Questing Sucks (Book 1) (34 page)

Cah’lia gave Sehn a dirty look.
It should be him with his oversized head stuck in the mountain,
she thought.

Cah’lia grabbed the man by his small feet, and gave him a tug. She overcompensated, not expecting to free him so easily. The little man was sent flying, crashing against a nearby rock in the worst possible way. He was a Dwarf—there was no doubt about it. He had short curly black hair, an oversized nose, and thin pair of crushed glasses.

He jumped to his feet, holding his groin and howling in agony. “Oh, ye done me in, missy. You done in Old Wolly for good, ya did. Oh, I think they be smashed, I think ye smashed Wolley’s Crunkets. Oh, for the Gods, please, don’t let them be smashed. Poor Wolley’s Crunkets.”

Nero grabbed Cah’lia, pulling her down and whispering into her ear. “
What’s a Crunkets? Does he mean his…thingies?”

Cah’lia tried her best not to laugh, but Sehn was already lying on the ground, choking in hysteria. “Hahahaha!” he cried. “Do it again, the Great Sehn demands more entertainment!”

Cah’lia leaped over to Sehn, and gave him a kick in the side for being so cruel. He only grunted, before continuing to laugh at the weeping Dwarf.

“
Ohhhh
, me Crunkets,” the Dwarf said, continuing to dance on his feet. “Ya smashed me Crunkets, how could ye smash old Wolley’s Crunkets?”

“I’m very sorry,” Cah’lia said. “I was only trying to help.” The Dwarf seemed to calm down. He turned around, mumbled something about modesty, and then pulled down his pants, exposing his naked bum. He bent over, and began to blow air on his “Crunkets.”

“BWAHAHAHAHAH!” Sehn roared, tears falling from his eyes. Nero looked shocked, and Cah’lia knew why. It was the first time he’d ever seen the liquid exit Sehn’s eyes, and the circumstance was more than fitting given his character.

“No more!” Sehn yelled, writhing on the ground. “This man, he is killing me. He has discovered a way to—BWAHAHAHAH—he has discovered a way to incapacitate the G-Great Sehn. Cah’lia! We are under attack.”

For a moment it really did seem like Sehn might die via laughter. Cah’lia walked over to the weeping Dwarf, careful not to make eye contact with his…Crunkets.

“Your name is Wolly, my friend?” she asked.

“That it be, my good Elf,” he said. “I’m Wolly o’ the mountain Dwarves.
Me
wife is no gonna be happy, if I come home without me Crunkets.”

“He’s killing me!” Sehn cried in agony, once again rolling on the ground and choking.

Cah’lia tried to filter him out. “What is it you’re doing in this place? It’s no place for a Dwarf.”

Wolly shrugged. “Old Wolly was just
tryin’ter
get me some supplies from Koringrath, but me got lost on the way back. I’ve been stuck
e’re
for three days. Oh, please, Elf, could ye get Old Wolly out of here? Me never been having much of a sense of direction.”

“I’m heading to Hahl, will that be all right?”

“Oh, dear, Old
Wolly’d
go to the ends of the earth with ye, if it be getting him out of this
Crunket
-smashing mountain.”

“Come on, then. Sehn, get off the floor. We’ve got to keep moving.”

 

 

Patrick knew better than to argue with Saerina, but his curiosity got the better of him. “At least tell me why, my good princess. Why aren’t we following them? At this rate, they’ll get to Hahl before we do, and they don’t even know we still live.”

Princess Saerina looked at him, with her dark, red, and knowing eyes. “Because, we’re about to encounter some unwanted guests. It’s fortunate that they are alone, for I’d have sent them off even if those scouts hadn’t come upon us.”

“Unwanted…what? I don’t understand what you’re—”

Patrick stopped short, hearing the cries of two large animals echo above him. He gasped at seeing the creatures in the sky, with riders on their backs. It was distant, but he heard a child’s voice call at them from the sky, electricity dancing off of her body. “It’s them!” she called. “Kellar, Mistress Orellia, it’s them!”

The girl leaped off the back of the animal, and Patrick moaned. Now what was happening?

Chapter 34: Telegraphing, and why you Shouldn’t do it.

 

Patrick held his breath, watching the three riders land on the ground unharmed. The giant creatures—what he assumed were gryphons—circled the air above the Valley. Much to his dismay, Patrick found himself wishing Sehn’s death rainbows were a thing of fact.

