Rain (11 page)

CHAPTER TWELVE

“I have something I need to tell you. I don’t want to, but I think I should,” Liz said solemnly, clearly distraught. She looked at me with big sad eyes, and I could tell she was conflicted on whether to actually tell me what she was here to tell me. I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever it was.

“Just get whatever it is over with, Liz,” I tell her, trying to brace myself for it.

She gave me a sympathetic smile before she spoke. Then she hesitated before blurting out, “Austin…Austin is dating Tina.”

My heart sank even farther than it had when he stopped showing up, and now it felt like a baseball bat had been taken to it a few times. My memory flashed to one of the girls who were always fawning over him. I felt sick, and this time it wasn’t from the chemo.

“He sure does love me, doesn’t he?” I said bitterly.

Liz hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to tell you. You don’t deserve that. He is such an ass,” she said, trying to comfort me.

“It’s not your fault, Liz. I’m glad you told me. I can’t even tell you when the last time he visited me was. I had a feeling something was amiss,” I admitted.

She pulled back from the hug and looked at me quizzically. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“At first I wasn’t sure how long it had actually been, and I have been so tired that I haven’t even wanted to think or talk about it.”

“Okay,” she said and jumped up abruptly. “Now I’m going to go kick his ass.” She stormed out of the room.

I didn’t doubt that she was going to go cause trouble on my behalf, and I loved her for it because I couldn’t do it myself right now.

I cried, feeling the betrayal even though I had known deep down for a while. It wasn’t as devastating as it would have been if I wouldn’t have gotten sick, or maybe the lack of devastation had to do with Kyle. It still hurt like hell, but it was also a relief. He was one less thing I had to worry about, one less heart I had to worry about breaking. Maybe that was why he broke mine before I could die and break his.

***

I’d been stuck lying here—since I couldn’t go anywhere anyway—thinking about Austin and our whole relationship. I thought devastation had found me, but it was just a bit delayed. The whole relationship—and all of the times that he’d told me he loved me—felt like a lie. My heart actually felt like it hurt and was cracking. Sobs exploded out of me, and I began shaking. The guy who was supposed to love me had left me. Who else was going to love a sick girl who had a strong possibility of dying?

***

Me:
Did you kill him yet? WHERE IS MY ICE CREAM?

Liz:
I screamed my head off at him and scared the crap out of him. CRAP! I failed my BFF duty!

I replied to that with a sad face before hiding under the covers again.

***

“Delivery,” Kyle’s voice rang as he appeared in front of me.

I gave him a confused look. He was holding a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

“Liz found me and informed me that you were in need of cookie dough ice cream,” he explained.

I knew what Liz was doing—sending Kyle to distract me—and the fact that she thought there was more going on with us than there was.

“You are my new best friend!” I declared, reaching for the ice cream.

“If I knew that was all it took, I would have brought you ice cream a lot sooner,” he stated, grinning at me. My heart did a little flip, melting some of the devastation away.

The cold ice cream container felt good in my hands, and it distracted me from the heat that crept through me. Kyle handed me a spoon, and I dug into the ice cream. Cookie dough was my favorite, and Liz knew it. She was now forgiven for the fail of delivering bad news without ice cream. The ice cream melted in my mouth and tasted amazing. I hadn’t had ice cream in forever. I knew I would probably regret it later, but I didn’t care. Ice cream made everything better.

“Just don’t tell Liz. If she finds out she might try to kill you,” I partially teased. “Want some?” I tilted the container toward him.

“Sure,” he said before he took my spoon, scooped out a huge hunk, and ate it, eating after me without any hesitation.

I took the spoon back and ate another scoop, thinking about how the spoon had just been in his mouth and smiling.

“What?” he asked, clearly seeing something in my expression.

“Nothing,” I responded quickly, shoving more ice cream in my mouth.

A dark look came across his face when he spotted new bruises on my arm. He glared at them for a minute, tensing up before looking away. He avoided my gaze until he cleared the ominous look from his expression. I didn’t get why the bruises bothered him so much when he knew it was just a symptom, which couldn’t be controlled.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Kyle found me in the playroom; a nurse must have told him where I was. It was a
good
day, and I’d just needed to get out of my room. He showed up almost every day, and it still took me by surprise. I was still waiting for him to stop showing up like Austin had. He didn’t owe me anything, yet here he was.

He smiled at me, sat down on the floor next to me, and looked at the Legos that I had spread across the floor. I was trying to decide what I wanted to build. It had been years since I’d played with Legos.

“Hey,” I said, smiling at him.

“Trying to hide from me, are you?” he joked

“Yup,” I responded, not really meaning it.

“You didn’t do a very good job,” he teased, making me smile.

“Just needed to escape my room.”

He just nodded. He had known without my having to tell him.

He started picking up Legos and putting them together, and I did the same. I wasn’t sure what I was building; I just started to connect pieces. I looked at his creation curiously. It was small and awkwardly shaped but had walls with greens, reds, yellows, and blues. It was quite a sight.

“What are you building?” I asked.

“A house,” he said like it should have been obvious.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t quit your day job,” I teased.

“My house is awesome,” he defended.

“Your house is sad,” I laughed.

