Rainbow Connection (9 page)

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It was pretty quiet, as it was usually at this time in the morning. He thought he might meet Sally on the way around, but he bought his few things without seeing her. Finally, he made his way to the café and sat staring out through the windows.

“Mick? That is you, isn’t it, under that beard?” He turned to see a shortish, blond, heavily pregnant woman staring at him.

“Sally?” he asked. “My goodness is that you?” He stood up, and she pulled him into a hug. “Sorry I’m late, this little one was bouncing on my bladder again and I had to divert to the toilet. Then I got caught behind a tractor on a country road…”

He stared at her. “I can’t believe it’s you. Can I get you something? Sit down and take the weight off your feet.”

“Tea would be good, and an egg and bacon sandwich. This little one gets so hungry.” He got them both tea and made the order, then sat down. She looked at him. “Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. Last I knew was you’d moved in with Alfie. I went to London not long after that, and ended up working in an estate agency, got married, and now this one is due in less than a month. Phil, he’s my husband, is on an early shift. He used to be in the Met police, he’s a sergeant, but finally, after I’d badgered him so much, he got a transfer back here. I wanted to bring this little one up nearer home and out of the big city.” A waiter brought their rolls. Mick watched as Sally took a big bite.

“God, that’s good,” she said, mouth full.

Mick took a bite out of his bacon roll. “Do you know what you’re having?” he asked between mouthfuls.

“No, we wanted it to be a surprise. I don’t mind either way, and we’ve painted the nursery all colours of the rainbow, much to my mother’s annoyance. We’ve got a house a little outside town. The garden is huge, which will give this one somewhere to play. But, enough of me, how are you? And how’s Alfie?”

“He died, suddenly, three years ago.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Was it an accident?”

“No, meningitis. It only took a few hours.”

“I’m sorry. That’s awful. You must have been devastated.” She reached over and put her hand on his. He didn’t pull away. At school, she’d been his protector and only friend.

“So is there anyone else now?” She saw the look on his face. “Sorry, was that insensitive of me? I still don’t always think before I open my mouth.”

“No, it’s not that. There is someone, but… it’s complicated.” He wiped his eyes, then finished drinking his tea, not sure what to say.

Sally ate the last of her roll. “Complicated, eh? Sounds intriguing. Look, why don’t you come to my place? We can talk better there.”

“What about my shopping?” Mick said, looking at the few bags around his feet.

“We can put it in my fridge. Phil insisted we get one of those big American things, so there’ll be plenty of room. Come on, my car is outside. I can still just about fit in it.”

Thirty minutes later Mick found himself drinking more tea in Sally’s large kitchen.

“Come on then, spill the beans. This man you’ve met. I’m assuming it’s a man. What’s happened?”

“His name is Ceri. I know, it’s a strange name for a man. He’s in his twenties, and he’s nice to me.”

“He sounds wonderful. Nice is good, isn’t it? How did you meet him? You’ve never exactly been the going out kind.”

“He works nights, filling vending machines and water coolers. He comes to our place twice a week. Ruby, one of the cleaners, told him about me, and he asked me out.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah, I know, nothing like that usually happens to me. I didn’t say yes right away. You know me, I was scared, and he’s a bit… different. He dyes his hair every week, different colours, like the rainbow.”

Sally laughed. “Oddly appropriate.”

“He’s like that. He kept coming to talk to me and he was interesting. He didn’t laugh at me like others have. He likes
Doctor Who
as well. We went to Cardiff together.”

Her eyes opened wide. “What? Away? Together? Alone!” She frowned. “Sorry, that’s none of my business.” Heat rushed to Mick’s cheeks and the table suddenly became the most interesting thing in the room.

“I guess that gives me an answer to that particular question. Sounds like he likes you, and you like him, but I’m guessing there’s a problem or two in paradise. You said it was complicated?”

Mick raised his head and nodded. “When Alfie died, he left me his flat. We’d lived there for three years…”

Sally interrupted before he could continue. “At least he did the right thing about that. I tried ringing you a few times after you moved in with him. Alfie answered. He told me you were busy. You didn’t ring me back, and you didn’t have a mobile, so I gave up trying after I moved to London.”

