Random Acts of Senseless Violence (19 page)

A bad day to start with but it wound up good after all thanks to Iz. I'm glad I found out what happened with Katherine even though we're still not friends anymore. I'd feel a lot worse if I'd never known.

Night night Anne.

APRIL
23

Daddy will receive a full paycheck this week again so we get something to eat besides spaghetti. I studied what I needed to study today but probably for not as long as I should
have, I just couldn't concentrate. I wonder if I have a brain tumor or something.

Boob stayed in bed today with the covers up over her head. Mama was upset. ‘Oh sweetie I don't know what we're going to do about your sister' she said. ‘What do you mean the way she's always quiet all the time?' I asked. ‘Yes my angel yes' Mama said. She told me one of Boob's teachers called her on Monday and said Boob was so withdrawn and depressed that we'd have to have her checked out by a shrink. Her teacher said that she could tell it wasn't child abuse like we were beating her or anything but that it was something just as bad. Mama held her head in her hands and cried and cried. ‘My angel I just don't know how we can I'm trying to find someone who'll see her for cheap but no go. Will Boob talk to you sweetie do you think she will?' she asked. ‘I keep trying to get her to talk but I'll try again' I said. ‘Please do angel please do' Mama said.

So I went into our room and lay down on the bed next to Boob. ‘What is it Boob you can't just stop talking like this you can't' I said. ‘Yes I can' Boob said. ‘What's the matter Boob you can tell me you know you can' I said. ‘No I can't' she said. Then she rolled over and wouldn't say anything else. I stayed there a long time but she kept still and finally I heard her start to snore. I got back up and told Mama. Mama was still in the kitchen and she hadn't started working on her manuscripts yet. ‘Don't worry though I'll get her to talk again' I said. Of course Anne I don't know if I car or not but I'll try. ‘I'm sorry I'm such a bad mother it's just like Chrissie said' Mama said. It made me so mad that Chrissie upset her so much and it made me mad that she was letting herself be upset too. There wasn't any reason she should worry about what Chrissie had to say. I know there's no reason why I should worry about what the girls at school say either but I do, but Mama's old enough to know better.

‘Fuck Chrissie' I said. Even when I said it I knew I shouldn't but I didn't care. Mama's eyes got big as saucers.
I thought she was going to explode but didn't. ‘Angel I've never heard you say that word before' Mama said. ‘I don't say it often' I said. In fact even though I've written it before I don't think I've ever said it until today. ‘But it's true' I said and then said it again. ‘Fuck Chrissie.' Mama started laughing even though she was crying and then she was laughing and nothing else. ‘Yes my angel yes' Mama said. ‘Fuck old Chrissie' Mama said. ‘That's what your father says and you're both right.' She kissed me and hugged me and then got right to work.

I was glad I'd at least made her feel better even if I hadn't been any help to Boob. Sometimes I think no one in my family needs a shrink they just need me. I need somebody but outside of you I don't know who Anne.

APRIL
24

Boob stayed home today. Maybe she's just been coming down with something and nothing else. I hope so.

I saw Katherine at lunch but this time I didn't even say anything because if what she said really happened then there's no point in slamming her about it. She looked really sad. No one's doing anything to my locker any more but they probably will again when I don't expect it. I saw Lori too. She walks through the halls like she doesn't even know where she is and maybe she doesn't.

Weekend's here.

APRIL
25

What a day today was Anne. This morning Iz called me and told me to meet them at eleven thirty. Now that Mama was able to go to the grocery again I was able to stuff myself like a pig for breakfast. I had a big bowl of cereal and three bananas and a cookie. Boob actually seemed to be feeling better, at least she said good morning and watched cartoons like she was all right.

I met Iz and Jude and Weezie at the entrance to the escalator at the 125th Street station. Iz and Weezie wore big baggy pants that they stuffed into motorcycle boots and T-shirts under jackets. Iz's had a number on it and Weezie's had a long list of names. Jude was dressed like for a track meet. She wore running shoes and a black halter top and black leggings that fit so tight you could tell she was only wearing a string. The way she dressed would have made the boys in the neighborhood go wild but they weren't around to comment and the way Jude was I bet they wouldn't have said the same things they would have to me.

‘Aimed to step?' Iz asked. ‘B n Ts be packin flush today' said Weezie. ‘Mind when I pump and dime when we movin' said Jude who gave us tokens. ‘Let's.' It was a beautiful sunny day and clear without being hot. Where we are the smoke hardly ever stays around even when you see it overhanging farther up or over on the East Side. We got in the first car when the downtown train finally showed up. ‘Glue tight' Jude told us. ‘Cruise to clear.' She led Weezie, I followed and Iz stayed behind me. We walked through the cars all the way to the back. It was fun swaying back and forth like on a boat while we walked though it was scary whenever we went between the cars while the train was going fast. It wasn't crowded when we got on but more and more people got on at every stop. ‘Gangsta free' Iz said to me.

