Promise Me Always (17 page)

I put my head in my hands. Was I even capable of giving her what she wanted? I was the king of fuckups—that much I knew for certain. I said a silent prayer that I wasn’t going to fuck up our friendship by trying a relationship with this girl that I needed like I needed air.

To be honest, I was scared shitless to be in any sort of relationship; that’s why I had avoided them all these years. No strings, just sex—that was my motto. I didn’t have to feel one ounce of emotion, I never had to feel jealous or hurt. Kristi had been my first committed relationship and look how that turned out. I was left a fucking mess with no explanation. And then there was the genetic aspect —God only knows what I was capable of with my dad’s blood running through my veins.

As scared as I was of a relationship with her, just the idea of Tess being with another man made my blood boil. I trusted her and knew that if we were committed to each other, she would never cheat. The problem with that whole scenario was that we weren’t committed. Shit, we hadn’t even discussed what it was we were doing! What if she was dating someone else while she was with me?

The thought of Tess with another guy enraged and sickened me. I already knew she was it for me. She was my world, but I was so torn up about whether or not to tell her that. It would be putting myself out there, setting myself up for the inevitable fall… because I knew it wasn’t going to last. I knew she could do so much better than then me. Once she figured that out, if she hadn’t already, I’d be left alone. My heart would be broken again, except this time, I wouldn’t recover.

I scrubbed my hands over my face, realizing that it all boiled down to two simple things—Tess was it for me, no matter how everything played out. And, regardless of whether we ended up together or not, Tess would always hold my heart and no one would be able to take it away from her.

I stood up as she approached and greeted her with a deep kiss. It was my mission to get my fill of her before I went and screwed this up or she came to her senses. She moaned softly into my mouth and I felt my dick twitch. I loved the sounds she made—they were enough to make me come undone. When I finally eased up, she was panting for air.

“I want you, Blake,” she whispered sexily, grabbing my hardness through my pants. I let out a deep growl as she started stroking me, but I forced myself to back away a little bit. I wanted her, but I wanted to take my time tonight—I always wanted to take my time with her. There were also still tons of people inside waiting for us to return and I knew Lexi would be out here soon if we didn’t get back inside.

“I know, baby girl. I want you, too. But we need to get these people out of my house first. I don’t need them hearing you; those sounds are reserved for my ears only,” I said, leaving a trail of kisses up her throat. “Plus, if we start now, you know we will just get interrupted again. Lex can’t leave you alone for more than five minutes.” I kissed her forehead and started leading her back into the house. She giggled and followed me, stopping mid-step when her phone chirped. I turned as she pulled it out of the top of her dress, shrugging her shoulders at me.
Who the hell was texting her? Everyone she knows is here.

“Who’s texting you?” I asked her, leaning over and trying to get a glimpse at her screen. I knew I was acting like a jealous boyfriend, but I couldn’t help it.

She pulled it away from my view, cleared the screen, and shoved it back into her dress. She didn’t raise her eyes to mine.

“No one important. Come on, let’s get back inside,” she said hurriedly, a little too hurriedly. She grabbed my hand and started leading me back into the house, never looking directly at me.

Why didn’t she want me to know who was texting her? What, or who, was she hiding from me?

A knot formed in my stomach when the visions of her and another man popped into my mind. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Who the fuck was that, Tess?” Although I tried, I couldn’t keep the anger from my voice.

I watched her face as it fell. She dropped my hand and took a step back. The look in her eyes as she finally looked at me almost killed me. Confusion and hurt were written all over that beautiful face of hers, her gorgeous eyes clouding over with unshed tears. I felt like a fucking ass.
What the fuck was wrong with me?

“What the hell is wrong with you, Blake?” She all but whispered, echoing the voices in my head. The hurt in her voice cut through me like a knife. My mind was on overload and I couldn’t shake the images of her being touched, kissed and caressed by another man. My fucked up head was telling me that the inevitable had happened—she had found someone better. She had found someone else that could give her the things I couldn’t, things I didn’t think I was capable of.

I felt like the wind was knocked out of me after my realization. I felt like a fool for believing that I could ever have Tess; I felt vulnerable to all of those fucking emotions I had worked my entire life to avoid. My defense mechanisms took over and I had the sudden need to strike at her first, before she left me wounded and unable to fight back.

“Just forget it, Tess. It isn’t like we are
together
or anything,” I spat, crossing my arms over my chest. As soon as the venomous words left my mouth, I instantly regretted saying them.

My resolve diminished as a wave of pain crossed her face and I saw her big eyes fill with tears.
Fuck! Maybe I was wrong!
All I wanted was for us to be together and here I was, pushing her away. I was screwing everything up with the one person that I actually wanted in this life—I wanted her even if I was a complete fuck up that wasn’t good enough for her.

She didn’t say anything, just looked at me with sadness and disbelief in her eyes. It crushed me. I knew I didn’t have any justification for what I had just done, yet I had still done it. I had been impulsive, jumping to conclusions—rushing to be the one to hurt first to save myself.

This was just one more reason I would never be enough for her. She was worthy of so much more than me. My head was screaming at me to just end this now, before I wound up hurting her beyond repair. My heart, however, was betraying my rational thought. It was selfish and wasn’t ready to let her go yet. Every bit of anger, every ounce of fight I had in me disappeared. My heart was winning the battle with my mind and, just as I was about to fall to my knees and beg her to forgive me, the front door opened and Lexi came barging out.

“What are you two doing out here all by yourselves?” she said, grinning as she stumbled down the steps. Obviously, she had one too many drinks tonight. She looked over at Tess and saw the tears pooling in her eyes. Lexi’s grin faded as she turned her head towards me. Shooting daggers at me she said, “What the hell did you do to her? So help me, Blake Bentley, I will castrate you if you hurt her.”

