Price of Desire (21 page)

             
             
Chapter Seven

Rose settled on her wide, plump bed
.
She let her legs dangle over the edge so her feet swung two feet above the floor
.
She released a loud sigh and lay back on her elbows, staring up at the wide canopy
.
She didn’t say anything, just continued to stare upwards.

Finally she heard the rustle of petticoats from below.

“Are you going to tell me why you don’t want a new papa?”

No answer.

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“I am not.”

“So, you are going to talk to me.”

“No.”

“How can I know what you want, if you won’t tell me?”

“I don’t want a new papa
.
I like things the way they are.”

“I understand that, but I don’t know why.”

“I . . . do . . . not . . . want . . . one.”

Rose sighed again, but this time softly to herself
.
“Don’t you think fathers are nice?”

“No.”

“I am sorry, I can’t hear you.”

“No.”

“Still can’t hear you.”

There was movement beneath the bed and then, with a wiggle and a squirm, a mop of blond curls appeared.

“No.”

“That’s a little better.”

Slithering like a snake
,
Anna, made her way out from under the bed
.
She edged away and sat with her knees drawn up to her chest, refusing to look at her mother.

Rose slid off the bed until she sat on the floor beside her daughter
.
She was careful not to touch.

“I want you to be happy, my poppet
.
I just don’t understand why you don’t want a papa
.
Was somebody mean to you?”

“No.”

“Then why don’t you want a father
?
All of your friends have one.

“I . . . don’t . . . want . . . one.”

Rose had always thought Anna would welcome having someone else to love and care for her
.
It had been one of Rose’s principal motivations to remarry
.
She reached out and lightly stroked one of Anna’s loose curls.

“I wish you could tell me why
.
I only want you to be happy.”

“I am happy now –
very, very happy.”

“Well, you don’t look very happy.”

It was hard to picture a more pitiful sight than Anna, her knees drawn up and forgotten tears still shimmering on her cheek.

“I am so happy
.
I am a princess
.
I have to be happy.”

“Oh
.
And why do you beli
e
ve having a papa would make you unhappy?”

“You wouldn’t play with me, then.”

“Why, but of course I would.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“Oh, Anna, I will always have time for you.”

Anna kicked at the bed
post.

Rose frowned
.
“Why do you think I wouldn’t?”

“Because you didn’t before.”

“When
?
I’ve always made time to play with you!”

“When my Papa was still here
.
I cried and cried at night and Nanny said you were too busy, that Papa needed you
.
But, I needed you
.
You should have come
.
Papa kept you away
.
He wouldn’t let you come.”

“Why, Anna, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I was scared
.
There were monsters in the room
.
I called you
.
You were supposed to come and save me, and you didn’t.”

Rose closed her eyes and struggled with her feelings
.
She had always instructed Nanny that she should be called if Anna needed her, but those last days before John died had been so chaotic
.
She’d hardly slept at al
l, and, to be honest
, she couldn’t remember now how much time she’d spent with Anna then
.
Had Nanny been trying to spare her, to grant her some little moment of peace in the midst of all the pain?

But Anna was only four now, and it had been over a year since John died
.
How could she remember
?
How traumatic had her nightmare been, that she remembered it after all this time
?
Had it only been one night, or had there been many?

She inched closer to her daughter and began to stroke her back
.
At the first sign of softening she pulled the small girl into her arms
.
Almost instantly, Anna turned into her chest, burying her face as renewed tears began to flow.

“Shhhh, everything will be fine, my poppet
.
I won’t let anything hurt you
.
I didn’t know you needed me, or I would have come.”

“It was because of Papa that you didn’t.”

“No, my love
.
That’s just not true
.
Don’t you remember all the times we played together
?
You’d climb up on Papa’s bed and he’d read you stories
.
Don’t you remember beautiful Helen, and all the men who fought over her
?
And the maps
?
Papa would take out his treasures, his maps, and let you look at them with him
.
I am sure you must remember that
.
You liked the sea monsters that swam in the oceans.”

Anna was silent for a moment
.
With her face pressed into Rose’s bosom, Rose could not read her expression, but the sound of her thoughts was almost tangible.

“I do remember sea monsters
.
They weren’t like the ones in my dream.”

