Questing Sucks! Book II (14 page)

“Mooph!” the gryphon’s cry echoed from above.

Cah’lia forced herself to keep her cool. Calmly, she asked, “Can it at least fly us to where we need to go?”

“Of course it can,” Sehn said. “But first, I must teach it the remainder of my tricks. I have this one awesome thing I’m planning. I’d like Sehn Two to be able to steal. Just imagine it, Cah’lia. He will swoop down on places, pick up items with his feet, and then fly it back to us.”

Cah’lia gave Sehn her fiercest glare so that he knew she meant business. This was one problem she intended to nip in the bud. “Absolutely not.”

“Worth a try,” Sehn muttered. “At any rate, let us be gone from this foolish mountain. Sehn Two!” he called. “Return to your master at once!”

The gryphon squawked and lowered itself to the ground, the powerful flapping of its wings assaulting Cah’lia with a gust of chilly air. Why was it so cold up here? The gryphon—Cah’lia would never acknowledge it as ‘Sehn Two’—landed directly in front of Sehn, stretching out its neck. Sehn stroked him affectionately.

“We can’t bring much with us, so we’ll have to say goodbye to most of our belongings,” Cah’lia said. “We’ll take the map Wolly gave us to help find Magia, and we’ll bring just enough food for an emergency. But I’d like to leave now if possible.”

Sehn opened his mouth to say something, but Cah’lia spoke before he had the chance. “Don’t even think about trying to charge me a transportation fee, Sehn. I
will
hit you. That’s not threat: it’s a promise.”

Sehn grumbled something inaudible. But at least he went along with things without putting up an issue. He hopped on the gryphon’s back and patted the area behind him, motioning for Cah’lia to sit. She eyed the vacant space dubiously. Was this safe? Probably not, but she didn’t have much of a choice. Riding this thing without a saddle was probably the most dangerous aspect of what they were attempting, but desperate people did desperate things, or so Cah’lia supposed.

“Hold on to me,” Sehn instructed.

“Why, for safety reasons?”

“No, I just…I just want you to,” he whispered.

Cah’lia laughed and ran her hands first over Sehn’s broad shoulders, and then around them, clutching his chest. “Sehn,” she whispered into his ear. “Try not to get us killed, please.”

“Hah! The Great Sehn makes no promises. Sehn Two! Take us up!”

Cah’lia yelped as the gryphon kicked off its feet and jumped into the air. It was a role reversal from the trip to the mountain. This time, Cah’lia was the one afraid: the one without any control. Yet somehow she knew that, despite his complete lack of regard for his own wellbeing, Sehn would never allow her on the animal if he wasn’t positive it was safe.

As the gryphon flapped its wings and the two rose higher into the sky, Cah’lia swallowed her fear and held onto Sehn. Here went nothing.

Nero moaned, no longer able to remain still. “
Paaatriiick
, I’m
boooooreed
.” He fidgeted his way to his feet and headed over to Patrick. How much longer would he be stuck in this room?

It had been close to ten years since Sehn and Nero’s sister had left Hahl for the sky place—or maybe it had been only a day or two. Nero wasn’t sure, because it all felt the same to him; each second was an eternity when there was nothing fun to do.

Patrick sat at his desk and continued to write on an important-looking document. They were in a room at the mayor’s giant estate, where Patrick had temporarily chosen to conduct his business. He dipped his quill into the inkpot and smiled at Nero. It was a smile that Nero knew well, and it aggravated him. Cah’lia and Sehn had given him that same smile many times before, along with Rillith and the other adults—it meant they were only pretending to pay attention to him.

He wobbled over to Patrick’s desk, which was nearly as tall as Nero was, and too high for him to see what lay on top of it. He rested his chin on the polished wooden surface and tried to find out what was so important that Patrick couldn’t spare him a few minutes.

It’s all just dumb numbers and stuff
.
I wanna go to the zoo again
.

“
Paaatriickk
, come on, you promised.”

Patrick gave him the same half-aware smile, tuning Nero out. He waved a hand. “Soon, Nero. I’m very busy right now.”

