Powder of Sin (33 page)

“What you remember is…” He cleared his throat. “But
what I want to know is”—and he seemed at a loss for words—“not
about the library. At the end of the night. You were angry with me.
I expect you do recall that anger, because this morning you seemed
to have picked up where you left off when you came into this room.
Your air of ‘to what do I owe the honor, Mr. Reed.’ What I wonder
is, do you recall berating me just before I left you in your
bedroom?”

She shook her head.

He sighed. “Then I’m going to have to go out on a
limb and saw it off after myself. Last night I understood why I was
angry about how the powder affected you. I wanted it to be real for
you. The day before…oh, that was lovely, Rosalie. When we made
love, it was wonderful, do you understand? Too horribly, amazingly
wonderful, that day. And it seemed as if I had offended you or it
really hadn’t mattered to you. I didn’t want to know which it was,
Rosalie. I didn’t understand my own thinking, but now I believe I
couldn’t afford to discover you were indifferent. I think it would
have destroyed me.”

She pushed to the end of the seat, leaned forward.
“Mr. Reed. Gideon. You are gibbering.”

He nodded. “Yes, I know. You have to understand, I’m
not very practiced at this…this…sort of talk.”

“What sort of talk?”

He glowered. “Love. Passion. That sort. I love you,
Rosalie Ambermere. And I was hoping you’d recall mentioning in
passing that you love me, because I’m a coward and didn’t want to
be the first to speak, but here I am. Saying it. Forgive me. I love
you. I am entirely in love with you. And it’s not only because you
were so beautiful in the library.” He went on as if arguing with
her. “I like you too. It’s not just the bloody…”

“Chemicals,” she finished for him. “You do harp on
about that. But what if it is just chemistry? What does it
signify?” She sighed. “I have had the example of two parents who
had no idea how to love properly, so that no one gets hurt, but I
still believe love, the good sort, exists. I know it does. And I
don’t give a darn if it’s caused by poison or magic or electrical
currents. Its existence is enough.”

“Yes,” he said softly. “Amazing, isn’t it?” He
pulled her to her feet. “Does this mean you remember saying you
love me?”

She shook her head and didn’t speak, punishing him a
little.

His back went ramrod stiff, with arms still and
straight at his side. She wondered again if he’d ever served as a
soldier. That was one more thing to discover. And she still had
more to learn about his family.

He spoke through stiff lips. “Rosalie. I know that
our mutual attraction took us too far the other day in the library.
As for last night, I take any blame for that episode. Well. If I’ve
made a fool of myself and taken—”

She couldn’t let him suffer. “I don’t remember
saying the words. But yes, you idiot, I do love you. I think I have
since that first day you glared at me. No, not a word about the
chemicals between men and women. I fell in love at first sight, and
don’t talk me out of it, Gideon.” She hadn’t thought she had a
romantic bone in her body, and now she realized she’d fallen in
love with the way he’d held a teacup in her parlor. Was that
romance or silliness? She didn’t care. She only knew it was
true.

He let out a long sigh and pulled her into his arms.
“Jesus. I’m so glad you’re more levelheaded than I am.”

“Me? You’re the one who kept the disaster in check
last night.”

“I am tipped onto my back like a tortoise,” he said
firmly. “Thrashing about, unable to get a proper grip on things.
You did that to me. Knocked me onto my, ah, apex. I was a
frightened and flailing idiot. It’s a jolly good thing you’re
sensible and can forgive me.”

“I don’t think there is much to forgive, you know.
But if you want to apologize, go ahead. It’s traditional to kiss in
these situations.”

The light touch of mouths was too much.

“Mr. Reed, I need you to understand that whatever we
do together—you and I—you promise not to groan and despair and
judge. Because even now that the effect of the powder is gone, I
remember that I wanted things. I still want them.”

“Things?” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he
grinned at her.

“Yes.” She was breathless now and entirely her
mother’s daughter. “Lewd, terrible things. Yet I think I need them,
and I won’t allow anyone to tell me they are lewd and
terrible.”

“Even though they are exactly that?”

“Yes.” She waited.

