Authors: Monica Alexander
“Hey you,” I heard as I was punching out. “You’re leaving?”
“Finally,” I told Kirby, who grinned at me. I had no idea why she was so chipper. She was working a double.
“You’ll get used to it,” she assured me.
“I suppose so.”
“Hey, so someone was asking about you,” she said, and I could hear the glee in her voice.
“Oh yeah? Who?”
“Jack Kinsley.”
“You know Jack?” I questioned.
She rolled her eyes. “Of course. Everyone knows Jack. He’s like the golden boy of Sigma Delt, and there’s a long line of girls waiting for him to break up with his girlfriend so they can have a chance with him. Me included.”
“Seriously?”
She nodded. “Oh yeah. In the Greek circles, he’s at least in the top five on the hottest guys list. I’d love to get a piece of that, but he’s been with Alyssa Walsh for the past year. She scooped him up when he first got here, and she never let go. I’m actually kind of jealous of her.”
“She’s really pretty,” I said, for lack of anything better to say, because I was too ashamed to admit that I could easily see what Kirby was talking about.
Not that I wanted to stand in line for a piece of Jack, but I could see how he could be one of the hottest frat guys on campus. Not that I knew many frat guys, but having now met several of his Sigma Delt brothers, I could definitely say that he was the best looking among them.
But for me it was his looks coupled with his personality. He really was a nice guy, but he also had a sort of charisma that surrounded him. I hated to admit that being near him was like an instant draw, and when he smiled, it was kind of a beautiful thing. His smile sucked you in even further as it lit up his whole face, making him seem like he was truly happy.
It probably meant he was naïve and had never struggled with anything in his life – which was probably true considering he’d picked up a two hundred and fifty dollar tab like it was nothing – but that sort of appealed to me. As someone who’d seen more hardship than most, I envied those who had it easy. I’d done it my whole life.
“Are you Greek?” I asked Kirby, changing the subject, because I’d already succeeded in pushing Jack from my mind earlier in the day. The last thing I wanted to do was revisit the lustful thoughts I’d had where he was concerned.
Kirby smiled. “I am. I’m a proud Alpha Zeta.”
“I had no idea.”
She winked at me. “It’s not like I’m wearing a sign.”
Yeah, she had me there. Maybe I’d been too quick to judge the Greeks in the past. In truth, I didn’t really know much about sororities and fraternities. My preconceived notions could be completely wrong. Or maybe I’d just met two people who were Greek but didn’t let it define them. Either way, I figured I’d be better off not judging in the future until I had more factual data. I’d probably be less likely to insult someone I liked if I did that.
“Anyway,” she said, bringing us back to where the conversation had started. “Jack was asking about you, which actually makes me question if I should hate you or not. Is there something going on there?”
“No,” I said quickly. “We’re neighbors. He’s a nice guy, but that’s it. What was he saying about me?”
Kirby smiled, probably loving the fact that my voice had gone a few octaves higher as I’d been speaking.
“He just asked what your last name was.”
“My last name?”
She shrugged. “Yup. That was all. But when I told him, he looked like he already knew, which was really weird. I don’t know. Maybe he’s into you.”
“Maybe,” I mused, not sure what to do with that information.
Why had Jack wanted to know my last name? It was so odd.
“Oh well,” Kirby said. “Have fun relaxing at home tonight while you think of me here slaving away.”
I smiled. “Of course I’ll be thinking of you,” I lied.
She made a face at me. “Whatever. I’ll see you Tuesday?”
I nodded. “I’ll be here. I’m bartending, which is going to be so much better than serving.”
“You’re telling me. I’m on the floor, but we’ll have plenty of time to chat. Tuesdays are always sort of dead.”
“Sounds perfect.”
I’d bartended a few nights a week at Chili’s toward the end of my time there, and I much preferred it to serving. But a new bar meant I’d have to get used to the layout, I’d have to learn to make any specialty drinks that were on the menu, and I’d have to figure out who the regulars were and what they liked. Knowing all that, I figured a quiet night might be what I needed.
