Authors: Stephanie Fowers
I looked down at it. “Oh yeah, Kali gave—” The running feet got louder and I stopped talking just as Byron flew past. I felt like an idiot. I stood up and rammed my head against the hangers. “Ow.” They swung loudly above me.
Byron hesitated at the threshold of the atrium and turned. “Madeleine?”
Eric laced his fingers through mine in response. I stiffened in surprise. My other hand went to my aching head. It found a lot of blonde hair instead. I couldn’t think straight. Byron retraced his steps, coming back for me. “Byron,” I managed to get out, “you’re not...a jerk.”
“Yes, I am.” Byron stopped when he saw Eric. His gaze trailed to our hands. “Am I interrupting something?”
Immediately, I felt guilty and didn’t know why. I was embarrassed about raging at him so publicly on stage—maybe that was it. Had Thanh been waiting for him this whole time? After seeing Byron, I knew she had been talking about how they mixed up their backpacks, not something more sinister. If that was the case, that made me the villain of this story. Byron still stared at me and I tried not to squirm. Eric’s touch burned into mine. It wasn’t just the familiar feeling of a male hand over mine; it was having Byron as my audience.
Still.
He, of all people, should know to leave us alone. I nodded quickly at Byron to send him on his way.
Byron leaned next to the coat closet, not taking the hint. “It’s quite a view over here, isn’t it?”
Was he kidding? There was only the atrium—if we could call it that—with only some sparse trees. Again I nodded. “It’s really…really…uh…”
“Romantic,” Eric finished for me. His eyes crinkled into almonds—very attractive ones. He thought this was hilarious.
“Look.” Byron took a deep breath like he was thinking hard. “I’m sorry. I got carried away. I do that sometimes. It’s just that…what were you telling those girls? You really think you’re better off without us?”
Eric moved closer to me and smiled sardonically at him. “What do you think?” He gave my hand a significant squeeze and lifted it needlessly for Byron’s inspection. Byron stiffened angrily.
It was all I could do not to pull away, but I didn’t want to fight anymore. “You’re right, Byron,” I attempted my apology. “I
should
try—”
“What did you do to your hair?” Byron asked unexpectedly.
I stiffened. He didn’t like my hair? What was his problem anyway? Anyone with any sense of decency would go away. Obviously Eric and I were in the middle of declaring our love. Well, we weren’t, but we all knew what it looked like. I stepped angrily forward. “Blondes have more fun and I’m having more fun!”
“What’s on your name tag?” Byron’s eyes hadn’t left mine, which meant he had taken me all in the moment he saw me. “The hottest girl I’ve ever seen?”
“You’d better say it like you believe it, Byron.”
He allowed himself a smile. “Well, you’re a blonde now, so maybe...”
What? My hand left Eric’s and I shoved Byron back hard, my blonde hair swinging around my face. “Hey, not so fast,” he complained. “I’m not ready for a relationship yet.” I hit him angrily. “Okay.” He gave me a devilish grin. “I give under torture! You’re hotter as a brunette, okay?”
“That’s
not
what I wanted you to say.”
“Yeah? But I’m a jerk, remember?”
“I said you weren’t! Weren’t you listening to me? I’m trying to apologize!” My hands were all over Byron and I froze at his satisfied look. This was what he wanted. For some reason when he saw me with Eric, it made him want to antagonize me. If I had something going on with Eric,
which I didn’t
, Byron would try to ruin it. But now I didn’t know what to do. Every instinct told me to beat Byron and every instinct cried out against taking Eric’s hand. Not that I didn’t like the feel of Eric’s hand over mine. I did, but I just wasn’t sure about my feelings for him. It was like anger was all I had to give anymore. It was too sobering.
By now the band was done playing and the MC called more names from the drawing. At least he wasn’t calling for Cameron anymore. I put my recently freed hand to my aching head and turned to Eric, having no idea how to explain myself. Maybe Byron was right. I was broken and I needed to fix myself. I just didn’t know how.
