Reawakened by the Surgeon's Touch (12 page)

The scepticism in his voice told her that he didn't believe her but there was nothing she could do. And in a way it was true. She
had
come to Mwuranda because she had wanted the job. The reason why she had wanted it was another story, and she wasn't prepared to go into that. However, the thought that it wasn't a total lie helped to appease her conscience.

‘Yes. As simple as that.' She dredged up a smile, wanting to deflect his interest away from her. ‘But what about you? Why did you decide to come here? It doesn't strike me that this is your usual kind of environment.'

‘It isn't. I'm way out of my comfort zone and I don't mind admitting it.' He gave a small shrug, drawing her attention to the impressive width of his shoulders.

Claire took a deep breath when she felt her pulse leap. There was no point thinking about how attractive he was. No point at all. ‘So what made you apply to work for Worlds Together?' she asked, needing a distraction. ‘It seems a strange thing to do in the circumstances.'

‘Pride.' He gave a rueful laugh. ‘Someone accused me of taking the easy option and I decided to prove they were wrong. However, I'm beginning to see that they may have had a point. Suffice to say that I plan to do something about it when I get back to England.'

‘I see.' Claire was intrigued by what she had heard, so much so that she longed to ask him about his future plans, but was it wise to become even more involved in his life when she should be keeping her distance? ‘Well, I hope that everything works out the way you want it to,' she said, deeming it safer to let the subject drop.

‘Thank you. I intend to give it my very best shot.' He hesitated. ‘About this morning, Claire, I'd hate to think that you might feel awkward around me...'

‘I don't,' she said quickly, not wanting to get into a discussion. Something told her that it would be the wrong thing to do when her emotions were in such turmoil. ‘You were trying to comfort me and I understand that.'

‘I was.'

He didn't say anything else apart from wishing her goodnight. Claire switched off the lights after he left and made her way upstairs. She knew she should be relieved to know that Jude had merely been trying to comfort her yet she couldn't deny that her heart was aching as she got into bed. Maybe it was foolish but she couldn't help wishing that he
had
kissed her, kissed her because he had wanted her, because he had desired her; because he simply couldn't help himself!

She pulled the sheet over her head, her cheeks burning. How crazy was that?

CHAPTER TWELVE

J
UDE
FELT
VERY
on edge the following morning and he knew it was his own fault. He never placed himself in the position of being vulnerable by revealing his feelings, yet he had done so with Claire. He had told her things he wouldn't have dreamt of telling anyone else and he regretted it. He needed to get back on track, shove all these thoughts and feelings back in their box and close the lid. He'd already come far too close to making a terrible mistake by nearly kissing Claire and he couldn't allow that to happen again.

It was all very unsettling. In the end, he decided to skip breakfast as he really couldn't face seeing Claire again. Matt had made good on his promise to get him some coffee and had even found him a battered old kettle as well, so at least he was able to brew himself a mug of that. He drank it standing by the bedroom window. It was another misty morning, the sun floating in a sea of red and orange as it rose above the horizon. Jude had never had much time for nature; he preferred man-made wonders, if he was honest. However, the sheer beauty of the scene unfolding before him brought a lump to his throat. Nature at her most beautiful was truly awe-inspiring.

He turned away from the view, downing the rest of the coffee in a single gulp. The sudden upsurge of emotion was yet another indication of how much he had changed and he didn't need any more reminders, thank you very much. He made his way downstairs and sat on the front steps to await the arrival of the truck, nodding as one by one the rest of the team joined him. Claire and Lesley were last to appear, Lesley giggling as she balanced a large cardboard box on her hip.

‘It's the cake,' she mouthed when she saw Jude looking, and he smiled and nodded then realised with another little shock that he enjoyed being part of the conspiracy. He wouldn't have given a tinker's curse in the past but now he was as keen as everyone else to spare Moses' feelings. Was he completely changed and was it permanent? Or would he slip back into his old ways when he returned home to England?

His gaze went to Claire and he knew with a certainty that shook him that he wouldn't go back to the way he had been, that he, Jude Tobias Slater, was and always would be a very different person because of meeting her.

* * *

Claire hadn't been rostered to work in the clinic that day but when Kelly suddenly complained she was feeling sick, she immediately offered to swap places with her. While Kelly rushed off to the bathroom, Claire gathered together the notes for the dozen or so repeat appointments who would be seen first. Ten-year-old Jeremiah was the first on the list and he came hurrying over when she went to collect him from the waiting room.

