Praefatio: A Novel (22 page)

As we faced one another, I waited for him to tell me what was on his mind. He already knew what was on mine. Conversations between angels went a lot faster when our minds were open to one another.

“I’m glad you liked your gifts. I enjoyed selecting them for you. In fact you were all I could think about while I was gone.” Gavin held my hand in the air to examine my fingers, one by one. He put his arm around me, then put his legs up on the ottoman. Despite his declarations, he never did tell me where he’d been. I rested my head in the comfort of his shoulder, where it was so warm I could have fallen asleep. The yawn I failed to stifle escaped.

“I just wish you hadn’t left me here alone.”

“I’m sorry, Grace. It’s been a while since we’ve had a human in the house—well, one we planned to have stay human, that is.” His apologetic tone held a hint of concern. He lowered his feet from the ottoman, sat forward, and looked toward the door as if bolting right then was a better idea than talking to me. But Gavin’s feet remained planted. I hated that he seemed so conflicted about me, his half-human girlfriend. Was I even his girlfriend? He’d never even asked me out. Not in any kind of normal, human, official way.

“I guess it would be better with Emeria?” I blurted out before I could take it back. What else could I have done? He knew I was consumed with thoughts of jealousy, and did nothing to stop it, to comfort me, to convince me that I had no reason to be.

Gavin’s body stiffened at my words. He stood and approached the door. I remained seated, staring as he leaned against the doorway and shoved a hand into the right front pocket of his jeans. He looked tortured and gorgeous.

“I will never forgive myself for that. I wanted so much to be with you. I was weak and afraid, and she knew it. Can you ever forgive me?”

I wanted to. I needed to know the answer to one question, but didn’t have the courage to ask. So I took the coward’s way out and thought it.

Gavin leaned his head against the door and sighed heavily. He looked pained. “I never slept with her. I … we … made out. That’s it. I swear. I know LJ wants you to think Emeria and I did more than that, but I swear that’s
all
we ever did.” Gavin lowered his head as if his shoes held the meaning of life.

When I didn’t speak, because I couldn’t, he looked at me, and that’s when it happened. Thanks to LJ, I read between the lines of what Gavin had said, what he was afraid to say. The great, sexy Gavin Vault was an honest-to-goodness fake. He’d never actually had sex with anyone. Not Emeria, not that girl who claimed he was the father of her baby, or that grown woman who said he’d forced himself on her at an industry party, or that woman who was his tutor for like five months, who’d said she and Gavin had been an item and she only kept it secret because he had been underage.

The groupies, the girls, the panties on stage, the sex stories in the magazines, tour bus, all of it: lies. Gavin was telling the truth. It made him more attractive than he had ever been to me. Gavin, sexiest man alive. Virgin. Imagine that.

The energy between us was like foreplay, not that I knew what that was like. I met his intense look and did not resist when he crossed the room, took my hand, and led me from the sitting room to the bedroom. It was nearly impossible to walk and kiss at the same time, but we made it work. I’d been too distracted by his hands and mouth and my own thoughts to realize how eager he was to reach the bed. As much as I wanted to be with him, I wasn’t ready to make full use of my bed. My bed.
When did I claim it?
I’d never even slept in it.

The bed, covered in 2000-thread-count cream-colored cotton linens imported from Italy, looked like it was dressed for a magazine shoot. I ran my fingers along the braided gold trim of the overstuffed pillows. They sprawled across the bed as if they owned it—fat, lush, and gorgeous—daring anyone to move them from their place atop the luxurious mattress. The softness only reinforced my exhaustion.

Gavin scooped me into his arms and placed me gently on the bed. It was like being embraced by a cloud of cotton balls. He leaned in and inhaled deeply. Then he kissed me with the thirst of someone long deprived.

My mind and body betrayed one another, sparring ferociously under some very intense conditions. For a while, it was unclear which would emerge victorious. Gavin was quite convincing.
You need to take a step back and figure out what you really want, what you are even doing here
, so said the mind.
But we don’t have time for that. We’ve never been kissed like this. We can’t stop now
, so said the body.

As I considered my eventual defeat, it occurred to me that my enhanced senses, meant to make me a more effective angel, were useless in situations such as this.

