Purgatorium (29 page)

As I look back disdainfully at
Gabriel,
I notice he is wearing a coin necklace with the hourglass symbol on it. I haven’t seen him wear it before now, and I am finding that suspicious.

Gabriel holds out a rolled-up piece of paper with blue lines on it. He unrolls it on the ground in front of me. “Your past self left this for me to give to you if your past self failed.”

I look incredulously from Gabriel’s face down to the rolled paper. It’s a blueprint of my day, laid out on the city. Looking more closely, I see timetables beside each destination—my apartment, the cargo truck on the interstate, the coffee shop, the statue in the park, my office, the lighthouse restaurant, the subway, then my rooftop, and back to my room. There are hourglasses drawn at each location, I think to myself, understanding it all now.

“A race to win all, end all,” says Gabriel.

I look back at the
hourglass
es at each of my destinations. Each hourglass has an exact time written under it on when I must try to be there by. I must have worked the numbers on everything.

Gabriel looks at my watch. “Don’t hang too close to that time piece. If something were to happen to it, you then will soon be fighting off frostbite. Continue to count every minute to every second. Have it ticking away in the back of your mind at all times. If you lose track of the seconds, study the hourglass. It will tell you how short or long you have left.”

Once the hourglasses are broken, then what happens?

Gabriel leans back. “Now when all the hourglasses are broken, the reapers are put on pause; they won’t pursue you any longer. The
hourglass
es are connected within this world, holding everything all together. Once the hourglasses are destroyed, everything will freeze and start to fall apart. Buildings will collapse into a black void of nothingness and by God, you don’t want to be collapsing with it.

Where do I go?

Gabriel
points to the subway from the blueprint. I look where he is pointing. The words “Mind, Body, and Soul” are written.

“Now, your past selves believed your mind, body, and soul were the keys to getting out of here. You believed that once you had found each of them, unified them, and put them in your equilibrium, you would be not only able to speak again, you could also figure out the 42:02 problem, which you will learn about later. You see, your past selves thought that once your balance was restored, your soul would be purified.”
Gabriel
looks at the
hourglass
es on the blueprint.

“Your past selves were right. Now that you see the flaws, the walls of order, you must break each and every one of them down, thereby building yourself a new, reformed
body
, which is the first. Once you are done, an exit door will appear. Though, seeing the exit door and opening the door are two entirely different things.”
Gabriel
walks to the telescope and runs his hand over it.

“Second, you must find a token which not even I know what it is. Inside this token, you will find clarity of
mind
. In this token is the key to the door, your door. Your past self initially found it but told no one what it was, not trusting anyone but himself with the secret. He did give one clue so that we could give it to you if his mind ever got erased again. The clue was that the token was never a gift given to you. That is it. And remember when you do find it, only with the token can you open your exit door. Out of here.”

I watch Gabriel pace across the floor.

“And there is one more thing. You were a little unsure about this one, which might be why you’re standing with me now. You believed cleansing your sins—by killing your demon—would restore you in God’s eyes, and restore your full
soul
back to you. You can’t unlock the door unless your demon is dead.”

That is where the gun that Michael gave me comes into play. But I don’t have any bullets for it.

“I bring another gift. You gave me this to hold on to if anything were to happen.”
Gabriel
reaches into his outer coat pocket, pulls out a rectangular case, places it on the table, and opens it up, revealing a place for a pistol—like the one I already have, a flask of black powder,
five
lead shots
, and a ramrod.

I look at the box and its contents, recognizing them somehow. There are seven lead bullet slots. But it appears that two bullets are missing.

“Remember, once you go in that tree it’s fair game. Your demon is fast like us and loves to talk. In the real world, demons are like a silent ninja. Always whispering in ears, plaguing the minds with doubt, fear, and prompting you to act on sinful natures. However, it’s the opposite here. You are able to actually hear your demon. Now the roles are reversed. You can’t speak and it has a chatterbox that won’t stop. Only this time, you can be that silent ninja who can drown out your demon by shoving that fire cannon into its dirty sinful mouth and pulling the trigger. Remember to not waste your bullets, because there are no redoes here. You’ve already used two, it seems. Once you run out, there’s no stopping your demon from getting what it wants.”

He pauses. “Also, there is only one way to slow a demon down. You found out once before, but we asked you to keep it hidden from all of us. Didn’t want the demon to somehow get its gumbo hands on it. Thinking about it now, that wasn’t such a good idea, seeing that we only have a few days left.”

Thank you
, I think towards him. He lifts his glass to me and takes a sip of his wine.

I look back at the
hourglass
standing on the edge of the roof. I feel confused and uncertain whether I can do everything I need to to free myself. I look down at the bullet case. The bullets aren’t familiar. How do I even fire this gun?

I look up at the northern lights and close the pistol case. When I look over,
Gabriel
is gone. I look down at my
watch.
It is about to beep. I look over at the
hourglass
, the last grain of sand falls through the neck.

