Rainbow Road (22 page)

Kyle flicked the TV on again and surfed through the channels, trying to take his mind off Jason. Yet he kept listening for the doorknob, wishing Jason would hurry back.

About an hour later Kyle felt himself drifting off to sleep. He got up, stripped to his briefs, turned the TV off, and debated whether to set the alarm for the next morning in case Jason forgot. Wasn’t it Jason’s responsibility to show up for his speech? But Kyle set the alarm anyway.

Angry but also tired, he quickly fel asleep. Sometime during the night, he felt Jason’s arm slide around him. And in spite of his anger, Kyle let it stay there.

For Jason, shooting hoops wasn’t just exercise or a pastime. Basketbal was how he dealt with stuff: pressure at home, stress at school, and especialy his anger—

at his dad, with friends, with himself. And tonight he felt majorly disappointed with himself. He
had
to shoot hoops more than ever.

At the hotel’s front desk he asked, “Where’s the nearest basketbal court?”

The clerk gave him a weird look, but fortunately one of the belhops overheard and pointed him to a school six blocks away.

As Jason headed toward the court, he felt bad for walking out on Kyle. But on the trip he’d realized how he needed time to get away and be by himself—to build up a sweat and burn off stress—especialy at times like now, when he felt like he was exploding inside.

He knew he shouldn’t have put off writing his speech. But he’d been so nervous about it. And with each day that passed, he’d grown more nervous.

He didn’t want to let those kids down tomorrow. He didn’t want to let himself down. But what could he possibly tel them?

He knew Kyle had been trying to help. If Jason had any sense he would’ve accepted Kyle’s help. Heck, why not just let Kyle write the whole speech? He’d probably write a better one than Jason ever could. But Jason had wanted to write this speech himself, without Kyle’s help.

Now here he was, shooting baskets at midnight, with barely enough light from streetlamps to make out the curve of the rim against the white backboard. In a few hours he was supposed to address some huge audience, and he had no idea what to say.

He’d needed to find out: Was he realy the wonderful role model Kyle thought he was? He now had his answer: He’d screwed up. Big-time.

When Jason got back to the hotel, he quietly stepped into their darkened room. He found Kyle asleep—and Nelson wasn’t back yet. Jason’s pulse quickened. He wanted so badly to feel Kyle’s arms around him. Would Kyle stil want to make love?

Quickly, Jason took a hot shower. Then he slid beneath the bedsheets, slipping his arm around Kyle’s bare waist. To his relief, Kyle didn’t rebuff him.

But just then the doorknob clicked, folowed by Nelson’s giggles and whispers.

“Thanks again. See you tomorrow.”

The door closed softly, and Nelson’s footsteps padded across the carpet to the other bed.

Jason let out a deep sigh, holding Kyle in his arms, and wondered: How, with so much pent-up emotion, would he ever get to sleep?

* * *

Jason walked to the window and puled the curtains open. He jumped back, startled. Where yesterday was haze and smog, today the city stretched clearly in front of him as far as he could see. In the distance shimmered the blue Pacific.

“Oh my gosh!” Kyle exclaimed, emerging from the bathroom with a towel round his waist. “You can see forever.” Jason watched his expression, trying to discern if he was stil angry. “I’m sorry about last night,” Jason said. “Thanks for setting the alarm.”

“No problem.” Kyle kissed his neck, smeling clean and soapy. “You want me to order room service?”

“I’m not hungry. I think I’m too nervous.”

“How about at least some juice and yogurt?”

“Okay.”

“You ordering food?” a voice croaked from beneath Nelson’s covers.

Kyle ordered breakfast and somehow al three of them managed to eat, shower, and get half-ready by the time Manny showed up.

Jason had brought his blazer, a dress shirt, and tie for the event. Kyle used the hotel room iron for Jason’s shirt, and Nelson showed him how to tie something caled a half-Windsor, which looked more stylish than the knot Jason had learned to tie. Manny found a shoeshine cloth in the bathroom toiletry basket and polished Jason’s dress shoes.

Al the attention should’ve made Jason feel great. But instead he felt like a loser for how he was about to disappoint them.

Nelson drove toward the school, with Manny beside him giving directions. Jason sat in back with Kyle, biting his nails til Kyle gently puled his hand away from his mouth.

