Purpose (15 page)

It was over. They were gone. I was left here
to die. And I welcomed it. I welcomed the final darkness so I would
never have to feel the pain again. I was ready to sink into it,
looking for the relief of death.

Blood filled my lungs and throat. My vision
blurred and darkened. It went black. And there he was. My Knight in
shining armor, my hero. I’d never seen anything so beautiful.

“Alexis,” he said softly, his voice more
sublime than I remembered. His hand lightly brushed the hair out of
my face. Tiny grains of glass scratched across my skin. “My
beautiful Alexis.”

He bent closer, his face filling my dim
vision. Through the dark blur, I saw my sweet love. The hazel eyes
had the same gold sparkle, even in the anxious expression. He
picked glass off my face and each time he touched me, ever so
gently, I felt a small electrical pulse. Then he carefully slid his
arms under me and lifted me off the ground. Everything went
black.

I felt a sudden change around me. I heard the
water nearby and crunching of feet on gravel. We seemed to be going
up steps and then the light shone brightly. The air smelled like
our beach house…
or Heaven
.

And I knew. This was it. I’d been wrong all
along. He
was
dead. And now I had joined him. We were
finally together again. He’d carried me up the stairway to
Heaven.

But wait.

Something wasn’t right.

It wasn’t exactly his face. This one was
distorted.
Wouldn’t he be perfect in Heaven?

And the
pain
. Excruciating pain shot
through my ribs and back.
How come there’s so much pain in
death?

Am I not dead?

But if I’m not…

I tried so hard to not let the pain overcome
me again as I looked into the scarred face for my answer. But I
fought a losing battle. I could barely breathe through the fluid in
my lungs. I let my eyes close, unconsciousness tugging at me, but I
wouldn’t go yet. As he carried me, he bent his head down to mine,
his lips in my hair.

“Ah, Lexi,” he murmured. “
Ma
lykita.
”

My eyes flew open and I gasped loudly,
painfully.
No! Oh, no, no, no!
I tried to fight the
blackness.
I have to know!

My mind screamed, but I couldn’t get any more
out than a weak whisper. “Tristan?”

“Shh. It’s okay. I’ve got you now, my
love.”

Blackness overcame me. The last thing I
remembered was the smell of a summer’s day—mangos and papayas, lime
and sage and a hint of man.

I ran through a golden meadow, the grass as
high as my waist, the sun bright and warm on my skin. I didn’t know
this place and I didn’t care. Snow-capped mountains surrounded me
and a lake spread out before me. My body felt light as happiness
filled every cell. I burst through the meadow’s edge and my feet
sunk into soft sand. And I couldn’t stop laughing. As the image
faded, one word floated lazily in my head like a feather drifting
on the air: “Happy.”

When the image disappeared completely and
consciousness returned, I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes.
The soft and plump pillows cradled my head. The sheets felt smooth
and satiny against my skin. I felt so comfortable and relaxed, I
was sure my body, feeling nearly numb and weightless, still slept.
Or, perhaps, it just no longer existed.

I sensed bright light on the other side of my
eyelids. I heard waves in the distance. I also heard someone
breathing close…very close. The scent of mangos and papayas, lime
and sage and a hint of man filled my head, coating the back of my
throat.
Mmm
… I smiled in my mind.
Am I still dreaming or
am I in Heaven?

I sensed someone watching me.
Mom? Owen?
Angels? Jesus?!
I shifted slightly, wishing the feeling would
go away.
Son of a witch!
Ouch!
So lying still felt
very good, but moving did not. And the pain confirmed I was,
indeed, awake. And alive.

Then the events of last night flooded into my
consciousness. The scene played out against the back of my eyelids.
Walking up to the Daemoni, handing myself over to them. The
beautiful, blonde vampire. Crashing through the glass table. The
bite
…. My hand flew to my neck.

“Am I a vampire?” I asked aloud, my voice
husky so it sounded more like a croak. If I’d been turned, I wanted
to be prepared. The world would be a different place for me.

A familiar chuckle nearby.
Oh, how I love
that sound
. “No. Definitely not.”

