Purpose (17 page)

He chuckled. “I wondered if you ever figured
that out. I’d been watching you that night. Owen was hanging out
with me.”

“So what took you so long? They would have
killed me!”

“We would have never let it get that far,
but, first, we had to see just how far they would go. If we stepped
in unnecessarily, Sophia would have killed us for breaching the
secrecy. But when Vanessa showed up, I made Owen go in. And then…I
just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t just watch without helping him.
It was reckless on my part—not knowing if I’d want to hurt them…or
you.” His voice trailed off at the thought, but then picked up
again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before. Sophia said you
couldn’t know. In fact, Owen was supposed to erase the details from
your mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to do the job completely.
He didn’t think it right and I thought you deserved to know enough
to be aware and alert. But Sophia disagreed. She insisted that you
at least thought the attack was a dream, until…well, until now, I
suppose.”

“Do you know I dreamt of you every night
after that? Of course, I didn’t know who you were then. And then
the dreams stopped—”
Oh!
I smiled. “They stopped the night I
met you, well, when we
actually
met, that first night of
college. Do you remember that night?”

“How could I forget?” He smiled at the
memory. “I thought converting to the Amadis changed my life
forever, but I still lived in the shadows. My own shadows, not
theirs anymore, but still a darkness as deep as the night. When I
met you…it was like someone finally turned the light on. Or the sun
came out. For months, I could feel something out there, an energy I
felt pulled to. But I wanted to resist the draw, not knowing what
it was. My darkness blinded me to the truth. It was you—your life
and hope and love—pulling me and I didn’t know it until that
night.”

We exchanged grins—along with the feeling of
knowing something magical had already been in the works, long
before we actually met. He kissed me and I returned it. And the
passionate desire rose again.
Damn it! Damn
them
!
Before I got carried away, only to be disappointed, I pulled back
and reluctantly rolled out of bed. I really didn’t want to leave
his side, part of me still afraid he would be gone when I returned,
but I couldn’t put some things off any longer.

“I can’t believe you left me in this
disgusting dress,” I said as I headed into the bathroom.

“I didn’t trust myself to undress you.” He
paused, then added lightly, “I might’ve taken advantage of
you.”

“Yeah, right.”

I looked at myself in the mirror. He’d left
the blood-stained dress on me, but it looked like he’d removed all
the glass—no lumps under my skin—and cleaned up the cuts. They were
completely healed now and only a few specks of dried blood
remained. I wondered if he had healed me. At one time, that had
freaked me out—his ability to heal other people—because he had to
suck my blood. Not for nourishment, like a vampire, but to clean
the wound because it couldn’t heal itself. Now, though, I didn’t
care if he’d healed the cuts and didn’t even ask. I drew in some
deep breaths and I felt well, healed. Pulling the dress over my
head didn’t hurt at all. I tossed the ruined dress into the
trash.

I stood under the hot shower—
our
shower, it felt natural to be in here now—and let the water flow
over my body. It felt remarkably good, washing away years of
crusted-on pain and darkness. All of my anger flowed away and
swirled down the drain. I wanted to stand there forever, but I also
wanted to hurry, to be back in Tristan’s arms. When I turned
around, though, I saw him watching me from the bathroom door. A
minute later, he stepped in to join me, my soap and shampoo in his
hands. His hair hung loose now and to his shoulders, falling in his
face. I brushed it away and his eyes smoldered.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

He smiled. “I’m sure I can’t stand it any
longer.”

He pulled me into his arms and we were
finally flesh against flesh. The electricity jolted between us and
it had never felt so good. Every touch shocked me. Every kiss on my
neck, my chest, my breasts sent a current through my nerves, making
my body throb desperately in anticipation. I was so hungry for him.
It had been so long. So agonizingly long. I wanted to devour him,
to pull him into me, to sink into him. To be one with him again. He
finally lifted me to him and I wrapped my legs around his waist. My
back arched and I moaned as he slid inside me.

And he growled, a deep, guttural
resonance.