Six or seven bums were on the train shaking their cups and holding signs saying Have AIDS 4 years TB 5 years Cancer 6 years. The man without legs who rolls through the number one trains every day was on the train too with his cup asking for change. Asian guys sold fortune cookies out of boxes and a Korean man walked through with a suitcase full of toys. He played with a glowing yoyo and a little doll that peed when you pulled down its pants. Peepee he kept saying and holding the doll up to squirt down the aisle.

In the last car there were several men sleeping on the seats lying under raggy blankets. We turned around and
went back toward the front. Three cars up Jude stopped and we grouped together. Iz and Weezie and Jude whispered into each other's ears. Jude looked into the car we'd just left and nodded to Weezie. I looked where she was looking and saw a bunch of people who got on at 96th standing between the two sets of doors at the end of the car. Iz whispered to me saying ‘Shadow me don't say or do nada shadow that's all.'

Iz walked into the car we'd passed through. I followed. She stood beside the exit doors facing the door at the end we just came through. She pointed I should stand between her and the three seats at the end where old men were reading newspapers. When we reached 72nd Street Weezie came in and stood behind a man holding onto the bar above the old men. When the train pulled out Jude came through and stood in front of the guy between him and us. Jude was as tall as he was and she gave him a toothy smile and he smiled back. He was a middle age white guy in his thirties wearing expensive orange pants and a short leather jacket. Jude the man and Weez all stood looking the same way with hardly an inch between them.

We got to 66th and no one got on or off where we were. When the train started up Jude fell against the guy like she'd lost her balance and he bumped into Weez. But then she pressed her butt against him rubbing like she was a cat. The man went goofy like cartoon people look when they're hit on the head with anvils or safes. Iz nudged me so I wouldn't stare. I tried not to but I couldn't believe Jude going slut city just like that. Iz looked through the windows as we pulled into 59th Street and winked at Jude and Weez.

‘Yoyoyo scusi gettin off please gettin off' Weez said and the man stepped out of her way. Me and Iz and Jude were already off the train. Weez got off just as the doors shut and the train took off. Jude looked at Weez and said ‘Yeah?' and Weez nodded. Iz started laughing and we walked to the turnstiles. We went through and then upstairs where we came out in the middle of Columbus Circle.

‘Uglyass felt like he packin a turkey leg up his pants. What's scored Weez what the dog carry?' Jude asked. Weez pulled an expensive wallet out of her pocket and gave it to Jude who kept it close to her while she opened it looking behind the credit cards and in the compartments. ‘Yo Mari save his lunch money to buy more fancy clown pants' Weez said. ‘Hundred sixty seven' Jude said grinning when she finished counting the money inside. ‘Payday' Iz said. There were eight twenties and Jude gave everybody two. The seven dollars left over she rolled up with her two twenties and shoved into her halter. ‘Do dry cleanin with my percentage. He stain me?' Jude asked looking over her shoulder down at her butt. ‘You dry Jude' Iz said. Jude threw the wallet into a trash can. ‘Death Angels rule' Weez shouted. They put their money in their pockets and I did too. We crossed the street and started walking down Broadway side by side to make people get out of our way.

‘You picked his pocket' I said hardly believing it. Iz and Weez were on either side of me and put their hands on my shoulders and laughed. ‘No girl it drop in my hand' Weez said. ‘How did you do that?' I asked. ‘Timin and practice' Jude said. ‘It pie easy' Weez said. ‘Iz look out, I lift and Jude distract.' ‘Weezie she used to bait too but no more' Jude said. ‘Don't want no nasty on me' Weezie said. ‘I rather strongarm.' ‘You
lie
' Jude said. ‘What happen was one day we go bankin and Weezie does the boost to this old man with sharp reflexes' Iz said. ‘Seventy, eighty' said Jude. ‘He reacharound Weez, octopus her titties and start hum-pin her right there in the car.' ‘Nasty' said Weez. ‘Jude laugh so hard she drop the wallet.' ‘Nothin in it' said Jude. ‘Weez she elbow back on that man like to break his ribs. He fall floorways rollin and groanin' Iz said. ‘Nasty motherfucker' said Weez. ‘Got to work em up enough to get em goggle eyed but not enough they gonna pull it out' Jude said. ‘You didn't have to boost him Jude I pluck that boy first call' Weez said. ‘Wish I knew' Jude said rubbing her butt like he was still back there. ‘How much money you
usually get?' I asked. ‘Not enough' Weez said. ‘How do you tell who has money?' I asked. ‘Cause people readable and we read' Weez said. ‘Boys be doing the same when they go yoking' Iz said. ‘But we subtle' Jude said and laughed again. ‘You ever get caught?' I asked. ‘Not yet' Iz said. ‘Aren't you scared?' I asked.

