Reawakened Secrets (6 page)

“Claire, I . . . ahhh, I’m sorry,” he moaned. “I didn’t . . . fuck, baby.”

“Don’t stop, Jack.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths. His body coiled tightly above me. Uncomfortable under his weight, I shifted beneath him. His muscles contracted and a sharp gasp of air hissed through his teeth.

“Fuck . . . baby,” he moaned. “Don’t move. Please.”

“Jackson, I’m sorry. I’ll make it good for you, too, just tell me what to do. I don’t want you to stop.” He looked into my eyes just as my first tear escaped. Gently, he kissed the trail it made until he reached my lips.

“You’re perfect, so fucking perfect,” he moaned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize-” He stopped placing a tender kiss on my forehead. “I would never hurt you, Claire. Please don’t cry, baby.”

“Then don’t stop,” I pleaded and pulled his mouth back to mine.

Once again, the room filled with the sounds of our passion. It had slowed and gentled, but his deliberate teasing only intensified the tingling, throbbing sensations exploding through my body. Before that moment, I had never known such pleasure.

My heart swelled painfully as I held him in my arms. I played with his hair while he traced intoxicating patterns down my spine. Occasionally, he seared me to the bone with feathery kisses in the curve of my neck where his face rested. I didn’t know what to say. Being with Jackson had been everything I could never admit I wanted. But there was no way to deny it anymore. Desire still throbbed deliciously through my body. Nothing would make me happier than to lie there with him all night, but one of us had to take Alice home. My eyes popped open.
Holy shit,
Alice!
How could I have forgotten about her? Not only did I just have sex with the guy who would end up married to my best friend, if she had her way, but I loved him. I was in love with Jackson freaking Montgomery. My body jerked with the realization.

Jackson lifted his head and stared into my stunned eyes before I was able to glance away. He cupped my face with his palm and feathered a kiss against my lips. “Are you okay?”

No, I wasn’t okay. I was fucking insane. I wanted to say something funny or reassuring, but I knew the three words pounding in my head were the only ones that would come out if I spoke. Mustering all the courage I could find, I looked up. The tenderness shining in his beautiful turquoise eyes stole my breath away. It made me burn . . . and want . . . and hope. Could this be more than a one-time mistake for him? Did he actually want more from me than sex? What if he didn’t even want that? I had practically stripped naked and begged him for it. I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I didn’t want to ruin this moment, but I couldn’t seem to force any words out.

“I’m sorry, Claire. Please don’t be mad at me for being so stupid.”

“You’re sorry?”
Oh God, oh God.
His hand now stroking soothing circles down my back momentarily gripped my hip.

“Yeah, I guess I believed Duncan when he said he had sex with you.”

Oh, yeah, Duncan. He was the new prick at school who had invested six months of our senior year being nice to get me on a date. Although he was a perfect gentleman, he’d wasted no time lying about what had happened. I remember him standing down the hall at his locker with a sick smirk while I tried to get my books and ignore all the whispers and stares. Jackson had walked right past me and even though I had seen it with my own eyes, I still couldn’t believe what happened next.

“I never denied it. It’s not your fault, Jack.”

“I still should’ve known better. Just thinking about him touching you and I lost my fucking mind. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Don’t apologize. I love that you try to protect me. Jack . . . I-”

I heard the faint creak of the door, and then Alice’s voice demolished the glimmer of hope his words had created. “Jackson . . . are you in here?”

Both of our heads whipped toward our best friend, mouth agape, immobile in the doorway. I clung to Jackson and tried to hide my naked body by sinking deeper into the sofa.

“Oh, my God, Claire!” she sobbed, before bolting out the door.

“Oh, no . . . no, no, no,” I cried. In a complete panic, I tried to move my arms and legs, imprisoned against the length of Jackson’s body. Frantic, I shoved at his shoulders and kicked at his legs. It was like trying to move a boulder. “Get off of me, damn it!”

“Hey, it’s okay. She’s just a little surprised. We’ll straighten it out tomorrow. I can’t let you go yet. Stay with me.”

Dumbfounded by his nonchalance, I began to freak out even more. “Are you crazy? We have to go find her . . . explain. Now, Jackson, please!”

Jackson rose up on one elbow to look down at me. He seemed to be thinking about it like there was really an option besides running after Alice and begging for her forgiveness. I tried to push myself in to a sitting position. The look in his eyes already had me weakening. Then we both heard shouting in the distance. A shrieking voice stopped my feeble attempt to escape. It momentarily stopped my heart.

