Princess Ces'alena (50 page)

“Well you back now…you can take care of it.”

Manny made no comment to that. If his father chose to ignore the fact that he’d failed to keep his word, he cared to hear no more from him. Morris stared, trying to fight the feelings in his stomach. He knew he’d sworn to protect the boy and his mother, and he’d failed…because it had been Katherine that sold him. But that was no excuse he knew, for letting it slide. He should have gone after him. Swallowing nervously, he then noted Manny hadn’t touched his coffee or food. “Set that aside for now and drink your coffee, it’s getting cold. You should eat too.”

Manny sat back and looked at his father… his eyes slid from him to the tray. Reaching over to pick up his cup of coffee, he brought it to his lips, blew it, and took a sip. “I think you should consider one of two options. Learning these books…or… possibly hiring someone to do them.” He took another sip.

“Nothing…pay me no mind.” Manny returned, picking up a fresh buttered biscuit taking a big bite halving it. He set it down, flicking his fingers against his thumb to shake off crumbs and returned to his papers as he chewed.

Manny looked up at him then. “It’s your land. It’s your plantation. You
should
come along.”

Quick to correct him, Morris blurted, “Ours son…ours… you and all the Webster’s to come will gain from what we have here.”

Morris swallowed, why did it seem everything they discussed, always seemed to come back to Michael Ramsey Webster. Staring into his sons eyes, he knew that by saying what he did; provided Manny with another reminder of his transgression.

Manny sat back again, knowing that he was going to have to share some of his thoughts with his father, as far as his future plans were concerned. He’d made the decision that morning, and it was best he shared it. He realized now that it was impossible for him to be happy at Webster Fields; it was no longer his haven. He was making plans to leave, perhaps…for good. He couldn’t say for sure right now, but get away he must. There was nothing left for him there, after talking to Charles the previous night…odds were, that he would go through with it. His life was no longer his own, things were happening around him - one event after another leaving him in hell and torment. He needed to breathe…he needed a little peace and he needed the pressure off. Where his happiness would be found, he hadn’t a clue…but one thing was certain… it was no longer at Webster Fields.

Since taking on the merchant trade, it was time he learned fully and completely all that there was involved. No better way for him to do so than to jump right in the midst of it. It was time he learned to captain his own ship…he decided to try a life at sea, away from this constant pain and misery.

Sighing, he looked his father in the eye and said, “I’m leaving. I’m thirty-four years old, and I have absolutely no control of my own life. I grow weary with trying to live my life for others as they’ve expected I must. It may not be right - but I want to decide how my life should be. And with whom I will share it.”

Morris stared, swallowed…and felt his heart lurch.

“Father, I know you are bound by what society dictates. And because of your choices, you were never called to order because your choices were considered… normal… acceptable. But in my heart, what I desire…is not acceptable to society. I made a bargain with you, trying to live as all said I should… doing so…I destroyed everything I had, that made
me
- truly happy. Everything within me has either died…or is dying. I cannot live as you dictated…I tried…I cannot. For once, I am going to do - exactly what
I
want. Since I cannot do it here… I will do so elsewhere.”

“But…what about Webster Fields son? And… the boy, you just gone give up on him too?”

“I will never give up on my son. However, now that he’s gone… there is nothing left for me here.”

Morris hung his head with his mind racing…if he could only turn back the hands of time. Why didn’t he do what he needed to - to stop it when it was happening?

He had known how Manny loved that boy…and now… he would have to suffer the loss of his son, as Manny suffered the loss of his own…because he’d failed to do what he knew he should have. Morris had never been an overly emotional man; never one given to showing his fears or cares. But now…he could feel himself breaking down. Royal was gone, and he was losing their only child. “When…when you thinking about leaving?” Morris asked fearfully. “If I’m going, it’ll be next week, after Charles’s and Mildred Hastings wedding.”