“Lex, it’s fine,” Tess finally spoke. “Blake is just being… Blake.” She smiled a saccharine smile directly at me. “You know, pushing people away, making assumptions that are nowhere near the truth. Lucky for me we’re not
together
and I don’t have to worry about this shit.” She straightened her back, trying to give the impression that she was fine. “Come on, let’s go inside and get a drink. There is a shot of Patron with my name on it somewhere.”

Tess wiped the single tear that had fallen from her face, pushed her way past me and stomped into the house. I didn’t want to let her walk away from me upset, but I couldn’t move. I just stood there as she followed Lex into the house and slammed the door. I watching the best thing in my life, the only thing in my life I cared about, leave.

I sat down on the front porch steps. Leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, I held my head in my hands.
What the fuck just happened?
This night was going perfectly and I just royally screwed it up. I was so confused. My head was spinning as I replayed the last five minutes in my mind, trying to make sense of what I did. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became.

I needed a beer and fast. I stood up to go into the house. The door opened slowly. Hoping it was Tess, I spun around quickly. Disappointment washed over me when I saw Shane walking out the door. At least he had two beers in his hand and I wasn’t going to have to face Tess for at least a few more minutes.

“Hey, buddy, I thought you could use a beer,” Shane said, passing the cold bottle to me.

“Thanks, man.”

“What the hell happened out here? Tess and Lexi are in there raising their glasses saying ‘chicks before dicks and screw Blake’ or some shit like that,” he raised his eyebrows at me. “Dude, she looked fucking pissed when she came through the doors—I’m not gonna lie.”

I laughed a little at the thought of Tess and Lex cursing my name as they toasted one another. Just imaging her all pissed off—she still took my breath away.

“I don’t know, dude, I’m so fucking confused when it comes to her. I don’t know what to do.” I took a sip of beer, pondering my situation, before starting again. “She got a text message and when I asked her who it was, she wouldn’t tell me. I freaked out, man. I got pissed. I thought it was some other guy she was seeing. I snapped at her and then told her we weren’t together anyway, so it didn’t matter who was texting her.”

“Dude, that was kind of cold, don’t you think?” he asked incredulously.

“I felt like shit as soon as I said it to her. I’m fucking this whole thing up before it has even gotten started.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know why I’m surprised though. I don’t belong with her. She’s a fucking angel from heaven and I am the damn devil, pulling her down into the pits of hell. I’m only going to wind up hurting her, Shane, if I keep this going. I know it.” I gulped down the rest of my beer, slamming the bottle into the ground. “It’s what I do.”

“So, why don’t you just end it then? Stop torturing her and just call it all off,” Shane suggested, leaning against the house and eyeing me with unsympathetic eyes.

“Yeah, I would love to do that, man. Really, I would. But the problem is—I can’t.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I need her. I’m drawn to her in a way I can’t explain. I’m scared as hell because I have all these doubts—I mean, I know ME,” I said, as if that explained everything. When Shane didn’t speak, I continued. “I know she deserves more, but I can’t let her go.” I felt like such an ass for spilling my guts to Shane about Tess because I knew he liked her, but she was mine—not his. Maybe hearing this would make him back off and leave her alone.

“Sounds like you are in a pretty fucked up situation, Blake. I have never seen you this fucked up over a girl before…well except for when Kristy left your ass,” he chuckled a bit and then pushed himself away from the house. He eyed me for a minute before turning to make his way to the door. As he opened it, he looked over at me one last time, pausing to consider his next words.

“Seriously, man—I’m telling you this because I’m your friend and friends tell each other the truth. You don’t deserve her. She’s out of your league, Bentley,” he said, his voice as cold as the beer he had brought me. “The last thing she needs is a fuck up like you in her life. Especially after what Jared did to her. You should stop this before you hurt her… before you hurt yourself.”

When Blake came back into the house, all of us girls were dancing in the living room to “I Knew You Were Trouble” by Taylor Swift. I laughed to myself at the irony of the situation. I watched Blake as he made his way into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and popped the top, chugging almost the whole thing before taking it away from his lips. When he looked up, he found my eyes and we stared at each other for a few moments before I tore my gaze away from him. The words he said to me still fresh in my mind.

“It isn’t like we are together or anything.”

I almost slapped him when he said it, but I was too hurt and upset to put in the effort. I understood why he got upset; I knew it looked like I was trying to hide something because I was. I was hiding the fact that my crazy ex was obviously stalking me. He had sent me another message while we were at dinner. Luckily, that time there was no picture—just three words in capital letters.
YOU ARE MINE.

The text I got while outside with Blake was probably the creepiest of them all. It was a collage of photos of Blake and I that had been taken over the course of the past week. One picture was of Blake, dropping me off at my apartment after the ball. There was one of the two of us out to dinner that same night. The third picture was of the two of us kissing at the fire station the day I visited him at work. The creepiest thing was these were not photos that were taken from a distance. They were up close and personal. He must have been using a camera with a good zoom lens to get as close as these picture were. I’m pretty sure I would have noticed him being so close. At the bottom of the collage, in red bold letters, were the same three words—
YOU ARE MINE
.

As soon as I saw that the text was from Jared, I cleared the screen and pretended like it was nothing. Blake seemed stressed out enough with this whole adventure we were embarking on and the last thing he needed was to worry about Jared. I never expected him to get so irate and accusatory though. He literally bit my head off like I was cheating on him or something. I don’t know what hurt me more—the fact that he so bluntly enlightened me that we were not actually together, or the fact that he had the nerve to get mad at me about something that would seriously only affect us if we were, in fact, a couple, after which he made very clear that we weren’t.