Protocol 1337 (7 page)

I suppose I opened up the proverbial can of whoop ass on this one. I do want to meet this Rednek fellow. He managed to salvage the one thing in life that I could actually use. I still owe him for having the mind to score my flash drive. The elevator door gave its signature ding.

I see him exit the elevator and walk into the CCC. He has to be at least six foot four inches. He looks like a freaking giant, with huge hands and stained jeans. On his head is a straw hat with wide framed glasses, a full beard, and alligator skin boots.

“Reese, I done told ya mon, Tuesday be gumbo night. I’m cookin me some shrimps, eatin me gumbo, and you tink I need to come down. Dis better be important mon, if not, I gots some hoodoo for ya.”

This must be the one they refer to as Rednek. I don’t really understand what use this guy could possibly serve unless, of course, someone needed an idiot to fish alligators out of the sewer. Reese hands Rednek a copy of the emails. He shuffles through them then twirls around his beard. “Yeah de be cypha's aight. Dun do us no good wid out da key. Good ting Rednek here don't need no keys. I gots them all up here in my head.” Rednek taps his forehead with his huge index finger. Rednek takes the emails with him and walks back to the elevator mumbling incoherently.

“It won't take him long to crack it, I know he doesn’t look like much, but inside that southern fried skull of his is a genius. He can crack passwords in no time, and he has a knack for decoding encryption. I almost forgot, we need to get you settled into your new room.” Reese says.

We get back into the elevator and head up to floor B2. The door opens up to a large commons area. There is a large TV in the center with multiple gaming consoles and several large couches. In the center is a giant aquarium, it stretches from floor to ceiling and has three levels. On the bottom is a coral reef with hundreds of brightly colored fish. On the second level is a small beach of sand and tropical plants. On the third level large mangrove trees sprawl out several exotic birds fluttering among the branches. I spot a large blue macaw eating a mango. Makes me wish I had a beer and a beach chair.

Reese continues down the hallway, and I can smell food cooking. Soon we arrive at my room with my name plate attached to the door. Reese signals for me to use my lanyard to unlock the door. “We had a criminal profiler draw up a personal file of you. Then we gave that to the designer to get your room ready. If you need any adjustments made, just let me know.” Reese opens the door, and what I see inside is a lot more than I expected.

The room splits into three spaces To the left is a stair case that ascends to a loft. In the loft there is a large bed four post bed with red sashes, a glass night stand, and a few black dressers. I walk to the edge of the loft and look out. In the center of the ceiling is a large heavy iron candle chandelier. Thousands of candles have burned in this piece. I can see stalactites of wax dripping down almost 4 feet.

I walk back down to the main room and admire the perfect sheen of the solid black floor. I then notice a red carpet extending around the corner. I follow it to the right and see a set of steps leading up to a large toilet that has been customized to look like King Arthur’s throne. Now that’s what I call a throne! The shower is open and recessed into the wall. There are several shower heads and a nice LCD control panel for temperature and pressures. There are color changing LED lighting and Egyptian linen towels. The mirror is oval and polished brass that shines like gold. I can handle this way of life.

Back into the main room, I see a large wooden executive desk and several book cases filled with books. Under the loft is a modern kitchen with an island sink. The counter tops are all black and green marble. The dishes and utensils are silver with dragons carved in the handles. I take a chalice from the cupboard and flick it with my finger. I can hear the distinct sound of fine crystal. In the final part of the room, I can see my lounge area complete with pool table, exercise equipment, and entertainment center. I had lost track of Reese in my excitement, and I see no sign that he is with me. I hear a knock at the door.

I open it to see Rednek standing there in cowboy boots, boxers, and a dirty tank top. I spend a few awkward moments staring at him, expecting him to say something. Then he just walks past me and into my new place. “OoooWEEE yous a fancy type eh? I gots your messages figured out. This is what dey mean. Wes gonna be buds yes. I likes you. Yous can come to my place I gots lots of gumbo left. Yous looks hungry mon.” Rednek speaks his own language, and I really have to struggle to translate it in my brain. He hands me some hand written notes about each email.