He must have understood his answer mattered, for the
smile was gone, and he pulled in a deep breath. “Here is what I
believe, sweet Rosalie. Nothing two people do together is terrible
unless it causes pain.” His smile returned. “Unwanted pain, I
mean.”

She picked up his hand and kissed his wrist. And
then his bare fingers. “So you won’t mind if…”

“No. No. We have so much to do, and this isn’t the
proper… Oh. Rosalie. Rosalie.”

She removed her mouth. “At least it’s not the
library.”

He straightened and walked away from her, toward the
door. She sank to the floor and remembered quite clearly the last
time they’d been on the floor. Yes. She wrapped her arms around her
knees and waited.

“I love that library,” he said huskily. And with a
flick of his fingers, he locked the door. He left the key in the
lock so no one would be able to see in. No doubt Beels was
listening.

When he returned, he sank down on the floor to kneel
next to her. “Are you sore? I wasn’t gentle last night.”

“Aching. But I want you.”

“I want you too.”

She glanced at the door he’d locked. “A half hour.
No one would begrudge us.”

“Even if they would, we’ll steal it. Mine,” he
added. He reached around and began to unhook the back of her gown.
He leaned close to her face so she could feel the puffs of breath
on her mouth as he spoke.

He carefully removed her corset and petticoats, then
pulled back and gazed at her belly, traced the bones of her hips
with a forefinger. “This line is the most lovely thing I’ve ever
seen, other than this one.” He kissed her breast and touched its
curve under the damp chemise.

“What would you have done if I’d said no?”

“Laid siege. I would stay in New York to at least
fight a battle. And make sure at the very least you didn’t end up
with a nincompoop.”

“I’m not certain I can stay here. My mother talked
briefly of returning to England. She would require my
companionship.”

“Splendid.”

“But perhaps I’d rather go somewhere quiet. I’ve
dreamed of Long Island.”

“Perfect.”

She pushed back the usual stray tendril of hair and
stared at him.

“Although I do think there might be fascinating
places to explore in the West.”

“Absolutely.”

“And then there’s the moon,” she said.

His eyes gleamed. “Perhaps too exotic. But if you
insist.”

“Don’t you care at all?”

He appeared to consider the question carefully and
rubbed his chin. “I would need to find a job. So I think a deserted
island or the moon has fewer opportunities.”

She wondered how to phrase it so his manly pride
wasn’t hurt. And then it occurred to her that he hadn’t actually
offered marriage. He was not like Clermont, but perhaps he didn’t
want to be married to her, only conduct a love affair. Rather like
one of her mother’s intrigues, only longer lasting.

“You’re so silent and grim,” he said. “Why?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve proposed…”

He gave her a hungry kiss. “Didn’t we clear this up
already? No?”

He grabbed her hand. “You’re right. I forgot that
detail. Marry me, Rosalie, or else.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Yes. Marry me, or I shall lead a dreary existence
without love. I would say sordid and dissipated, but I don’t think
I’d manage that way of life very well.”

“Very well. I’ll save you—and me too,” she said.

His smile was beautiful. How could she have missed
how lovely he looked when he smiled?

“But, Gideon.” This was when she had to step
carefully. “If—When we marry, you won’t need to work. I’m very
wealthy, you know.”

His grin faded. “I don’t think I want to be your
dependent, and thank goodness we live in an enlightened age in
which you and everything you own won’t simply fall into my hands as
if you were a possession.”

“You aren’t like my father. I’m not sure I’d mind if
you laid claim to all my wealth.”

“Yes, you would. I would too. We’re both
strong-minded, Rosalie. Your stubbornness is one reason I love
you.” Gideon stood, hauling her up from the floor with him. He
backed into a chair and pulled her onto his lap. “I’m magnanimous
and shall forgive you for being wealthy and wellborn, Rosalie. And
beautiful and intelligent.”

“Thank you, but I’m not sure I forgive you for being
silly about the money and just—just
use
it.”

“All right. I agree to try not to be silly and to
try to spend every shilling.”

“Every cent,” she corrected. “But England. Will we
buy passage on a ship to go meet Edgar, Elizabeth, Mabel, Richard,
Virginia, and Jacob?”

