. I’ve bought her a ring and now my divorce is through, I’m going to beg her to marry me. When you called, I was just about to get on the flight back here.” He paused a moment, as though considering what to say. “Are you going to tell me she has someone else? Am I wasting my time?”

“No, mate.” Danny reached across the table and put his hand on Jon’s shirtsleeve. “She’s pregnant. You’re going to be a father.”

Jon just stared at him. It was as though Danny had spoken in Swahili, he didn’t seem to understand the words.

“She ran away because she was frightened of forcing you into parenthood so soon. She thought you’d feel tied down and would resent her. Apparently you don’t want kids yet.”

I watched Jon intently. He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes shining.

“Why couldn’t she just tell me?” His voice came out as a croak.

“What would you have said?” I broke into the silence.

“Said?” He stared back at me. “I don’t know. But I wouldn’t have walked away from her.” A hint of a smile appeared. “Pregnant. A baby. No shit.” Suddenly he looked panicky. “So where is she? Not here? She’s not getting rid of it?”

“No, she’s keeping it.” Danny’s calm seemed to help. “She’s at her parents’. We moved her back there last week.”

“Of course.” Jon muttered to himself. “That’s where she saw Kate.” He slumped in his seat, and a massive yawn appeared. “Shit, I’m tired.” He closed his eyes briefly, and then stood up. He looked unsteady on his feet. “Thanks, both of you. I’d better get going.”

He flashed us a smile. It reminded me of his glorious smiles, the ones that had captivated Anita.

Danny grinned lazily, unbothered that he’d broken Anita’s promise. “How are you getting there?”

Jon looked surprised, and yawned again. “Uh, I’ve got a taxi waiting. I’ll go and sort out a car. If I set off now—”

“If you set off now, you’ll be asleep at the wheel before you get off the M56. Sit down, and finish your coffee. We’ll drive you there, and you can get your beauty sleep on the way, Pretty Boy.” There was no edge to his nickname this time, and Jon snorted with something like amusement. Danny turned back to me and gave me a quick kiss. “Go and get dressed, babe, we’re leaving as soon as you’re ready.”