Nero had never been so bored in an office, and he’d spent a great deal of time in one back at home. Sehn had built his own place of work in a small crevice concealed beneath a waterfall, because a hidden residence meant he wouldn’t have to pay property taxes. Sehn had always hated paying those, the thought of which caused Nero to miss home. He remembered the day a tax official had come to Sehn’s shabby apartment to collect overdue payments. Somehow, Sehn had actually ended up
making
money from the whole ordeal.

Patrick’s office was far larger than Sehn’s. It had paintings of long-deceased princes covering both sides of the wall. There was a velvet couch with golden strings sticking out from the ends of its plump cushions. During the day, several uniformed Kingdom officials had come through, and they’d been served coffee or wine while waiting for Patrick to address their concerns.

Though grander and prettier to look at, Patrick clearly had no idea how to run an office—Nero was sure of it. He knew because the place was boring! Back at home, Sehn and Nero had always found fun things to work on. Some of the greatest plans for world domination had come from Sehn’s genius mind during their late-night office hours.

Nero tapped his fingers against the desk, humming. How long had he been trapped in this stupid place? It had to have
at least
been a few centuries. Rina and the Champion had gone girly-shopping, and Nero regretted refusing to come along; anything would’ve been better than this.

“Patrick, you said you’d take me to buy the new Dragon Dashers toy.”

Patrick put down his quill and raised a finger to his lips. “
Shh
.
I promised your sister I wouldn’t spoil you. That’s our secret, Nero, and I
will
get them for you, I promise.” He frowned for a moment. “I can’t believe Mayor Rumpus refused to share his toys with you. Hell, I can’t believe he even
has
those Dasher-things in the first place.”

Nero tried to nod, but his head was already as high as it would go while he leaned his chin on top of the desk. “That’s why I need my own.”

Patrick laughed. “I’ll tell you what. Rina and that…thing, should be—”

“Champy,” Nero corrected. “We call him Champy now.”

“Fine, then—Champy. Those two should be back soon. I’ll give the Cham—ah, Champy, some coin, and maybe he’ll take you to the marketplace when he returns.”

Nero stomped his foot on the blood-red carpets and released a slow, dragging moan. “But Rina took him to go look for girl clothing! That means it’ll be at least a few hundred years before they get back.”

“For once, I think you have a point,” Patrick mumbled. “But I’m doing something very important right now. I can’t just up and leave my post, and I promised Cah’lia I’d keep an eye on you.”

Nero lifted his chin off the desk and spun around, storming over to the couch. He needed to get stronger, like Sehn. Nero shouldn’t have to take this abuse. If he were Sehn, then he’d be able to make people do whatever he wanted.

He was only a moment from lying down and taking a nap when the door to Patrick’s office opened and Rina strolled in, carrying a bag in each hand. She looked as happy as Nero had ever seen her.

“Rina has new things!” she announced, entering the room. “She has dresses and skirts. Rina will show Patrick later.”

Patrick again put down his quill and smiled. “I’d be happy to see them later. I’m sure you’ll look beautiful. Of course, you already do, little Rina.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Nero said, already tiring of the conversation. He pointed a finger at the Champion. “I wanna go to the marketplace and get new toys.”

“Now, Nero,” Rina said, dropping her bags and then crossing her arms, “you’re being rude. Aren’t you going to ask how Rina’s day was?”

Nero imitated Sehn and let out his heartiest laugh. “Of course not, umm, F-foolrina.” He shook his head. “No, let me try that again.” He cleared his throat and inclined his neck so he was looking down his nose at her. “Of course not, Rafoolna!”

Rina giggled. “Nero is stupid sometimes.”

“What! How dare you call—
”

The gryphon came to an abrupt halt, stopping so suddenly that Cah’lia almost flew out of their makeshift saddle, which consisted of little more than a piece of leather and some ropes to form a harness. An hour earlier, Sehn had ordered his “minion” to land right in the middle of a small village filled with people who’d never seen this kind of creature before. Cah’lia had him buy—not steal, as he’d wanted—a few supplies, and they’d built a saddle capable of keeping them from falling off the gryphon. Although there were a few for sale, none of them fit this enormous creature, as they were made for horses.

Now, as they halted midair, so high above the surface that Cah’lia could no longer make out any individual people or things, she held onto Sehn just a bit more tightly as they hovered in the air on the back of the gryphon.

“Why did you order it to stop?” she asked.