“Bye babe,” Kirby said, grinning at me. “Tell me if Jack calls you.”
“Did he ask for my number?” I asked in a rush, wondering how I’d feel about it if he did.
She grinned. “Not yet,” she said coyly.
“You suck,” I told her as I felt the tension leave my body.
I wondered if she’d seen it too. If she had, it would be pretty hard to convince her that I didn’t have even the mildest of crushes on Jack Kinsley – which I hoped I didn’t. I really hoped it was just a passing infatuation, because the last thing I needed was to fall for someone who already had a girlfriend.
Jack
“Hi Jack,” I heard as I was locking the door to my apartment.
For a second I thought it was Kate, and my breath caught in my chest at the thought of seeing her for the first time since I’d talked to her at Ray’s. But as I turned, I realized it was Sara. They sounded so much alike. I hadn’t heard it before, but that was when I thought they were just two girls who lived across the hall from me. Now I wasn’t so sure if things were that simple.
“Hey,” I said, faltering for a second before regaining my composure. “Hey Sara.”
“It’s a beautiful day today,” she said, sounding happy.
I took a deep breath, trying to rein in my emotions and pretend that everything was normal, but it was as hard to do as it had been the night before when I’d seen her at the frat house. I’d been watching a baseball game with some of my brothers when she’d come in with one of our pledges. She’d seen me and smiled and waved before she disappeared upstairs with him, and the whole time I’d felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.
I wasn’t sure what to do, so I’d just sat there and pretended like everything was fine. But a part of me had wanted to find her and ask her the nine million questions that had been running through my mind since Kate had said the two words to me that made me wonder if I was going crazy or if I was simply seeing things clearly.
You promise?
As soon as she said them, the words slammed into my chest in a moment of clarity. One second I was joking around with a cute girl and the next I was wondering if I was having a stroke. All I could do was stare at her – her long blond hair, her sparkling blue eyes, and her kind smile – because for as much as they’d meant next to nothing to me a few seconds earlier, they were suddenly all I could see.
Was it her? After all these years, was it really her?
I should have said something, but as Kate’s words tumbled through my mind, I couldn’t form any of my own. The Killers song that was playing overhead had faded away along with the conversations at the tables around us and the clinking glasses and silverware. It was like the restaurant went dead silent as I grappled with the possibility that I might be looking at my childhood best friend – which was completely insane. There was no way the Kate who’d moved into the apartment across from mine, who’d served me and my friends for the past two hours, and who’d just been joking and laughing with me, was the Kate I’d met when I was five years old. It just wasn’t possible.
Okay, I guess it wasn’t impossible. But it was completely
improbable
that we’d cross paths again, thousands of miles from where we’d known each other.
But she’d said those words, and she sounded exactly like the Kate I’d known. It was like I’d been transported back in time eight years, and I couldn’t think straight. I’d been so close to asking her if she was
my
Kate, but I couldn’t figure out how to even ask that. And thank God I hadn’t, because I could have looked like a complete moron.
Or I could have realized that I was right, and after all these years, Kate was back in my life.
Shit, right now, I could be looking into the face of her younger sister. I never would have guessed that before, because Kate and Sara looked nothing alike. I’d never even considered that they might be related. Hell, I’d barely given either of them a second glance before. But suddenly everything was different, and now I wanted to know everything about them.
Damn, if only I’d asked the red-headed waitress more questions. I’d just been so stunned to learn that Kate’s last name actually
was
Pierce that I hadn’t thought of asking anything else. I’d just stood there, feeling confused and dumbfounded, and thinking I needed to get the hell out of the restaurant before I did something stupid. I knew if I came face-to-face with Kate I’d be liable to blurt out a whole slew of things that would probably make me look like I’d lost my mind.