Eric was already grinning. He laid a comfortable arm around my shoulders and I tried not to fight him in front of Byron. Maybe it was good to let go of my inhibitions; I had too many. “C’mon, let’s get out of here,” Eric whispered into my ear. “I want to show you my lab. I would love to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Byron’s quick eyes shot to him.
“You could even make yourself a cool ten bucks,” Eric told me.
Students were often given incentives for letting grad students experiment on them. It was actually tempting. “Really?”
“What do you do at your lab?” Byron asked him with a probing look.
“Oh, just experiment on poor unsuspecting females. Nothing big.”
Byron didn’t seem amused at all. He’d normally enjoy the joke, but the two faced each other warily, making me feel like the third wheel. There was something more than me going on. To my relief, the MC called Eric’s name for the drawing. It was perfect timing. “They’ve got your name,” I told Eric, cracking a smile for his benefit. “They’re onto you.”
“I believe congratulations are in order,” Byron told him with an equally straight face. “You can finally get your nails done…
Eric
.”
Eric suddenly looked dangerous.
“Why, Madeleine?” Sandra came up behind us. I didn’t even hear the click clack of her high heels. As always she looked like a model in her slate gray twisty dress and leather leggings. She smiled in her fakest way and I squirmed, trying not to imagine what she saw. “I see you’re hanging out with our
best friend
.”
Eric or Byron? I knew what it looked like. I was poaching her men again. All of them. Byron nodded at Sandra in greeting. Eric squeezed my arm and stepped away, no longer looking like was going to punch Byron. Now that Sandra was here to protect me from the big bad wolf, he seemed okay with going back to easygoing. “I’ll pass you off to better hands then.” He gave me a tight hug, pressing me to his chest. “Visit me tomorrow if you can. The offer still stands.” He tilted his chin to whisper in my ear, “Maybe then you’ll tell me what this is all about?”
I smiled faintly in response; though I had nothing newsworthy for him. After a moment, Eric released me, not going back to the ballroom to collect his fifty-dollar nail coupon. The prize would probably fall to Cameron then.
Sandra licked her lips like a cat. “Looks like love,” she said in an insinuating voice.
Byron made a sound of exasperation. “She doesn’t need your stamp of approval.”
“What’s the matter, Byron?” Sandra said. “You wanna hug Madeleine too?”
“Of course...just not goodbye.”
I didn’t have time to reassure Sandra that Byron was messing with her at my expense because she simply glared at him and gave her glamorous heels leave to storm away. Byron refused to watch her go. Instead he patted a bench for me to sit. “It isn’t as cozy as a coat closet, but I need to say something. Please?” He caught my elbows and gently tugged me down beside him on the bench. At his pleading look, I stayed put, uneasily adjusting my skirt around my knees. “I meant what I said, Madeleine. I’m really sorry.”
He was actually serious. I felt my stomach clench at the thought. I felt horrible too. “Me too. So, do you—?” I stared into his blue eyes. This time, they weren’t full of mischief. They were sincere. He suppressed the usual jaded look for once and allowed me to see what was there—tenderness. I gulped. “Do you really want me to leave you alone?”
“No,” he gave a self-deriding laugh. “No, not at all.”
“Oh.” I was making lots of surprise sounds and it suddenly made me laugh along with him, the two of us acting all sheepish like this. “I can’t have you
wanting
to spend time with me, Byron. That’ll ruin the fun.”
His hand tightened convulsively over mine. In a way it was comforting, but why was he being so nice? I should’ve been more suspicious, but right now I didn’t want to be. It felt too good sitting with him and just being myself—like we had known each other for years. “Why is that?” he asked after a moment. “Are you afraid to just let go?” He looked deeply into my eyes, and I wondered if he could read mine like I could his. “You should really stop thinking so much, Madeleine. Accidentally slap me in the face when you point at something. Knock over my prized trophy collection. Burp more. Step on my toes when we’re dancing.”