If I hadn’t heard it before, the baritone
sound might have been funny. But I knew that sound, from long ago.
My heart raced faster as I looked into his flaming eyes. I tried
not to panic.

“I love you, Tristan,” I whispered.

The flames died down as he held me still
against him, one hand between my shoulder blades and his other at
the small of my back. His breathing slowed a bit. He focused on me,
only sparks left in his eyes.

“Mmm…I love you, too,
ma lykita
.”

We were cautious and reckless at the same
time. Slow at first, like swimmers testing the water, making sure
no danger lurked below. Then quickly giving in to our urgent
hunger. Our physical needs were so great, our bodies so desperate,
the motions became fast and fervent and frenzied. And the whole
thing was over in an instant with an explosive force that racked
our bodies and made us both cry out. We crumpled to the floor of
the shower, holding each other and panting. Our hearts pounded like
bass drums, not realizing we’d already reached the crescendo.

“That was…necessary,” Tristan muttered and we
burst into giddy laughter.

When I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a
towel, I found a pile of sheets on the floor and Tristan, a towel
around his waist, sitting on the freshly made bed. I had to pinch
my arm…just to be sure. As he rummaged through his old bag, I
picked up the sheets and took them to the washer, knowing the
sooner I soaked them in cold water, the more likely the blood from
my injuries would wash out. I didn’t get my hopes up, though. I
probably should have washed clothes first, but I thought we might
need clean sheets before I needed clothes. I
would
get my
hopes up about that.

I came back to the room and recognized my
lavender stationery in Tristan’s hand, his head bent over as he
read the letters I’d written to him over the years. His hair hung
in curtains, hiding his face. Sadness swept over me again. The
letters, one for each of our wedding anniversaries, provided
glimpses into my and Dorian’s lives each year. They also begged for
his return, full of raw emotion. Tucking them into his bag had been
my way of delivering them, though I never really expected him to
actually read them. I wasn’t sure now I wanted him to know how
wretched I’d been.

I crawled across the bed and knelt behind
him, rubbing his shoulders as he read the last one. He didn’t say
anything at first. I draped my arms around him and lay my head
against his shoulder. When he finally spoke, his voice came thick
and heavy.

“You know, it felt like a long time only
because I couldn’t be with you. But seven years really isn’t that
long to me—feels like a year to most people. But for you…” He
trailed off.

“It was painfully long,” I finished
quietly.

“And our son…I missed so much,” he whispered.
“I should have been there for him.”

I moved around to sit in his lap and wrapped
my arms around him. I didn’t even know what to say, so I just held
him. I felt his tears on my shoulder.

“I don’t know if it’ll make you feel any
better, but I really don’t remember much until I was five or so,” I
finally said. “You’ll be there from now on and you’re just in time
for the good part. You missed the middle-of-the-night feedings,
diapers and potty training. Now he’s really becoming a little
person.”

“I would have loved every minute,” he said
quietly and I knew he would have. “The first chance I had to get to
a computer, I did a search on you. I saw how the media tore you up
over your so-called teen pregnancy. I almost went on a murderous
rampage.”

I shrugged. “I knew the truth. The people
most important to me knew the truth. Including Dorian.”

“Tell me about him.”

I smiled automatically, my heart warming.
“Well…he looks just like you, but he has quite an attitude, like
me. Well, you, too. I think he got the worst of us both—but in a
good way. He won’t take crap from anyone. He’s unusually fast and
strong for his age and size and he never gets sick or hurt, even
with all the fights he’s been in. Mom says it’s to be expected,
with who his parents are. Otherwise, he shows no signs of abilities
or powers…but every once in a while he gets this look on his face
as if he knows something the rest of us don’t.”

I jabbered non-stop about Dorian and
Tristan’s face lit up like the sun. He asked me all kinds of
questions and laughed at the stories I shared. A bittersweet
conversation for us both.

“I can’t wait for you to get to know him. And
he’ll be so excited to finally meet you!” I sighed as I realized
how much I missed him.