I didn't expect it at all but Weez grabbed my arm like she was going to twist it off. She put her face in mine and said ‘Bitch you do or you don't do that's all.' ‘Freez Weez' Iz said. ‘Fuck you' said Weezie letting go of me and limping along. Jude eyed us the whole time. ‘What what what what what what why. Dag. Flapmouthin like you somebody and you lower than shit' Weez said to me. She had this look like she was going post office any minute and I knew she had that knife in her jacket. ‘Cat tongue Weez don't dozen her when she's not angelled yet' Jude said. ‘Never gonna angel with us' Weez said. ‘Once she winged she will' Iz said. ‘When she gonna wing? When Esther do? We gonna halfway house fuckass white girls now?' Weez asked. If she asked questions that was all right I supposed. ‘Don't call me that' I said. I was sick of Weezie. Anne she spit right in my face when I said that. We stopped walking and she looked at me and laughed with her earrings jingling. I wiped her spit off but didn't say or do anything I was so shocked. ‘That's crazy evil Weez' Jude said. ‘Evil be me' she said. ‘Weezie you a
Dominican
Republican racist' Iz said. ‘Oh and who savin themselves for white boys cause black ain't good enough?' Weez asked. ‘No boy I know good enough' Jude said. ‘Guess not since you be bumpin each other all the time constant' Weez said. ‘Better n hosin dogs like you do' Iz said.

Weez eyebugged and pulled her big knife out of her jacket. ‘What Weez you gonna be bladin here?' Jude said. We were at the corner of 55th Street where buildings they were tearing down had collapsed on the sidewalk. People walking by looked at us and kept walking. Weez was shaking all over. ‘Damn Weez freeze would you?' Jude
said. Before I knew what was happening she kicked up her foot and knocked the knife out of Weez's hand. It fell on the sidewalk and the blade broke. She jumped on Weez and they both went down. Jude grabbed her nose ring and pulled. ‘Said freeze' Jude said while Weez moaned and shook her head. Jude slammed Weez's head against the sidewalk. ‘Mind girl. Hear?' Jude said pulling the ring harder. Weez started crying and she nodded her head and Jude let go. They stood up. Weez held the back of her head and I saw she was bleeding. ‘Settle' Iz said. They looked at each other a second and then Weez and Jude hugged. ‘AO then' Iz said.

For a minute nobody said anything because I think everybody was in shock. I couldn't believe how violent they got so quick it was so scary. Neither Weez or Jude looked at me though Iz did. ‘My cutter' Weez said kneeling down and picking up the two pieces. She was still crying a little sometimes holding her nose and sometimes her head. ‘Sorry Weez but you don't blade me like that never. Hear?' Weez nodded. ‘Let's uptown. Too much harryin and investin's called for this week anyhow' Jude said. ‘I gotta shop' Weez said. ‘Shop then but we not not now too shaky' Iz said.

Weez threw the pieces of her knife in the rubble where the buildings were coming down and limped back to Broadway. Once she was gone Jude grabbed my shirt and stuck her finger at me poking me in the chest. I didn't know what was going on and wished I'd stayed home.

‘You two'll deathpiece less you quiet her quick. Public defendin's not my job hear?' ‘Hear' I said really scared that Jude was going to hit me. ‘Weez bully you constant less you fear her' Jude said. Iz came up and pushed us apart. ‘Damn Jude Weez's crazy it not Lola's fault' she said. ‘Unmatters it's Lola trips her wire' Jude said. ‘It's Lola's being not Lola's doing she can't help it' Iz said. ‘Pointless tension stirrin just the same. Something gotta settle soon you know Weez gonna go hook a new blade' Jude said. ‘Why does she
hate me so much?' I asked. Jude shook her head. ‘Like I say she hate everbody but some she respect she gotta respect you' she said. ‘How?' ‘You gotta roll her over that's all' Jude said. ‘How she supposed to do that?' Iz asked. Jude shook her head again. ‘What if Weez kills me?' I asked. ‘Won't happen' Jude said. ‘What if it does?' Jude shrugged and said ‘You dead.'