Promise Me (19 page)

She shook her head, and then she leaned up and kissed my cheek. “It’s okay, Jack. I’m not upset about that.”

“I’m really glad.”

She smiled. “I guess I’ll see you when I see you.”

I nodded. “Bye Kate.”

When she was gone, I fell back onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to come to grips with all the emotions swirling through me. I hadn’t felt this way in so long, and the feeling was as foreign as when Kate had called me Johnny. I wasn’t him anymore, and I had to remember that. Nothing was going to change now that she knew.

Of course my fear was that I was wrong, and everything would change. Now that Kate knew who I was, everything was going to be different. And that could be a great thing, or it could be disastrous. After all I’d gone through, and after all this time, I sincerely hoped it was the former. For as much pain as I’d endured, I figured I was owed at least that.

Chapter Ten

Kate

“Hi,” I said tentatively, surprised to see Jack sitting in the seat next to the one I usually sat in when I walked into class on Wednesday.

After not seeing him for almost a week, I wasn’t sure what to expect from him. He uncharacteristically hadn’t been in class on Friday, he hadn’t come into the restaurant at all when I’d been working over the weekend, and then on Monday, when I normally would have seen him in class, we had our test. Every single student enrolled in the class had filled the auditorium, and since I’d been running late, I’d had to grab a seat in the back. I hadn’t even seen Jack in the crowd of people that was usually much smaller, since most people watched the lectures online.

It very much felt like he’d been avoiding me, which I tried not to take personally. He’d asked for space, and I could at least respect that, even if I’d been anxiously chomping at the bit to see him again after everything that had transpired between us. I hadn’t been sure if he’d be in class on Wednesday, but I’d been hopeful. Just the prospect of seeing him had my stomach in knots, and nervousness and excitement had been fighting for top billing as I’d walked across campus.

I still couldn’t believe what had happened on Thursday night. It was so unreal, and since then I’d thought back to every single interaction I’d had with him since we’d met, trying to figure out if I could have missed something. How could I have not realized who he was? Sure, almost everything about him was different, but we’d been best friends for seven years. Something should have triggered a memory that made me look at him twice.

Of course that hadn’t happened, and after spending too many hours thinking about it, I came to one fairly solid conclusion. I’d let go of Johnny years earlier. In my mind, he was gone, and he’d been gone for a long time – ever since the day he’d left without a word, and I never heard from him again.

I’d held out hope for months that he’d call or write or just show back up, because I couldn’t come to terms with the reality that he could be completely gone from my life. It was a horrible feeling as the days passed by without any word from him. It was sad and painful, but more than what I was feeling, I remembered being so scared for him, and quite honestly I just wanted to know that he was okay.

The day I found out what had happened to his mother I’d been sick with worry. I could only imagine how he must have felt to learn that his mother was gone and that his father was responsible. Even after all the times I’d heard his father storming through their trailer and taking his anger out on Johnny’s mother, I never thought he’d take things as far as he did. But he had, and I knew Johnny, who loved his mother so much and only ever wanted to protect her, must have been out of his mind with grief.

I’d wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay, even though I knew it was a complete lie. I just wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. But Johnny didn’t come home that day, and since crime scene tape was draped across the front of their trailer, I’d figured he had to be staying somewhere else. I just didn’t know where. I thought maybe he was still at the police station, or maybe child services had taken him to one of those awful group homes. But I assumed whatever situation he was in was temporary, as was the fact that he wasn’t in school, and it was only a matter of time before things would get sorted out.

Of course I didn’t know what that would mean in the long run. Johnny didn’t have any other family as far as I knew, and in the pit of my stomach, I feared that he’d end up in foster care. I just hoped it was a home nearby so he wouldn’t have to change schools and I could still see him.

The fact that neither of us had cell phones was torture, because I had no way of getting in touch with him. All I could do was rely on the fact that he’d have to come back to school eventually. Regardless of what had happened, he had to go to school. And if he didn’t come back before his mother’s funeral, I’d see him there. I’d finally be able to hug him and tell him I loved him and make sure he was okay. That was really all I wanted.

