Promise Me This (17 page)

Jessie

After my shift at Raw Ink, I headed over to the university to finalize my photography exhibit. I hadn’t seen Nate in several days, and outside of almost daily texts between us, we hadn’t spoken in person.

I had been the one to initiate contact this time since his photos were so embedded in all of my bridge footage. Plus, I had a good plan for my assignment and I wanted to make sure to get his permission.

Me:
You okay with being in a couple of the photos for my project?

Him:
You’re going to use some of those shots I was in?

Me:
Yeah, because they’re kick ass and it’ll look weird if I crop you out.

Him:
I could see how that would be a problem, he
is
pretty large. Probably takes up the whole frame.

Me:
Is that what the speck of dust was? That explains it.

Him:
Speck of dust? Dust storm, baby.

Me:
*eye roll* Keep it in your pants, Square.

Nate had confided in me that he’d still been seeing Dr. Drake at the counseling center and that he was working through, quote: “all of his family shit.” I paused for a moment, considering my next text. I wanted to be there for Nate, but I also didn’t want to pry if he didn’t feel like sharing anything yet.

Me:
You know I’m always here, right, if you want to talk to someone?

Him:
Thanks, Blue. I could definitely use someone to talk to. I confronted my dad the other day and it did not go well.

Me:
Oh my God, did he . . .

Him:
No. Besides, I’m way bigger than him now.

Me:
How did it feel to confront him?

Him:
Honestly, it felt empowering and pretty damn good. But now my mom isn’t even speaking to me. I totally upset the apple cart, so to speak, by calling my dad out. I’m pretty much not allowed back in that house.

Me:
So sorry, Square. Maybe your mom just needs time. I would keep reaching out to her, even if she doesn’t respond. You guys have a special relationship and I think she’ll come around.

Him:
Good advice. I kind of made a mess of things and it’s fucking with my brain.

Me:
Understood. I’m here if you need to talk it through again . . .

Him:
Thanks, Blue. You’re a good friend. Sorry I haven’t been around much, but I’ll get it together.

I had a feeling that was his way of telling me that whatever was transpiring between us was being placed on pause, as if I hadn’t clued in already. We were pretty good at the friend thing, anyway.

Point being that I needed to move on. Nate had demons he was wrestling with and you didn’t rush that kind of thing. Especially if all of his family stuff was floating to the surface.

If he didn’t think he could explore whatever was happening between us right now, I had to accept that. Besides, it was better in the long run if he could sort his crap out now. I could have never tried to have a relationship after my father died; I would’ve been a total wreck. So I got it. Shit was coming to a head.

***

The following night, we were sitting at our regular table in the back of Zach’s Bar. As soon as Cory and Dex started up an annoying game of beer pong, I stood up to get my own drink at the bar. I was not in the mood for their shenanigans tonight and even though Dex and I were on much better terms since the bowling alley incident, I didn’t feel like watching him get wasted, either.

I sat on a stool, ordered my beer, and then looked around the place, noting the mix of locals and university students here tonight. There was a guy at the far end of the bar that seemed familiar and I tried placing him without being too obvious. He looked up from his glass, our eyes met, and he tipped his chin.

Definitely hot with his arms and neck painted in color, he also sported black skeleton ear gauges and a buzz cut. He was the exact type I’d always been interested in, before my recent road trip seemed to change everything. Maybe this was precisely what I needed—to flirt with a guy who was more like me.

My eyes swept to the door just as Nate breezed through and my stomach immediately tangled in knots. He was with Quinn, Brian, and some other frat guys, but he definitely stood above the rest in stature. Or maybe just in my fucked-up mindset.

His hair was tousled, his jeans were tight, and he wore on one of those button-down shirts with the stupid horse insignia that he seemed to own a fair share of. Since when had I ever dissolved into Jell-O over a ripped, clean-cut, privileged boy?

My gaze travelled back to the guy at the end of the bar, just as he stood up and began heading my way. Usually guys like him didn’t play games, they just came straight out and told you want they wanted.

They may have looked all badass but even still, they were sometimes clueless in the wooing department. They didn’t always know how to satisfy a woman in the bedroom, no matter how much swagger they showed. My neck felt prickly hot at the image of Nate between my legs the other night.

As the guy approached, I took a sweep of the room and saw that Nate had left his frat buddies’ table and had gone to sit near Bennett. He chose a stool with his back to the wall, which gave him a clear shot of me. His lips tilted up and I raised my hand in a low wave.

His gaze was substantial, like a drag of fingertips across my flesh and I crossed my legs to keep from remembering how his tongue felt against my skin. I struggled to draw my gaze away from his probing eyes to concentrate on the guy in front of me now.

“Hey,” the dude said, his voice low and husky. In closer range, I noticed his green eyes and how much they highlighted the colorful tattoos on his bicep.

“Hey,” I said, trying to find my voice.

“I know you,” he said, clunking down in the seat next to mine. “You work the front at Raw Ink.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, suddenly remembering him. “You’re one of Lila’s clients.”