But her name was Kate Pierce. And she lived with a girl named Sara. Those were two hard facts I couldn’t ignore, and if they were sisters from Indiana, then I was going to get hit hard with the realization that the girl I’d been trying to forget for years had been living thirty feet away from me for the past month. And I hadn’t even known it.
But then again neither had she – which could have meant that I was completely wrong, and my mind was playing tricks on me like it had when I’d first moved to Texas. Back then, when I’d been forcing myself to forget Kate, forget my past, and forget what had happened and how awful my life had been, I saw her everywhere. It was never really her, but it must have happened at least fifteen times in the first year that I lived with my aunt and uncle. And then one day, it stopped.
I didn’t see her anymore, but I never forgot her. I
couldn’t
forget her. She was my best friend, and she was the first girl I’d ever loved – not that it was real love. We’d been kids, but back when she’d been my salvation, I’d thought I loved her. It was why I’d kissed her the last night we were together.
At the time I didn’t know it was the last night we were going to see each other. I figured we’d have a million more nights just like that one, because I knew my father wasn’t ever going to stop hurting my mother. I knew I’d continue to crawl into Kate bedroom and let her hold me, because even though I was usually too proud to admit it, I was scared out of my mind most of the time. And she knew it. And because of that, maybe one day, she’d let me kiss her again.
It was all I’d hoped for back then, because it was one of the few good things in my life. But just like every other part of that life, what I’d had with Kate had disappeared in an instant. And I’d never even gotten to say goodbye to her.
I didn’t regret much from back then, but I regretted how I’d left things with her. I regretted letting her go and never calling her. I regretted never telling her that I was okay, and I regretted never checking in to make sure
she
was okay. I could have at least done that.
But if this Kate was
my
Kate, then she was living a great life. I’d seen her car, and it was new. So were her clothes. She was going to UT, and she had an apartment that was bigger than the trailer she’d lived in when I’d known her. She looked happy and healthy; not at all like the scrawny girl I’d known who’d barely gotten enough to eat. So if she really was the Kate I’d known, then at least I was comforted by the fact that she seemed to be in a really good place.
“So, are you heading to class?” Sara asked me, pulling me back to the moment, even though I didn’t stay there long.
I thought about her as a kid, trailing behind Kate and me to the bus stop each morning. I thought about pushing her on the swings at the park, and I thought about retying her shoelaces, because they always seemed to come undone. She was a tiny little blond thing with an attitude that was bigger than she ever was, and she always spoke her mind. She made me laugh, and even though we weren’t all that close, and most of the time I thought of her as Kate’s annoying little sister, she’d been a huge part of my childhood. I couldn’t fathom that this was that same little girl all grown up.
“Yeah, I am,” I told her as I shifted my backpack on my shoulder, forcing myself to act normal.
“What class do you have?” she asked me as she tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear.
It was then that I noticed she was wearing the same clothes she’d had on the night before. I wasn’t sure why I remembered that, since I didn’t usually pay attention to what other people – especially girls who weren’t my girlfriend – wore, but for some reason, I’d noticed her red dress.
“Are you just getting home from last night?” I blurted out, completely ignoring her question.
She smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I am. I had a date with one of your pledges. It was fun.”
“I, um,” I stuttered, not sure how to respond to that. I couldn’t fathom little Sara Pierce having a sleepover with any guy, let alone one of our dirty-minded pledges. “I hope you used protection.”
Oh, shit.
As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I heard them out loud, and then the realization of what I’d said to her started to resonate over and over again in my mind as she laughed. She actually laughed at me.
“What an odd thing to say, Jack,” she said coyly, batting her eyelashes a few times.
I knew then that if this really was the Sara I’d known, she was definitely all grown up. She was sexy and confident, and I’d bet she had no qualms about letting loose when it came to members of the opposite sex. Of course I felt like a complete pedophile for even thinking that, and I had to remind myself that she was at least eighteen. It wasn’t like I was thinking impure thoughts about a ten year-old. Not that I was thinking impure thoughts, because she wasn’t my type, and I had a girlfriend, but still.
