Promiscuous (8 page)

So, am I going to be seeing you again?

My phone buzzed a few minutes later. Smiling, I pressed answer without checking whom the call was from. Rookie mistake.

“Beth?”

Shit. Fuck. Coop.

My heart dropped. I had no idea what to say. I stopped, and I nearly fell off my chair. My heart was beating furiously, as if it were about to break out of my chest.

Hearing his voice brought back all of the emotions from that night. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t speak to him. Running into him the other day had been hell.

“Coop.” It didn’t even sound like me. Scratchy and about five notes too high, my voice sounded like a squirrel being strangled. I took a deep breath and rubbed the back of my neck as the woman two seats down gave me a sideways glance.

“Why the fuck have you been ignoring me, Beth? I’ve been texting, calling. And then the other day . . .” He stopped, as if he was having trouble believing I’d actually answered. “What the hell is wrong? Let me come over.”

“Oh, are you sure your little girlfriend won’t mind?” I asked bitterly. “I can’t see you, Coop. I can’t explain, but I just need space. Can you give me that?”

“I’ll give you all the space you need once I’m sure you’re okay.” Fuck. He sure was persistent.

I sighed, wondering what it was going to take to get him off my back. I couldn’t cope with this. Not right now. Thinking about him made me think about what had happened, and I’d worked too hard to block that out to fall apart now.

“I’ll email you.”
Email? What was I, in high school?

“Email?” he said dubiously, echoing my thoughts.

“Yes. Email. I can’t put this all into words—it’s too embarrassing, okay?” The only way to get the space I needed from him was to admit half of the truth, and I was fucked if I was going to do that over the phone in the middle of a packed doctor’s office.

 “Fine. But if this doesn’t happen today, I swear I’m going to start showing up in public. I’m worried about you.” His tone was serious. And he would do that, too. In fact, it surprised me that he hadn’t already.

“I’ll do it today, okay? Bye.” I quickly hung up, and saw a message waiting from Roman.

Are you asking me out?

I bit my lip to fight a smile as I replied.

No. I have no interest in pursuing anything with you.

He replied right away.

Then why are you texting me?

I laughed out loud. He had a point. Maybe . . . 

Beth, forget it! You are not ready for anything. You can barely handle friendship at the moment.

 Sorry, Roman, I’m not buying the I-want-you-but-I-don’t-want-you routine. It’s getting old pretty quickly. This is purely platonic.

I fidgeted nervously, waiting impatiently for him to reply.

If I seem odd, it’s because I don’t want to ruin this friendship that I may or may not be starting with a beautiful woman much younger than me. I just don’t want to fuck you up, Beth. Believe it or not, I’m not that type of guy.

I sat there rereading the message until I was called into the exam room. I stood up and followed the doctor into the room, my head racing.

As if he could fuck me up any more than I already am.

A familiar feeling washed over me, one I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then I realized what it was that I was feeling:
happy
. For the first time since the assault, I was happy.

Still, I wasn’t sure that I could just be friends with Roman. My track record with guys as friends wasn’t exactly stellar. I quickly texted a reply, and then shoved my phone in my pocket.

Roman, you’re a nice guy, but I don’t think I’m ready for anything . . . not even friendship.

“Ms. Masters. How can I help you today?”

Dr. Novak squinted at me over the rim of his glasses, his kind eyes immediately putting me at ease. He had been my doctor for the past four years. He was somebody I trusted—someone I knew was always there to help me.

“I’m having trouble sleeping,” I explained, pushing my hair back into place behind my ear. I hadn’t seen a doctor since that night at the hospital. Had they sent the records to him? Why hadn’t I given a false name or something?

“Is there anything in particular bothering you, Beth?”

I shrugged. “Work, mostly. I have a lot of deadlines at the moment and I’m struggling to shut my brain off at night. It wasn’t a complete lie.

