Rebecca's Refusal (7 page)

For a worrying moment she wondered if the young lady could have overheard her conversation with George Lacy. But then she dismissed the idea. What well bred young lady would listen at a door?

She patted her hair, unfurled her fan, and then making an effort to appear calm and unruffled, she returned to the ballroom. Just before she went in she took a moment to glance at herself in a gilded looking-glass hanging on the wall. To her surprise - and her profound relief - no trace of what had just passed between her and Joshua could be seen. She had thought it must be clear to all the world that he had pulled her roughly into his arms, and that she had turned up her face in willing expectation of his kiss. But she looked serene. No one would guess, from looking at her, that inside her emotions were a conflicting mass of unresolved feelings. Why had Joshua kissed her hand? Why had he stripped off her glove? Why had she let him? Why had he dragged her into his arms? And why had she not recoiled in horror when he had done so, instead of melting into his arms as though she had been born to do it?

These were questions she could not answer. They disturbed her deeply, and shook her to the roots of everything she knew - or thought she knew - about herself.

But this was not the time or the place to consider them. No matter how difficult it was, she must push them aside. She took a deep breath and then she went through into the ballroom.

Fortunately she had not been missed. Hetty had not yet returned to the ballroom, and Charles was partnering an elderly dowager on the dance floor. By the time Hetty returned, Rebecca was
able to laugh and dance, and it appeared as though nothing untoward had happened.

* * * *

Joshua remained in the morning-room in order to give Rebecca time to rejoin their fellow guests. It would not have done for them to return together in case their joint return had given rise to speculation about their absence. The situation was difficult enough, with George Lacy having seen them together at The Nag's Head. The last thing Joshua wanted to do was to expose Rebecca to any more harmful gossip.

But that was not the only thought to plague him. Whilst he waited in the morning-room he asked himself what he had been thinking of in taking Rebecca into his arms. As soon as he had rescued her from the clutches of George Lacy he should have encouraged her to return to the ballroom. Instead of which he had given way to his feelings, dragging her into his embrace. It was only the timely intervention of the crash from outside the room that had prevented him from kissing her.

And oh! how he had wanted to. He had never been so tempted in all his life. It had been bad enough when he had kissed her hands - and what madness had induced him to strip off her glove? - but when he had felt her soft body pressing against him as he had embraced her, when she had turned her face up to his, the temptation had been overwhelming.

That she had not known what she was doing had been clear enough. If he had not known that she was an innocent in the ways of men and women from hearing Jebadiah speak of her, he would still have recognized it for himself. She had let a protected life, and her innocence was palpable. And yet when she had turned up her face it had almost undone him.

He shook his head in bewilderment. How had it happened? If she had been a great beauty he could have understood it. But Rebecca was not beautiful. And yet she roused in him feelings the like of which he had never known. Feelings that were too strong to deny.

He paced the room. His encounter with Rebecca had left him filled with a restless energy, and he needed to do something to dispel it.

He still could not believe that he had almost kissed her. If he had done so ... .

He did not want to think about it.

Fortunately he had been saved from taking such an irrevocable step by the crash outside. Because if not for that he would have kissed her and then his fate would have been sealed. For having kissed her he would have had to offer her marriage.

Marriage!

He shuddered as he thought of it.

Marriage was not for him.

When he was eight-and-thirty, perhaps, and had a dynasty to found. But not at eight-and- twenty.

As his thoughts returned to George Lacy, however, he began to realize that he must offer her marriage anyway, whatever his personal feelings might be. Because if Lacy had seen them together at The Nag's Head then someone else could have seen them there as well.

Damn! He had never even considered this complication after he had spoken to her at the inn. It had never occurred to him that by being alone with her, however unwittingly, in one of The Nag's Head's bedrooms, he had compromised her. And if it had occurred to him at the time he would not have cared. Rebecca had been nothing to him then; no one; and he would not have felt obliged to offer her marriage: Society, he knew, would have expected it, but he had never allowed himself to be dictated to by anyone, and certainly not by Society.

But now that he knew who she was, and realized that they had been seen, he would have to offer her marriage anyway. It was not because of Lacy - Lacy would not talk, he was too much of a coward - but someone else might have seen them, and he would do nothing to risk the reputation of Jebadiah's granddaughter.

His face softened as he thought of his godfather. It was Jebadiah who had supported him in his desire to learn about the cotton mills that were springing up in the north, bringing wealth to the area and the country as a whole; Jebadiah who had reasoned with Joshua's family, telling them that trade did not sully the hands of a gentleman, but instead encouraged enterprise and self- reliance; and Jebadiah who, sensing a kindred spirit in Joshua, comprising a ruthless determination and a sharp ambition, had helped him achieve his goals.

He owed everything he was to Jebadiah. And he would not repay the old man by bringing disgrace to Rebecca.

It was a damned nuisance, he thought, running his hand through his mane of hair. He did not want to marry, no matter how desirable he found Rebecca. And yet it must be done. He knew where his duty lay.

