Raw Deal (Beauty for Ashes: Book One) (39 page)

A few minutes later Carl came out of the club with his new female friend. Dan held me firmly to his side and planted a kiss on my forehead.

I fell into bed when I got back to my room. My break up with Carl was all my fault. I’d ignored him until he was sick of being in limbo, and now he was probably in the arms of someone who would appreciate him.

Chapter 47

Whenever I saw Carl on campus, he was with a girl. He didn’t look the slightest bit upset about our break up. He seemed to have moved on pretty fast. I felt rubbish. Carl was a great guy, and I’d ruined everything!

I was still playing things cool with Dan, but I was beginning to wonder why. He seemed genuine when he said he wanted to be with me, and even if he ended up hurting me, I would get over it. Just like I’d gotten over Jace.

I handed in my first batch of assignments in early November. College was starting to be hard work. The honeymoon period was over, and the professors were cracking the whip. I was quite proud of my work, though. Emily and I had worked together in the library. We were good study partners.

I handed in the books I had borrowed from the library, and then I headed for one of the campus convenience stores to buy a cup of noodles, as I had no food left. I missed my mom, but I knew she was never really available except for weekends. Even then, she liked to visit my grandmother. I didn’t seem to be of any kind of priority to her.

I ran into Dan at the store. “Cheer up, Lexi,” he said when he saw me. “It ain’t that bad.”

What did he know? I felt homesick. Maybe I’d move off campus and live at home. I could drive to college whenever I had a class. I knew plenty students who did that. I’d speak to my mom about it when I got home for Christmas in three weeks.

The next morning Dan came to check on me. “What are you doing today?”

“Dunno.”

“We’ve all ordered breakfast from the Brekky Bar. Care to join us?”

“Not really.”

“You have issues.”

“You can bring me my share, and I’ll have it in here.”

Dan walked out. He didn’t shut the door properly, but I couldn’t be bothered getting up to slam it.

Emily called to see if I wanted to go to the library. I couldn’t believe the girl was still on about work after all the swotting we’d done over the last few weeks to get our assignments in. “I’d love to, but I’m going home today to see my mom.” I was lying, but I so didn’t feel guilty. The library would only push me deeper into my mire of despair.

Dan burst into my room without knocking. I glared at him. “Do you think you could have knocked? I could have been indecent.”

“That’s the whole point of not knocking. Want to come for a drive?”

“To where?”

“Nowhere in particular. I just thought you’d appreciate the distraction.”

“Don’t you have anything else to do?”

“I have plenty to do, but I feel like hanging with you.”

“Okay.”

***

“I’m thinking of moving out after Christmas,” Dan said as he drove.

I was taken aback. “Why?”

“I’ve bought a house.”

“Cool.” The dorm was going to be a lonely place without Dan. “Can I come with you?”

Dan glanced at me. “I don’t for one second think you really mean that, but I wouldn’t say no.”

I looked out of his car window. I was moving back home. Living on campus wasn’t really cutting it for me. I needed my own space again, my own den and kitchen, my own food. “So, when did you decide this? Couldn’t you have given me more notice rather than just springing it on me a few weeks before Christmas?”

“I had no reason to think you’d care.”

Yeah. I sounded like his girlfriend. I wasn’t, so I had better zip it. I wasn’t happy though. He was the only ray of sunshine in the barren wasteland that our apartment block was.

“Where are we going?” I asked Dan. “You’re not really just driving, are you?”

“I thought I’d show you my house.”

Dan’s house was in Malibu. I didn’t stare because I’d anticipated that it was going to be amazing.

“Why did you ever live on campus?” I asked as we walked up the walkway to the house. “Were you just trying to see how normal people who don’t have your riches live?”

“I wanted to meet people,” Dan said, ignoring the dig. “I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t lived on campus.”

“Yeah, and my life would be much simpler,” I mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, I heard. How would it be simpler?”

“Me and Carl might still be together.”

“Can you stop blaming me? It takes two.” Dan unlocked the door and flicked a light switch.

Needless to say, the house was beautiful. The color scheme in the den was a very unusual but surprisingly nice gray and cranberry. The furniture was all weirdly shaped and modern.

“I’m staying here this weekend,” Dan said. “But I’ll take you back to college whenever you’re ready.”

I gave him a saccharine sweet smile. “So is this gonna be your new venue for your player activities?” I didn’t know what possessed me to say that, and I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips. I sounded like a jealous ex.

“Lexi, I’m trying my best to cheer you up,” Dan said. “And you know it’s not even like that with you. I’m serious about you. I want a real relationship.”

I looked at him unconvinced, and he rubbed his beard. He hadn’t shaved for a couple days, and it made him look formidably handsome. “What do you want? Tell me once and for all. Do you want a relationship with me?”

I was sick of guys asking me what I wanted. I didn’t know!

“Lexi, if the answer is no, just tell me, and I’ll stop bugging you.”

I was always telling Dan to stop bugging me, but now that he was offering to stop, I didn’t like it. I actually quite liked his bugging.

“I’m tired of the mixed signals you’re giving me, Lexi. What’s it gonna be?”

“I don’t know. I could trust Carl, but I don’t know about you.”

Dan kissed me, and I allowed myself to push away all my misgivings. Either he really liked me, or he just liked a good chase. The problem with guys who liked to chase was that once they caught their prey, they got bored and looked for someone else to chase.

We ended up staying at Dan’s condo all weekend. When we left on Monday morning, he reminded me that I had to make a decision about our relationship. We were either together, or we weren’t. He didn’t want a casual on-off thing.