55 minutes

The hourglass flips over, starting to empty itself all over again. Knowing that it’s 55 minutes, I pick up the pistol case and turn towards the open elevator doors. I walk in and the doors shut. I press the level 6 button and feel the elevator taking me down.

Staring at the closed elevator doors, I suddenly feel troubled. The one thing I forgot to ask Gabriel is where the door to get out was located? How will I know where to find it?

I calm down, knowing I have another day with another angel to guide me ever forward. My attention centers back to the painting. Looking at each demon, I see a different trait that all of them don’t share. They seem to all have a different motive when fixated on the light.

Why did I not see that before? I feel as though everyday that I learn something new about myself, I regain more and more things that I have never noticed before. I can somehow see clearer.

The elevator stops and the doors slide open. I make my way out, through the hallway, and back to my door. I look over at the waitress’ door across from mine. I feel remorse now, remembering what Gabriel had done to her.

Should I feel remorse? She is a lost soul after all. She is wanting to take my life away from me. I shouldn’t feel any kind of remorse to her. But I still can’t fight this sensation of feeling sorry for her at the same time. I open my door and walk in, closing any thoughts I have towards her for tomorrow.

Now back in my apartment, I lean back in my reading chair and
watch
as the green-tinted aurora borealis flickers in a soft arc across the sky. I look over at the corner of the bed where the pistol case is sitting.

I stand up and walk out the bedroom door, through the living room, and into the kitchen. I sort through the drawers wondering where I should hide it. I open one and see a big piece of duct tape, in another an arrangement of kitchen knives and silverware.

I take the duct tape thinking I could hang it up somewhere enclosed. I turn and look at the refrigerator, opening the freezer door where my gun still lies. Its light floods the kitchen floor and walls. I place the case on top of the ice trays in the back right corner and close the door.

Staring at the now-closed freezer, I can’t believe that my weapon of choice is a revolutionary war pistol. It’s hardly reliable, I think. But there must be a meaning for it, just like everything else in this place. I look in my pockets to find something I have missed. I pull out the last picture Michael had taken. I gaze at the image to find the last hourglass is right here.

I look in my other hand at the duct tape and think of something else I could use it for. I take the blueprints that Gabriel gave me and the picture, and head to my bedroom. Using a piece of tape, I stick the picture on my window.

I then tape up the blueprint of the whole town on my wall next to my framed American flag. Stepping back, I admire my work.

Then something catches my eye that I never really saw before on the map. I look at where the subway station is and see writing to the side of it.

It reads: 42:02 problem.

Gabriel said something about that but never elaborated on it. I think to myself on what it could possibly mean. Isn’t that the time the music plays on the outside? Why would that be a problem? I clear my head knowing that I have gained enough information today.

I lie on my bed, still in my clothes, thinking over all that has happened today, especially my conversations with Gabriel. So far, I’ve been lucky surviving for so long, I think. I still need more information about who I am and the only place to get my answers is inside that tree.

I try to keep my eyes open so I can use the time remaining to think.

I look over at my clock: 59:14, 59:15, 59:16.

I reach into my inside jacket pocket and take my wallet out, look inside it, and find the photo of Madi. I remove it and lean it up against the front of the clock to block the time. I gaze at her face, wondering where she is and if she’s waiting for me. I feel my eyes getting heavier. Though exhausted, I take a deep breath to try to wake up. At the same time, I know that it is unavoidable. Only in sleep is there peace, I like to think. But even that proves to be a more difficult barter every day. I glance over to the window and watch in its reflection the hourglass dropping the last sand particle to the very bottom as I shut my eyes to sleep.

I
watch
my rearview mirror, trying to see the Valkyrie that Gabriel had mentioned, but I see nothing. I look over at Madi next to me in the passenger’s seat. She reaches into her bag on the floor in front of her and brings out a book.

“Remember this?” she asks. It’s her book, I observe. The one she left behind at the coffee shop. “You know, I never told you this, but I left this on purpose.” I look at her, not understanding. “You seemed like you needed a little hope.”

I feel even guiltier now, thinking about something I have done but can’t tell Madi. I want to, but I can’t. I smile at her instead. She flips to her favorite passage.

“Do you remember my favorite verse?” I shake my head no, even though I know what it is.

When I first opened that book, it was the only thing that was highlighted. I had memorized it. Even though I had considered myself an atheist, that verse had become my favorite as well. Not only that, it had changed my entire life. I started believing. But never once had I ever told Madi. Never once had I said that that single verse had turned my whole life around—when I started believing in God.

I see the
Valkyrie
flash by in my rearview mirror. My heart beats faster and I grip the wheel tighter. I look out the driver’s side window to the side mirror but there is no sign of the creature, nothing in the rearview mirror either. I press down on the gas pedal, worried about the Valkyrie coming after me.

Madi smiles. She reaches her hand over and places it on mine, then looks up at the coin necklace wrapped around the rearview mirror.

“When are you going to tell me what this means?” she asks, nodding her head toward the necklace.

I look at my necklace and back to Madi. “Family,” I say.

“Ha, that’s what you always say,” she responds.