Providence (31 page)

One afternoon after my lesson, I came upstairs to find Baby Girl nestled in Lily’s arms. Lily was humming a tune while she rocked back and forth. “I’m sorry, Lily,” I said. “My lessons shouldn’t mean my responsibilities with Georgia fall on your shoulders. I’ll tell John we need to stop for a few days, until I see what Georgia’s sleeping pattern has become.”

“Nonsense,” Lily said. “I enjoyed having a little time alone with her. I’ll let you know if it becomes a problem.”

Her words didn’t soothe my mind, and neither did knowing this scene would likely repeat itself several more times. “I don’t want to take art classes,” I blurted.

Jumping tracks like that in the middle of a conversation threw Lily off. “I’m more than happy to pay for the classes,” she said, “and Georgia will be fine here with us while you’re at class.”

My spine stiffened and I said, “Money doesn’t make everything right, you know, and I’m aware that Georgia is safe here. I don’t want to study art. I never wanted to study art. I want to be a writer someday.”

For a while neither of us spoke. Then Lily said, “Then you should take writing classes. I’ll get you the course catalogues to look through. And Becky, I know money doesn’t solve all of life’s problems.”

Weeks passed before I saw the lawyer’s car parked in front of Lily’s house again. I had finished a driving session and was hurrying into the house. As I passed the lawyer’s car, I brushed up against it. I could feel the warmth of the engine through the hood and knew the man must have just arrived. I rushed up the stairs two at a time, and when I reached Baby Girl’s bedroom the door was wide open. Lily was sitting in the rocking chair holding Baby Girl and chatting away to her. Mrs. Harper was standing over her like a guard at Buckingham Palace. Lily smiled at me. “Slow down, Becky, everything’s fine. Georgia and I have been having a delightful visit.” To prove her point, she kissed Baby Girl’s forehead.

I swallowed hard and said, “I saw your lawyer’s car outside.”

“Oh dear,” Lily said. “I forgot all about him. I’m sure Rosie has asked him a thousand questions by now.” She stood up and passed Baby Girl back to me. “Georgia has a clean diaper and a full tummy.” She pointed to the empty bottle on the table.

Seeing Lily holding and playing with Baby Girl always made me feel a little dizzy, but hearing how she had tended to her needs really made my head swim. I never seemed to give Lily the credit she rightly deserved. “Thank you for looking out for Georgia,” I said. “I appreciate your help.”

“I hope someday you won’t see our situation in that way. I enjoy spending time with Georgia. I don’t feel like you are burdening me. I see us more as a team working together to make sure each of us has what we need,” Lily said. She gave me a quick hug. “We help each other.”

I should have found Lily’s words about us being a team reassuring, but I couldn’t help picturing that marble careening off the chute, hitting Mr. Mayfield’s tooth and cracking it in half.

CHAPTER 35

I sat by the window with Baby Girl on my lap. Everything outside was shades of gray and brown, but Baby Girl didn’t seem to take notice. She was too busy playing peek-a-boo with a bird that kept flying back and forth to a branch by the window. This game went on for some time before I started wondering why I hadn’t been called to Lily’s office.

I lifted Baby Girl onto my hip. “You are getting big,” I said to her, kissing her on her nose. I headed downstairs and toward the office. I knocked on the door and let myself in. The first thing that caught my eye was the envelope sitting on the desk. It looked like the one that held my birth certificate. A smile spread across my face. Then I took notice of the looks on Rosie’s and Lily’s faces.

“Explain everything again so Becky can hear it with her own ears,” Rosie demanded.

Rosie’s tone was not wasted on Lily’s lawyer. He cleared his throat and said, “There was no response to the notice we put in the newspaper.”

That sounded like a good thing. Why were Rosie and Lily so on edge?

“It’s possible the parents did not see the notice. It’s also possible they are afraid to come forward. There is no guarantee they won’t come looking for her sometime down the road. We’ve met the legal requirements, but I suggested perhaps the best thing to do would be to turn the baby over to Child Protective Services,” he began. I held Baby Girl tighter. “Rosie and Lily both feel that is an unacceptable option. They both believe the baby should stay with the three of you. I do have some acquaintances who can arrange for a private adoption.”

I exhaled and closed my eyes. I was going to be able to adopt Baby Girl. I wanted to hug that man. Then he spoke again. “My colleagues are experts in private adoptions and particularly in keeping matters private. They can take care of this matter; however, there is a problem.” He glanced at Lily. “You can’t be the adoptive mother, Becky.”

I stared at him. What did he mean? He said they were experts. He said they could take care of everything, and now he was saying they couldn’t.

“The state does not allow an unmarried minor to adopt a child,” he said. “You are seventeen years old. There is a solution, though. Georgia can be adopted by Lily. She can provide everything a child needs.”

“You want to take Georgia from me?” I glared at Lily. Had this been their plan all along? Had they brought me here just so they could take Baby Girl away from me? “I’m the only mother she knows,” I said.

“It’s not like that,” Lily protested. “I know how important you are in Georgia’s life and I know what it’s like to lose a child—no matter how little time you’ve spent together.”

The lawyer stood up. “Lily says she won’t sign anything without your permission. I’m leaving the papers here. You need to think about what’s best for Georgia.” He put the envelope back on the desk, nodded to Lily and Rosie, and walked out the door.