“Jackson, help! Alice is hurt. She slipped and fell. Jackson, where are you? We need a phone to call 9–1-1!” the voice screeched. “Jackson!”

The time for make-believe was over. Jackson hopped off me so fast his momentum flung me to the floor. He pulled his pants on, grabbed a phone behind the sofa and sprinted out the door. I watched horrified by the red scratches that now marred the perfection of his muscled back.

She’s going to be okay,
I chanted over and over in my head. She has to be. Why didn’t I stay with her? Why didn’t I think about Alice, even once, before I betrayed her this way? I knew better, but I did it anyway.

It took way too long to put my clothes back on. Somehow, my fingers had forgotten how to fasten buttons. But I could hardly go half naked like Jackson without everyone realizing what had happened. I walked to the pool on shaky legs. Everything whirled around me; the music still played in the background, the lights of the ambulance flashed and cast a red glow around the pool, and a thin line of blood seeped into the water. Then I saw Alice. Rooted to the spot, I looked at what I had done to my best friend.

“Claire?”

I looked up from Alice’s motionless body on the stretcher. I could see the anguish churning inside me mirrored in Jackson’s eyes.

“No, please tell me this isn’t happening. How could we? I did this!”

“Claire, don’t say that. It was an accident. Alice is going to be okay.”

“She is not okay. Look at her!”

“Baby,” Jackson said, moving toward me. I put my hands up to fend him off and started backing away.

“Don’t touch me. You can’t. Just—just take care of Alice,” I cried, before running away as fast as I could.

“Claire! Claire!”

It was the beginning and the end for us. It was also the last time I heard from Jackson—until now.

M
Y RETURN TO
work was nerve-wracking. I kept expecting to see Jackson’s face again. Every set of footsteps, every deep voice had me convinced he was lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce. He was all I could think about. My first patient had to ask what time her surgery was scheduled for twice before I even realized she had asked me a question.

“Dozer, what’s wrong?” Adam demanded once we were outside the patient’s room. “You seem tired or something. Did you get any sleep last night? You look like hell.”

“Please stop. Your flattery will go to my head.”

“Dozer,” he warned.

“I’m fine. I just need another cup of coffee, and I’ll be fine.” I gave him what I hope passed as a reassuring smile. He stared deep into my eyes, digging for the truth. I was the first to look away.

“Don’t bullshit me. Get a cup of coffee and then meet me in my office. There’s no way I’m going into surgery with you until I’m convinced your full attention is on the hospital instead of on your date last night.”

My date?
Well, that’s just great. It would be fucking hilarious if anything could be funny right now. The last thing I needed was to let this screw up my career like it was certain to screw up the rest of my life. Freaking Jackson Montgomery! I
was
really about to lose my shit, and it was all his fault. What if I had read more urgency in his intentions than were actually there? Maybe I was worrying for nothing, I thought, unable to convince myself.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop wondering what was going to happen next. Regardless of the mistakes I’d made, no one deserved this agonizing lull before the storm. It left too much time to think and dissect all the worst possibilities.

I stomped off in search of coffee—strong coffee. Adam was more or less a friend, not just my mentor. Still, it irritated me beyond belief he was playing the “boss” card now. But what if he was right? Maybe I did need to talk to someone. I pushed my sleeves up to my elbows and placed a lid on my plastic coffee cup. He had no idea what he was in for.

I had just spent the last twenty minutes spilling my guts and I was greeted with nothing but radio silence.

“Damn it, Adam. You asked for this. You could at least pretend like you were listening.”

“I heard you, I just . . . wow, and so goes the days of our lives,” Adam finally said.

“Could you be less of an insensitive jerk and visit Salem on your own time?”

“Okay, okay. Besides surgery, insensitive is what I do best.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry, no more jokes. Are you okay?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, right. You don’t look fine. What did Jackson say when you told him?” Leave it to Adam to cut through all the bullshit. He sighed and plopped into the chair behind his desk. He must have seen the terror on my face. “Ah, Dozer, you know you have to tell him. The sooner the better, so just pull up your big girl panties and do it.”

“I didn’t even come close to telling him. I know I should, but I just can’t.”

“Why not?”

I rocked back in my chair. Good fucking question. I licked my chapped lips, searching for the answer. “Because I’m an idiot and I panicked. I know he’s the one who left, but-”

“But what?”

“I’ve lived with the possibility of him hating me for ten years. I don’t know if I can deal with the reality of it.” Shaken by my own honesty, I pulled the cup of coffee to my lips.