The riders approached, and no one spoke. Patrick and the four he traveled with remained silent, offering evaluating looks at the three beings approaching them at a slow walk. When it seemed to Patrick that no one would be willing to open a dialogue, he stepped forward to greet them. They were an odd bunch, numbering an Elven girl, a Human boy, and a Human woman.

“My name is Patrick,” he said. “I…I’m not exactly sure who you three are, but I hope you are not here to cause us any harm.”

They ignored him, content to offer nothing more than inquisitive looks. They whispered into each other’s ears, and occasionally pointed at Patrick, but they otherwise made no attempt to communicate. “I say again, who are you three? This is Kingdom land, are you here to cause us trouble?”

The Human woman stepped forward. She had fiery red hair, and a slim, curvy physique. “That depends,” she said. “I am Orellia, an agent of The Order of Magic, and these two beside me are acolytes. The young Elven girl is Shina, and the boy is Kellar. We’ve come because—”

“Where is he!” Shina interrupted. “I’m never wrong, not when I can feel someone. He’s here, I know it.”

Patrick looked at his company behind him, hoping that one of them knew what was going on. Rillith and Daniel offered blank looks, but Saerina and Saerith were stone-faced. Something was wrong.

“Who are you looking for?” Patrick asked.

“My brother, Sehn.”

Being a prince, Patrick had been privy to a different sort of education during his childhood. Growing up, Patrick had been taught to resist torture, negotiate treaties, and maintain a straight face. At this moment, it was all paying off. Patrick bit down on his tongue, and used all the willpower he commanded to remain a statue.

Sehn has a sister? Are these the sensors that Saerina mentioned back in the
Jinkar
forests?

“I’ve never heard that name before,” Patrick said. “If you’ll excuse us, we’ll be on our way.”

“Not so fast,” the woman, Orellia, commanded. “I know who you are, Patrick Vasilis. Now tell me, what would a prince be doing roaming the Valley of Hahl all by himself, with a pack of Elves and two cutthroats? No, when Shina knows, she knows. Where is he?”

“If you know I’m a prince, then you’d know to show me some respect. I don’t know who this ‘Sehn’ is, but what I do know is that you’re trespassing on Kingdom land. I advise you to leave.”

Shina growled, and Patrick watched in fascination as lightning wrapped around her fingertips, and radiated off of her feet. Orellia turned around to face her. “What did I tell you, Shina? Control that.”

“So-sorry,” she said. “It’s just that I can’t stand it when people lie to me. I know my brother was here, I bet he’s hiding in that wagon. No, wait. He wouldn’t hide, not unless they tricked him into hiding. He’s pretty easily fooled.”

Hearing her words, Patrick no longer had any doubts about her claims, or that at the very least she knew Sehn. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he felt princess Saerina’s hand on his shoulder. She stepped forward. “Let me handle this, Patrick,” she said. Since the encounter a day earlier, all three nobles were now on a first-name basis, forgoing formality entirely.

Saerina stepped forward, and Shina narrowed her eyes. “Hmm, she looks familiar to me,” she said. “I think I’ve—”

Shina threw herself to the ground, slamming her head to the floor. Kellar and Orellia looked at her in shock. “What’s wrong?” they said in unison.

“M-my princess!” Shina cried. “Mistress Orellia, this woman is princess Saerina, messenger of her grace! You must bow.”

Orellia sighed. “Have you forgotten, Shina? Agents of The Order are above even royalty. Get off the floor and back to your feet. We’re going to need to speak of this later. As for you,” Orellia said. “I do not care what your rank is, the facts are the facts. A user of magic has left his home city, and has casted a spell or more of his own will. The two conditions have been met, and now he belongs to us. Why are you hiding him? As a princess, you should be well versed in all of the laws of magic.”

Saerina did not reply. Her only response was to roll up her sleeve, revealing the blue and gold tattoo of a staff that ran from her wrist to her arms. This, Orellia reacted to, taking a full two steps back. “Leave,” Saerina commanded.

Kellar ran a hand through his hair. “What’s that tattoo? And how come you look so freaked out by it, Mistress Orellia?”

The woman continued to back up, fleeing from the princess. “Where did you get that?” she whispered.

“None of your concern,” Saerina grinned. “But ask yourself this. Is it worth it? You can continue to pester us for this ‘Sehn’ person and face me, or you can get back on your beasts and leave. Either way, I—”

“Pancake is NOT a beast!” Shina shrieked. “He’s my ‘
widdle-biddle
’ cutie pie!”

Orellia stopped retreating. “What does that have to do with anything?” she growled. “Can’t you see we’re in the middle of a situation here?”