“I will be honest with ya man, it smells good, but I am not into gumbo. Thanks for cracking this cypher for me, but I am gonna pass on the offer. Maybe tomorrow night alright?” I say.

“That makes me sad mon, but we can play later. I knows you be busy. I do you one more favor tonight. I guarantee you will like.” Rednek rushes out of the room and comes back a few minutes later. I see a strange looking stick in one hand, and a chicken under his arm.

“Umm dude, whats with the chicken?” I say.

“A little thing my momma taught me. Makes the bad ones go away.” He quickly swings the chicken in front of me, and he grabs a hold of its head. With a quick slice of his dagger, there is blood spraying all over the floor.

“Oh HELL NO!” I scream. Rednek ignores me, moving his massive frame around my place. Dripping blood and chanting while waving his stick in the air. I can not make out a single word he is saying but after five minutes of this, I couldn’t take anymore.

“You be safe now Haus, all the bad ones no come here no more.” Rednek says.

“OK Rednek, you gotta go bro. Thanks for ridding me of the evil spirits, but I think I am good for now. “I say as I use my hand to guide his monster sized body towards the door. He waves good bye to me and heads back into his room across the hall. The only thing I can say at this point is it's gonna take me all night to clean this mess up. What is wrong with that guy anyway?

Well, it didn’t take me all night, but it did take a few hours. Really didn’t help much that I had no idea where my new possessions were stored. I had almost given up on the idea of cleaning it up at all due to a lack of towels. Then it dawned on me, the most obvious place to look was the bathroom. I grabbed a few extra towels to stock the kitchen. With that out of the way, it was time to get back to work.

I grabbed the emails and sat down at my new desk. The small green shaded lamp gave me plenty of light, but Redneks chicken scratches are nearly impossible to read. The first email was just a simple letter to confirm the user was receiving and decoding each message correctly. During the course of a few more emails, a few details started to emerge.

They are negotiating a price for an item retrieved from a cave in South America. It is some type of rock with high scientific value. Apparently, HDI wants to sell it to an unnamed buyer in Germany, but this individual is willing to steal the item and sell it to Homestake for a very substantial sum of money. The next few emails are negotiations over the price. The remaining emails are about payment methods and delivery instructions. The transaction had just recently been finished, and I would imagine the HDI employee is no longer employed by them and not likely even in the US anymore.

I need to give Reese an update and plan our next course of action. I pick up the phone on my desk and, conveniently enough the buttons are already programmed with important numbers. I hit the button labeled Director Reese and wait for him to answer. I tell him to meet me at the CCC, and I would tell him everything. I grab my USB drive and jog down the hall to the elevator.

Inside the CCC, I start playing some solitaire while I wait for Reese. I didn’t even get a chance to finish my game before Reese walks in. “I called a friend about the Homestake operation and got some information about what we are dealing with. More importantly, about who was in charge.” Reese says.

“Well sir, Rednek cracked the cypher, and I read over his notes. Someone at HDI stole an item of high scientific value. The item was retrieved from inside a cave in South America. Homestake purchased it for a lot of money; this all went down a few weeks ago. The exact nature of the item is hard to pinpoint. I'm not a microbiologist so I didn’t understand all the technical terms. What I can say for sure is the item has been placed under the care of Dr. Richard Cox, a microbiologist at Homestake.” I explain.

“This is all a little too convenient for me to be comfortable with it. Well, agent Haus, it seems I need to make some phone calls and confirm a few things. Good work son, how about taking the rest of the night off?” Reese stands up and scratch’s the back of his head before entering the elevator.

Reese seems pretty uneasy by all of this, and I take that as a not good sign. Since I have been granted leave, I think I will take advantage of that. I head back to my room and make myself comfortable. I turn on the TV to catch up with the news and open my fridge to see whats inside. “Sweet mother of god!” I exclaim. The whole fridge is filled with all my favorite foods, endless cans of energy drinks, sausages, assorted fruits and vegetables. Every square inch of the thing was filled with something. So I grab some breaded mushrooms, cheese in a can, some celery sticks, summer sausage, and ranch dressing. Now that's what I call a meal right there. It's about as good for me as drinking bacon grease, but I already died once, what's one more time?