Morris felt a ringing in his ears as he shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

“Son please, you don’t have to leave. I’ll do whatever you want me to, I -(he swallowed the lump in his throat)-, I - I love you son, you all I got.”

Manny stared a moment in thought, finally he shook his head. “You know, I wish I could feel something from you saying that. The fact is however, if you loved me…the way a father loves his son-…” He shook his head feeling tears come. He couldn’t sit there, so he stood turning to gaze out the window.

“You-…” He continued, and then stopped again…looking out and seeing nothing but a blur. “You could not love me… no – you cannot - and stand by, and let someone hurt something or someone… that was part of us…part of me. My son - as I am yours. If you loved me… you couldn’t bare the thought of someone - taking me from you. You cannot feel those things, and not realize that I would as well. How could you - how - could you see him…a copy of me…a copy of you…taken and possibly - hurt?” Manny swallowed back moisture in his mouth and wiped the falling tear. “He came from me, as I did from you. I always thought you loved me. I never imagined that you would intentionally hurt me…or let someone else hurt me.”

“We’ve had our arguments yes, but that is the way with a father and his son. But I always, thought – you loved me. You cannot – know this love – I speak of – you cannot. I did what you wanted, and you stood by and let that woman send my son away. If you loved me…there is no way that she would have gotten away with that. It would not be so…you would not have let it.”

Morris was overwhelmed; struggling as if in a wrestling match to hold back his desperate need to beg his son’s forgiveness. Manny walked from behind the desk heading for the door. “I’ll finish that later.” and left. Morris sat shifting one way, then the other in his chair. His jaw working left and right as his eyes threatened to spill tears… convulsively swallowing as heat passed over him… heart pounding in pain. He prayed for a blessed heart attack, that he might die…right then, right there… but no such blessing came.

* * *

In the quickly passing days leading up to the wedding, Margaret found that her daughter’s hopes were actually based on her believed betrayal by Lena towards Manny. During a lunch when all four women were making last minute arrangements for Mildred’s wedding, Helene was quite shocked when Katherine disclosed the source of her reasoning.

Making matters worse, Mildred encouraged her to hang in there, blinded by her own romantic belief in happy endings. Her own reward for enduring gave her the notion that this would be the case with anyone. As if overnight, the beauty of what she and Charles felt and shared seemed to blossom; when she’d been convinced he would never in a thosand years come to love her, and choose her as his wife. Yet she was planning her wedding…and about to marry a man she’d been in love with since she knew the meaning. In her eyes, if this could be…and was happening… anything was possible…even for Katherine and Manny.

Two days later, on Sunday, everyone of importance in the district gathered at Hastings Manor for the wedding. It turned out to be a beautiful day, as the groom, Charles - stood dressed in black and white, with his best man - Manny dressed the same. They stood watching as the bride - dressed in glorious white approached. Manny was proud to stand by his best friend, watching him about to become the happiest man there. At the same time, hating all those who attended, looking on with their sighs of ‘oooh and aaahs’…knowing he would never experience such joy and happiness. Forcing himself numb to it all, in stony silence he turned and went through the motions expected of him.

At the reception he stayed long enough to give his toast and speech in honor of the groom and of course - wishing him a wealth of happiness. He made his polite rounds, danced with Mildred, and slipped away before anyone would notice. For the happy couples honeymoon, they would be leaving with Manny, Margaret and Katherine in tow.

The women had gathered trunks for their journey… dreading the length of the trip. They would have to cover hundreds of miles inland until they reached the coast of Georgia.

From there, they would board Manny’s ship…the Flamingo. Where they would endure crossing the Atlantic to the coast of England, where Manny would leave them to travel the remainder of their trip to their destination.

Inland travel would not be so lengthy as the length they traveled from Mississippi, through Alabama and then Georgia. Once there, their honeymoon would continue while visiting family and friends.

When Katherine learned of Manny’s plans to leave them, she was disappointed and on the verge of trying to persuade him otherwise; her mother intervened and helped her to understand, that he needed time and space.