His bushy gray eyebrows creased together. He glanced at his laptop, then back at me. “Beth, I want to talk to you about the night at the hospital.”
Oh no.
“You had bruising consistent with a sexual assault. Have you spoken to anyone about it?”

I thought about denying it, but I was just so sick of everything. I sighed, deflated. What good would talking to someone about it now do? It happened so long ago.

“No. But I’m fine, I promise.” My words came out like a plea. I wouldn’t believe I was fine, and I doubted he would either.

“Beth.” He paused and pursed his lips. “I understand you not wanting to report it, but would you at least consider counseling? There are many good services out there especially for women in your position.”

“Thanks, I appreciate your help, but I’m fine. Honestly.” He stared hard at me for a moment. I stared back. Could he see through my act? All I wanted was something to help me sleep and I’d be fine.

He scribbled out my prescription and handed it to me. He also pushed a brochure across the desk. I took both.
Sexual Assault.
I sighed.

“Just think about it. Please,” he asked earnestly.

I nodded. If it would shut him up, then I’d take the damn brochure. I stood up and shoved them both in my bag.

“See you soon, Beth.”

I left the doctor’s and immediately checked my phone for a reply from Roman. I sighed. Nothing. My mood dulled even further when I remembered my promise to Coop. Great. Now, I had to compose the world’s most awkward email.

Shit.

***

Dragging open my laptop, I double clicked on the email icon. I tapped my fingers on the table, not sure how to start what I needed to say. All the words were in my head, it was just hard putting them down in a way that wouldn’t make me sound like I was crazy.

Just write down everything you feel. You can edit it before you hit send.

Coop,

The truth is, I’m in love with you. Or I was—maybe I still am. Seeing you happy, as much as I want that for you, breaks my heart because it wasn’t me you chose. I know you probably had no idea how I felt, but can you understand how much of an idiot I felt like, falling for the guy I was paying to have sex with me?

I’ll get over it, but it’s going to take me time. I hope you can understand that’s why seeing you is not possible right now, and I really hope you can respect that.

Always,

Beth.

I hit send without a second thought. I didn’t want to sit there dwelling over the past. The only way for me to get over him, and what had happened, was to push them both out of my mind.

I’d just reached a new high of embarrassment: Telling my former male prostitute that I’d been in love with him for the last eight months.

Chapter Nine

Roman

I poured myself a glass of whisky over ice and shrugged out of my jacket, hanging it neatly over the back of the chair. My phone beeped. I read the message and raised my eyebrows.

The Carousel tonight. Well, that was something different. Again, Beth was surprising me. The Carousel was definitely a popular haunt for celebrities, but a little more sophisticated than the type of place I’d have expected her to go for. I replied to my contact and headed for the bathroom, leaving the untouched drink sitting on the counter.

“Scarlett?” I hollered, walking down the hallway. Silence greeted me. Satisfied that I was alone, I headed into the bathroom. I unbuttoned my shirt and peeled it off, disposing of it in the laundry hamper. I unzipped my pants, and stepping out of them and my boxers, I walked over to the shower and turned it on. The steam from the hot water rose quickly toward the ceiling vent, filling the bathroom.

God, that feels good.

Nothing matched the feeling of a nice hot shower, especially on a cold day. Tilting my head back, I sighed as the water drizzled over my face, plastering my hair against my forehead.

Pouring the liquid soap into the palm of my hand, I massaged it into my skin, paying extra attention to my cock, which hardened against my touch. My mind wandered back to Beth and Scarlett last week—how badly I’d just wanted to rip out my dick and jerk off. Beth had me feeling so fucking turned on that it had taken all my resolve to stay in control. And then in her kitchen, when she took off that robe, with her perfect round breasts, and her hard, erect nipples pointing at me, begging to be sucked . . .

Fuck, I want her so badly it hurts.

I curled my hand around my erection and closed my eyes, picturing that perfect little body. God, the things I wanted to do to her. I thought about the club—my club—and imagined taking her there. How would she react? She struck me as the kind of girl who would enjoy it, but with her I just couldn’t quite tell if all that promiscuity was just an act.