Mick frowned. “I didn’t know you’d called. I always thought you were annoyed with me. Alfie told me you were probably jealous of us being happy together.” He paused. “He lied, didn’t he?”

“I’m sorry, Mick. I wasn’t sure whether to tell you what he really said the last time I called. He told me to leave you alone, that you were happy with him, and had a new life now. I should have tried harder. I’m really sorry.”

“I
was
happy with Alfie. He looked after me. I felt safe and loved. We had a good life, friends, and… but I don’t know anymore. Was it all lies, Sally? I loved him, and when he died, I was lost. I didn’t have a clue what to do. I’d never been by myself. First there was Mum, then there was Alfie. I had to deal with bills and decisions. I couldn’t do it, so I worked out a way to manage until Ceri came along. He says he wants to help me, to set me free. It’s just been easier for me to have a routine and keep things the same all the time. That way, I don’t have to make any new decisions, and I cope on my own.” He took a deep breath in an attempt to stop the feeling of panic threatening to overwhelm him. He began to shake and meshed his fingers together to try to regain control. He gulped in air, unable to stop and knew that tears had formed in the corner of his eyes. He looked down at his hands and tried to focus. His heart beat so fast, he thought it might jump out of his chest.

“It’s okay,” Sally said to reassure him. “Breathe short in and long out. It’ll help.” He took in air and tried to do as Sally said. Gradually, his breath slowed as the tension flowed out of his body. Sally took his hand.

“That’s it. You’re okay now. Just breathe. I’ll make us some tea.”

She busied herself with mugs and teabags while Mick managed to get his breathing back to normal.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I haven’t had an attack for ages.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Sally said, putting the mugs of tea on the table and taking a seat.

“No, I want to tell you.” He took a deep breath. “I invited him round to the flat for dinner. He was the first person who’d been there since Alfie died.”

“What? No one had been?”

“No, I thought it would be all right to have Ceri there, but he asked me awkward questions about my stuff, and why I didn’t have it on display. He started saying things about Alfie, and I didn’t know what to do, so I told him to leave.”

“But was he right? Was Ceri right? Come on Mick, no hiding from me. I know what life was like with your mother, not letting you do anything normal and controlling all you did. Is Alfie still calling the shots from beyond the grave?”

Mick couldn’t help himself. His emotions overwhelmed him, his body shook and tears rolled down his face uncontrollably. He rocked backwards and forwards. Sally’s arms suddenly surrounded him, pulling him close.

“It’s okay, Mick. It’s okay. Just let it all out. Let the grief out. You loved him, and he died, leaving you all alone. But you’re not alone now, Mick. You have me and this Ceri, and we’ll help you, but you need to do something to help yourself break free from the past. You need to… Perhaps we should start with the flat.”

“The flat?” he questioned, pulling himself out of her arms.

She took his hands. “Maybe we should take out his things, you know.”

“I’m not sure… I… can do that,” Mick said between breaths. Gradually, he returned to normal.

“Look,” Sally continued. “Let’s eat lunch, and I’ll take you home and see what we can do. We can talk about you and Ceri, and getting him back. You love him, don’t you?”

“Yes. I think so. He makes me feel good about myself. He wants me to be myself, but the truth is, I’m not sure who I really am. You know, he read one of my stories and liked it.”

“You’re still writing? That’s good. I always liked your stories. As for the rest, let’s eat and then we’ll begin, together, just like we always used to do. Deal?”

“Deal!”

CHAPTER 13

“It’s not going to open itself, you know,” Sally said as he hesitated before putting the key into the lock. “Come on, Mick,” she continued softly. “It’ll be fine. We’ll go through each room like we talked about.” She kept her voice calm, he noted. She’d always been good at that; at school she’d talked him down more than once.

“All right, give me a minute. I know what you’re saying is right.” He pushed the key in fully and turned it, but allowed Sally to go in first. She took his hand, pulled him in, and looked around the hallway. “Let’s start with the bedroom. Might as well take the bull by the horns and start with the worst.” Mick nodded but said nothing.

“Okay, where are the bin bags?” Now, there was a brisk tone to her voice. Mick wasn’t unfamiliar with this one either.