But after a week went by and I didn’t hear any word about services that would be held for Mrs. Evans, and Johnny still hadn’t come back to school, I started to get worried. I went to talk to Mrs. Vine, figuring if anyone knew where he was, it would be our guidance counselor. And if there was any chance Johnny wasn’t coming back to school, she’d know that too.

What she’d told me, though, had been the last thing I’d expected to hear, and it took me a long time to process it. I knew she’d done what she could to soften the message, but no matter how she said it, it didn’t change the shock I felt at hearing that Johnny was gone.

Apparently he’d left the night his mother was killed. He was in Texas with his aunt and uncle. I hadn’t even known he’d had an aunt and uncle, and Texas pretty much felt like it was on the other side of the world. And there wasn’t going to be a funeral – at least not one that I could attend. Apparently Johnny’s mother was going to be buried in Texas, where she was from.

I’d walked away from that conversation in a daze, trying to process everything and failing miserably. But one thing was certain. I knew I was most likely never going to see my friend again. He was gone, and that thought alone made me sadder than I’d ever been in my life.

It took me a long time to get over him. Maybe it was because of how important he was to me, or maybe it was because I really did love him as more than a friend, but either way, my life was never the same after he left. It wasn’t as easy for me to make friends, because I always felt like I was trying to replace Johnny. Then I would get frustrated, because even though I made friends over the years, none of them came close to being the full-on confidant that he had been for me. And I’d needed that so much.

We’d known each other’s secrets and shames and fears. We knew how bad life at home could get, and because of that, we’d helped each other out. I was guarded with my other friends. I didn’t let them in. I never told them how bleak things got for me, and I never again found someone like Johnny. He’d been a part of me, my other half, and in an instant he was just gone. I knew his absence affected me, even if the depth of it had faded over the years. I’d always felt like there was a void in my life – at least until the moment I knew Johnny was standing in front of me again.

Only it wasn’t Johnny – not really. It was a boy named Jack, who was strong and confident and so sweet that I’d been drawn to him from the start. But maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe I’d known who he was on a subconscious level all along, and maybe that’s why I’d been so quick to let him in. I wasn’t normally like that. Usually it took me a while to warm up to new people, but ever since Jack had talked to me at Ray’s, I’d felt at ease with him.

And after I knew who he was, it was like everything made sense. That feeling of comfort, how easy it was to talk to him, and how I was willing to tell him things I didn’t usually tell anyone; when I looked at Jack for the first time, and I realized it was Johnny staring back at me, it was like the puzzle pieces all fit. Johnny was looking at me like he had a million times before, all those years ago, and even though I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, I knew it was him.

I’d been speechless as Jack had left my apartment in a rush, trying to make sense of everything that had just transpired. I’d been stunned and confused, and sort of wondering if I was imagining things. He hadn’t come out and told me that he was Johnny, but the look in his eyes had said it was the truth. I
knew
it was him, and every instinct I had told me to go after him.

But then I’d stopped. He’d known who I was. He knew exactly who I was, and it felt like he’d known for a while. But how? My social media accounts? Had he been keeping tabs on me over the years? And if he had been, why hadn’t he ever reached out?

But that couldn’t have been it. If he’d been tracking me online, he would have known so much more about me than he let on, and he would have at least known what I looked like before I’d arrived at UT. He definitely hadn’t known that. Hell, when we’d met for the first time, he’d barely glanced twice at me. And then when I was his server at Ray’s, he hadn’t even remembered meeting me.

So sometime in the past month, he’d figured out who I was. And then we’d become friends – and he hadn’t said a word. I had no idea what to think about that. Had he not wanted me to know? I’d guess not given his reaction to me figuring him out. But why?

It was then that I’d decided to stop standing still and get some answers. Jack might not have wanted to stick around to tell me what was going on, but there was no way he could assume he could drop that big of a bomb on me and that I wouldn’t react. It just wasn’t me – especially given what had happened between us so many years ago.