Ah.
That silky, smooth, lovely voice,
like honey mixed with butter. And I remembered the rest…including
what he called me. My eyes sprang open.

And there he lay. Looking like an angel.
Perhaps he was.

Right in front of me, on the pillow next to
mine, rested the face I’d been dreaming about. The one I’d nearly
forgotten and held onto so tightly so I never would. Even more
sublime than I ever allowed myself to remember. But…not exactly the
same. Ugly scars marred the perfection. Yet still breathtaking. The
most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

He couldn’t possibly be real.

I squeezed my eyes shut, mentally cussing out
Swirly for pulling this ultimate head job on me. Just when I
thought I’d finally pulled myself away from the edge of the abyss,
that I was safe from falling in, I had apparently plunged all the
way to the bottom. And Swirly ruled this place, creating impossible
aberrations that hit all of my senses.
But why?
Had my mind
created a safe place because what truly existed was too horrible
for me to handle—being held captive by the Daemoni? Or had they
brainwashed me? Or was I right about Swirly playing her most cruel
game ever?

I shook my head, denying it all.
I have to
face this. Whatever it is, I chose it. This is what I wanted.
I
inhaled deeply and slowly, ignoring the protest from my ribs, and
slowly peeked out of one eye. Nothing had changed. Still in my bed
in the Caribbean room. Still the beautiful face watching me. Those
hazel eyes—green on the outside, gold flecks around the
pupils—staring into mine with the deepest love. He lifted an
eyebrow. My own eyes widened.
Could it possibly be…?

My heart skipped an unnatural rhythm as I
swallowed the lump in my throat. I lifted my shaking hand,
hesitated with the thought that this would kill me if I was wrong,
and then finally reached for his face. I barely touched his cheek
with my fingertips. Electricity sparked. My heart jumped. Tears
sprang to my eyes. My whole body started trembling.

“
Tristan
?”

I barely caught his wide grin as he pulled me
into his strong arms, pressing me against his hard body. My own
body ached but I didn’t care. It felt unreal to be close to him
again. To smell his scent, to feel his strength and warmth, to be
in his arms when I thought I never would be again.

“Tristan, my sweet Tristan?” I cried, wanting
to believe but still afraid to. Afraid demonic magic made me
believe in this moment so they could rip him away again, a part of
their torture for me. Or, worse, afraid I would wake up, completely
alone, nothing changed, just another foggy morning.

“Yes, my love, I’m here now.” His lips found
mine in a deep, loving kiss and they were so full and so soft. So
gentle and lovely. So real. He wiped the tears from my face but
they kept coming. “I’m here,
ma lykita
.”

Nothing had ever sounded so good to my ears.
And I dared to allow myself to believe. I cried as I tried to kiss
him all over while holding on to him as tightly as I could. He
returned every one of my kisses, covering every inch of my face.
The pieces of my heart fused back together with every kiss and it
swelled so large, I felt sure my chest couldn’t contain it anymore.
The emotions overwhelmed me and I sobbed in his arms as he held
me.

“I can’t believe…it’s really you…I’m not
hallucinating…I’m not
dead
?” I sputtered between tears and
kisses.

“We’re together, my love. It’s real.”

A million questions raced through my mind,
but I didn’t want to talk or think yet. I just wanted to hold him
closely and savor the feeling of finally being together. I actually
held him in my arms once again. I couldn’t let go of him, still
afraid if I did, he would disappear.

I finally pulled back just enough to look
into his face.

“It’s really you?”

He nodded. His beautiful, full lips pulled
into a stunning grin.
Oh, that exquisite smile I would have died
to see again
. His eyes held mine for several minutes, the gold
sparkling brightly, the green like bright, shiny emeralds. I could
see the love and happiness in their depths.
Has he always been
this damn
gorgeous
?
I felt sure he had been. I
remembered how he took my breath away, but he seemed just so unreal
now. He looked like an angel…except for those scars.

My brows pushed together as I studied the
scars, sadness overwhelming me. I traced each one with my
fingertips—one curved down from his right temple to below his eye,
another stretched across his left cheek, and a third cut across his
chin. There were several smaller ones, too. Tears filled my
eyes.