Take the sheets, for example. The 2000-thread-count cotton sheets, imported from Italy were really, really soft and very smooth, and so I slid a lot. There was a lot of accidental sliding going on. And the whole zipper thing. Why are zippers so noisy anyway? The entire act of unzipping something, pants for example, or the pop, or rather the unpopping, of buttons. Why does it all have to be so noisy? It was an unfair assault on my previously lazy senses.

Seriously, I did the best I could at the time, for a mere human. Yes. I played the “human” card.

“Wait.” I fought for breath. “Gavin, please. Wait.”
Think of something before he kisses you again
. This was an opportunity to reposition things and put other things back inside of my clothing where they belonged.
Think. He’s about to kiss you so deeply that …
“And how is it that you are able to be all … up and around during the day … you know … being a vampire and all?” That was the best I could do.

I quickly adjusted myself underneath him. He shifted his weight, then sighed.

“Grace, I am not a vampire.” He dismissed my notion as if it were the silliest thing he’d heard in ages. He may have even been a bit angry as evidenced by his brows all stuck together.
Any
human would have assumed the same thing.
If it walks like a duck …

I sat straight up in the bed, inadvertently pushing him off me. “What?” I could have used expletives, but I was raised better than that.

“I’m not a vampire. I thought I explained that to you earlier. And I’m
not
one of the original Fallen who were cursed by
Praefatio
, in case that was your
next
question. They Fell because they chose humans above The Divine One; ironic, since I ended up Falling for a
human
girl.” Gavin spoke with bitterness and disgust. He ran a hand through his hair and looked as if he’d swallowed a fish or something.

“I’m sorry.” My voice was quiet. Mistaking a boy with fangs for a vampire was such an amateur mistake.

“I was a High Angel, just like you. I Fell because of you,” he continued in a soft voice, like velvet, smooth, almost hypnotic, not obnoxious like the actual words that were coming out of his mouth. “A vampire is a
human
made immortal by an angel or another vampire. But, Grace, a vampire
can
be killed, if you know how. It is not possible for an angel to die unless The Divine One himself takes the life he gave.” He flipped his hair and blinked slowly, inviting me in. He could not have been sexier.

Gavin Fell … to be with me. I kept turning his words over in my head. Regardless of their order, they made no sense. It reminded me of what my mom had told me about my birth mother, Rosa. Water spilled out onto my cheeks and down my neck in complete disregard for my desire not to appear weak in front of him. “Why … would you do that?” My voice faltered under the weight of the question.

“It was the only way I could be with you. Of course, neither my father nor brother saw it that way, but that doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you and I are together.” Gavin cradled me.

As if I was going to let him get away with that.
Brother?

“Gavin, I don’t understand. Is there something you’re not telling me? What are you not telling me?” I tried to read between the lines. I hadn’t heard anyone mention Gavin’s brother until now. I got the feeling I wasn’t going to like whatever it was he wasn’t going to tell me.

Gavin looked up at the ceiling as if there were answers there, like a script he could read from. “I never understood the fascination with humans. Quite frankly, I found them annoying. ‘Why can’t we eat from the Tree? Why must we keep our hands to ourselves? Are we really expected not to eat pork?’” he added with even more disgust than before that unleashed a massive wave of tears from me again. But this time, Gavin let me cry. No comforting hugs, or kisses or wiping of tears.

LJ had been right all along. This wasn’t love at all, but rather some kind of cruel joke. Gavin detested humans. He hated that I was human. He only loved me because it was pre-determined. He had no choice in the matter. I could have been a goat. I stared blankly at the wall, afraid of what he would say next.

“A goat? Really, Grace. And hate? I don’t hate. It’s a wasted, human emotion. All you need to know is that I did what I had to in order for us to be together. And now that we are, we should be happy.”

Poor Gavin. All that enthusiasm wasted. I think my face was green.

“And yes. If you had been purposed to be a centaur, I would be dating one right now. Neigh,” he teased as he leaned down to kiss my nose. And just like that, Kind Gavin was back.