Jesus, she had me completely wound up, and she’d barely said a word. It was like I couldn’t think straight with everything that was swimming around in my head.
Were Sara and Kate really back in my life? Or was I completely crazy and these were just two girls who had the same names as them. I didn’t even know if Sara’s last name really
was
Pierce, but I sort of felt like now wasn’t the time to ask. I figured I’d pretty much fucked up that opportunity.
“I just – safety first,” I stammered. “That’s my motto.”
Sara looked demurely at me. “Well, that’s a good motto to have, considering we’re only in college. I know how that situation plays out, and it’s not for me.”
“Yeah, me either.”
Was she sending me a message with what she’d said? I knew their mom had Kate when she was just twenty. Was she alluding to that fact, or was I just looking for things to connect these girls to the girls I’d known?
“You should go. You don’t want to be late for class,” Sara said then, probably because I was standing there looking like a complete moron, and she was likely afraid of what I might say next. I knew
I
was afraid of that.
“Yeah. Right,” I said quickly, trying my best to save face. I was usually good with words, but within a few minutes, I’d completely lost my ability to speak coherently.
But I did have class, and I needed to go. And Sara knew that because I was in class with her sister – or her roommate. Shit, I didn’t know, but Kate and I did have Macroeconomics together on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week.
On Monday I’d avoided her, because I’d still been freaked out about what had happened, and I hadn’t known what to say to her. I’d come into the auditorium with my eyes on my phone, sat in the seat Alyssa had saved for me, and I hadn’t turned around once during the lecture. Then I’d waited ten minutes after class was over to leave, just to make sure the coast was clear.
But I knew I couldn’t do that forever. Kate and I knew each other. We’d had a somewhat extensive conversation the other day. It wasn’t like I could be a dick and pretend that I didn’t recognize her when I saw her. I had no reason to do that. Besides, I didn’t
want
to do that. If she really was my Kate, then the last thing I wanted to do was push her away.
In truth, I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to know everything about her. And I wanted her to know me.
At least I think I wanted that.
Maybe I didn’t.
Suddenly fear was griping me. For as much as I was excited about the prospect of Kate being back in my life, another part of me was terrified about it. The last thing I wanted to do was dredge up the past, and if we became friends and I told her who I was – or if she just figured it out on her own like I had – I knew that would happen.
Fuck, that would be painful.
Maybe I’d be better off sticking with cordial friendliness where she was concerned. It would definitely be safer than stirring up the demons of my past, and for as much as Kate was a bright spot in the darkness, our past was tainted with too many bad memories – memories I’d never revisit if I had the choice.
But would I be satisfied if I never really knew who she was? If the inkling was always there in my mind but I never knew for sure?
Shit, I was confused.
And that confusion followed me to school. Twenty minutes later, I was walking into the auditorium where my Macro class was held, and I still wasn’t sure what to do. Fortunately I was texting with Alyssa, so if wanted to pretend I was so enamored with my phone that I couldn’t pay attention to anything around me as I walked into class, I had that option.
Lys was telling me she was tired and that she wasn’t coming to class, which wasn’t really all that shocking. I was honestly surprised she’d made it as long as she had. The lecture was online, so it was easily accessible to anyone enrolled in the class. Only those of us who really wanted to be present for the lecture bothered to show up in person, and I knew Lys had only been coming because of me. She liked to sleep in, and she definitely wasn’t as eager about school as I was.
I stopped in the aisle to respond to her latest text, telling her I understood and that I’d talk to her later. Then I looked up, and my gaze automatically fell two rows behind where I normally sat – right where I knew Kate would be during class. Maybe it was involuntary, or maybe it was a conscious thought, but as soon as I saw her, I knew I didn’t want to hide anymore.