Promise Me Always (36 page)

My cock throbbed as emotions and sensations over took my body. I needed to fucking come and I needed her to come with me. I roughly grabbed her ass and started thrusting into her again. She swayed her hips in rhythm, meeting my momentum.

“Shit! D… don’t stop,” she choked out between moans.

I could feel her building as she tightened around me and I knew she was close.

“Come all over me, baby girl. Come for me… now!” I shouted. We both stared at each other as we found our release. My cock twitched as it spilled everything into her and she cried out my name as her orgasm over took her.

Our hearts slowed as we came down from our climaxes, both of us trembling in satisfaction. She lied on my chest for a while, not moving at all, except for the steady rise and fall of her chest. I gently caressed her back with my fingers. Her soft skin felt like silk under my touch. She could lay like this the rest of the night and I would be okay with it—I never wanted to let her go.

Early the next morning, I woke to the most beautiful woman sprawled across my chest. She looked so peaceful that I couldn’t wake her up. Plus, I knew she was exhausted after not sleeping very much over the past seventy two hours—she needed to rest.

I decided to surprise her with breakfast in bed. There was no way in hell I was cooking, though. I hated to cook. Carefully and slowly, I slid out from under her. I placed a pillow where my body had been and she let out a cute little groan, but never woke up.

I quickly got dressed and headed down stairs. Devin, of course, was already in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee.

“Hey, bro, good time last night?” he asked as he raised his eyebrows at me. “You think maybe next time you could keep it down a bit? There’s nothing like listening to your little brother declare his love to a girl while he fucks her brains out to keep you from falling asleep.”

“Fuck off, Dev,” I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck, just a little embarrassed.

What was wrong with me?
We always gave each other shit about this kind of thing. It was nothing new. It seems like one of us always had a woman over, making them scream. Maybe this time it was different because I knew it wasn’t just sex with Tess. Whatever it was, Devin noticed my insecurity and backed off.

“What are you doing up so early, anyway?” he asked, changing the subject. I was relieved that he did.

“Couldn’t sleep, so I decided to surprise Tess with breakfast.”

“I never thought I would see the day that my little bro would cook—let alone for a woman.” He took a seat on one of the barstools at the counter and stared at me. “This I have to see.”

“Ha, ha. Very funny. You know me better than that,” I said. “There’s no way I’m cooking. Do you want anything from Starbucks?” Devin just laughed as he stood up and grabbed his coffee from the counter.

“No, I gotta get to work. Thanks though.” He headed for the door, turning around just before he reached it. “I’m happy for you, Blake. She’s a great girl and you deserve to be happy. Don’t fuck this up with her. Don’t let dad’s actions ever make you think less of yourself,” he smiled at me, pride in his eyes. “I’ve never seen you this happy and I don’t think either of you will make it if you lose each other again.” He turned back towards the door and opened it slowly.

His words made tears sting the back of my eyes, but I blinked them away. I didn’t want to feel like a complete pussy in front of him. He was never the sentimental type and he
never
spoke of our father. I couldn’t help but think that maybe something was up with him. Just the mere mention of our father usually sent Dev to a dark place. Maybe he was finally starting to deal with all of the issues he carried around with him. After all, he suffered through way more than I could ever imagine when it came to our so called father.

“Thanks, Dev,” I said as I grabbed my keys and walked for the front door. “Here’s a crazy thought—maybe you should take a bit of your own advice for once. You’ve always been there for me, and I’m extremely grateful, but I think it’s time you focus a bit on yourself. Don’t let him keep winning,” I smirked.

Devin let out a small chuckle as he looked down at the keys that were in his hands. “I’m working on it, bro,” he said, defeated. I knew it was tough for him to talk about our past. He always put on a front, making everyone believe he had things under control—but I knew that wasn’t the case. He was fucked up and he pushed everyone away because of it—everyone except me.

I slapped him on the back as we walked out the door together.

“I love you, Dev.”

“I love you too, bro.”

Thankfully, I made it back to my house, breakfast in hand, before Tess woke up. I spent the next few minutes tip toeing around my bedroom, setting up the perfect wakeup call. I tried not to disturb her before I was ready.

I hit PLAY on my iPod and “Whatever It Takes” by Lifehouse filled the room. I walked over to the bed and kneeled down so my face was next to hers. Softly, I sang the words to her as she slowly opened her eyes. She smiled a soft, warm smile and her eyes lit up with affection.
So beautiful.

I pushed a strand of her messy hair away from her face as I continued to serenade her with the lyrics. Tears were filling her eyes as she took in the words and, by the time I was half way through the song, they were falling down her face.

I sang the whole song to her—her eyes locked steadily on mine. She was so engrossed in the moment that she hadn’t even noticed the colorful bouquets of daises that were overtaking the room. As I sang the last line, I produced three, single gerbera daisies from behind my back—one red, one pink and one yellow. Her face illuminated with affection as she wiped the tears away from her cheeks.

“I love you, Tess. You deserve to know everything. You have a right to know the reasons why I walked away from you.” I paused for a moment as I tried to stay calm. Just thinking about my father caused anger and pain to immediately rush to the surface and I wiped both from my face before continuing.