But I wasn’t laughing. I lept from bed, landing harder than I expected to, wings instinctively outstretched. Gavin jumped back, wings cradling his body in defense, as if I were about to attack him.

It was my turn to speak. “Let me get this straight.” Gavin’s back stiffened. “You’re so noble that you Fell to be with me just like my selfless mother, who by the way hasn’t bothered to make contact with me, um,
ever
.” I allowed my anger to grow, encouraged it. “And you’re not gonna tell me exactly how it affected your relationship with your family because you’d rather make out? Or don’t you think I deserve to know?”

Gavin relaxed his face and body. Not the reaction I’d expected. His look was that of someone staring at a sick puppy through a store window. I stood, hands on hips, and tried my best to appear badass, intimidating, and not the least bit upset.

“That’s tantrum number one. Will there be more today?” His eyes hinted green.

I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. He hadn’t yet seen me throw a tantrum.

“Not if you answer my questions.” I tried a softer approach. “You Fell because of me. Why?” My tone was suspicious, maybe even a little accusing, as I waited for his.

Gavin sighed an empty sigh as if all hope was lost. “You’ve not been paying attention at all, have you?” He paused, then winced as if in physical pain. “Grace, when it was decided that
you
would be the one to fulfill the prophecy, I was devastated. I knew I couldn’t live without you, so I asked to come to earth so I could fulfill my purpose: to be with you. Only, you were going to be human, and to love a human is death for us.”

He didn’t need to continue. It felt like someone had dropped a coconut on my head and then stabbed me in the heart.

“But you knew I’d become an angel eventually. Seventeen years is nothing to angels. Why didn’t you wait?”

A long sigh fell from his mouth, and nothing else. Gavin looked as if I’d punched him in the gut, and if I’m not mistaken, I think I saw him tearing up. But his expression quickly changed. He forced his lips into a smile.

“As if I could wait a minute longer than I needed to.” Gavin eased over to me and cautiously pulled me into his arms. “Ceasefire?”

I kind of hated the way he always deflected by trying to charm me with his, his … I couldn’t think straight as he began to kiss me, softly at first, from the base of neck to just behind my ear. I grabbed at the floor lamp to steady myself against his weight. He kept moving toward me, consuming me as he went. The lamp crashed to the floor as I let go of it, unable to control my own body.

Gavin moved his attention to my jawline—all the way across to my chin, then up to my lower lip. I inhaled, and it was at that moment that he closed his lips around mine and pressed his body against me hard enough for me to hit the wall with an urgent thud. Gavin grabbed my chin in his hand, then looked at me. I examined his ever-changing eyes and long eyelashes. He blinked slowly, then moved his hand to my throat, rubbing his thumb across it. His hand moved up around to the back of my neck. He pulled my head back just slightly and kissed me again, slower, deeper this time. It was as if he was trying to extract my soul from my body.

I was lost, overcome, unable to find my way out of the delicious abyss of Gavin Vault. I threw my arms around him, and as we sank to the floor, the unthinkable happened.

My stomach growled. Loudly.

What the Devil?

I ate in silence and Gavin watched, as if it was sport.

I pointed my fork at Gavin while I spoke. “So this whole time, everything, all of it, everyone has been in on it: my parents and Remi being angels, me being betrothed to you, my twin sister hating me, my birth mom out there somewhere, and some really evil beings wishing me dead. Everyone knew, except me.” Suddenly it was easy to say.

Gavin ran his fingers through his hair. “Seriously Grace, what is Arcturus’s purpose if not to teach you?” Gavin looked at me suspiciously, then sat all the way back in his chair. “As much as you may want to reminisce about your days spent as a human girl, those days are over.”

“Gavin.” When I interrupted him, his eyebrows arched in protest. “I’m only asking for clarification. There’s no need to talk to me like that. You’ve all had years to deal with this. I think I deserve a break, some time to process.”

Gavin had a lot to learn about humans. My needs went beyond food, sleep, and a hot bath. I put my hand on his, and felt the tension in his body release. “I need you to talk to me, regardless of what you hear me think, or see. I just want you to treat me with respect, no matter how you feel about humans. Okay?” I leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. He seemed disappointed and pleased at the same time.