I decided to stop watching the news after a few minutes. Too depressing, and besides, it doesn’t apply to me anymore. I don’t really care if there is a war going on. I’m deep underground in a bunker. I don’t pay taxes, and to the best of my knowledge, I don’t have to follow any laws. How can you arrest someone who doesn’t exist and is technically dead? After I got done eating, I was starting to nod off watching cartoons. Once my head hit the pillow, it was lights out. How could a bed like this even exist? It feels to me like it cost a million bucks and who am I to argue?

I wake up the next day at the crack of noon and slide into my shower. I loaded up my favorite playlist, and I gotta give it to the designer, the idea to network every electrical outlet in the place was a sheer stroke of genius. Mounting speakers into every ceiling ensures I never miss a beat of a song or movie. That reminds me, I need to ask Reese to have a touch screen installed for me to use while I am on the throne.

I get dressed then head to the CCC to actually do some work, if you call it that. I see Rednek and Reese staring at something on the monitor. When I make my way to my station, I see a set of battle fatigues with my name embroidered on the pocket.”Glad you could finally show up, Haus. You might want to get used to the idea of sticking to a rigid schedule.” Reese says.

“What is this all about Reese?” I ask.

“Well agent you are being given another mission. You are going to Homestake, you are now a member of the US Army. Congratulations. Get your uniform on, and Rednek here is going to cut your hair.” Reese chuckles. Rednek waves a pair of hair buzzers and flashes what few teeth he has left in a big smile.

“Here's your identification and appropriate documentation. You have been inserted directly into operations. To make it easy for you to acclimate, your new name and title are Antone Haus SPC. SPC standing for specialist. Your area of specialization may sound important, but you are gonna be a glorified body guard. If anyone asks, you qualified for Special Operation Thunder Clap after boot camp and have spent the last 10 years there. You are not allowed to disclose any information about your service, including where you went to boot camp. If anyone presses for more information direct, them to contact their superior about Thunder Clap.” Reese explains.

I reach out to feel my almost bald head. At least Rednek left me a tiny bit of fuzz up top. I am not very excited about my new assignment but I have to make do with what cards are dealt me. It is far too late to reconsider my options. The only thing that troubles me is Eve. Will I ever see her again? The only good thing I can make of this is that I am a naturally good liar. Reese wants me to bullshit my way through a top secret army installment. That’s a pretty tall order even for the most gifted bullshitter. At least he gave me a fall back with the Thunder Clap bit. I can work with that, and just maybe pull this off.

I strip down and get on my army drab gear. Once I place the hat upon my nearly bare skull, I actually feel like I am a soldier. I stand before Reese and Rednek. “You looks like a killa. A mean mofo, gonna do good I tinks.” Rednek says.

“Not exactly soldier of the year, but it should pass for now. Haus I cant emphasize this enough. Under no circumstances are you to screw this up. I am already going out on a limb, and I am cashing in favors left and right. For your sakes boy, you better be right. If this explodes in my face, rest assured I will have your ass hanging from a Saguaro cactus. If your lucky the coyotes will eat your balls before the vultures do.” Reese threatens.

I think I have heard enough pep talks today. Reese informs me that my chopper ride is already in flight. I don’t have time to gather any personal affects, and he considers any delay a direct violation of order. He throws me an army duffel bag, already packed, I just hope it has enough toilet paper to make me through. I scramble to the elevator, and hit the Ground one button.

I can hear the chopper ascending down as I exit the elevator door. I am still 300 yards from the exit of the hanger, let alone another 75 yards to the helipad. So I heave my massive duffel bag over my shoulder, and start out in dead sprint for the helipad. Once I reach the helicopter, the pilot is not amused by my tardiness. He screams at me...”Get in the damn bird! We gotta go!” I throw my bag inside, and I jump inside the chopper. Not a moment too soon, because the pilot is already lifting off from the helipad.

Once in the air, I watch as my former fortress shrinks underneath my feet. This heavenly bird is lifting me up like an angel ascending to heaven. Soon the ground beneath me becomes alien. Up and away we journey, and I look out with child like excitement. The life I used to know is gone now, only my future remains. The whir of the choppers blades is like a sweet symphony serenading me to sleep. I give in, and I succumb to sleep.