Princess Ces'alena (46 page)

“And you Manny? Where have you been?”

Katherine shot her mother a look of stunned disbelief. Margaret ignored her. Manny felt she had to know what was going on; however, just in case she didn’t, he’d enlighten her.

“I have been out searching for my son. You see…your daughter, obviously has an inhuman streak within her; one that allows her to sleep at night after she has taken her anger and resentment out on an innocent child…my son. Selling him - or rather, giving him away – to – whatever fate or ill deviance that befalls him! Like one would give away unwanted puppies from a litter. It appears, she felt totally within her rights to send my son off into prospects worse than death.” He stopped - his jaw clenched, staring through Margaret, feeling the heat rise in him – his eyes burned as moisture flooded them. He felt if he didn’t breathe, block the madness, he would lose it…her mother present or not. The women could see it; Katherine swallowed, again frightened – wondering if she should leave, if he went for her, what would she do?

Margaret rose from her chair…walked to where Manny was seated, kneeled on the floor beside him and took his hands gently, stroking them, up his arms to calm him. “The child…your son, born by Ceś alena?” She asked gently. Manny swallowed praying the tears in his eyes would dry. “Yes, my one and only child.” He answered simply.

He countered, unable to stop himself, he glared at her once again, a tear fell from his eyes. Katherine couldn’t take anymore; she couldn’t stand to see him looking at her so, with such raw emotion, nor stand that they spoke of her as if she weren’t in the room.

She rose, fighting tears of her own, tears of self-pity of the trauma she was being subjected to and with swishing skirts made a quick exit from the room. Margaret ignored that, and focused on Manny; who was glad that Katherine had left the room.

Manny sniffed, swiped at the tracks of his tears, “Please, there is no need in you kneeling there.”

Margaret nodded her head, stood keeping her hold on his hand leading him up and over to the sofa where they both could sit. Manny followed out of polite respect for her.

“Now.” She began, taking a deep breath. “As I was saying…you have my deepest sympathy. And though I am not responsible for my daughter’s actions, she is still my daughter, even when what she has done is unforgivable.”

“I’m glad you agree, I most certainly feel the same.” He announced with certainty.

“I understand Maynard. What she did to him was cruel and selfish, and all that she was feeling should not have been taken out on him.” Manny sat listening…willing to hear her out. “Just the same, having said that… she is human, being human she has feelings. Feelings depending on circumstances can sway a person’s actions and emotions in either direction. You see once I too, experienced this, having to share my husband with another woman. Katherine was forced to the same end, having to share her husband, the man she loves…with another woman. Although many have done so, and will continue to do so…it still does not make it easy to deal with. In addition to that, she had to face, regularly, the presence of …your son… at a time when she was at her lowest, because she had miscarried the child she so - wanted of yours. Perhaps you have never experienced what it is like to love someone so much, then have that person betray you, for all to see. For some people Manny, that type of hurt is unbearable, so unbearable - they do things in retaliation - thinking it will assuage the pain…the hurt. Selling your son, yes - it was indeed her fault, and she is wrong. But where in this…does part of the blame fall in your lap? I have no desire to anger you, or hurt you further. But I love my daughter…and more than she could bear was heaped upon her. If you are half the man I think you are…you will see that…and you will know that I am right. If you would…just think about that…I would appreciate it.” She stood, said “Goodnight.” and walked from the room.

Manny sat in that spot without moving. The house was quiet and there he was, alone with his thoughts. Suddenly he remembered the talk he and Josey had so long ago…she had tried to tell him. She had warned him…but he hadn’t listened. He’d thought then, that he had everything under control… and that quote from her husband came to his mind…

“
He who avoids suffering today
, in his test of life for what his quest is to be, will cry out tomorrow, a thousand times in agony, for he has failed to fulfill what was his life’s destiny.”

“I did this…Godalmighty…I did this. Is that why you’ve taken my son from me? Please, God, how do I fix it? Please… please, fix it…please.” His rocked as his eyes filled and spilled over, face hidden into the palms of his hands. With his fingers combed through his hair, the heels of his palms digging into his eyes, elbows to his knees. He sat that way for a long time until Ferrus, who had been standing by, watching him, hurt over his misery, made his presence known. Disturbed over his knowledge concerning Manny’s other child, he knew what he needed, and that was Lena and his child out there. But his hands were tied…no matter how much he wanted to ease Manny’s suffering, he could not do so at the cost of possibly endangering that little girl.

“Manny boy, you need me to get somethin’ for you?” Ferrus finally asked. Manny shook his head, then straightened wiping a hand over his face. He looked at Ferrus, he couldn’t stop his tears, but gave him a weak appreciative smile. “You head on to bed. I don’t need anything, I’ll be fine.”

“Well…for’ I go…I got somethin’ to say too.”