Cah’lia stirred uneasily as she looked down at the ground below her. From this altitude, the valley of Hahl looked like a drawing on a map. It defied reality. They were even above some of the clouds, which floated like puffy chunks of cigar smoke.

“Something is wrong,” Sehn said.

“Something’s…wrong?”

“I’m not sure what it is, but I feel like someone has just used my Godly name without paying the proper fees and filing the proper paperwork. If I find out who is responsible, they will be made to beg for my mercy.”

Cah’lia gave him a light slap on the shoulder. “That’s what you stopped us for? Something stupid like that?”

Sehn spun his torso around in the saddle, his eyes bulging as he looked over his shoulder at her. “How
dare
you call the—”

“—Great Nero stupid, Rina! Just for that, you will be forced to pay me some money and give me your stuff. Like, umm, whatever’s in your bags?”

Rina looked down at her shopping bags and then back up at Nero. A wicked grin formed on her lips. “Does Nero want to wear girl clothing?”

Embarrassment hit Nero with such force that it almost knocked him over. “N-no! That’s not, umm, that’s…maybe that’s what
you
wanna do, Rina.”

Rina nodded. “Of course Rina does. That is why she has bought them.”

Frustrated, Nero decided to end the exchange of insults until he could think of something cleverer to say. Besides, he had more important things to worry about, like getting one of the new Dragon Dashers before the street vendors sold out of them. Thanks to the big battle—which his stupid sister made him miss—there’d probably be a shortage of supply. Nero felt a pinch in his stomach as he pictured another kid at that very moment, pointing at the toy with a big smile on his face and buying out the last one in stock.

“We have to go before it’s too late,” Nero said. “Champy, come on!”

The Champion looked over to Patrick. “Very well. Do you have money for this child?”

Patrick already had a hand extended. His eyes were still focused on whatever document he was working on, and while still looking down at his various papers, he blindly tossed a satchel of coins, which the Champion caught midair. The coins within clinked as they hit the Champion’s hand—it sounded like there were quite a few in there, causing Nero to greedily lick his lips.

“Can I hold it?”

“No,” the Champion whispered. “Your sister…she specifically asked me to keep money from you. She said you tend…to lose it.”

“What? I do not! And besides, Cah’lia isn’t in charge of you—Sehn is, and since I’m his disciple, then that makes me in charge of you, too.”

“Oh? Well, child, your sister is…the one with the knife, so I will listen to her.”

Nero decided he’d have to have a word with Sehn later about the Champion’s lack of respect. Also, Sehn would want to know that the Champion had betrayed his explicit orders not to obey Cah’lia. All that would come later, though. Nero couldn’t afford to argue now, not while time whittled away.

“Okay, whatever you say. Let’s go now, okay?”

Nero tried to bolt out of the room, but before he could clear the doorway, the Champion grabbed him by the wrist and held him in place. “Do not leave my sight,” he warned.

Nero danced with impatience. He really liked Champy, but it seemed as if the odd man had no understanding of the need for urgency. By Nero’s estimation, there was probably just one single toy left, and someone was attempting to buy it at that very moment. Nero gave his guardian a pleading look, but the Champion said nothing and kept his face stern.

Realizing nothing would change until he agreed to behave, Nero sighed. “Okay, okay, I promise I won’t leave your sight. Can we go now? Please? Please, please, please?”

The Champion crouched down to one knee and placed an arm on Rina. “Would you like to come as well?”

“Of course. Rina loves going shopping.”

Rina loves going shopping
,
Nero mentally mimicked.
She had better not make us stop at any girl places
.
Just you wait
,
Rina
.
Sehn is gonna know everything you’re doing
.
Everything
!

The Champion opened the office door and stepped out. Nero and Rina followed behind. They made their way through the elaborate estate, past servants sweeping the floors and watering various plants kept on elaborately cut glass tables in the hallways. Nero averted his eyes as they traveled by wall paintings of various demons from now extinct religions. The reddish creatures gave him the creeps.

He covered his ears while they traveled down the five flights of stairs leading to the estate’s entrance, because Rina prattled on and on about the new clothing she’d bought with Patrick’s money. Nero didn’t think he’d ever understand girls. Why would anyone spend money on things like ribbons and clothing when, for so much cheaper, you could buy toys and wooden swords?