Protecting My Hart (Protectors Series Book 1) (20 page)

I’m sitting out front, watching Ethan play with his truck, when Beamer comes out and sits down next to me on the stairs.

“He’s a great kid, Hartley. You’ve done an amazing job with him.”

“Thanks, he’s been a pretty easy kid. Never gave me much trouble or anything. He was such a good baby, always happy, just like he is now. If he’s scared or sick, he becomes very clingy and needy, and he’ll cry then. Otherwise he’s like this. Happy.”

“That’s good, kids should be happy.”

“Yeah, they should,” I agree.

“Hartley, when we were at the store, you put stuff back.”

“Yeah, so?” I ask cautiously. I knew there was something he wanted to say, and I’m glad he didn’t say anything at the store; this is not a conversation that should have taken place there. I’m not sure this is a conversation that should be taking place at all.

“So I thought Slyde gave you his card.”

“He did. Your point?”

“I know it’s probably not my place, but why didn’t you use it? He told you to.”

“Because it’s not his job or responsibility to buy my son a jacket and toy. It’s mine. I had enough money for Ethan’s stuff, and that’s it. I didn’t need the stuff I had anyway. Ethan comes first, always. I told him he could pick a toy and he did. I couldn’t tell him no because I had picked out a couple shirts. It’s my responsibility to take care of my son, not Slyde’s. Tell him that, he might listen to you.”

He gives a small laugh. “You should know better than that. He’s not gonna hear it any better comin’ from me than he does from you. And honestly, whether you feel it’s his responsibility or not, Slyde believes it is.”

“I get it, Beamer. I do. When someone is in trouble, especially a girl, you men transform into super bad-ass, tough, alpha males where you think if you say something it becomes the law. I am beyond grateful for everything that Slyde has done for me and Ethan. I wasn’t prepared to move again so quickly, and this really was my only option on such short notice. I know that we are both safe here. But again, this is not Slyde’s problem or his responsibility. I feel so guilty for dragging him into this, and now he’s brought you, Kash and Mack into this mess, which never should have happened. Me being here has disrupted his life; I’ve invaded his home and interfered with his job. It’s spreading into your life now too. You shouldn’t be sitting here babysitting me and Ethan. You have better things to do than wasting your time here.”

“Do you actually believe the shit that comes out of your mouth?”

“Excuse me?” His statement takes me by complete surprise, and I am momentarily stunned that he would say something like that to me.

“99.9% of what you just said is pure bullshit, and I want to know if you actually believe it.”

“You listen here, I don’t appre—” I begin to tell him off but he cuts me off.

“No, you listen to me, Hartley. With the exception of you saying we men turn into badass alphas and you feeling guilty, the rest of what you said is bullshit. It’s true that guys become crazy protective when someone they know is threatened. Slyde is no different. Thing with him is that he is always badass alpha, and he will think and act first, then discuss later. It’s his way, how he’s programmed. He’s gonna do whatever it takes to take care of and protect what’s his. You and Ethan are his. You always have been.”

“No, I haven’t been. I was JD’s.”

“Even then, Hartley, you were always Slyde’s. He watched you, tried to make sure you were OK. He had no clue the reality of your situation. He always told me that he wanted to get you out of there but never did because he didn’t think you were in danger. It killed him to know that you were so close and he couldn’t do anything and then…”

“Then what?”

“He told me about the night you shared, which I’m guessing resulted in Ethan. You’d be a fool not to think that Slyde is his father. He looks just like him. I’m not sure if you can’t see it because you are afraid to, or if you can and you’re still afraid to admit it. When I first saw Ethan that was my immediate thought. He didn’t lie to you when he told you he was gutted that you had vanished. He didn’t lie when he told you he’s been looking. We all have. Everywhere we’d go we’d look. Never stopped. He had nightmares; he’d find you but then couldn’t get to you before you’d disappear again. He was determined to find you, and we had a deal that after JD was put away, we were gonna hop on our bikes and ride, go lookin’ for you. He didn’t care if he found you and you were happy, with someone, married, or whatever. He would have left you alone if you were. He just needed to know that you got out of that hell and found happiness. That is the only thing he wanted.”

“So if he found me and I was happy, he would have just left?” That knowledge sinks in and a warm feeling takes over. He really would have just left? However, the idea of him finding me then leaving sends panic through me.

“Yes. All he’s wanted was for you to be happy, even if he couldn’t be the one to make you happy. He would have walked away. Not sure he would even have told you how he felt. But he would have let you go.”

“But.” Regardless of all this, I still can’t help but feel guilty.

“Hartley, I get why you feel guilty, but honestly there is no reason for you to. Slyde could not be happier that you are in his life again. Even though it’s only been a few days, you are putting back everything good that this operation has sucked from him. It’s good to see my friend returning. Kash and I feel the same. We protect our own. You and Ethan are Slyde’s family, and I know that it’s quick, but it’s true. You’re family and we protect our family. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Slyde, and I know that favor would be returned. Stop worrying about feeling guilty and overstepping and all that other crap you keep trying to make yourself believe is true. Let him be there for you and keep you safe.”

Beamer is correct, but everything he’s said is overwhelming, and I will have to think about it all later.

“Tell me about him, when you were younger, before he got mixed up with JD.”

“Slyde became my friend when I really needed one. I had a dark childhood; I imagine you and I have more in common than we know. Anyway, I met Slyde when he and his family moved to town. He was in my class, and instead of him being new and shy, he sat down next to me and introduced himself. Instant buddies. I was always welcome with his family when I didn’t want to go home. By the last two years of high school I pretty much lived with them. He knows my dark secrets but never judged me for them. He was always there, just to hang if I needed. He helped me realize that I was much stronger than my circumstances. When he got mixed up with JD there was no way I was going to abandon him when he needed me.”

“Why did he get mixed up with him?”

“We were seventeen, there was an accident that rocked his world so hard it shattered. He was lost for a while, and then he met JD and got into some trouble. I didn’t know how to pull him out, but I never left. He got in trouble with the cops, and that was the wakeup call he needed. The rest you know, he made the deal, got his shit together, fed back information. I went into the academy right out of high school, they paid for college, and that’s when I met Kash. Slyde attended classes with us when he could, but did most of it online since he had to stay undercover. The agency paid for his schooling as well. After you vanished, he put all his extra focus into becoming an agent. It’s kinda awesome how all of this came together, but I think Slyde had more to do with me and Kash being in on this. He is quite persistent. He usually gets what he wants and is not easy to deal with when he doesn’t. You should have seen him when Mack told him
no
about getting you out of that house. He was hell on wheels for months and then you were gone, and I seriously thought we were gonna have to put Mack into protective custody.” Beamer laughs at the memories.

He really did flip out when I left. I'm not quite sure what to do with this information and file it away to analyze later. “What was the accident? The one that shattered his world?”

“That’s his story to tell. All you need to know is that he is a good guy, he’ll always be there when you need him, he’s completely trustworthy, and yes he is a badass alpha, but trust me, you don’t want him any other way.”

Beamer is right—as frustrating as he can be, I really wouldn’t want him any other way. Now I just have to convince myself that he really does want me. 

It’s been a long fucking day. The meeting ended, and all is set for next week. I sent Beamer a message letting him know I was coming home, that way he doesn’t shoot me when I walk in the door.

“Hey, man, I thought you weren’t going to be back ‘til tomorrow,” Beamer calls out from the couch.

“Yeah, but the meeting finished late, and I don’t have to be back ‘til day after tomorrow, so I made the drive home. Couldn’t stay there knowing my girl and son are an hour away.”

“Figured.”

“Everything still OK?”

“Yeah. Went to the store today. Ethan needed a new coat, and he got a new monster truck toy.”

“She use the card?”

“Nope. Put clothes back that she wanted too.”

“Aw hell.”

“She’s a stubborn one. I called her out on it when we got back here. She started spouting bullshit about feeling guilty for disrupting your life, your work, invading your house. About how she’s inconveniencing me and Kash and Mack. How Ethan is her responsibility and not yours. And it’s not your job to take care of him and her.

“Fuckin’ Christ.”

“I know. I called her out on that shit too, told her not to feel guilty. Told her she’s family now, and we protect family. She’s not to feel guilty or get upset, or feel like she’s imposing or whatever else kinda bullshit she’s tryin’ to make herself believe. My opinion is that you’re right. She has no idea how to let someone take care of her. I told her too, about how you felt and how she’s always been yours. She tried to argue that too. She’s gonna need some work, man. Lots of reassurance, but she will eventually get it. Its hard, man, being treated the way she has, and being told how worthless she is; it’s no wonder she has trouble accepting your feelings as true. She wants to. She really does. Everything she says and does shows she wants to stay here, she wants to be with you; she’s terrified though. Being through all that shit and then finding something good; it’s hard to accept that you found it and even harder to accept you deserve it. Trust me. I understand that completely.”

“Dude, don’t let yourself go there.”

“I’m not. I’m good, doesn’t get to me as much anymore. Just sayin’ that I can understand where she’s comin’ from. Just be patient with her; it’s gonna take her some time to understand. Be firm, just don’t let her hide from you.”

“Thanks, bro. I won’t let her hide; I’ll get her to see she’s not worthless.”

“I know, you will.”

“You gonna stay?”

“Naw, I’m gonna go home. I’ll see you in a couple days.”

“OK, thanks again, Beamer.”

“Enjoy your time home.”

“I will. Thanks again.”

Locking up after Beamer leaves, I switch off the lights as I go. Stopping at Ethan’s room, I peek in to check on him. He’s spread out on the bed, hugging his bear tightly. I pull the blankets back over him and leave a kiss on his head. “Love you, little man,” I whisper quietly before leaving. Reaching my room, I open the door quietly and step inside. The bedside light is on, but Hart is fast asleep with a book in her hands. Some things never change, and when it comes to her, I’m glad they didn’t. I slip the book from her grasp and she doesn’t wake up, barely even moves. The fact that she is comfortable enough here to sleep this peacefully makes me feel good. It lets me believe she is starting to accept all of this. Quickly, I change my clothes and turn out the lights. Sliding into bed next to her, I carefully pull her into my arms. She instinctively moves closer and lets out a sigh as she nestles into to my chest. All the shit from today melts away, and I can’t hide from this feeling. My world has changed dramatically in the last few days, but again I’m glad, and I don’t want it to change back. Tonight when I walked through my door, I felt the difference. Yeah, I have lived here for years, and yes my shit is here, but now that Hartley and Ethan are here, this place finally feels like more than just a place to sleep and getaway. It finally feels like home.