His eyes widened. “You remember their names?”

“Yes, of course.” She settled more comfortably on
his lap and gave a subtle push against the hardness that was
forming against her bottom. He moved and she followed, rubbing a
little more.

“Fine. We will meet my family, but I’d better rush
you to a registrar. You might change your mind about marrying me
once you meet them. No, once you get a letter from Elizabeth.”

“She’ll write? To me?”

“Oh yes. Pages and pages covered with stories about
what a rotten child I was.” His fond smile made her ache for the
affection he shared with his family. She suddenly grew worried.

“Gideon, will they like me? Will Elizabeth?”

“She’ll love you.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because I love you.”

“It’s that easy?”

“Yes. I’ve been wrong for weeks. Love is that
simple.”

She believed him.

Her mother was willing to go on the calls, but
Rosalie decided that Deirdre would do better staying at home,
distributing bribes to all the servants. She was a lady, which
impressed them—not to mention she was generally kind to the help.
Beels was the only one who would never forgive her, but there was
no need to bribe him anyway. He was the soul of discretion. Rosalie
would simply find a way to slip him a large bonus soon.

Dr. Leonard agreed to go with Rosalie and Gideon to
visit the guests who’d eaten the terrapin soup. He arrived at her
door wearing the look of a man who’d had a few too many drinks the
night before. The subdued, quiet air was far more appropriate for
their errand than his usual exuberance. He rode on horseback, and
Gideon and Rosalie took a small barouche.

They called upon each house to apologize and answer
any questions. People had remarkably few. And when they arrived at
Mr. Wentworth’s house, they found him entertaining Mrs. Lark.

The twenty years’ difference didn’t seem to
matter.

While Rosalie and Gideon drank a cup of coffee with
Mr. Wentworth, who was as dry and formal as ever, the doctor took
the lady aside to discuss possible consequences. She had never
borne any children, yet her courses had not ceased.

As they left the house, the doctor reported that
Mrs. Lark knew what she’d done and she knew with whom. “They’d come
together to discuss the matter like sensible people,” he said.
“Apparently neither ate very much of the soup. Just enough. She’s
delighted. He’s resigned, I think. Though to what, I don’t know. I
can’t imagine they’d marry.”

They made their last call on the family in which
every member had come under the influence of the soup.

Miss Maggie’s parents had decided to go to their
home on Cape May for at least a month. They seemed a little dazed
but sat next to each other on the sofa, holding hands as they
listened to Rosalie’s apologies. They didn’t appear angry, only
afraid for their daughter, which made Rosalie feel sick with
guilt.

The doctor begged their hosts’ pardon, and he
ushered Rosalie and Gideon out of the room.

“Give me a few minutes. I’m going to make them feel
better,” he whispered as he began to close the door. “A private
consultation.”

Rosalie protested in a low voice. “They no longer
feel the effects of the soup. They said they’re fine today.”

He glanced over his shoulder and whispered again,
“I’m going to tell them I examined their daughter and her virtue is
intact.”

When Gideon and Rosalie returned to the sitting
room, there was no doubt the doctor’s effort had paid off. Maggie’s
parents looked relieved. Their smiles were real, and they stopped
talking about fleeing the city. They even made joking reference to
inviting Rosalie to dinner to taste their cook’s soup recipe.

At last, Maggie was invited to join them all. She
seemed delighted to see the doctor and blushed prettily as he bowed
over her hand and murmured something in her ear.

When they left the house, Dr. Leonard had a spring
to his step.

“I didn’t know you’d examined her last night,”
Rosalie said cautiously. “I mean, I don’t recall you doing that
sort of examination.”

“I didn’t. But I think she’s intact. And I know
she’s likely not impregnated. Besides, I’m going to marry that
girl,” the doctor declared. “No need to worry if she’s still a
virgin.”

“What will you tell your maid?”

He looked surprised. “Why would I have any reason to
consult with her?” After saying good-bye, he swung onto the saddle
and flapped the reins, urging his horse into a fast trot. He was
eager to get back to his laboratory and experiment with the
breathing apparatus.

“Poor Maggie,” Reed said as the doctor rode
away.