I laughed. I couldn’t imagine dancing with Byron, but I think I would really like it. Was he even a good dancer? I studied him. Fighters like him generally were. He could lead me effortlessly across the floor. It could be so fun…and would never last. “And then what?” I smiled to soften the harshness of our reality. “You’d think I was an idiot before long and start rolling your eyes whenever I talked.”
I thought it was a joke, but he tilted his head at me. “What guys have you been dating?”
I couldn’t leak those kinds of stats to Byron. They were terrible, but then I thought of Eric. He hadn’t rolled his eyes at me once. It was like he actually thought I was cool. I didn’t get him at all. And there was someone else I didn’t get. Byron. Here we were, sworn enemies, sitting side by side on a bench, cozily discussing social problems like we were friends. I shrugged. “I have to be tough now. My dad isn’t here polishing his rifle on the porch, you know? It’s just that...you try being cold
and
warm at the same time. It’s impossible to get anywhere with a guy that way.” He studied me a moment before nodding. I took a deep breath, deciding to trust him. “Do you know what June 6th is?”
“Wednesday?”
“It was the day I was going to be Mrs. Cameron Hornberger.”
He leaned back and I saw the realization fill his eyes as they lifted to mine. “That’s just four days away.” I nodded, trying not to give away how much that hurt. “Come here,” he said. Byron wrapped his arms around me. The warmth of them sent a comforting happiness through me. He squeezed me, but it wasn’t suffocating at all. I felt like I belonged there. I felt a tear escape down my cheek, but it wasn’t because I had lost Cameron; I think it felt good that Byron cared. “You know you made a narrow escape, right?” he asked. “You want me to throw a party for you? June 6th, right?”
A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “Would you?”
“If you promise to leave the rifle home, Tex. I want you. Only you there.” I nodded dumbly. “Stop worrying so much. I’ll be the mean one. I’ll sit on the porch and glare at anyone who dares talk to you.”
He already did that.
As soon as I was sure the tears were concealed from his knowing eyes, I pulled from his arms and took a long look at him. “You’ll interview all my suitors?”
He took a moment before answering. He opted to play with my fingers instead. After stealing one of my rings, he nodded. “Sure, but I can’t promise that any of them will make it past me alive.”
I laughed. Was he seriously offering his help? But we were born to make each other’s lives miserable. What if I could trust Byron? I already knew everything about him. He had charmed almost every girl in our acquaintance just like he was charming me now. He didn’t want me...not like that. I really wanted to fall for him right now, but if I allowed that, I’d just be another number. If I was lucky, maybe an ex. But we understood each other a little better than that. He wasn’t offering himself to me as my new boyfriend. Just his help. I had to see things as they were, see him as he was.
The question was could I trust him as my friend? It was tempting. I could still enjoy his company. Be with him, let him help me. I could lead a normal life. Maybe see what I had going on with Eric. The only reason I hadn’t really gone for him was because I didn’t know how to trust. That had to be the reason? But guys knew guys. Byron could actually be a good judge of character. If he were to be my rifle, I could give love a chance without worrying what would happen to me in the end. Byron could tell me if a guy was messing with me or not. He’d know their intentions.
I could imagine how well switching from enemies to allies would work. It made me laugh. I stood up, offering Byron my hand and he let me tug him to his feet. The soft material of his shirt rubbed against my bare arm. He was warm and strong. Maybe that’s what I would borrow from him instead. I found myself smiling.
“You know any time you need a guy, I’m here for you.” He grinned self-consciously. We both realized how that sounded, but we both knew what he meant—even if I knew it more than he did. “Of course, it would be easier if I had my phone,” he said.
I gasped. “I don’t have it and you know it!” He grinned at me, and soon my smile matched his. “Thank you,” I whispered.
It was an uneasy truce, after our heart-to-heart was over and he finally released my hand. I should’ve guessed it wouldn’t last long. In fact, I should’ve ceased all further communication with him.
Day 111
1931 hours
“
My hands were shaking and I threw them in my pockets. I was about to do the stupidest, scariest, sanest thing that I could think of—go after a boy.”
—Madeleine’s War Journal Entry (Sunday Night, June 3rd).