Qaletaqa (8 page)

I relaxed, releasing the barrier and the
thoughts. I felt confident that I would be able to duplicate the
technique when I needed it again.

“Thank you for teaching me that, Talon.”

“You have adapted to this style of
communication so easily already I’m sure you will master using a
shield quickly,” Talon said. “Please be sure to practice shielding
your thoughts tonight.”

The heat of embarrassment tried to rise
again, but I quickly sent it away. “I will,” I said. “Good hunting
tonight.”

Talon nodded and darted into the black
night.

8: Lifeline

The hotel clerk looked up at us with a smile
that belied the late hour. “With all the tourists here in Boulder,
it’s a wonder we even have anything,” she said. “Luckily, we do
have a couple of king-sized singles left. Would you like one of
them?”

I glanced over at Claire for some hint of
what she thought about the room. A king-sized single. Her pleasant
smile gave nothing away. She had been wearing the same expression
since entering the lobby. “Yes, we’ll take the room,” I said. Still
no reaction from Claire.

“Cash or credit?” the receptionist asked.

“Cash,” I said, digging my wallet out of my
back pocket. The room was expensive, and I was suddenly very glad
of the money my mom had given me before I left San Juan. I laid the
money on the counter and waited for the cheerful attendant to hand
me the electronic key cards.

“Breakfast starts at seven,” she said.

I thanked her and started toward the
elevator. Carrying my backpack over one shoulder, I wished Claire
had let me carry hers as well. I pushed the button for the elevator
and shoved my free hand into my pocket. I kept glancing over at
Claire. She smoothed a stray hair, adjusted her backpack straps,
smiled at me, and gave no sign of nervousness.

The soft bing of the elevator rang just
before the doors started sliding open. Claire stepped out and
walked calmly down the patterned commercial carpet that lined the
hallway. I rushed after her. It took two tries before I managed to
insert and remove the electronic keycard at just the right time in
order to release the lock. I held the door open for Claire. She
looked up at me as she walked past. The corner of her mouth was
tucked firmly between her teeth.

Finally, some sign of hesitation.

The door swung shut behind us after we
stepped inside. The hard thud of my backpack dropping to the floor
was the only sound in the room until Claire spoke.

“I’m going to brush my teeth. I’ll be out in
a minute.”

She followed up her casual statement with a
quick kiss before taking her toiletry bag into the bathroom. I
couldn’t move until the metal of the doorknob clicked into place.
My feet carried me across the room to the window, then back toward
the door. Thoughts raced through my mind, but none of them answered
the questions I had.

Remembering my conversation with Talon, I
struggled to calm my mind enough to form a shield around my
thoughts. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but good or bad,
I knew it would be something Talon did not need, or want, to hear.
Slowly, I pinpointed the shape and feel of my thoughts and
fashioned an invisible barrier around them. It was slightly easier
than the first time, and I hoped that it would stay in place long
enough. The soft noise of the bathroom door opening spun me around
to face Claire.

She tugged at the yellow and green track and
field shirt she was wearing. She moved her hand to tuck her hair
behind her ear, even though it was already in place. I wondered
what she was thinking. Seeing her uncertainty, I went to her and
pulled her into my arms. Claire’s hands came up to my face, pulling
me down to kiss her. We had kissed hundreds of times since that day
on the riverbank, but the kiss Claire gave me now was like nothing
I had ever experienced before. Santa Fe, graduation, and our
engagement were put to shame. Not even the pain racing through my
body at her touch could faze me. I crushed her up against me,
gasping for breath between each ardent kiss. I stopped looking for
answers and gave myself over to her captivating warmth.

The back of my legs bumped up against the
edge of the bed before I realized we had moved. I had a fleeting
thought that I should do something to stop what was happening, but
Claire’s forceful pressure pushed the thought away as I pulled her
onto the bed. Claire’s lips dove against mine. I was ready to match
her intensity. A million thoughts raced through my mind as her warm
body moved against mine. Years of pent up passion begged for
release, and I no longer had the strength or desire to hold it
back.