“Right,” he said. “She’s given me some kick-ass ink. Can I buy you another beer?”

“No need,” I said, holding up my hand. “I’ll probably only have one. I’m here with the guys from the shop.”

I nodded toward the back table and his gaze followed mine. Nate held my eyes solid as a block of ice, except that it was heated and melting me from the inside out.

Nate

My eyes were glued to Jessie’s and I couldn’t easily pull them away, mainly because of the huge discomfort in my chest—like a flaming-hot coal of possessiveness. Which, if I was being honest, was really something else entirely. And it came in the perfect shade of green.

I felt Bennett’s hand knock mine twice, and then his voice in the distance. But all I could think about was the fact that I had Jessie in her bed the other night, my face was between her legs, and now she was talking to some douche, not even realizing how fucking hot she looked in that damn skirt, with her combat boots and tight top.

Since when in the heck had I ever thought heavy, clunky shoes on a girl were sexy? But I recalled what was beneath all of that makeup and clothing and that thought alone made my pants tighten unbearably. And now my knee was jiggling a million miles an hour.

“Dude, I think you got it bad,” Bennett said and those words snapped me right out of my thoughts.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I grabbed my beer and took a long pull.

“Finally got your attention,” Bennett said with a smirk.

I shrugged, not in the mood for any jokes tonight. Even if it was coming from Ben, my close friend, who knew me pretty damn well.

I looked at Bennett and then at his girlfriend, Avery, who had just arrived and was thankfully engaged in a conversation with one of the female tattoo artists, named Lila. No way did I want her to give me the business about chicks, even though I probably should’ve sought advice from someone like her. Someone who’d been more like me just a year ago—moving from bed to bed, running away from her past.

She was a straight shooter and would probably know what to say in this situation.

But what
was
this situation, exactly?

Jessie and I were friends, first and foremost. But we had also gotten it on twice now. Once rough and once soft, all on my terms, and then I walked away without any further discussion. She had every right to do whatever in the hell she wanted.

I thought about Jessie night and day, even jacked off to fantasies of her, but my brain was a jumble of mush. My family situation was a disaster because of what I’d brought on myself. My mother and brother weren’t speaking to me and I was working through it with my counselor.

Even though deep inside I knew I’d done the right thing with my family, I couldn’t help feeling culpable or wishing that I’d never opened my mouth to begin with. Not only that, even though I had confronted my father, I still couldn’t shake that same fear that gnawed away at me. And until I was free of that, I had no right to drag Jessie into my mess.

“What’s going on lately with you, man?” Bennett asked quietly, so that the others at the table, who had now moved on to play flip cup, would have a hard time deciphering our conversation.

I turned my attention back to Bennett. “What do you mean?”

He leaned over the table. “Something going down between you and Jessie?”

“Why do you ask?” What the fuck—was it written all over my face or something?

“Whenever you two are in the same room, you’re tense and always have your eye on her.”

“We’re friends, you know that.”

“Be real with me, Nate,” he said. “I get it if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m no dummy. The way you acted at Quinn’s party?”

I just stared at him, heat clawing at my neck. When I didn’t say anything, he continued.

“You and Jessie have always had your little teasing back and forth, but you’ve never acted like this around her before.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Like how?”

He looked over his shoulder and swept his gaze across Jessie and the guy at the bar, who were now huddled closer, talking. “Like you want to get up and beat the shit out of that dude talking to her, that’s what.”

My shoulders slumped, the resistance sliding out of me. “That obvious, huh?”

“To me it is, I don’t about know how it looks to anybody else,” he said, keeping his voice soft. “What gives? Something happen between you guys?”

I looked my friend in the eye now. “Yeah, maybe.”

He tipped his chin. “That why you fixed her tire? You with her that night?”

I nodded and his eyes narrowed at me.

“She’s got my brain all twisted, man,” I said, sighing. “I’m just trying to figure it out.”

“Since I’ve never seen you strung out like this, I can understand the twisted part,” he said, signaling the server for another round. “But I’m not sure I understand what the problem is. Jessie’s a good girl.”

“The problem is: I don’t do relationships,” I said. “And besides, we’re so different.”

Bennett looked over at Avery as if perhaps recounting how different they seemed in the beginning of their relationship as well. In fact, I recalled a conversation I had with Avery once in front of the bonfire at the clambake last year. I remember telling her that if
I
found a strong connection with someone I’d investigate it, too.

Was that a load of bullshit I was telling her back then? I saw what was between them and it was so damn strong—like a current running through the air.

“Not sure we’ve ever thoroughly discussed the reason why you don’t do relationships,” Bennett said. Did he really want to begin talking about this in a bar?

“There’s not a lot to tell except that I didn’t have much to look at growing up. My father is a prick to my mom, you might have even already figured the rest out, and I don’t want—”

I stopped right there. Saying this out loud again was freaking me out. Not because it was Bennett. In fact, I wanted him to know. It was just that I had kept it so close to my vest my entire life and releasing it in these small bursts felt a lot like pulling a Band-Aid off clean—hopefully to find healed skin beneath.

