Proposal (9 page)

“No, but thanks for the offer,” Paul said, smooth as silk. “And it's called the Curse of the Dead. There's no such thing as the Curse of the Papyrus. Curses are written on papyrus. They're not—”

“Just tell me what you want, Paul.”

“I told you what I want. Another chance.”

“You're going to have to elaborate. Another chance at what?”

“You. One night. If I can't win you over from de Silva in one night, I'm not worthy of the name Slater.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

If I hadn't felt so sick to my stomach, I'd have laughed. I tried not to let my conflicting feelings—scorn, fear, confusion—show in my voice. Paul fed off feelings the way black holes fed off stars.

“I'm not, actually,” he said. “I told you, it's never a good idea to joke when the forces of evil are involved.”

“Paul. First of all, you can't win back something you never had.”

“Suze, where is this coming from? I really thought you and I had something once. Are you honestly trying to tell me it was all in my head? Because I've had a lot of time to think it over, and I have to say, I don't agree.”

“Second of all, I'm engaged. That means I'm off the market. And even if I wasn't, threatening to tear down a multimillion-dollar house and release some kind of evil spirit that may or may not live inside my boyfriend is beneath even—”

He cut me off. “What do I care if you're engaged? If Hec
tor
doesn't put enough value on your relationship to bother consummating it”—Paul put an unpleasantly rolled trill on the second syllable of Jesse's given name—“which I know he doesn't, you're still fair game as far as I'm concerned.”

“Wait.” I could hardly believe my ears. “That isn't fair. Jesse's Roman Catholic. Those are his
beliefs
.”

“And you and I are non-believers,” Paul pointed out. “So I don't understand why you'd want to be with a guy who believes that—”

“I never said I was a non-believer. I believe in
facts
. And the fact is, I want to be with Jesse because he makes me feel like a better person than I suspect I actually am.”

There was a momentary silence from the other end of the phone. For a second or two I thought I might actually have gotten through to him, made him see that what he was doing was wrong. Paul did have some goodness in him—I knew, because I'd seen it in action once or twice. Even complete monsters can have one or two likable characteristics. Hitler liked dogs, for instance.

But unfortunately the good part of Paul was buried beneath so much narcissism and greed, it hardly ever got a chance to show itself, and now was no exception.

“Wow, Simon, that was a real Hallmark moment,” he snarked. “You know I could make you feel good—”

“Well, you've gotten off to an excellent start by threatening to turn my fiancé into a demon.”

“Don't shoot the messenger, baby. I'm not the bad guy here. If I weren't the one tearing down your house, it was going to be some other filthy-rich real-estate developer.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“What the hell, Simon? You should be grateful to me. I'm trying to do you a solid. Where is all this hostility coming from?”

“My heart.”

“This is bullshit.” Now Paul sounded pissed off. “Why should I have to respect some other guy's beliefs? It's called free enterprise. Since when can't a man try to win something that's still on the open market?”

“Did we just travel back through time again to the year 1850? Are women something you believe you can actually
own
?”

“Funny. I'll give you that, you've always been funny, Simon. That's the thing I've always liked best about you. Well, that, and your ass. You still have a great ass, don't you? I tried to look up photos of you on social media, but you keep a surprisingly low profile. Oh, shit, wait, never mind. You're a feminist, right? You probably think that ass remark was sexist.”

“
That's
what you're worried about? That I'm going to think you're sexist? Not that I'm going to report you to the cops for trying to blackmail me into going out with you?”

“I'm afraid you're going to find any wrongdoing on my part a little difficult to prove to the cops, Suze, even if you've been recording this phone call, which I'm guessing you only thought of doing just now. No monetary sums have been mentioned, and even if you call it coercion, I'm pretty sure you're going to have a hard time explaining to the cops exactly how my tearing down a property I legally own is threatening you. Though if you mention the stuff about the ancient Egyptian funerary texts, it will probably give the po-po a good laugh.”

Unfortunately, he was right. That was the part that burned the most. Until he added, “Oh, and I'm going to expect a little more than you merely
going out
with me. Not to be crude, but virtue is hardly something
I
value. Unlike Hec
tor
, I'm not particularly marriage minded. But I guess being married to you might be fun . . . like being a storm chaser. You'd never know what to expect from day to day. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, our date—it will definitely have to include physical intimacy. Otherwise, how else will I be able to show you I've changed?”