But that didn’t stop me from imagining she was kneeling in front of me, taking my cock in her tight little mouth. I groaned, picturing those big green eyes gazing up at me as she sucked furiously. My fist worked the length of my shaft with speed as the pressure began to build inside me.

“Fuck,” I hissed as I ejaculated, the pounding water washing away all the evidence. Leaning my head against the tiled wall, I breathed heavily, trying to regain my composure, and refusing to feel guilty about what I’d just done. If it prevented me from doing something stupid tonight, then what harm did jerking off to her do?

***

I arrived at The Carousel and paid the valet the $15 parking fee, even though what I really wanted to do was park my own damn car and tell him to fuck off. Fifteen dollars for him to move the car down three spots? What a fucking joke.

I stalked inside, still annoyed, but trying to shake off my mood. Louisa used to say my ability to get worked up about silly little things was one of the things that drove her crazy.

And here I was, thinking my passion was endearing.

I never had any trouble getting in anywhere, because the right people knew who I was. Believe it or not, I had a reputation. A quiet one, but one all the same.

My club was very well known among the circles that mattered. Initially, I’d been worried that Beth would recognize me. But she didn’t, thank Christ. Not that it would have changed much, but if she’d recognized me, she might have eventually connected the rest of the dots.

I spotted her, sitting by the bar, alone. Slowing to a stop, I watched her for a moment, captivated by her beauty and obvious sadness. She slowly stirred her drink with her straw, her eyes downward, oblivious to the fact that she was by far the sexiest woman in the place.

She wore a short white dress that made her tanned skin just glow, and showcased her long legs. God, she was doing to me what no other woman had been able to do in years. She was making me feel something. I could call it feeling sorry for her all I wanted, but the reality was that every single time I saw her I had to fight the urge to throw her down and fuck her until she could barely walk.

Get it together and remember what you’re being paid to do.
I knew exactly what was on the line here, and I was stupid if I was willing to throw all that away for some woman I barely even knew.

Chapter Ten

Beth

Another evening spent in a random club trying to forget my problems. Well, maybe not so random. This was one of the most exclusive clubs in the area. They didn’t just let anyone in. I glanced to my left, where Miley Cyrus was taking body shots of the chest of a busty blonde. Well, maybe they’d relaxed their standards a little
.

The funny thing was, every morning began the same.

I was going to change.

I was in a funk, and I was going to fix it. I wasn’t going to let myself get out of control. I could have all the motivation in the world and then somehow end up back here. These places were all the same: the same people, and the same problems.

Nothing
ever
changed.

 “Well, fancy seeing you here.”

I turned around and found myself staring into the dark eyes of Roman. His lip curled upward as he took in my expression, his gaze then traveling down my body appreciatively. I felt my nipples harden under the scrap of sheer white chiffon that was my dress, my body reacting to his intense stare.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

The racing heart, the tingles, the blank mind—it was all there, just like every other time I saw him. I felt like a little kid around him. He intimidated me. I was used to being such a confident person, but the attack had reduced me to an insecure self-obsessed mess. He made me feel safe, but out of my comfort zone. With him I felt alive and not just like I was going through the motions. If anyone could bring the old me back, it was him.

There was a big part of me that was excited to see him. As honest as I was being in the text that I’d sent him, deep down I didn’t want him to take no for an answer. Just like I didn’t want Coop giving up on me.

“Oh, you own the place now, do you?” He chuckled. I was having trouble staying on my seat. I told myself it was the three vodkas I’d had, but looking into those damn sexy eyes, I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t him.

He slid into the tiny space between me and the bar counter, between my legs, his thighs pressing against mine.

Oh. My. God.

My eyes were level with his chest, and I was staring at the outline of his ripped muscles through his fitted shirt. I raised my head, my eyes meeting his, embarrassed by how he made me feel.