Kellar laughed, and Patrick wondered how the boy could be so carefree. Perhaps it was because he hadn’t seen Saerina tear apart fifty armed men. Though, it seemed that the tattoo she had gave their “leader” something to fear.

“Hey,” Kellar said. “What’s that tattoo mean? How come no one is answering me? Do you know anything about this, Shina?”

The young Elven girl turned to face him. “Yeah, I know,” she said.

“So, what is it?”

“It’s disrespectful, that’s what it is. I mean, how can she call Pancake a beast?”

“No,” he laughed. “About the tattoo that Mistress Orellia is freaking out about.”

“Oh, so that’s what you’re talking about. Well, I really don’t know why she’d call him a beast, but I think that -”

“No, Shina! That’s not what I’m asking.”

“Will you two be quiet!” Orellia hissed. She pointed a finger at Saerina—from a fairly safe distance—and spoke. “The law is the law, even for you,” she said. “I’m not willing to risk the lives of these two kids, but I will make a full report of this to the Holy Magus. Harboring a fugitive Mage is a serious crime. Shina, Kellar, we’re leaving.”

“Wait, so we came all this way for nothing?” Shina pouted. “Forget it—I’m not leaving without Sehn. princess, please cooperate.”

Saerina didn’t reply, but she did hold a dangerous glint in her eyes. Patrick hoped she wouldn’t do anything to harm the little Elf. Patrick assumed she was only eleven, or perhaps maybe twelve years old at the most.

Orellia grabbed her by the arm, and Shina wailed as the older woman attempted to drag her across the grassy floor. “Shina, I said we’re leaving. This is no time for you to be stubborn.”

“No!” she said. “I didn’t come all this way for nothing.” She pulled free, and extended her pointer-finger at Saerina. “Forgive me, princess, but you will not stand in our way.”

Sparks flew out of her skin, her eyes, and even her mouth. Patrick was too shocked to speak. She leveled her finger against Saerina, and Patrick watched as the electricity surged from her skin, forming an orb on her finger tip. Saerina yawned, and took two steps to the side. For the next thirty seconds, Shina grunted, and Patrick watched in awe as more and more electricity surged into her finger, the orb growing, and taking form.

She looked at Saerina and grinned. “
Super Lightning Goddess special attack number four!”

There was a flash, followed by the sound of thunder. The orb turned into a massive bolt of lightning, leaving her fingertip and traveling at an incredible speed towards the place Saerina had been standing almost a minute earlier. It sailed right through the unoccupied space, continuing until it collided with the wagon behind them. The horses reared and ran away as the wagon exploded, sending a flurry of wood, grain, and ceramic pots showering over the Valley.

Watching the destruction of their supplies, Patrick boiled with anger. “Damn it all,” he muttered.

Shina looked ridiculous. Her eyebrows were pulled back to the top of her face, her mouth hanging open in the widest expression of shock Patrick had ever seen a person wear. “But how,” she whispered. “How did you know where I’d fire it?”

“
Gahh
!” Orellia moaned. “Shina, how many times do we have to tell you not to telegraph your attacks? This is why you lose in the sparring chamber each and every time.”

Rillith shook his head, and narrowed his eyes on the girl. “I think I see the resemblance to Sehn now,” he said. “Aye, I’m sure of it.”

“She is too powerful,” Shina breathed. “I can see why you fear her now.”

Orellia moaned again. “Shina, my dear acolyte, we have so much work to do on you yet.” Kellar laughed up a storm, it seemed to be the boy’s response to any situation. “Hey, are you listening to me, Shina?”

Shina spun around and whistled. “Pancake!” she called. The gryphon swooped down, landing with a loud crash on the Valley’s surface. Shina kicked off her back foot, and in one graceful leap flipped onto his back. “I’ve found him!” she said. “He’s not far.”

Saerina’s eyes widened. “She can be that precise?” she gasped. “No, stop! Come back!” The girl flew off, leaving the two she’d arrived with to stare at each other with blank expressions.

It had been a long time since Patrick had been this confused about anything, but he was certain of one thing—every member of Sehn’s bloodline was an idiot.

 

 

“No, ye don’t be touching that!” Wolly cried. “That’s not yet been done, it be old Wolly’s newest invention.”

Sehn didn’t care what the stupid Dwarf said. If he didn’t want Sehn and Nero to play with his cool Dwarven gizmos, then he shouldn’t have left his backpack lying on the ground. Cah’lia decided they’d rest for a bit to give Wolly a chance to recover. She wanted to be out of the mountain by night and in the city of Hahl by dawn the next morning. Sehn didn’t care what she wanted.