Authors: Neel Shah
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David
Jul 28, 9:30 PM
Elliot
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Jul 28, 9:34 PM
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David
Jul 28, 9:41 PM
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Subject: Hey
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:06 AM
To: Elliot Rowe
Hi hi,
So just looking at my trusty calendar here and it looks like “The Book of Mormon” is upon us. I have not seen a Broadway show since “Wicked” and that was with my mom. I forget how this works, but I assume you have the tickets in your possession? Should we meet up beforehand or at the theater? Lmk.
M
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Subject: Re: Hey
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:15 AM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Actually, you around tonight? Wanna grab a drink?
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-------- Forwarded Message --------
Subject: Re: Hey
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:15 AM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Actually, you around tonight? Wanna grab a drink?
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Subject: Hey
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:06 AM
To: Elliot Rowe
Hi hi,
So just looking at my trusty calendar here and it looks like . . .
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Subject: [Fwd: Re: Hey]
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:19 AM
To: Emily Roberts
I am so totally getting dumped.
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Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]
From: Emily Roberts
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 12:46 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Oy. It's posssible he feels the same weirdness you do and just wants to see you sooner rather than later to make it go away . . . ?
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Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 12:53 PM
To: Emily Roberts
Nope, nope. Dumped dumped dumpety-dumped. I'm telling you. Elliot doesn't “grab a drink.” I don't think we've ever been together and not drank. I'm not saying we're alcoholics, just that . . . “grab a drink” to me is super “I'm going to get in and out and do this in public so you don't make a scene” whereas “hang out” or even “haven't seen you!” would be different. I know it sounds like a small thing but it's not . . . I know him. The “sorry for the short notice” also bothers me on a number of levels I can't even get into.
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Subject: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 10:54 PM
To: David Meyer
Well that did not go over well.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: David Meyer
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 10:56 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
One second getting popcorn.
Okay . . . begin.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 10:58 PM
To: David Meyer
Do you want me to start with the part where she called me “an emotional vegetable” and said we should “just pull the plug,” or the part where she said that I was more interested in being “in a school play about a relationship than in real intimacy”? I have a lot of starting points. Or when she accused me of using her to get a cookbook deal? (Which, sorry, but I didn't need your help to tell me to use Google.)
The ending point was that she basically told me to fuck off.
At one point, she got up to go to the bathroom, and the bartender comes over, pours me a shot of tequila, and goes, “This one's on the house, buddy.” So . . . yeah.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: David Meyer
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:02 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
The school play metaphor is definitely better than my mountain climbing one. What did you say?
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:06 PM
To: David Meyer
Well I started off by saying that it was obvious this wasn't working and that we just fundamentally weren't (aren't) a good match. Which I thought she would respond to, but she just kind of looked at me, like, “and . . . ?” so I kept going, and said that I didn't feel like this had any long-term potential and so I didn't want to waste her timeâand that was the line that really set her off. I mean I wasn't expecting her to say, “You're totally right about everything, glad we're on the same page, by the way I have a great girl for you!” And I probably did not handle this in the most efficient way, which I guess is why she really bristled at the “don't want to waste her time” line. But I still wasn't expecting this much, uh, resistance. I mean, she kept being like, “Well, if you do X, Y, and Z differently and text me back quicker and make plans and just be more âpresent' things won't be this difficult.” Which was basically arguing MY point of us fundamentally not being a good match, but I don't think she appreciated my connecting those dots.
Also I hate the word “present.” Like I'm the only person in New York on my fucking cell phone.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: David Meyer
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:07 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Wow. I'm sorry, man. That's a bummer.
I mean I genuinely do like Madeline and did think there was a universe in which it worked, but I hear where you're coming from. You can't force it if it's not working.
Well, I guess you can, if you really like someone. That's presumably how people stay married.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:12 PM
To: David Meyer
That was kind of the subtext of what she was saying: if you liked me more, you'd be willing to put in the effort. Which I guess is true: if you're with someone and things aren't totally working, you ask yourself, “Is this a person I could maybe be with forever?” And if the answer is yes, then you try and figure it out, and if it's no, then that's that. Obviously the answer is going to be “no” a lot more than it's going to be “yes,” so it seems somewhat masochistic to focus on why the answer is “no.” And this is unlike her but she made an off-handed comment about her body not being good enough. I was like, “I eat doughnuts for breakfast four days a week, have you seen me without my shirt on?” And she was like, “Sorry, I don't mean to be superficial but I'd be interested in reading the statistics about how many supermodels get broken up with.”
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: David Meyer
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:16 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Well the same five dudes seem to date every supermodel, so I'm pretty sure they get broken up with all the time. Otherwise the math wouldn't work.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:17 PM
To: David Meyer
Maybe I should start going to therapy.
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Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: David Meyer
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:17 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
I bet Ellie can recommend one.
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Subject: yo
From: Emily Roberts
Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 9:00 PM