I was so stunned, I was temporarily unable to form a reply, even a four-letter one, which for me was unusual.

“Don't worry,” he said soothingly. “It's been a long time since I've touched Goldschläger. I've vastly improved my technique. I won't throw you against another wall.”

“Wow,” I said, when I could finally bring myself to speak. “What
happened
to you? When did you become so hard up for female company that you had to resort to sextortion? Have you ever thought of trying Tinder?”

He laughed. “Good one! See, I've missed this. I've missed us.”

“There was never any us, you perv. What happened between you and Kelly, anyway?”

“Kelly?” Paul hooted some more. “Kelly
Prescott
? I guess you haven't been reading the online alumni newsletters, either.”

“No,” I admitted guiltily. The guilt was only because my best friend, CeeCee, wrote the newsletter for our graduating class, and I paid no attention to it.

“Well, let's just say Kelly and I weren't exactly meant for each other—not like you and me. But don't worry about old Kel. She's rebounded with some guy twice her age, but with twice as much money as I have—which is saying a lot, because as I mentioned, I'm flush. Kelly Prescott became Mrs. Kelly . . . Walters, I think is what it said on the announcement. She had some huge reception at the Pebble Beach resort. What, you weren't invited?”

“I don't recall. My social calendar's pretty full these days.”

I was lying, of course. I'd been invited to Kelly's wedding, but only because I'm related through marriage to her best friend Debbie, who'd been the maid of honor. I'd politely declined, citing a (fake) prior commitment, and no one had mentioned missing me.

Weddings aren't really my thing, anyway. Large gatherings of the living tend to attract the attention of the undead, and I usually end up having to mediate NCDPs between swallows of beer.

My own wedding is going to be different. I'll kick the butt of any deadhead who shows up there uninvited.

“So when are we having dinner?” Paul asked. “Or, more to the point, what comes after dinner. And I'm not talking about dessert.”

“When Jupiter aligns with planet Go Screw Yourself.”

“Aw, Suze. Your sexy pillow talk is what I've missed most about you. I'll be in Carmel this weekend. I'll text you the deets about where to meet up then. But really, it doesn't sound like you're taking anything I've just told you about the potential threat to your boyfriend's life very seriously.”

“I do take it seriously. Seriously enough to be looking forward to seeing you as it will allow me to fulfill my long-held dream of sticking my foot up your ass.”

“You can put any body part of yours in any orifice of mine you please, Simon, so long as I get to do the same to you.”

I was so angry I suggested that he suck a piece of anatomy I technically don't possess, since I'm female.

It was unfortunate that Sister Ernestine, the vice-principal, chose that particular moment to return from lunch.

“
What
did you say, Susannah?” she demanded.

“Nothing.” I hung up on Paul and stuffed my phone back into the pocket of my jeans. I was going to have to deal with him—and whether or not there was any truth to this “curse” he was talking about—at another time. “How was lunch, Sister?”

“We'll discuss how much you owe the swear jar later, young lady. We have bigger problems at the moment.”

Did we ever. I figured that out as soon as I saw the dead girl behind her.

 

About the Author

MEG CABOT
WAS
born in Bloomington, Indiana. In addition to her adult contemporary fiction she is the author of the best-­selling young adult fiction series The Princess Diaries. Over twenty-­five million copies of her novels for children and adults have sold worldwide. Meg lives in Key West, Florida, with her husband.

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By Meg Cabot

THE MEDIATOR SERIES

THE PRINCESS DIARIES SERIES

FROM THE NOTEBOOKS OF A MIDDLE SCHOOL PRINCESS SERIES

HEATHER WELLS SERIES

Overbite

Insatiable

Ransom My Heart
(WITH
M
IA
T
HERMOPOLIS)

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THE BOY SERIES

She Went All the Way

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ALL-­AMERICAN GIRL SERIES

Nicola and the Viscount

Victoria and the Rogue

Jinx

How to Be Popular

Pants on Fire

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Copyright

This book is a work of fiction. References to real ­people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used fictitiously. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real.

An excerpt from
Remembrance
copyright © 2016 by Meg Cabot, LLC.

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Copyright © 2016 by Meg Cabot, LLC. All rights reserved under International and Pan-­American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-­book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-­engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of Harper­Collins e-­books.

EPub Edition JANUARY 2016 ISBN: 9780062473561

Print Edition ISBN: 9780062473585

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