A block from the school they began to see parents with their teens walking toward the entrance. A TV news van stood parked outside the door.

“There’s going to be TV here?” Jason asked. No one had mentioned that.

“There wasn’t supposed to be,” Manny replied.

Then Jason saw the reason for the news van: a half-dozen protesters, holding up placards: GOD HATES FAGS. STOP BRAIN-WASHING OUR KIDS. REPENT OR BURN.

The signs normaly would have angered Jason, but in his current nervous state, they rattled him further. It didn’t help any when Nelson leaned out the window, blowing kisses at the protesters, shouting, “God is love!”

While Nelson parked the car, Manny led Kyle and Jason inside. Ms. Yamamoto was waiting for them, her cheery, peaceful smile unnerving Jason even more.

Inside the auditorium they sat in the front row. The program started with a bunch of boring speeches about every child’s right to a safe school setting in which to learn, free of harassment and name-caling, blah, blah, blah …

According to the program Jason wasn’t scheduled to speak til the end.

“We saved the best for last,” Manny whispered from the seat beside him.

Jason squirmed in his chair, roasting inside his blazer. As he watched the woman blabbing at the podium, he tugged at his tie, wanting to bolt out of there.

Meanwhile, Kyle patted him on the back, as if trying to soothe him.

Nelson didn’t join them til the fourth speech. “What took you so long?” Kyle whispered.

“I was proselytizing the picketers.” Nelson grinned. “I think I made one convert.” Jason couldn’t tel if Nelson was serious. He never knew with him. But then Jason suddenly got an idea. Why hadn’t he thought of it earlier?

“Nelson!” he whispered. “I want to talk to you a minute.” He climbed over Manny and led Nelson to the hal outside the auditorium. “Look, I can’t do this. You’re the one they should’ve invited. You’ve got to do it.”

Nelson’s brow creased with confusion, but then a smile crept across his face. “Finaly!” He snapped his fingers. “Someone gets it! That’s what I said from the start.

Of course I’m the one they should’ve invited.”

Jason let out a huge sigh of relief. He felt like a loser for wimping out, but at least he wouldn’t be a total failure on stage in front of everyone.

Except Nelson stopped snapping his fingers and looked Jason squarely in the eye. “But I’m
not
the one they invited. They invited
you
, Jason. And you’ve got to get up there.” His blue eyes driled into Jason, and in spite of his goofy pink hair, he looked like the most determined man on earth.

“Maybe you’l make a huge fool of yourself, but if that’s what it takes for you to accept that a lot of us look up to you—then that’s what you’ve got to do, because I’m not getting you out of this.”

The auditorium door swung open. Applause sounded from inside as Manny leaned out into the hal. “Jason, you’re up next!” Nelson reached up to Jason’s shoulder and spun him toward the auditorium door. Jason gave up resisting, as his heart slipped to his stomach. Manny led him backstage, where Jason stood stiffly, waiting for the current speaker to finish. He was beyond worry now, his mind blank with fear.

He didn’t hear his introduction or the applause, only Ms. Yamamoto saying, “Jason Carrilo,” and then he was behind the podium, staring at three hundred waiting faces.

“Um …” He cleared his throat, and suddenly remembered to say, “Thank you.”

At least that was a start.

“Um …” he continued. “You would think after playing so many basketbal games in front of hundreds of people, I wouldn’t be so nervous, but I think this is one of the scariest moments of my life.”

Several people laughed, probably feeling sorry for him, and he laughed too, from nerves.

“I guess the difference is, when I’m on the court I’ve got a team, whereas here I’m al …” He stopped himself as he gazed down toward the front row at Kyle, Nelson, and Manny. Kyle was smiling up at him with his big hazel puppy-dog eyes. And Jason realized that even if he made a total ass of himself, for reasons beyond his understanding Kyle would stil love him, not one bit less.

Meanwhile Nelson was giving him a serious look, as if commanding him to keep going.

And next to Nelson, Manny leaned forward anxiously, his face ful of expectation, his knuckles white as they gripped the seat.

