Providence (32 page)

When we were ready to leave, Jeanie handed me her phone to call John. I stared at it for a minute or so, and then I fumbled through my pockets. I didn’t want to find John’s number too quickly. I hoped I could figure out the phone on my own without having to embarrass myself in front of Jeanie. When she saw me jabbing my free hand in all of my pockets like an angry hen searching for feed, she said, “Let me take the phone back while you look for the number.”

When I pulled the slip from my pocket, she asked, “What’s the number?” and dialed it before handing the phone back to me.

We walked down the path to the park entrance. As we sat on the bench, waiting for John to arrive, Jeanie asked, “How is Lily adjusting to a full house? Are you and Rosie planning to stay there for good?”

“She wants to adopt Georgia,” I whispered.

“What?” Jeanie asked.

“She wants to adopt Georgia,” I said again.

Jeanie nodded slowly. “Did you ask her to do it, or was this her idea?”

“It was her idea. I’m only seventeen,” I said. “I don’t have an education; I don’t have a job; and I can’t provide the kinds of things a girl should have growing up.”

I could hear Jeanie breathing. Finally, she reached down and swept a curl from Baby Girl’s forehead. “I wonder if you know what a lucky little girl you are,” she said.

Her words stung. “Lucky, because Lily wants to adopt her?”

“No, lucky because you love her enough to consider this possibility. Lucky because Lily is a part of your lives. Losing her baby must have cut Lily to the core, yet she is willing to open herself to such pain again for the good of you and this baby. Making that offer when she knows fully well you could say no and pack up your things and leave takes a lot of courage, a lot of willingness to be hurt again. She has to really love you both to be willing to chance having her insides ripped out of her again.”

Telling Jeanie even part of the story hadn’t been in my plans for the day. She didn’t even bat an eye when I told her, and I felt a whole lot of anger churning inside of me because of that. I tried telling myself she was just thinking about what was best for Baby Girl, but that just led me back to thinking she didn’t believe I was what was best for Georgia. I was starting to feel betrayed by everyone I knew.

As if she could read my mind, Jeanie wrapped her arms around me. “This is the most difficult decision you’ll ever have to make,” she whispered. “But I know you’ll make the right choice.”

We sat in silence until John arrived. On the way back to the house, John asked, “Is everything okay?”

I just stared out the window, not knowing what okay might feel like. I wondered how Jeanie could sound so sure I was capable of doing the right thing when I didn’t even know what the right thing was. It seemed like everyone was giving me credit for wisdom I didn’t possess. When I got inside, I settled Baby Girl down for a nap and went in search of Lily. I was glad to find her alone; this conversation needed to be just between the two of us. “Why do you want to adopt Georgia?” I asked.

Lily put down her book and studied me for a few minutes. “Becky, my lawyer explained why I would have to be the mother of record instead of you.”

“That’s not what I asked; I want to know why you
want
to do it.”

“I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember,” Lily answered.

“That’s not what I mean,” I said. “Why Georgia? Why not another baby?”

Lily studied her hands for a minute. “Do you mean why would I want to adopt a baby who will never truly be only mine? A baby who already has someone to love her?”

I nodded.

“I love her. I want her to have everything she needs in life, and what she needs is to be surrounded by the people who love her most—you, Rosie, and me. By adopting her I can make that happen. I can give her a stable, secure life,” Lily said.

I stood up and started toward the door. Lily said, “I want that for you, too, Becky. I want you to have all of the opportunities life holds for a young woman. You have so much to think about, but maybe knowing this will help you make your decisions. Becky, I would also like to adopt you. That way you’ll have a legal connection to us, too. My lawyer isn’t sure there is a way to do this without your birth parents’ involvement, though. He is looking into it for us.”

My insides were moving every which way. Now she wanted to adopt me, too? I opened my mouth, but no words spilled out.

Lily stepped toward me and put her hand on my arm. “I know this is your decision to make, not mine. If you decide to take Georgia and leave, I won’t call the authorities and I’ll give you money to get a start in life. But I hope you stay. I hope we can be a family.”

I spent the next few days thinking, making lists, and holding Baby Girl. On more than one occasion I came close to talking to John about it. I held back, though. The words Rosie, Lily, Jeanie, and the lawyer had spoken were already swirling around in my head. It was hard to hear my own thoughts with so many other voices in my brain. Each day wore away at me more than a whole week of working in Daddy’s fields could.

On Monday morning, I walked downstairs and turned toward Lily’s study. I handed her that brown envelope and a pen. In the end, I knew I had to let go. Baby Girl was never really mine to keep or give away. As for me, I will always be glad Lily offered to adopt me. I wouldn’t take her up on it, though. Baby Girl and I already had a bond that couldn’t be broken. I didn’t need a piece of paper to prove that. As for Lily and me, we were still in the seed-sprouting stage. Time and nurturing were the only things that could get us from seedlings to flowers; no piece of paper could make it go faster. Besides, if Rosie could be a part of this family without any help from a lawyer, then so could I.

Lily put the envelope down, wrapped her arms around Baby Girl and me, and asked, “Are you sure?”

I shifted Baby Girl from my hip to Lily’s. Then I reached down and picked up that college catalogue Lily had been pushing me to read. I knew someday Georgia would be big enough to hear the story about how we all became a family. I wanted to be sure when that day came, I would have the right words to tell it.

Lisa Colozza Cocca grew up in upstate New York. After college, she moved to New Jersey and still lives there today. Always an avid reader, Lisa shared her love of the printed word with her own children at home and her students at school. Like her main character, Lisa loves new adventures and looks forward to having many more in the future. For more than a decade, she has worked full-time as a freelance writer of educational materials and school and library books.
Providence
is her debut novel.

Sadly, babies are sometimes abandoned under unsafe conditions in the real world, too. The Safe Haven Laws in the United States provide a way for mothers to relinquish their parental rights in a way that protects both the infant and the mother. Each state has designated centers, such as hospitals, where mothers can safely leave their infants. For more information on the Safe Haven Laws in your state, visit the Child Welfare Information Gateway website at
www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/safehaven.cfm
.

Thank you to Jackie Mitchard for choosing my manuscript from the slush pile and guiding me through the publishing process. I greatly appreciate the opportunity and your expertise. Thank you, too, to everyone else at Merit Press who helped mold my manuscript into a book and my dream into a reality. My thanks, also, to my first readers: Betsy, Gail, and Wendy. Your critiques helped make the story stronger.