“What
happened
to you?” I whispered.
“Where have you
been
? I’ve been so…so…”

I couldn’t say the words. So
what
? So
desolate. So lost. So alone. So freakin’
insane
.

His face darkened a shade. He put his finger
to my lips.

“Shh…not now.” He closed his eyes and
tightened his arms around me. “I just want to hold you now that I
can. Feel your heart beat against me. Know you’re here and you’re
okay. It feels so…
amazing
.”

“It feels like Heaven,” I whispered, laying
my head against his chest.

“This
has
been my vision of Heaven for
a long time,” he said. We lay in silence, staring at each other. I
couldn’t keep my hands away from him—over his face, across his
chest, along his hair to the ponytail behind his head—needing to
physically touch him.

It really felt like Heaven on Earth. The
depression, the anger, the insanity already felt like a distant
memory now that I lay in his arms again. I hadn’t even realized how
small and cold my heart had been until now. It swelled with love
and warmed with happiness with every beat we lay there. He was my
warmth and my light, chasing away Psycho and Foggy and possibly
even Swirly.

“How do you feel?” he finally asked.

“Um, I don’t know. Tremendously happy doesn’t
do it justice. I can’t even think of the right words. It’s
too…
big
.”

He chuckled and kissed my forehead. “I
completely understand. But I meant, how do you feel
physically?”

“Oh.” I did a quick physical assessment.
“Sore, if I move. And thirsty.”

He reached over me for a glass of water on
the nightstand. I consumed every last drop of the refreshing
liquid, the cool wetness feeling like a salve on my raw throat.

“I don’t feel too bad, considering. I think I
had some broken ribs.”

“And probably a punctured lung. But you’re
healing unusually fast.”

He looked at me with a strange expression. He
narrowed his eyes as he searched my face.

“What?” I asked, feeling self-conscious. He’d
probably been watching me sleep for some time, but I felt awkward
as he looked at me like that. It had been so long to even have his
eyes on me.

“Just thinking…” He seemed to change thought
processes as his expression returned to nothing but love. “…how
beautiful you are and how much I love you.”

He kissed me on the lips, the electricity
charging between us. I returned the kiss with a deep hunger, not
able to get enough of him.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I breathed, as
more tears fell. “I just can’t believe it….”

I pulled myself into him, pressing as tightly
as I could, kissing the scars on his cheeks and his chin and down
his neck, burying my face in the crook between his neck and
shoulder and inhaling deeply.

He stiffened and a low, quiet growl escaped
from his throat. I looked up into his face. Flames burned in his
eyes. I pulled back slowly, not wanting to do anything rash, not
knowing what this meant. At one time, such a sound meant
danger—that the monster within him fought for control, fighting to
kill me. Our union supposedly squashed the monster, but… My
heartbeat picked up pace. I thought he was
my
Tristan…but
he’d also become somewhat of a stranger to me now.

“Tristan…?” I whispered hesitantly.

He blinked and focused on me, the fire
controlled, and then closed his eyes and leaned back. He let out a
heavy sigh.

“I’m so sorry,” he finally whispered. “I
don’t know what they’ve done to me.”

“Shh…It’s okay,” I told him as much as
myself. “We’ve been through this before. We can do it again.”

“I had nearly twenty years to prepare myself
to be around you last time.”

“But you are still
Amadis
. And you
know you have our love. You have my trust. That’s what it takes. We
can do this.”

He cupped my face in his hand and looked at
me with desperation in his eyes. “God, I love you, Alexis. I love
you so much. I held onto you like a life rope. Only you—my love for
you—could pull me through.”

My own sufferings suddenly felt
insignificant. The excruciating pain I’d felt couldn’t possibly
equate to all he’d gone through. I knew this even without knowing
the story. I heard this truth in his voice. I saw it in the scars.
My heart squeezed with love and guilt and compassion and grief.
He’d endured so much—for us.

“I held on to the other end of the rope,
pulling from here,” I whispered.