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Aug 6, 7:30 PM

    
David

Aug 6, 7:30 PM

 

 

 

Subject: updates svp

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sat, Aug 23 at 10:19 AM

To: Madeline Whittaker

How are we today? x

 

Subject: Re: updates svp

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sat, Aug 23 at 10:25 AM

To: Emily Roberts

Sometimes okay for whole minutes. Mostly.

I just want to pull my lip over my head and swallow.

 

Subject: Re: updates svp

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sat, Aug 23 at 10:30 AM

To: Madeline Whittaker

I'm sorry, lady. Are you sleeping okay? Want to hang out tonight?

x

 

Subject: Re: updates svp

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sat, Aug 23 at 10:38 AM

To: Emily Roberts

I had a dream that Tibetan scarf guy kidnapped me and somehow Elliot was the only one of all our friends who knew how to find me and everyone was begging him to come rescue me—because he was the only one who could do it—but he wouldn't pick up his phone
or answer his door. I have the most obvious brain on the planet. No wonder I got dumped.

P.S. yes please, re: tonight. Honestly I feel like crawling into a ball and doing nothing but I know I should be human.

What is wrong with me?

 

Subject: Re: updates svp

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sat, Aug 23 at 10:40 AM

To: Madeline Whittaker

NOTHING. You willfully ignored some bad signs about a guy because there was so much good and you wanted to make it work. I don't know how to tell you not to take something as personal as this personally. But soon you will realize what I'm typing is true.

Don't make me pull up the emails and show you how nuts he was driving you, how anxiety-ridden he was making you. I'm not trying to downplay your heartbreak—it was real and it sucks—but I think there's an ego element to this as well . . . (see also: neck scarf Jared)

Elliot beat you to it. You were ready to kill him. You would have hit a wall eventually too, you really would have.

 

Subject: Re: updates svp

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sat, Aug 23 at 10:42 AM

To: Emily Roberts

Trying to let all that in but the only thing that offers any consolation, weirdly, this: “it was real.”

xo

 

 

 

Subject: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Fri, Sep 12 at 9:42 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

I can barely type right now. How you holding up?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Fri, Sep 12 at 11:11 AM

To: David Meyer

So glad you asked.

So I was literally a block away from my house when I get a text from that girl Leslie being like, “You out?” I tell her that I'm basically back at my house—she says she's going home too, do I want to come over? Obviously. So I'm in a cab on my way to her place, when she calls me and is like, “Bring pizza, I'm hungry.” I try telling her that there's no pizza place around her that's open and she's like, “Go to Rosario's, they'll definitely be open” in that drunk girl way I know I can't argue with. So I'm like
fine
, and make the cab turn around and go to Rosario's. I wait on line for like 10 minutes, get the pizza, and am about to get another cab when I get a text from her: “Bring beer too.” So I go to a bodega, get a six-pack, get in a cab, and finally get to her place. Ring the door—no answer. Ring again. No answer. Call her on the phone, no answer. She just passed out. At this point, it's starting to rain, so I can't even get a cab back to my place, and I end up having to call an Uber to come get me. Surge pricing, too.

Between the cabs, pizza, beer, and transport, I spent $70 in less than forty-five minutes.

Is it crazy I kind of miss Madeline?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Fri, Sep 12 at 11:14 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

Don't know if I'd call it crazy, but it's definitely predictable.

 

 

 

Subject: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Thu, Sep 18 at 6:02 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Hey Madeline,

How's it going? Kind of weird having to be so formal in an email to you, but, uh, yeah.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I still have that cashmere cardigan of yours. I probably wouldn't have said anything if it was, like, cotton, or even a merino wool blend, but, you know, cashmere. You probably want it back.

Lemme know what's easiest for you—happy to bring it by, send it over, or leave it here for you to pick up.

Hope you're well. I saw one of your authors profiled in Sunday Styles last week and felt a twinge of pride. Glad work is going good.

—e

 

 

 

-------- Forwarded Message --------

Subject: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Thu, Sep 18 at 6:02 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Hey Madeline,

How's it going? Kind of weird having to be so formal in an email . . .

 

Subject: [Fwd: Hey]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Thu, Sep 18 at 6:06 PM

To: Emily Roberts

So 1.5 million years later . . . this arrives.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Hey]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Thu, Sep 18 at 7:01 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Jesus. Not really a fan of the uber-chummy tone there. I mean . . . how are you feeling? And do you need me to get the sweater?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Hey]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Thu, Sep 18 at 7:03 PM

To: Emily Roberts

I feel like he is, uh, right. It is, uh, weird to be so ugh formal and so soon.

Look: I don't think he strung me along cruelly. I don't think he is a sociopath.

But no, you do not get to be a gentleman by saying “whatever's easiest for you.” I know him. I know what he's trying to do. And no, you do not get to participate in my success or feel “proud” of me because you see something you know I had a part in in the Sunday fucking Styles section.

THAT is insensitive. Like I'm already becoming this kind of a thing he dated. The Cookbook Chick.

And work is going “well,” not “good.” The alternative doesn't make you easy/breezy, it makes you retarded.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Hey]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Thu, Sep 18 at 7:05 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Right. So do you want me to get the sweater?

 

 

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 8:02 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Hi Elliot,

I'll give Emily your contact info so you guys can arrange a time for her to get the sweater, as she will be in your neighborhood later this week.

—Madeline

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:04 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

That works.

Also, do you by chance happen to have my Mets hat? It's not at the restaurant and I can't find it here, so I'm hoping it's at your place. If you have it, would be great if you could give it to Emily as well.

—Elliot

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:09 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

No, I don't have it. Though you haven't been at my place since before my cleaning lady was here weeks ago and it's possible she tossed it.

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:15 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Well, I don't think she'd throw it away—but no worries. They are replaceable.

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 10:02 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Cool. Glad you can go out and get a new one.

 

 

 

-------- Forwarded Message --------

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:09 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

No, I don't have it. Though you haven't been at my place since . . .

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date Sun, Sep 21 at 9:04 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

That works.

Also, do you by chance happen to have my Mets hat? It's not . . .

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 8:02 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Hi Elliot,

I'll give Emily your contact info so you guys can arrange . . .

 

Subject: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:20 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Guess what I don't have? A cleaning lady.

Guess what I
do
have . . .

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:23 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

WHOA. what will become of the hat?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:24 PM

To: Emily Roberts

To be shoved down the garbage chute when I see fit.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:26 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

You have an actual garbage chute? That's so cool.

 

 

 

-------Forwarded Message------

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 10:02 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Cool. Glad you can go out and get a new one.

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 9:15 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Well, I don't think she'd throw it away—but no worries. They are replaceable.

 

Subject: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 10:05 PM

To: David Meyer

So do you think she still likes me?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 10:11 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Holy shit.

That's not even passive-aggressive. It's aggressive-aggressive.

Wow.

I would say no, she does not still like you.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 10:14 PM

To: David Meyer

I'm tempted to just write back “Found it!” to see how she responds.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Sep 21 at 10:15 PM