Lily and Rosie both began speaking at once. I heard voices, but not words. I stood up and carried Baby Girl out of the room. I don’t even remember walking up the stairs, but when Baby Girl’s room grew dark, I realized I had been sitting in the rocking chair for quite some time. Baby Girl was in my lap, gazing up at me. Now, I know she couldn’t have had any idea about what was going on, but I would swear she had a worried look on her face. The smell of ammonia floated up from her bottom and reminded me that I wasn’t doing my duty for her. I got up and changed her diaper, and discovered she needed a whole new outfit. She had peed so much it had soaked her clothes, and my clothes, too.

Once Baby Girl was clean and smelling pretty, I changed my clothes. I knew Baby Girl was in need of her dinner, but I didn’t want to come face to face with Rosie or Lily. I tried to think of a way to achieve both of those things, but found myself short of ideas. Baby Girl’s howling cut my thinking session short. She needed dinner, plain and simple, and she needed me to get it for her.

I couldn’t get to the kitchen without passing the dining room. As I did, Rosie turned around and said, “We were waiting on you for dinner. I’m glad you came down.”

As if they were listening by the door, the kitchen ladies appeared with dishes filled with pasta tossed with chicken and vegetables. The sight of it made me aware of how hungry I was, too. I settled Baby Girl into her highchair and fed her before turning my attention back to my own plate. I tried to avoid eye contact with either of my adult dining companions, but Lily wasn’t having any of that. “I’m not going to pressure you to make a decision,” she began. “But I want you to know that if you do want me to adopt Georgia, you will always be a part of her family. I promise I won’t come between the two of you. I know how important your relationship is for both of you. I will give you time to think about it. You know you can come to Rosie or me with any questions you have. I’m going to give the papers to you. You can tear them up, or give them back to me to sign. The choice is yours.”

I nodded my head and looked at Rosie. She looked as if she was feeling the same pain I was. As empty as my stomach was, I spent more time rearranging the food on my plate than eating it. Rosie asked me to help her to her room after the table had been cleared. As we were walking, I reminded myself neither Rosie nor Lily were responsible for putting me in my current corner. I could have gone to the police as soon as I found Baby Girl. I could have faced my punishment and gone back home to Mama and Daddy. I could have, but I didn’t. Instead, I’d pulled Rosie into my net of lies. Despite it all, here was Rosie, still walking beside me, still trying to help.

When we were sitting opposite each other in her room, I asked Rosie a direct question. “What would you do if you were me? What do you think is best for Georgia Rose?”

Rosie’s eyes filled with tears. “You have been the kind of mama Georgia needed. Without you, this little girl wouldn’t be here today. I know you love her with all your heart. But letting Lily adopt Georgia would not be giving her up; it would be letting someone else carry a bigger part of the load. You will still be in her life, but you’ll have a lot fewer worries. This little girl is going to grow up and have all kinds of questions and problems. Have you thought about how she can get an education without a birth certificate? What if she meets a Prince Charming and wants to get married when she’s grown?”

I wondered if Rosie would understand if she knew all I had been thinking about since I left home had been the here and now. When nothing seems certain in life, even thinking ahead to the next week seems a little unwise.

Rosie reached out and stroked my arm. “This isn’t just about her, you know. If you let Lily take a bigger part in raising this child, you will have a chance to go to school and do so many of the things you have missed out on.”

“Thinking about my own wants and needs is what got me into this spot in the first place. If I had just done what was expected of me at home, I never would have met any of you, and all of your lives would be better,” I said.

“Nonsense,” Rosie said. “You gave a real sense of purpose to my life and to Lily’s, and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to Georgia if not for you. Whatever you decide, I will always stand by you, Becky. You and Georgia Rose will have a home with me for as long as I’m on this earth.”

I hugged Rosie before going upstairs to put Baby Girl to bed. A few minutes later, I stood by the crib watching her sleep. I had to do right by her. I knew Lily could give her all the things money could buy, but could she love her as much as I did? On the other hand, what kind of future would Baby Girl have with me as a mama? As usual, I found myself with more questions than answers.

CHAPTER 36

The next morning I decided I needed to clear my head before I self-combusted. This would only be possible if I could manage to get away from the house for a few hours. I called Jeanie, and despite not having heard from me in a long while, she quickly agreed to get together. We decided to meet at the park in town. I still didn’t have a driver’s license, so I had to ask John to bring me. When I shared my plans at breakfast, Lily paled, but Rosie said, “That sounds wonderful. You and Jeanie can catch up, while the babies enjoy each other’s company.”

The buds were bulging on the trees that lined the path through the park. I was glad the thick canopy of the trees hadn’t filled in yet. The gaps allowed the warm sunshine to pour down on us as we pushed the girls’ strollers along. When we reached the swings, we strapped the girls into neighboring seats. Chloe needed a lot of coaxing to get her to stay in the swing. Baby Girl, though, took to it immediately. A steady stream of giggles spilled out of her as she sailed back and forth.

“That child was born with a sense of adventure,” Jeanie said.

We sat at a picnic table and enjoyed the lunch Jeanie had packed for all of us. We compared notes on how Chloe and Baby Girl were growing and changing, and then Jeanie shared news of a new project of her own. One of Jeanie’s old college friends was editing a book on small towns in America and had hired Jeanie to photograph our town for the book. When she talked about the different shots she wanted to include, Jeanie looked more alive than I had ever seen her. I couldn’t help but get caught up in her joy.