“You used to like to rub them with your fingers
.
Papa was always scared that the ink would smear, but he never stopped you.”

“He said I was pretty, like Helen.”

“Yes, poppet, Papa always said you were as beautiful as Helen, but he thought it was your temper that would start the war.”

“The prettiest.”

“Yes, you are very pretty.”

“I want to see the monsters.”

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll bring out the maps again
.
I know just where Papa kept them
.
I’d enjoy looking at them too
.
I didn’t think you’d remember so much.”

“Papa loved me.”

“Yes, he did
.
And you loved him
.
He always said you were his beautiful miracle.”

“Miracle
.
I like being a miracle
.
Miracles are good, aren’t they
?
They always sound good in church.”

Anna shifted in her mother’s arms and then just lay there, still
.
Rose knew she should return to her guests, but could not bear the thought of leaving her daughter
.
Anna had already learned that her mother might not always come
.
It was not a lesson Rose wanted to reinforce
.
Even after Anna’s breaths turned steady and the gentlest snort of a snore emerged from the rosebud lips, Rose continued to sit on the floor, cradling her daughter and trying to see the best road out of this mire.

There was nothing for it
.
He was going to have to marry the woman
–
the lady
.
Wulf bridled at the thought, although without quite the fury he would have expected.

He was not going to let his daughter call another man father
.
Twice now, he had lost the chance to love a child, his child
.
He would willingly die before he would let it happen again.

Grim determination churned in his gut
.
He would marry her
.
There was no other choice
.
Today, tonight, he would confront her and propose
.
I
f she were
so eager for a husband, she’d certainly consider him
.
He might no longer have a title, or even the expectation of one, but thanks to his uncle’s generosity, he was well set up
.
Perhaps he would accept Holly House, after all
.
His mind flashed with the picture of Anna darting out from the high trees and running up the worn brick stairs, running home, to his home.

No
.
He would not let one decision influence the other
.
He would plan this campaign in slow, careful steps.

If Rose was willing to consider that other milksop of a man, Mr. Williams, then surely she’d be grateful for his offer.

Although the true nature of the party was not lost on him, anymore
.
Sir Barton. Sommerton
.
There were probably others
.
She was casting her net wide
.
Just like a lady, to approach marriage strictly from a business standpoint
.
He was surprised she hadn’t just opened herself up for bidding
.
There’d been rumors the previous year in London about some sizable wagers over who would bring the eligible widow back to the altar
.
And, judging from Lady Smythe-Burke’s comments, the betting continued
.
He’d just never considered that Rose would enter the game herself.

She’d allowed him
in
to her bed last night, and this afternoon she was speaking of marriage – to someone else
.
He paced back and forth across his chamber
.
This was madness.

Madness
.
Yes, last night had been madness
.
He couldn’t stop his body from reacting to the thought, to the memory
.
He could still taste her, smell her, feel her
.
Only she had ever stirred his body this way
.
He’d tried to match these fires with others, to no avail
.
Something about her caused his blood to sing.

And the night had not fully satisfied him – there was still something left, some deep inner part of him, left wanting
.

Blast
.
He’d make it clear from the start that he was only marrying her because of Anna
.
They would lead separate lives, except for the child
.
He pictured Anna, again, running wild and free at Holly House – if he decided to accept it
.
Well, Rose might insist on coming with the child
.

That might not be so bad
.
He’d just have to be clear who was in charge and what he expected
.
He’d start now
.
Once they had this marriage agreed, he’d have her send all the other gentlemen on their way
.
He wasn’t quite sure how she’d handle it, but she was a lady, and they always had a way
.
Undoubtedly, she’d have them all heading home before they even realized they were leaving.

Manage
.
That was the word she’d used with Lady Smythe-Burke
.
Ladies knew how to manage
.
Personally, he would have used the word manipulate
.
Ladies were like black widow spiders, set in the middle of their webs, spinning traps around them.

She’d fooled him that first time
.
He sat in the corner wing chair and swung his legs up on the arm
.
He closed his eyes and let himself remember.

He’d actually considered marriage then, too, on that enchanted morning after
.
It hadn’t mattered that she was only a vicar’s daughter
.
He’d been only a soldier, himself
.
The magic of that night had been so complete that for one brief instant he’d allowed himself to indulge in fantasy.