And then there was the bad news. He already
knew, but I had to say the words, we had to discuss the subject. I
hung my head in shame and the words came out as barely more than a
whisper. “As you can see, we don’t have a daughter.”

He pulled me against him and grief filled his
voice, too. “I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to forget the time I was
away, pushing each day out of my mind as the next one started, but
I’ll never forget the day Dorian came into the world. The Daemoni
celebrated. That’s how they tortured me that day—celebrating that
the Amadis would end with you. And it was probably the worst
torture of the whole time they held me, because I needed you and I
knew you needed me. It almost killed me to think of you suffering
through that, and I couldn’t hold you. I couldn’t do anything for
you….”

The tears spilled over the brims of my
eyes.

“I failed them,” I whispered.

“No, not you. I’m the one who failed
them.”

I looked up at him in surprise. “How can you
say that?”

“The father’s genes determine the sex.”

I shook my head. “I know, but we’re
different. According to Mom and Rina, our eggs can only accept
female sperm. Once there’s a forming embryo, we might drop another
egg that would take a male sperm. Otherwise, males are rejected.
Except for me, of course. Something happened to the female…or there
just never was one and my egg took the male seed. I have to be
abnormal in
everything
.”

He held me in silence for a while. “Is there
any hope?”

My breath caught as my mood suddenly
brightened. The words gushed out. “Oh! There is! Tristan, there
is
hope! I’d dismissed the idea because you weren’t here,
but now you are and it could still happen.”

“Whoa…slow down.” He took my face in his
hands and looked into my eyes. “Tell me.”

I told him about Mom and Rina’s
feelings
that I may still be able to have a daughter. “I
suppressed that hope because you were gone and you are my only
love. I couldn’t…”

“You would have forsaken an Amadis daughter
to wait for me?” He didn’t sound happy.

I frowned and dropped my head. “Maybe not
forever,” I admitted. “But I thought if it ever became necessary,
in vitro fertilization would have been the answer. It just wasn’t
something I wanted to think about too much. The council has been
growing restless about it lately, I guess, and were forcing me to
think about it. Thank God you’re here now!”

He lifted my chin with his thumb and looked
into my eyes again. “And there’s still hope? Even with the
Ang’dora
?”

Right. The Ang’dora
.

My bubble burst. A whimpering sound escaped
my throat as I dropped my shoulders with defeat. For the first time
in years, I wished the
Ang’dora
wouldn’t happen yet. And
what would the council do now, if it was impossible for me to have
a baby? With the
Ang’dora,
there were too many odds against
us.

“I don’t know. I’m not even supposed to
change over yet—I’m supposed to be too young. Another anomaly to
chalk under my name. Of course, Mom’s the only one who had a baby
after the change. But I guess it does mean there’s precedence.”

“So we can try.” His lips twitched in a
playful smile.

“Well, yeah, we can try all we want.” I
grinned back with understanding.

“Then we will do everything we can to give
Dorian a little sister.” He winked and I fogged over. He chuckled
and nibbled my ear. The tickle cleared the fog.

“I need to call Dorian,” I said. “I haven’t
talked to him in so long. I wish he could be here.”

Tristan glanced at the clock. “Give them
another hour or so. I talked to Sophia before you woke up and they
were between flights then.”

“You talked to Mom? Where are they? She knows
you’re back? What did she say?”

He held his hand up to stop the barrage of
questions. “Your phone wouldn’t stop ringing as soon as Owen saw me
with you in my arms, so I finally answered it.”

“
Owen
,” I groaned. “I bet he’s pissed
at me.”

“Hmph. Yeah, you could say that…and at me.
He’ll get over it.” He shrugged. “Sophia sounded…hesitantly happy.
She knows you’re safe, but she’s concerned.”

“She thinks I might become evil.”

“She thinks I
am
evil. I don’t think
she trusts me entirely again. She knows the Daemoni too well.”

I looked into his beautiful eyes. “I trust
you.”

“Good. That’s all that matters to me.” He
sighed. “Still, Sophia has every right to be concerned.”