He scowled at me, but the corner of his mouth was fighting a smile. “And yours is supposed to be…?”

“Haven’t decided, but it will be epic,” I declared.

“Right…” he said, unconvinced. “Well, since mine sucks and your…whatever it is”—he pointed at my mass of blocks—“isn’t any better, maybe we should start over and build a house together.”

    “Mine is awesome,” I said even though it was just a few blocks connected together amounting to nothing.

He gave me a mischievous look before he grabbed my blocks and tore them apart.

“Hey!” I screeched as I threw a Lego at him.

He laughed, surprised, and threw one back at me. Laughing, I grabbed another one and received a look from a nurse mid throw, so I put it down. We were totally acting like children, but it was awesome. I sobered, trying to calm down, and he nudged me with his shoulder, his eyes dancing. Warmth spread over me. This was a good day, a good moment.

Days like this didn’t come often. I was usually tethered to my bed, too sick to get up or be much fun when I had visitors, which usually only consisted of my parents, Liz, and Kyle now that Austin had stopped visiting.

Thinking about him hurt. He hadn’t said anything. He’d just stopped coming—and stopped calling and texting me.

Kyle nudged me again, this time looking at me with concern. I quickly smiled, assuring him I was
okay
before I knocked down his house.

We made a huge Lego house—more like a mansion—under my guidance. It had alternating stripes of color instead of the random mix-and-match pattern Kyle had had going on before. There were different wings made evenly. We did well as a team, and I was impressed with our end result. So were the nurses.

“Can I take a picture?” Nurse Michele asked.

“Sure,” Kyle answered before I had a chance to. I usually refused to take pictures since I was sick.

We sat behind our masterpiece. I leaned in closer to him, and he slid his arm around my lower back, which did not go unnoticed. My stomach fluttered as I smiled for the camera. A flash went off, and the moment was documented.

“Could I get a copy of that?” I asked her.

“Of course,” she told me, smiling warmly before she left us.

“You just want a picture of me to stare at, don’t you?” Kyle smirked confidently, making me blush.

Crap. Why did I ask for it in front of him?

“No, I just want my epic house to be documented before it is torn apart,” I defended.

“
Your
house?” He arched his eyebrow at me, crossing his arms.

“Fine.
Our
house,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Although if I’d left it up to you it would look more like a deformed room that would probably give someone a seizure with all of the alternating colors without order.”

“Ouch,” he said, giving me a mock hurt expression. 

I just rolled my eyes at him again when my parents walked in. They gave each other a look when they saw us, and I wondered what that had been about. They were used to Kyle being around by now—even my dad.

“You must be feeling better,” Dad commented, and I saw some relief wash over both of them. It had been a while since I’d left my room.

“I am,” I told them, smiling.

Maybe I was getting better. Maybe I could go home soon.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

My good day was the calm before the storm. It was like the stories you hear about when a dying patient becomes really lucid and sounds and looks like they are improving right before they die. Maybe that was what was happening to me because now my head pounded and I felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck. Sometime this morning, my body started aching. A shiver rolled through me.

“Mom, could I get another blanket?” I asked.

“You are still cold?” she questioned with concern, worry lines appeared on her forehead.

I nodded my head up and down and immediately regretted it when the pounding got worse. She placed her hand on my forehead, and the worry on her face increased.

“You feel really warm.” she commented.

“No, I’m cold,” I assured her, annoyed because all I wanted was a blanket.

“I’ll be right back.”

She came back with a nurse in tow, but at least she’d brought the blanket. She checked my temperature and blood pressure and even took a blood sample. The nurse looked worried also.

“I think you may have a cold,” she told us.

I didn’t get why she looked so worried over a cold, although I’d never had a cold that felt like this before. Maybe it was a combination of the drugs and the possible cold. She left to find Dr. Arenstam, and I pulled the blankets close. An intense tiredness consumed me, and I gave up trying to keep my eyes open, deciding to sleep instead.

***

“Taylor! Come on Taylor!”

I heard my mom’s panicked voice come through the darkness, tears thick in her voice. I didn’t understand why she sounded so upset. I just wanted to sleep. I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes, I was just so tired. My parents kept trying to get my attention, but their voices got farther and farther away until they were completely lost.

***

“Is she okay?”

I heard Kyle’s voice break through the black void I had seemed to have fallen into. I wanted to see him, but I couldn’t get out of the darkness. I felt like I was weighted down, and I thought a moan managed to pass my lips.

“We need to get her to the ICU,” someone said.

Why did I need to go to the ICU? I just needed sleep, didn’t I? I felt someone’s hand brush mine for a second, and then my bed was moving.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I felt something on my face, heard constant beeping, and felt something penetrate my skin, but it didn’t hurt. I heard movement all around me and wanted to see what was going on, but I still couldn’t open my eyes. They felt like they were glued shut.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Someone was holding my hand. It brought me comfort. I tried to squeeze their hand back, but my body didn’t want to respond to what my brain wanted it to do. It just wanted to fall back into the black abyss.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“Come back to us, Taylor. We need you to wake up. Please wake up,” Mom pleaded.

I’m right here
.
I’m awake! Would someone remove the damn glue on my eyes so I can show them please?

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN