Queer (9 page)

Some of the best ideas for making change can come from you. Maybe you and your friends have been complaining about an issue in your community that really pisses you off. Take those feelings of anger and frustration and put them to work. Start your own day of observance, hold a car wash fundraiser to support an LGBT rights organization, or start your own LGBT rights organization. We're sure you can come up with a hundred creative ways to make your voice heard, make your point, and maybe even make some big changes in the world.

You don't have to be a big political activist either to make a difference. Just speaking up about your experiences to people who don't understand or befriending a lonely queer kid can make all the difference in the world.

If you're going away to college, you'll want to research schools where you'll be comfortable as a queer person so you can focus on your studies while enjoying a robust campus life. Most colleges in major metropolitan areas will be somewhat gay friendly, and some small colleges in small towns can also be magnets for queer academics. But you'll have to vet them all first to see if they're right for you. How should you start your selection process?

First, narrow your colleges down to ones that offer what you want to study (assuming you know what you want to study). You could go to the most gay-friendly school in the planet, but if it doesn't offer your dream dual-major of musical theater and astrophysics, then what's the point? Once you've found a place that offers what you want to study, get online and dig deeper. Check out the school's nondiscrimination policy. Does it include sexual orientation? Gender identity? See if there are any classes in queer studies. Does the university have a Gay-Straight Alliance or other gay student organization? Check out the Princeton Review of Colleges, which each year ranks the most and least gay-friendly colleges.

Once you've narrowed it down to the schools that interest you, call and request a catalogue and list of courses. Read the campus paper on the web to see what makes the news and read the editorials and letters to the editor to see if campus dialogue gels with your beliefs. Make a list of the things you want to find out about the school. Finally, go to the school—if you can—and check it out yourself. In addition to investigating the course of study you want to pursue, keep an eye out for any signs of gay life on campus.

While you're on your campus tour, use your gaydar. Are there any openly LGBT couples walking to class? Are there gay flyers on the bulletin boards? Get in touch with someone at the LGBT campus organization (call or email) and see if you can meet up with someone while you're on campus. Hearing from other LGBT students can help you get a true picture of what the actual campus climate is like.

Also, see if your college offers gender-neutral housing. Colleges traditionally required people of the same sex to live together in dorms, but more and more colleges are recognizing that, regardless of one's sexual orientation, sometimes people choose to live with someone of a different gender. For trans kids, a policy like this might be essential in choosing where to go to school.

You're
queer. We think that's awesome. Your boyfriend or girlfriend does, too. Maybe your mom, your whole school, and even Ellen DeGeneres are working on a snappy surprise musical number about what a fine out-and-proud member of the community you are. Somebody call in the marching band! Toot the trumpets and twirl those sparkly batons!

We love that you fly a rainbow flag on your desk, wear hot pink scarves to school, or set your profile to "interested in men and women." Seriously. By celebrating your life and feeling comfortable about who you are, you're setting an exciting example—and maybe making life a little easier—for kids still trapped in the closet.

Chances are, though, there's someone out there who, for whatever reason, is totally bugged out by the fact that you're LGBT. It may be someone you're close to, like your dad or your cousin, or it may be some random idiot that really needs to get a life and stop paying so much attention to yours. At some point, unfortunately, you're going to encounter haters.

Maybe you've been stalked by thugs at the mall who yell homophobic insults, or your boss has made you feel uncomfortable by constantly joking about your sexuality, or your uncle has tried to shame the gay out of you.

Or maybe you've been called names by your classmates, shoved against the lockers as someone walks past you, bullied online, or even called a "he-she" by your teacher—and not one person in charge has done jack about it. Well, you're not alone. The Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) found that, in 2007, 86 percent of LGBT teens were verbally harassed at school, 44 percent reported being physically harassed, and 22 percent said they had been physically assaulted because of their sexual orientation.

Remember that some of the world's most exciting artists, scientists, and thinkers had to triumph over some kind of harassment or hardship as a kid. It doesn't feel good now, but you will survive. And as you climb your way to fabulousness, you'll be able to look back at all of the small-minded people who got on your case and thank them for teaching you exactly what kind of person you want to be (someone unlike them). Until then, keep your head high and learn how to protect yourself—without sinking to their level.

If you're getting grief from someone at school or elsewhere, it can be hard to wrap your brain around why. You've done nothing wrong to anyone, but people seem set on making your life hell. Even though it feels like there isn't much you can do about some people's bad attitudes, it does help to understand why they have them.

One reason that people are cruel to others is because they are afraid of what they don't know. If they've never met a queer person before, they might feel intimidated by you. It's odd but true. And some kids are simply taught to hate or distrust what they don't know or understand. In other situations, peer pressure comes into play, and people go along with awful things because they need to feel accepted. It's also important to remember that lots of bigots are full of insecurity, and insecure people will take out their own anxieties about themselves on others—especially on kids who are in a minority, like LGBT kids. When you don't feel good about yourself, it's tempting to hate on someone else to try to make yourself feel better, and a queer kid in drama class is an easier target than the straight captain of the football team. While understanding all of this doesn't make it any easier when you're getting abused by someone, it can help you to take it less personally. It's not about you—it's about them.

So someone in your life is on your case for absolutely no reason. What should you do? Even If you're a strong person with love and support at home and an awesome group of friends, being harassed about your sexual orientation can be demoralizing and exhausting. And If you don't have that support at home, it can feel even worse. If you're being harassed for being queer you can (and should!) fight back. Here are some ways to do that without resorting to violence.

• Stand up for yourself.
  Tell the people harping on you that they're only being immature and that nothing is going to change you, so they should find someone else to pick on. Try not to escalate the situation. If someone raises his or her voice, just walk away. You've said what you had to say. Let them entertain themselves some other way.
  
• Tell someone.
  If there are supportive adults in your life, let them know what's going on. You're not a wimp or a tattle-tale if you tell someone about the harassment you're forced to endure. And you don't have to mention that you're being taunted for being queer if you don't want to. Most schools have strong policies against bullying, and they don't care why you're being harassed, just that you are. Having said that, if you are OK being out, it's good to tell a supervisor at your school that you're being targeted because you're queer. That way, they can do something about it on a larger scale and help other LGBT kids who are in a similar situation.
  
• Stick with friends.
  Bullies are cowards. They're less likely to mess with you if you're with a friend or, even better, an entire posse of your friends. So if you're going to be in a situation that you know is vulnerable, bring a couple of sidekicks along.