‘So how are you today, Jeremiah?' she asked, holding his hand as she led him to the screened-off area in the corner. She knew that Jude was duty doctor that day and steeled herself before pushing back the screen. No way was she going to react when she saw him, she told herself sternly. She was going to treat him the same as everyone else—politely and professionally. After last night, she would be mad to do anything else.

‘I'm good, Sister Claire,' Jeremiah replied, his face breaking into a huge grin when he saw Jude sitting behind the makeshift desk. Letting go of her hand, he hurried straight over to him. ‘Did you see the pictures of my bones, Mr Doctor, and can you make my leg better?'

‘That's what we need to talk about.'

Jude stood up and came around the table. He barely glanced at Claire as he bent to look at the little boy and for some perverse reason she took exception to his lack of attention. Did he have to make it quite so clear how easy it was to ignore her?

‘I've had a really good look at the pictures, Jeremiah, and I'm very sorry to say that there isn't anything I can do that will make your leg any better.'

Claire set aside her own feelings when she heard what Jude had said. Hurrying forward, she put her arm around Jeremiah's shoulders when he started to cry. She knew how devastated he must feel as he had been hoping that something could be done so that he would be able to play football—his passion—with the other boys.

‘Don't cry, sweetheart. Maybe you can practise being goalkeeper. That way you won't have to run around as much, will you? What do you think, Dr Slater?'

‘It's an idea,' Jude replied, although she heard the doubt in his voice. It was obvious that Jeremiah had heard it too because he pulled away from her.

‘No! I can't be goalkeeper. I can't be anything with this stupid leg!'

He spun round and hurried out of the cubicle. Claire ran after him, quickly explaining what had happened to Sister Anne. She bit her lip as she watched the elderly nun lead him away. It seemed so unfair that nothing could be done to help a child like Jeremiah, who had been through so much in his short life. Her heart was heavy as she made her way back to the cubicle. Jude was seated behind the table again and he looked up when she went in.

‘Is he OK?'

‘Not really. I think he was pinning his hopes on you being able to do something.'

‘I wish I could, but the fact is that I simply don't have the expertise to undertake such a complex operation.'

He sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. Claire felt a ripple of sympathy run through her when she realised how upset he looked. Being the bearer of such unwelcome news had taken its toll on him.

‘It isn't your fault, Jude,' she said softly.

‘No? Then whose fault is it? I'm a surgeon and I'm supposed to help people. Maybe if I hadn't wasted so many years then I might have been able to give that poor kid a better future to look forward to. But, no, instead of developing my skills, I've spent my time performing minor operations!'

Claire could hear the frustration in his voice. Jude may have had his own reasons for coming to Mwuranda but he genuinely wanted to help the people here. It made her wonder all of a sudden if he would feel the same about her if she told him what had happened, that she had been raped.

The thought was far too tempting. It was a relief when he asked her to call in their next patient. They worked their way through the repeat appointments then started on the newcomers. There were dozens of them as usual, so they were kept busy for the rest of the afternoon, but Claire was glad. It was better to be busy than allow herself to explore that dangerously tempting idea. Once she told Jude there would be no going back; she would have to face whatever happened. She sighed. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that.

* * *

The day drew to a close but Jude was too restless to sleep. Claire had returned to the convent, so it wasn't her presence that was unsettling him. It was the thought of Jeremiah and how devastated the boy had been that was causing the problem. He had brought the X-rays back with him and he spread them on the dining room table after everyone had gone upstairs. There were half a dozen in total and he held them up to the light in turn. The boy's leg had been broken in several places and that was why it would be such a complex operation to repair it. Quite apart from his lack of expertise in this field, they simply didn't have the facilities here to undertake this kind of surgery. However, if Jeremiah could be treated in the UK then it might be a different story; there was a strong chance that his leg could be repaired or, at least, improved.

A rush of renewed optimism filled him as he gathered up the films and took them upstairs. He hadn't used his laptop since he had arrived and the battery was flat but he plugged it in, praying that they wouldn't have a power cut. Maybe he couldn't perform the surgery Jeremiah needed but he knew someone who could—if he would agree. And if he could obtain permission to take Jeremiah
out
of Mwuranda and
into
England.

Jude took a deep breath and made himself stop right there. He would take it one step at a time, face any problems as and when they arose. Just for a moment he found himself wondering what Claire would think if he managed to set everything in motion before he drove the thought from his head. He wasn't doing this to improve her opinion of him. He was doing it for the sake of a ten-year-old boy who had been dealt a rotten hand. However, one thing was certain: he would never find himself in the position of being unable to help again!