So I’d ended up at his apartment, standing outside his bedroom door, not sure what was going on. My heart had been pounding, and a rush of emotions had been racing through me, but the longer I had to wait, the more angry and hurt I became as I thought about Jack holding onto the knowledge of who he was without telling me. Then he’d opened the door, and he looked so pale and completely spooked that all my hurt and anger melted away. I’d hugged him, because at the end of the day, regardless of how it happened, I was staring at my long lost best friend, and all I really wanted to do was hug him.

I probably held on too long, making up for eight years in those few seconds he was in my arms, but I hadn’t wanted to let go. He’d meant so much to me once upon a time, and then he’d disappeared without a word. But suddenly it was like we had a second chance. He was standing in front of me, living across the hall from me, going to the same school as me, and I was so unexpectedly grateful that fate or blind luck or some higher power had brought us back together. For years, subconsciously or otherwise, I knew I’d always wished for that moment, even though I’d never thought it would ever come to fruition.

But it had happened, and elation was truly the only thing I could feel. Above all else, and in spite of Jack’s reasons for keeping such a big secret, I couldn’t be mad at him. I was too happy to have him back in my life.

I’d wanted to talk, figuring we’d be up half the night if I had the chance to ask all of my questions. I wanted to know what had happened the day he found out about his mom, how he’d ended up in Texas, and why he’d never called me. But then he’d said he needed time, and even though I wanted to protest, because I had so many things I felt like I needed to know, I knew I had to respect his wishes. I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t ready to talk.

So I told him I’d wait. I just wasn’t sure how much time he’d end up needing. It had been almost a week, and I knew he’d been avoiding me, but simply the fact that he was sitting in the seat next to mine was a good thing. Maybe my wait would finally be over.

“Hi,” I said softly as I took my seat, not sure what else might be okay to say. I knew I had to tread carefully.

“Hey,” Jack said cheerfully. “What did you think of the test?”

I blinked a few times, his question catching me off-guard. He was almost acting as if nothing had changed between us.

Almost – but as I looked closer, I could see in his eyes that wasn’t the case. He was probably trying to ease into talking to me again. Everything had changed between us, a week had passed, but it wasn’t like we were going to delve into our past right there in class. Normal conversation almost felt forced, but at the same time, it was probably a good thing. If nothing else, it would ease some of the tension I’d been feeling about seeing him again.

I let out the breath I’d been holding, forcing myself to relax into the conversation. “The test was good. I think I did well.”

“Please,” he scoffed, just like he would have before I’d learned the truth about him. At least I knew our playful relationship wasn’t going to change. “You know you did well.”

I smiled, figuring it was the most natural thing I could do. “I did. I’m sure you did well too.”

He laughed. “Oh, I aced that thing. It was a piece of cake.”

“I thought you said you were struggling with the material?”

Jack smirked at me. “That was really just a ploy to hang out with you. After I found out who you were, I sort of found as many excuses as I could to be around you.”

“You did?” I questioned, relived that he’d brought up the elephant in the room first.

That saved me from having to awkwardly do it. But more than that, he seemed surprisingly okay with talking about it.

“Yeah,” Jack said with a smile. “You know I don’t usually eat at Ray’s during the week.”

“You don’t?”

“Nah. My friends and I go there on Sundays for football, and then when my family’s in town, we always go at least once, but that’s it.”

“Oh, I figured you just really liked the food.”

He shook his head, and then he hesitated before looking pointedly at me and saying, “No, I just really like the bartender.”

The way he said it made my stomach clench in a way that it definitely shouldn’t have been clenching when I knew that he had a girlfriend – especially as he kept his gaze locked on mine long after it was socially acceptable. I felt myself swallow hard, not sure what to say. I’d thought Jack and I were just friends, but was there more between us?

God, he was cute, and he was so sweet and funny, and shit, I should not be thinking those things about him. We were just friends, and he had a girlfriend, and I needed to stop reading into things that weren’t there. He didn’t like me. He was just excited about us being friends again – just like I was. That was all.