“Let him be…for once, let time heal what no words you speak can. Leave it alone. And besides, there will be plenty of time with him before we reach home.” She encouraged and reminded her that afterwards she could enjoy her time at home, and then make plans to return later.

Manny gave no thought to Katherine traveling with him, because as long as she stayed away from him, he would tolerate her presence. He made his rounds on horseback with Jordan, Amos, Henry, Leon and Jacob -(the new elder overseer)- and the younger man, Markus Gentry, around the grounds, approving, listening to suggestions and giving his support and ideas when he agreed with what they were considering concerning the land. He explained what he expected from them, and how in his absence, all those on Webster Fields at whatever cost…must be protected. No purchases of slaves were to be made. No sales, and by no means, would there ever be a beating for any reason. Should a slave have a problem or rebel against an order or any demand or plan. They were to be given their papers of freedom, enough money to live on for a month with necessities they could carry and be turned loose from Webster Fields…never to be allowed back.

Again Jordan found himself in the midst of a terrible battle, he knew…that all he had to do was to tell Manny the truth about Hope, and he wouldn’t dare leave. Again, fear of the unknown…of what could happen; in the end, once more, he knew it was up to Lena to risk her child’s life, so he held back… wishing things could be different. Knowing that there was nothing he could do.

The night before they were to leave, Morris invited the Hastings, the Wilsons, and the newlyweds over for a farewell dinner. That night serving the guests, was another night which Lena was forced to endure and survive. She was torn apart over learning that Manny was leaving again. This from Jordan, who without actually saying so, hinted that she should trust Manny. He made it sound as if Manny was leaving to never return. Her entire body shook from the thought of him going away, and never seeing him again. He was leaving her, possibly for good this time…and as the night progressed, she slowly came undone.

Noticing this…Kayleen rode her hard, with words, looks, and reminders of Mike when she looked as if she might blurt the truth to him. She’d caught Lena outside Manny’s door…about to knock and give all away.

She rushed her, covering her mouth and pulling her to the end of the hall berating her all the way, shaking her roughly as she stopped on the stairs hissing in low tones. “You losin’ yo’ mind!? You let them leave! You let him go! We come too far now! Too far! Let it be! You - let - it - be!” Then holding tightly to her hand, she tugged her back towards the kitchen with Lena biting back a sob of anguish. Forcing her to stay in the kitchen, Kayleen stood guard over her as she struggled in the corner with hysteria.

“Please Kayleen…I can’t…I can’t…I do not want him…to… leave me…I cannot-…”

“Hush yo’ foolish mouth! Don’t you know by now…nothing ever go the way we want it too! Nothin’! You tell him the truth…and you might as well drop that baby down the well! If he love you - so much - he be back! Now for the sake of that child! You let him-…”

“Excuse me Kay-…” Margaret stood stunned inside the kitchen entry, a witness to the goings on between the two women in the corner. Lena shaking and sobbing as she bit into the back of her hand to keep silent, while Kayleen stood over her almost shaking her.

“What is going on here?” She questioned, stepping in and letting the door close behind her. Lena stood from against the wall and dashed out the door. Kayleen stood a moment, and then finally answered.

“She upset. She get over it. What can I do for you?”

Margaret looked from Kayleen to the door, then back again. Their eyes locked onto each other and held. Many thoughts rushed through Margaret’s mind…but she smiled, and requested some of Kayleen’s special lemon tart for dessert with the other dishes that were planned. Kayleen smiled with a nod, “No problem ma’am, I can do that for you.”

Margaret left the kitchen, and Kayleen rushed to the door. Outside, on the ground by the porch, Lena stood gagging and vomiting.

“You go wash yo’ face, get that baby…head back to Ma’Nicey’s and stay there with her till this night over! Go!” Lena staggered off to do as she was told, too torn up to think for herself…she felt at any moment the pain would crush her.