That surprised Manny, making him sit straighter giving Ferrus his full attention. “Don’t matter what nobody say, ‘bout who wrong and who right. We’s
all
human…an’ only two ways we learn. One way be, by the x’zamples yo’folks set, and the lessons they teach. Most don’t get them lessons…the most lessons we learn, and remember… givin’ us wisdom …come from making mistakes - bad ones…real bad. When’ya come outa one o’them…then you know betta’. Then you be wise. No body know…but who done went through it, how a min’ made today, gone show what it done tomorrow. You know what I’m tryin’ to tell you boy?”

Manny swallowed and nodded.

“Then don’t accept blame…fo’
everythang!
She sol’that boy…that boy mine too. She done that…you got enough to carry…you ain’t got to carry that too. She done that – she done it!” Ferrus shook his head with tears in his eyes, he turned away heading down the hall to his room inside the mansion. He missed Mike too, Manny realized then, he wasn’t the only one suffering. Manny stood and walked to the doorway, gazing at Ferrus as he walked away.

“Goodnight Ferrus.” He called. Ferrus turned to look at him and nodded. Manny stood in the hallway momentarily lost as to what he wanted to do now that he was home. His first intention upon arriving was to go straight to bed after washing up. That was now impossible with his sudden overwhelming, accumulation of energy that demanded to be spent. Going to bed would only lend him a night of tossing and turning.

Chapter Eleven

He turned and went to Jordan’s.

Force of habit made him look to Lena’s cabin. There was a dim light burning there, and his heart reacted as it always did. He wanted to go there, eleven years of his life had been spent, going there. How did a man just stop going to a woman that was the very air he breathed? Time, events, betrayal …nothing had yet to change his longing for her. He stood staring - reminiscent of the times within…the happiness he once found there. Laughter, sounds of their love making, the voices of them deep in discussion, the voice of his son, and his laughter. With his heart pounding, he looked down, shook his head denying himself what he desired most. He took off in a sprint before he made a fool of himself…heading for the far cabins near the barns running all the way, dangerously through the dark – not caring about what he could stumble over or into – he ran as if madness or the devil himself were after him. When he reached Jordan’s cabin, he laid against the wall, pouring in sweat, gulping, gasping for his next breath. Waiting for his heart to stop it’s racing, he turned to look into a window to see the lights were out, so he went around to the back window near the bed and knocked on the pain, peeping inside.

After the fourth time Manny had tapped; Jordan finally stirred, still groggy with sleep; he rose to peer out of the window. Suddenly his eyes focused on a white face practically pressed against the window glass, and leapt from his bed screaming, “A-i-i-i-i-i-i-iaaah!!!”

Manny jumped back from the window with his heart pumping, running around the cabin to the front. He hopped onto the porch rapping on the door, calling out, “Jordan… Jordan it’s me…Manny! It’s Manny - Jordan!”

Jean who had sat up with her back against the wall scared to death, yelled at Jordan. “Jordan, doggoneit! Ya’ scare’me to death! I’s Manny at the doa!”

Heart still banging around irregular, Jordan put his rifle down and went to it, opening it to find Manny there wearing a sheepish grin. “Sorry.”

“Goddamn you Manny! Don’t you know better than to stick yo’ white face in a black man’s winda this time o’night!? Hell!! Sca’d all the hair off my body!”

Manny bit his lip so as not to laugh, Jordan caught it. “Th’shit ain’ funny. Don’t you know how’ta knock first?!” He fussed more.

“I wasn’t thinking, I can’t sleep.” Manny explained.

“Well, nightmare’s gone keep me from sleepin’ now! Lemme put some britches on.” Jordan turned back into the dark cabin as Manny made himself comfortable on the front porch. The stars were out complementing a half moon. The smell of citrus filled the air from the bushes that surrounded all the cabins, the old way of dealing with mosquitoes in addition to having a quick snack when sitting out. They weren’t ripe for picking yet, but Manny broke off a limb, crushed some of it leaves to release its scent, while waving it to chase away some of the pesky stingers.

“Chances are…if I’d found him, I wouldn’t have returned.” Manny admitted. That took Jordan back as he turned to look at him…but Manny was looking off towards the barns. Jordan avoided responding to that bit of news. His knowledge of all that had taken place supplied the answer as to why Manny would say such a thing.

“That ain’t true.” Jordan returned. Manny nodded quiet, lost in his own thoughts. “Don’t matter, no big deal.” Then he asked, “The new overseers, how is that going?”

“Real nice folks…we get along just fine. No trouble there.”

“Whatever happened with those new slaves? How many were there?” Manny asked.

“There was three of’em. They still here, ain’t run off or nothin’. I put two to working with the cattle, and the other in the garden greenhouse. He got a touch with it, they doing good…all three.”