“Actualy,” Jason continued, “I guess I’m not alone here either. I was originaly supposed to be, but my boyfriend and”—he glanced at Nelson—“one of our friends decided to come with me. They have no idea how glad I am right now that they’re here.” The audience laughed at that, and Jason saw Manny’s grip relax on his chair. Nelson gave Jason an approving nod. Kyle beamed at him even more admiringly.

And Jason breathed a little easier.

“Like probably al of you,” he told the audience, “at some point when I was a kid, I started figuring out I was gay. Although I had little girlfriends, I was also curious about boys. When I was ten, I decided that since I’d kissed girls, I wanted to find out what it would be like to kiss a boy.” The audience laughed, though Jason hadn’t meant to be funny.

“Unfortunately my dad came in on us. He gave me the biggest beating I’d ever had in my life.” Jason’s voice grew more serious and the audience became stil.

“You probably saw that sign outside.” Jason pointed toward the street. “‘Stop brainwashing our kids.’ Wel, I was one of the ones brainwashed. That beating convinced me there was something wrong with me for wanting to kiss another boy like me.” Jason glanced down at Kyle again, and he felt as much adoration for him as he saw reflected in those eyes.

“I think for me the worst part of growing up gay was the loneliness that folowed that beating. I became a prisoner locked up with my feelings. Of course I knew there were other kids, those like you. I heard the names you got caled. I saw you getting beat up. And I’m ashamed to say I stood by like a coward, afraid to speak up, for fear my own secret would come out. And I hated myself for that.”

Jason swalowed hard. Where were al these words coming from?

“Another sign outside says, ‘Repent or burn.’ I think in my case it happened the other way around: I spent most of my childhood burning inside ….” He paused and took a deep breath. “I’ve repented now, and I’m standing up for myself, and for you, and for thousands of others like us al across America.” The audience burst into applause at that, startling Jason.

“As I drove across the country with my boyfriend and best friend …”

Was he actualy caling Nelson his best friend?

“… we met some amazing people: a whole community of gay guys and women in the Middle of Nowhere, Tennessee, living free and being themselves….” Wait a minute, hadn’t he thought they were weird? From where were al these new thoughts coming?

“We met this transgender girl who’s just so happy being able to be herself as she always knew she was meant to be. And these two old guys in an RV, just loving each other and growing old. And I realize the reason I’d been so afraid to come out was for fear I’d be al alone.” He scanned the audience. “But I get it now. I understand why it’s so important to come out, and speak out, and reach out, and to have schools like this. And also, why those people outside with the signs are so afraid of us. Because when we stop being alone, we get what I had on the court: a team to play with, to work with, to encourage each other, and to be there for one another, stronger than any single one of us could ever be.” The crowd roared into applause again, once more surprising Jason, so much so that he lost his train of thought. He felt like there was something more he should say, but al the clapping had brought his nervousness back and he decided: better quit while ahead.

Then he remembered to say “Thank you,” and as he glanced down at Kyle and Nelson, he suddenly realized what else he wanted to say.

“Before I leave, I want to introduce you to my boyfriend, Kyle, and our best friend, Nelson. Without them, I would never have gotten here.” At that the crowd stood in ovation. Kyle gazed up at Jason, and it was al Jason could do to keep from choking up and making a sobbing fool of himself in front of al these people.

Then he was out in the lobby, feeling like he realy was a rock star, crushed by little freshmen and sophomores on their first day at this new gay school, asking him to sign their notebooks—kids with green hair and purple hair, with earrings and nose rings, kids he wasn’t sure were boys or girls—al excited and hyper and giggling, as kids were meant to be, in a school where they could be themselves without being caled names or fearing they’d get pounded. And as Jason signed autographs and looked into their smiling faces, he imagined a future world in which boys and girls like him would no longer be afraid of—and miss out on—getting to know such kids.

Then somehow Nelson managed to squeeze through the crowd and stood beside him, eyebrows arched, and asked, “Best friends, huh? When did that—?” Before he could finish, Jason wrapped his arms around him, whispering in his ear, “Thanks, buddy.”
chapter 36

At the luncheon folowing the speech, Nelson sat beside Manny, who kept asking the boys, “Is there anything you guys need?” So when Manny puled out his Chap Stick, Nelson naturaly asked, “Can I borrow it?”