Pressing Claire against me, I came up to a
sitting position. I moved my lips to her neck, kissing the curve of
her skin all the way down to the tip of her shoulder. Claire’s
hands moved down my back, sending a wave of electricity racing down
my spine as her fingers hooked under my shirt and pulled it up.
Releasing Claire long enough to let the thin material slip over my
head, my hands came down to her waist, searching for the hem of her
shirt.

My fingers touched her bare skin. A shiver
ran through her, making me pause. Softly her lips touched my
forehead. I took the kiss for encouragement and began sliding my
hands up her torso. A single tear splashed onto my hot skin.

Awareness of the salty droplet brought me out
of the bliss I was enjoying. I pulled back from Claire enough to
see her face. She looked up at me with longing, but the glint of
moisture in the corners of her eyes stayed my hands.

“Claire,” I whispered. There was no question
about what either of us wanted. The reasons behind the desires were
not as clear. I wanted to say more, but I didn’t know what to say
or how to say it right. “Claire, we don’t have to do this.”

“I know. I want this, Uriah,” Claire
said.

It should have thrilled me to hear those
words, but the lingering sadness in her voice held back my
excitement. “We’ll have other chances. It doesn’t have to be
now.”

Claire kissed my lips gently, begging me to
stop talking. I had to clench my fists in an effort not to give in
to my pulsing desire.

“I don’t want to wait anymore, Uriah.”

Promises to her father and lectures from my
mother, and even my dad’s closely held lessons had no bearing on my
hesitation. Those had flown out of my mind the second the hotel
sign came into view. I wanted nothing more than remove the shirt I
had once worn from Claire’s body along with everything else.
Something else held me back.

“Do you think this is the last night we’ll
have together?” I asked.

Claire laid her head again my shoulder and
ran her fingers up and down my bare chest, sending ripples down my
spine. “You don’t know what you’re about to face, Uriah, but I
do.”

I didn’t understand. What could lead Claire
to believe that she knew more of the Matwau than I did? I wasn’t
criticizing her knowledge, just stating a fact. She knew only what
I had told her, and there were a few precious details I had kept
back even from her.

“Facing your Twin Soul, it will be so much
harder than you think,” she said.

Suddenly I began to understand.

“You’ll need every memory of me strong in
your heart if you hope to hold onto our love. Even with every sweet
moment we’ve had together, I nearly didn’t make it,” Claire said.
“I want to give you something powerful, something to tie us
together even stronger than before.”

I sighed in a mix of relief and physical
disappointment. My fear when she mentioned the bond had been that
Claire truly believed I wouldn’t be able to choose her over Melody,
that she wanted to share the night with me because she was scared
there would be no other nights left for us. Slowly, I took Claire’s
hands in mine and brought them up around my neck. Resting my hands
on her shoulders, I held her in my gaze.

“Claire, as much as I want to feel your bare
skin against mine right now, this isn’t the right time. I don’t
want our first time together to come out of fear that you might
lose me if we don’t,” I said. Claire started to interrupt, but I
leaned in and kissed her before any words that might change my mind
could slip out. “Not even having sex with you tonight could make my
love for you any stronger than it already is.”

“Uriah, you don’t know what I went through.
You weren’t there,” Claire said.

Her expression said she wasn’t trying to lay
guilt, but the burden of my foolish choices bore down on me. My
hands slid down her arms, then ran back up again as I tried to
collect myself. The movement pushed up the sleeves of her t-shirt.
If Claire hadn’t winced and attempted to push the sleeves back
down, I might never have seen what lay under the faded material.
But I did. It was a sight I knew I would never forget. My hands
tightened on one of her arms and refused to let go. Claire tried to
yank her arm away, but I kept hold of her and slowly pulled her
back to me.

I had so see it again, so I pinched the green
cloth between my thumb and first finger and pull it back. One by
one I revealed a mass of purple splotches and fiery red lines.
Claire turned her head away from me in shame. Anger built up inside
my chest, threatening to burst out. Bruises and cuts. How had they
gotten there? I couldn’t imagine a single person who would have
tried to harm her. Even her father wouldn’t have physically abused
her in any way.