“It’s cool man, I get it,” Bennett said, letting me off the hook. “I do think I already know some of it, so someday when we’re alone, maybe you can tell me the rest.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Thanks, man.”

“Not a problem,” he said, and then followed my gaze over to Jessie again.

“I’ll figure it all out,” I said. “I’m not trying to hurt her, man.”

I was saying so damn much in that sentence that Bennett wasn’t even aware of.

“Oh, I’m not worried you’ll hurt her. Jessie is strong, independent, amazing really,” he said ticking off the qualities I liked about her already. “I’m afraid
you’ll
be the one that ends up hurt if you don’t get your ass in gear.”

I was left reeling from his comment as Cory called Bennett’s name, attempting to pull him into whatever game they were playing.

Fuck, he was right, as was evidenced by what was happening right in front of me at the bar.

A few minutes later, Jessie stood and headed down the hall toward the bathroom. I saw the guy check her out the whole way across the bar and then he got up to move in that direction. No fucking way would she invite that shit from him. I bolted upright, my chair practically crashing to the floor, my hands clenched into fists.

The entire table looked up at me but I didn’t give a shit.

“What the hell, man?” Cory said, but I ignored him.

I stalked after Jessie into the hallway. When I saw the same dude talking to her against the wall, my chest seized up, and I was unable to inhale a decent breath.

“You okay, Jessie?” I said as I neared her.

She looked over his shoulder and rolled her eyes. Actually fucking rolled her eyes at me. What in the hell?

The guy turned and looked me up and down. “She’s fine. We’re just talking.”

Then he spun back to Jessie and said, “Who the hell is that?”

But before Jessie could answer I cut in. “All you’re doing is talking, huh? That’s why you follow a girl down a dark hall after you just got done hitting on her for a long time at the bar?”

Jessie’s jaw hung open as her eyes flared at me. Actually flared. Did she want to be with this guy? I didn’t give two shits; she wasn’t going to be. Not as long as I could help it.

“Rich boy, take a hike,” the dude with the crazy neck tattoos and ear gauges said. “Unless you want to deal with me.”

“He’s a friend looking out for me, that’s all.” Jessie pushed away from him and backed herself toward the restroom door. “And he could probably take you down, in case you haven’t already gotten a good look at his guns. So both of you just leave me the hell alone and let me pee in peace.”

The dude gave me another once-over before he prowled past me back to the bar. Jessie stepped into the bathroom but before she could close the door, I pushed my way inside.

She backed herself against the sink, surprised by my intrusion, and suddenly I remembered how she’d walked in on me that night while I had a girl in here in much the same position. I think she remembered as well because there was this look in her eye that was a cross between desire and rigidity.

“Really, Nate?” she said, her hands planted firmly on her hips, much like that one night. “You’re gonna go all caveman on me just because some guy was talking to me at the bar?”

I stepped closer and saw how her breathing faltered.

“I thought you like how I go all caveman on you,” I said, now running my fingers up her leg to her hip.

She inhaled sharply. “Sure I like it in the bedroom, but in public, not so much.”

Something about that statement made the synapses fire inside my brain.

“What’s the difference?” I said inching nearer and trailing my nose along her jawline.

“The difference is . . . that one is behind closed doors and is about playing a role during . . . s . . . sex,” she said, almost breathless. “The other is in front of other people and makes you look like an ass.”

God, Jessie was such an enigma. Submissive in bed and assertive in every other area in her life. Was that possible—to only play a certain role in the bedroom and not have it infiltrate other areas of your life?

Did that mean I could keep my different tastes, desires, and personas separate as well?

I thought about my parents. My father wanted to control my mother in every possible way and he did it with fear, by ruling with an iron fist.

But I didn’t want to control Jessie or anybody else for that matter.

So what was that shit I just pulled in the hallway?

That was jealousy, plain and simple. Something I’d never felt before. Because I wanted this girl, more that I ever wanted anybody else in my life. And I didn’t know how to make her mine without fucking everything else up.

I ground my hips into hers so that she knew just how turned on she’d made me. My lips were hot on her neck as they trailed up to her ear. “I want to bend you over this sink right now and show you just how caveman I can be.”

I felt her knees quiver against mine.

“Yeah?” she whispered. “Would you spank me, Nate?”

“Fuck,” I moaned, right before my mouth crashed down on hers. My tongue invaded her mouth and she whimpered as I licked and nibbled and tasted her.

“I’d want nothing more than to have you take me like that, Nate,” she said, panting hard.

And then suddenly she straightened herself and thrust me back forcefully. “But you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re working some shit out.”

My eyebrows bunched together, confusion over what she was trying to say.

“I can’t keep hooking up with you,” she said. “That’s not my thing. No matter how damn much I like being with you.”

She pushed out of my grasp and then smoothed down her shirt. She looked around the grimy bathroom and said, “And I certainly wouldn’t be fucking you in a nasty bathroom.”