“Under the sink in the kitchen.” He didn’t want to think about what he was doing. He knew she was right about striking while the iron was hot, before he changed his mind. He couldn’t continue living this way, and he didn’t want to. He led her to the main bedroom. It had been a while since he’d entered this room. He pushed the door open and sat at the end of the bed staring at the green uniform hanging on the wardrobe door. He’d seen Alfie wearing it the very first day they’d met. That seemed so long ago now. He reached out and held the material between his fingers. He’d been happy with Alfie, hadn’t he? He picked up the photograph of them both from beside the bed. “It wasn’t all a lie, was it?”

“No, but it wasn’t all the truth, either, Mick. I got some bags. Are you still sure about taking this stuff to the charity shop?”

He nodded. “Someone may as well get the benefit of everything. I’m sure Alfie would approve. He was a paramedic after all, committed to helping others.”

Sally took the uniform from the door, folded it, and placed it on the bed. Inside the wardrobe everything was neat, tidy, and colour coordinated.

“Right, let’s take these off the hangers and fold them up.”

Mick sat hugging himself, just staring at the clothes until she touched his arm.

“I’ll do this if you want me to, Mick. I know it’s hard. I remember helping my mum when Grandma died.”

He shook himself. “No, I need to do this. We’ll put everything on the bed and fold it away into the bags.” They methodically took out the shirts and then trousers from hangers and placed them in the black bags. Gradually, they worked through the whole wardrobe and the chest of drawers. Jumpers, t-shirts, socks, belts, and ties were all placed in bags.

“What about this drawer?” Sally asked, pulling it open to reveal the contents before Mick could intervene. He groaned when she tried unsuccessfully to cover a grin with her hand. “He had some interesting pairs.” She held one up. “Superman? Really?”

Mick smiled for the first time since they’d arrived. “I guess these mean something to you, right?” Sally asked.

“Yeah, he wore them the first night we slept together. I laughed so much, he got into a bit of a huff until he laughed too. He was good to me that night, and careful. It was my first time… with anyone.” Sally glanced at him for a moment as he struggled to blink back his tears.

“Sorry, this is ridiculous. All I seem to do at the moment is cry.”

She reached over and gently touched his shoulder. The warmth comforted him.

“You could keep them if you want,” Sally continued. “You know, as a reminder of the good times.”

“Isn’t that a bit odd?” Mick asked. “Keeping a pair of underpants.”

Sally looked at him. “You can keep what you bloody well want to keep. There’s only me and you here. Perhaps you should have a box with a few keepsakes, photos, etc., and well, pants. Whatever works for you. There’s no wrong thing.” She closed the last drawer. “Is that everything of his in here?”

“There’s just the uniform, but I don’t want to keep that.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll keep the cufflinks and a few other things. I’ll get a box to put them in. I don’t want to get rid of him completely. I loved him.”

“Are you going to move back in here now?” Sally asked quietly.

“I don’t think I want to. I don’t really want to be here at all now. There are too many memories.”

“Then why don’t you sell up?”

“Where would I go? Even if Ceri wants me back, he lives in one room. This is all I know, and I’m not going back to my mother.”

“Have you seen her recently?”

“I haven’t seen her since the day I went off with Alfie. She told me if I left I was dead to her. She said she didn’t want a faggot for a son.” Sally blinked back her tears and put one hand protectively on her stomach.

“I can’t imagine ever not loving my child, no matter what they did, or who they chose to be with. Come and stay with Phil and me. We’ve got a spare bedroom. I’ll help you sell this place, if you want, and then you can decide what you want to do.”

Mick couldn’t believe what she was offering. “But you’re about to give birth. I’ll just get in the way, and what about Phil? He’s not going to like having some odd looking bloke with
issues
moving in with him.”

“Phil will do as he’s told. Now, let’s clear the bathroom and then sort out some stuff for you to pack.”

“I guess so,” he said unconvincingly.

“Bloody hell! Now I’m doing it!”

“What?”

“Telling you what to do. Look, Mick, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can stay here or come to ours. To be honest, I’d really love your company. I haven’t been the greatest at making friends myself. My parents can be a bit overwhelming, and having you to stay would mean they can’t descend and stay when the baby is born. My mum’s been full of advice. You’d be helping me, Mick, and when this one is born, I’m going to need all the help I can get.”