“Claire, what are these?” I demanded. What
had I left her to?

Claire tugged at my fingers, begging me to
release my grip. I dropped her hand and grabbed the other one,
pushing the sleeve back to reveal similar injuries. Misery that I
had left her to such a fate seeped into me, but then fury took
over.

“What happened?” My grip on her arm was too
tight. Claire tried to pry my fingers up, but I needed an answer
first. Claire’s eyes met mine. The steel in her gaze darkened her
milk chocolate irises.

“I was all alone, Uriah. I tried to surround
myself with memories of you, with your things, your clothes,”
Claire said defiantly, “but it wasn’t enough after a while. It hurt
so badly to be away from Daniel, but I didn’t want him. I didn’t!
In the end, the only thing I could do was fight pain with
pain.”

Fight pain with pain? Scenarios whipped
around in my mind before finally landing on the one I knew to be
right. My grip loosened in defeat. “You did this to yourself?”

“I had to,” Claire whispered. Her hands came
up to my face once again, but not for another kiss. Pulling my
forehead close enough to touch hers, she let her hands slide down
to my cheeks. My tears rolled over her fingertips. “I had to do it
to save myself.”

Those words ripped through me. My hands
gripped Claire’s and tore her soft fingers from my face. I dropped
her arms, my heavy footsteps taking me to the window before I
rounded on her. My sharp breathing had my chest pumping in and out.
Claire took a hesitant step toward me. I wanted to run from her. I
couldn’t stand to see the pain etched on her features, the pain I
put there.

“Uriah, it’s okay,” Claire said. She reached
out her hand to me, but didn’t come any closer.

I closed the distance between us and grabbed
her hand. Shoving her sleeve back, I said, “This is not okay,
Claire! This is my fault. I did this to you.” I wanted to beg her
forgiveness, scar my own body if it would make any difference, but
I knew it would never be enough. Nothing I could do would ever be
enough.

Claire’s lips thinned into a dark line. She
ripped her arm from my grip and stared at me. The fire in her eyes
and angry set of her jaw startled me. With two swift motions, she
yanked both sleeves up and bared her battered arms. My body refused
to bear up the weight of my guilt and I sunk down to my knees.
Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to look away. I had to face
what I’d done to her.

“Yes, this is your fault,” Claire said. “Is
that what you want me to say? Fine, feel guilty all you want,
Uriah.”

I stared up at her.

“Yeah, you left me behind. That was stupid,
okay? I couldn’t believe you actually left me there to fend for
myself,” Claire said. “Why would you think I would survive any
better without you there to help me? You were wrong. It was
horrible. I cried every night, and most of the days too. The desire
to run after Daniel was so strong that it physically hurt me not to
go to him. I was desperate to find anything that reminded me of
you.”

Claire pulled at the shirt she was wearing.
“I wore your clothes and listened to your music, touched everything
in your room,” she said. Taking something from her back pocket, she
threw it into my lap.

I picked up the delicate paper star and
stared at the inscription she had written on it so long ago.
You
are my light in the dark
. It was one more reminder of how I had
failed her. I put my other hand over the star and force my gaze
back to Claire.

“I was desperate to feel some part of you,
just to convince myself that you would come back for me. Every day
the bond grew stronger, trying to break me, but I fought back. You
see these cuts and bruises, and you see your failure, but I see
them and see my strength. This,” she said, holding her arms up and
forcing me to look at them, “is what I was willing to do to keep my
love for you.”

My shoulders slumped forward. I dropped my
head and let it hang down, staring at my empty hands. She was
alone, cutting her soft skin and beating it until dark purple and
scarlet left their telling marks while I had been hundreds of miles
away. How could she ever forgive me for abandoning her when she
needed me most?

Claire sighed. Quietly, she knelt in front of
me and placed her hands in mine. “Yes, it would have been easier if
you had been there, but you weren’t. You thought you were doing
what was right. I understand that. I think you were an idiot for
doing it,” she said, a soft smile creeping onto her lips, “but I
understand why you did. And I forgive you.”