Her smile started to slowly fade and the light in her eyes diminished as she saw the demons from my past emerge from behind the barricade I spent my whole life building. I didn’t want her to see just how much my past affected me, but it was hopeless—I couldn’t keep it at bay.

“Remember when I told you about my father?” I asked her, my eyes locked on the flowers she was now holding. I couldn’t look at her while I confessed the darkest part of my life. “Well… the stuff I told you… let’s just say that was the PG version of the shit that bastard put us through,” I said, closing my eyes as the pain of my past crept up on me. “We were never good enough for him. His own flesh and blood and we were nothing to him because we were half our mother. Her blood ran through our veins, so he ran his fists into us every chance he got.”

“Why did he hate her so much?” she asked cautiously. I could tell she wanted know more, but didn’t want to pry.

“I don’t think he really hated her. I think he hated himself,” I shrugged. “He just liked to take it out on us. He lost his job about a year after I was born. Devin says after that, everything changed. He couldn’t find another job and eventually mom had to go back to nursing. He stayed home with us and, as time passed, he started drinking—a lot. The prick wouldn’t put the liquor down long enough to even feed us. If it wasn’t for Dev, we never would have survived.”

I could see the fear in Tess’ eyes as I laid everything out for her. She knew the basics of what had happened, but I could tell she never thought it was that bad.

She rested her hand on my shoulder, trying to console me, as I let the fuzzy memories fill my head—filling in the blanks with what Devin had told me.

“He started hitting me right after I turned four. Devin had been taking all of the abuse since he was older. He usually only struck us in the legs and arms, always telling my mother that we fell down or some shit. But one day, he fucked up and hit me so hard on the back that he left a welt. My mother saw it that night when she gave me a bath. When she confronted him about it, he lost it,” I said, swallowing the knot in my throat.

“He started yelling at her, saying that he couldn’t believe how ungrateful she was, that if it wasn’t for him, we would be in foster care because she was never home to take care of us,” I shook my head, biting back the anger building in me. “That was the first time he hit her. Everything escaladed after that. We all took the abuse for another year before my mother finally had enough. The next week we left and never looked back.”

“Blake, I’m so sorry. What an asshole,” she finally choked out. I could tell she didn’t know what to say and I laughed a little at her sudden outburst. When I looked up at her, she had tears in her eyes and I couldn’t help but smile at her. “Sorry, I just don’t understand how someone could do that—especially to their own children.”

“I’m actually pretty lucky. I was really young and the memories are pretty blurry for the most part.” I closed my eyes again as the worst day of my childhood came flooding into my mind. “There is one memory, though, that I can remember.”

My hands started to shake and Tess covered them with hers immediately, rubbing circles on the tops of them with her thumbs.

“I remember Devin was at school. I hated it when Devin left because that always made me the target. I accidently spilled a box of cheerios when I tried to make myself breakfast and I knew I was going to be in trouble. I tried to pick it up before he saw it, but before I knew it, he had me pinned down across his lap,” I flinched at the memory.

“I thought I was getting another spanking because they were a regular occurrence in our house. I braced myself for the sting that I was so used to receiving, but when the blow came, I knew it wasn’t caused by his hand. I cried out as the bite of his belt struck me over and over again,” I paused, trying to keep my heart beat from racing out of control, as the fear I felt as a child came rushing back. “The whole time, he yelled things that no four year old should ever hear.
You mean nothing to me. You’re a fuck-up, a worthless, lazy brat that will never amount to anything. You can’t even make a god damn bowl of cereal right. You will never deserve anything in life! You were a mistake, an accident. I wish you were never born
.”

I watched as Tess’ hand covered her mouth as she gasped in shock at the words my father had spoken to me.

“The first few times he said those things to me, I figured he was just angry. But then the words started coming every day.
You’re worthless, a goddamn mistake. You don’t deserve shit.
They didn’t always come with a beating. Sometimes he would just yell at me and I was happy to take it.” I got up and sat next to her on the bed, pulling her close to me carefully so I didn’t hurt her bruised ribs.

“I’ve been pushing you away, Tess. Every day since the second I met you and I’m sorry. I’ve known you were the one since the first moment you walked into Cole’s garage with Palmer all those years ago. But I never felt like I was good enough for you,” I kissed the top of her head. “I’ve always been this fucked up mess inside and I never thought I deserved to be happy. That night at Matt’s just reconfirmed everything my father had ever told me. I lost my temper and I fucking hit you—I didn’t deserve you that night. Leaving you was the only way I could insure that you would have a life that
you
deserved.” I squeezed her a bit tighter.

“Blake, you
accidently
hit me. I know you didn’t mean to—it was an accident. It doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of me! I’m just as responsible for what happened that night—I stepped in front of that punch. Or have you forgotten?” She pushed away a little as looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. She put her hand on the side of my face as she continued. “How can you not see how perfect you really are?”

There was no way I was going to let her see the pain in my eyes, so I lowered my head as I replied. “It’s just hard to believe anything else. He drilled those thoughts into me from a young age and, when you’re a little kid, you look up to your father. You believe everything he says, whether it’s true or not.”

She let out a heavy sigh, almost like she was frustrated. She got up and straddled my lap. We were now nose to nose as I stared into her warm, caring eyes. She wrapped her arms around my neck, taking a firm hold of the back of my head, and pulled my forehead to hers.