* * *

Claire managed to get a lift to the hospital on the supply truck the following morning, so she arrived well before the others. Jeremiah had been inconsolable all the previous evening and she only hoped that the sisters could find a way to alleviate his disappointment, although it seemed unlikely that anything would help. She was feeling more than a little downhearted as she went into the office to sign in, only to stop in surprise when she found Jude bent over the computer.

‘I didn't realise everyone had arrived,' she said in surprise.

‘They haven't. I came on ahead on the bike as I wanted to email these to London.' He held up a wedge of X-rays and Claire frowned.

‘Aren't they Jeremiah's?'

‘Uh-huh.' Jude made a final check then pressed the send key. ‘I'm emailing them to Professor Jackson, my old tutor. He's agreed to take a look at them and see if there's anything he can do for Jeremiah.'

‘Really? Oh, that's wonderful!' Claire exclaimed.

‘We'd better not count our chickens just yet,' he warned her. ‘That leg is a mess and there's no guarantee that even the Professor will be able to do anything with it.'

‘But you must think there's a chance he can or you wouldn't have contacted him,' she pointed out.

‘Yes. If anyone can help Jeremiah, it's him. He's a brilliant surgeon—there's no other way to describe him. Some of the work he's done is staggering.'

‘A bit of a hero of yours, I take it?' Claire said with a smile.

‘I suppose so.' Jude frowned. ‘I've never really thought about it but you're right. The Professor is definitely someone I look up to, even though he gave me a very hard time when I last saw him.'

‘Really? Why was that?' she asked curiously.

‘Oh, because he didn't think I was making full use of my training.' He sighed. ‘It was the Professor who accused me of taking the easy option. The worst thing is that I agree with him. I might have been able to help Jeremiah myself if I'd not opted to work in the private sector for all this time.'

‘I doubt if you've had such an easy ride,' Claire countered, hating to hear him berate himself. From what she had seen there was no question that Jude was a first-rate surgeon. ‘I know how hard you must have had to work to qualify as a surgeon—it's one of the most exacting areas of medicine. The hours alone are crippling.'

‘True.' He grinned. ‘You're very good for my ego, Claire. Do you know that?'

Claire felt a little rush of pleasure and smiled at him. ‘I'm only telling the truth.'

‘Well, thank you anyway. I don't feel half as guilty now for not being able to do anything for Jeremiah.' His eyes met hers, dark and deep and filled with something that made a shiver run through her. When he took a step towards her, she didn't move, held by the intensity of his gaze...

‘Hello! What's going on in here?'

Lola bustled into the office and the moment passed. Claire took a quick breath, struggling to pull herself together. However, she knew that if they hadn't been interrupted then she would have been in Jude's arms right now.

‘I came in early to use your computer. I hope you don't mind.'

There was a roughness to Jude's voice that told her he was finding it as difficult as she was to behave normally. Claire shot a wary glance at him and felt her heart lurch when she saw how strained he looked. It was clear from his expression that he knew what would have happened if they hadn't been interrupted and it didn't make sense. He had explained that near-miss kiss by claiming he had been trying to comfort her and she had believed him. However, it didn't explain what had happened just now. As she filled in the sheet, she found herself wondering how far it would have gone if they'd been somewhere private. Would the desire to be held have progressed to something more?

Claire shuddered as she realised how easily it could have done. But how would she cope with intimacy after what had happened to her? Would it be the life-affirming experience it should be or a horrendous ordeal? There was no way of knowing until she took that final step and she wasn't sure if she could do that.

She glanced over at Jude, who was showing Lola the X-rays. Although she knew in her heart that he would never willingly hurt her, was it enough to overcome her fear and help her find the courage she needed?

* * *

Jude managed to hold on to his composure but it was a close call. Javid was coming along the corridor when he left the office and he made some joking remark about Jude earning himself extra brownie points for his early start. Jude responded and he must have made sense too because Javid laughed, but he had no idea what he had said. His mind was too full of what had happened. Claire had been about to step into his arms—he knew she had! And once she'd been in them then who knew where it would have led? Hell's bells! That was enough to boggle any man's mind!

He about-turned and headed outside, needing some air. The sun had risen now and the temperature was mounting but he wasn't aware of the heat as he made his way to the pool. Although he had been invited to join the others for a swim on several occasions, he hadn't been back there. For some reason the thought of cooling off in the deep green water hadn't held any appeal. Now, as he gazed across the water, he understood why. He hadn't felt tempted to return because Claire wouldn't have been there. It was being with her that had made it so special.

Jude closed his eyes and let his mind wander, unsurprised when it started to conjure up a whole series of images. And every single one of them involved Claire: his first glimpse of her in that hideous old boiler suit; how slender her body had felt when he had put his arms around her yesterday; the look on her face as he had taken that single step towards her...