That was fair enough. I nodded as he talked, but I still wasn’t sure what my decision would be.

***

I was looking at my pictures on the Roz Petroz website proudly when Carl called me. I hesitated before I answered, but there was no need to be worried. He just wanted to say that there were no hard feelings and we could still be friends. I thought it was really sweet of him.

When I told Dan about the conversation later, he was far from thrilled. “If you and I are going to be together, I don’t want you being friends with him.”

I crossed my arms and stepped aside as he took a pizza out of the oven without gloves. His face screwed up for a few moments while he sucked in the pain, and then he opened his eyes. “Help yourself.”

One thing was for sure; if I stayed when Dan left in January, I was going to be stuck for meals each night.

Chapter 48

I was in two minds about Dan, and I knew that I’d never be able to make up my mind about him. I figured I had to just follow my heart, and my heart wanted to be with him.

We started dating, and he booked a Hawaiian holiday for the week between Christmas and New Year. I was so excited. Last Christmas had been miserable, and my mom had worked ridiculous hours throughout the holiday season. She was probably going to do the same this year. She wouldn’t even feel my absence.

I was in a coffee shop in the student center waiting for Dan. It was Wednesday evening, and we were going to the theater to watch one of Dan’s actor friends make his stage debut.

Someone came up behind me and covered my eyes. I wouldn’t have minded, but I’d just done my mascara. “Who is it?”

No answer.

“Dan?”

“No, it’s Carl.” He dropped his hands and took the seat beside me.

“Have you got mascara on your hands?”

He held them up “Yeah. And you’ve got it on your eyelids.”

I opened my purse to get my mirror.

Carl leaned over. “Allow me.” He started rubbing my eyelids gently.

Dan appeared in the doorway of the coffee shop. His expression closed as he watched Carl, and I removed Carl’s hand. “I’ve got my mirror; don’t worry about it.”

“Are you ready?” Dan asked from the doorway, not coming in.

“Yeah.” I stood and shouldered my purse. I’d sort out my mascara in the car.

Carl stood too and squeezed my shoulder. “See you around.”

Dan and I walked to the parking lot in silence. “Are you mad at me?” I asked when we got to the car.

“Should I be?”

“No. Carl was barely with me for two minutes before you came.”

Dan got into the car. I walked around to the other side and slid into the passenger’s seat. He was quiet all the way to the theater.

***

It was Friday afternoon, and I hadn’t seen much of Dan since we went to the theater. I knew he was angry over Carl, and it was annoying me. I’d told him nothing happened. Why couldn’t he just believe me?

I knew he had an assignment deadline that evening, so I guessed he was in the library. I decided to go and check. I was glad I did. I found him sitting with a group of people, and I was about to go over when he said something to the blond girl sitting next to him, and she leaned over giving him a lingering kiss before getting up and mincing away.

I went back to my room. I was hurt, but I wasn’t shattered, so whatever. When Dan got home that night, he came to my room. I told him I wasn’t going to Hawaii and that it was over. I didn’t bother explaining, and he didn’t ask why. He left my room indifferent and unconcerned. No girl needed a guy like that.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the week, and I hung out with Carl a few times. Big mistake. We went to a bar on Friday night, and I drank far too much Rosé and ended up in his bed. I fled back to my room when I regained consciousness the next morning, my head banging and my eyes heavy. Carl came to check on me a couple hours later. I couldn’t remember half of what had happened the night before, but the bits that I did remember were extremely embarrassing. What kind of a slut was I? I’d just broken up with Dan, and I was already in Carl’s arms just a few days later. I needed to get a grip.

“You left your purse, but I forgot to bring it,” Carl told me while I tried to avoid his gaze without looking too embarrassed. “I’ll bring it over later.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

He put a Starbucks latte on my table and left for his Saturday soccer game. My throat was unbearably dry, but the smell of the coffee made me want to hurl. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Dan’s door opened at the same time as mine and a voluptuous blond sauntered out. A different blond from the one I’d seen on Monday.

Dan saw her to the elevator and then came to the kitchen. I was gulping down water when he appeared in the doorway. We were both sluts, but he was a bigger one than I was. Exactly how many girls did he have?

“You look terrible,” he said from the doorway.

I couldn’t believe I’d actually thought he was a nice guy and that I could trust him. Where was my sense? Carl was probably the only guy I’d ever dated that actually liked me.

I filled my glass again and then pushed past him and went to my room. He wasn’t worth any pain on my part. He could go play with some other girl’s heart.

That evening when I went to the kitchen for some toast, Dan was in there with yet another girl. For some reason, that made me crack. Carl came by to drop off my purse that I’d left in his room and caught me as I left the kitchen with my toast, my eyes filling up.

“What’s up?” he asked.

I made something up about just not feeling well. He didn’t need to know.

***

I was looking forward to Christmas more than I’d ever looked forward to anything before. When the time came for me to leave for home, Dan insisted on helping me with my things.

We hadn’t spoken for two weeks, and I was back with Carl. I didn’t want or need his help.

“Why’re you taking everything home?” Dan asked looking around my empty room.

“I just want to.” The truth was that I didn’t think I was coming back after Christmas. I would commute to college from home if my mom would let me.

Dan picked up two of my bags. “I don’t need any help.” I snapped.

He ignored me and went to the elevator, no doubt to put them in his car. He returned a few minutes later for more. “Where are your car keys?”

I pointed at the computer table.