What was that Hetty had said earlier in the evening? That she intended to take Rebecca to visit Frost Fair tomorrow? Very well. He would meet Rebecca there, and tell her of his plan. He and Rebecca would become betrothed. And at the earliest opportunity they would be married.

Chapter Four

'Frost Fair?' asked Rebecca.

It was the following day, and she and Hetty were sitting in the drawing-room, looking through the latest edition of the Ladies' Monthly Museum. It was one of Hetty's favourite fashion journals, and the two ladies were perusing the latest styles when Hetty mentioned the fair.

What is Frost Fair?' Rebecca looked up from the journal. She had never heard any mention of it before, and was curious as to what it could be.

It really is quite exciting,' said Hetty. 1 was talking to Mrs Minshull last night and she told me all about it. She and her husband have been, it seems, and they found it most exhilarating. Frost Fair is a fair set up on the Thames,' she explained, The weather has been so cold this winter that the river has frozen over.'

Rebecca looked at her in surprise.

It is quite true, I assure you,' said Hetty. 1 haven't taken leave of my senses! But it is not to be wondered at that you are surprised. I was surprised myself. I do not remember the Thames ever freezing before - although I believe my mother told me about something similar happening in her childhood,' she said with a frown, as she struggled to recall the memory. Yes,' she said more definitely, 1 believe she did. Not that I ever saw it then, of course. But I would like to see it now. It is truly amazing, or so Mrs Minshull says. And it is not only the river that is amazing, it is what has been done to it. The shopkeepers and hawkers have lost no time in transforming it into a street - Freezewater Street, they call it. They've set up stalls and booths, and are busy selling their wares. But that is not all. There are jugglers and acrobats to entertain people, and all manner of open-air coffee shops -'

'Coffee shops?' interrupted Rebecca, growing more and more surprised.

Yes. People have to have something hot inside them to keep out the cold,' Hetty explained.

But surely the ice isn't strong enough to hold tables and chairs, as well as stalls and booths and people?' asked Rebecca.

It appears to be. Apparently, it is solid. And not only tables and chairs have been set out on it, but braziers, too. There are all manner of meats and pastries for sale, and roasted chestnuts. In fact, the chestnuts are particularly good, if Mrs Minshull is to be believed.'

'Mrs Minshull is fond of chestnuts?' asked Rebecca humorously, remembering that lady's impressive girth.

Hetty's eyes twinkled. 'She is. But it is not just the stalls of food that sound so interesting, it is the host of things to do. There are skates to hire, and all kinds of other entertainments. I thought, if you liked, we could go.'

1 wouldn't miss it for the world,' said Rebecca, caught by Hetty's enthusiasm.

Then it is settled. We will go this afternoon.'

* * * *

After luncheon, wrapped up well against the cold, Rebecca, Hetty and Charles set out to visit Frost Fair. A few soft white snowflakes drifted out of the sky as they stepped into the carriage, but otherwise the day was fine. Once they were settled the carriage set off at a sedate pace. The roads were very slippery, and Charles had given his coachman instructions to take matters carefully, as he did not want to risk any injury to the horses.

London looked very different under its thick coating of snow and Rebecca barely recognised the streets. They looked strange compared to the last time she had seen them, in the summer. But it was the river that was the most startling sight. It had been completely transformed.

It's breathtaking,' gasped Rebecca as she stepped out of the carriage once they reached the Thames. She marvelled at the change the bitterly cold weather had brought about. The river, which usually flowed merrily past, was now frozen solid. Up and down its length boats and ships could be seen, caught fast like flies in amber, trapped until the thaw.

It is indeed,' came a voice behind her.

Turning round she saw Joshua.

She had not been prepared for his presence, as she had not known he intended to visit the fair. As he took her hand her heart missed a beat and her wayward imagination returned to their encounter in the morning-room at Lady Cranston's ball.

With difficulty she schooled her thoughts, bringing them determinedly back to the present.

'Joshua,' said Hetty, greeting him warmly. What a nice surprise to find you here. Isn't it a marvellous sight?'

It is,' he said. But instead of taking in his surroundings, his eyes lingered on Rebecca as he said
it.

‘I
can't believe all these stalls and booths have been set up on the ice,' said Hetty as they began to walk across the frozen river, taking in the varied scene. 1 know Mrs Minshull told me all about it, but still, seeing it all is very different to hearing about it. I have never seen anything quite like it.'

Rebecca was relieved at the normality of Hetty's conversation. It drew her thoughts back to the present, and away from the disturbing aura generated by Joshua. It was an aura of strength and ruthlessness, and something more. There seemed something particular about it today, and she was pleased she was not alone with him. If she had been, she would have been even less at ease. She had the unnerving feeling there was something he wanted to say to her, and although she had no idea what it could be she guessed, from the way he was looking at her, it was something that could not be said in front of Hetty and Charles.

Endeavouring to shake off the feeling she turned her thoughts away from Joshua and gave her attention to the scene that met her eyes. Everywhere she looked people seemed to be enjoying themselves. Some, like her own party, were people of fashion, out unusually early in order to savour the novel experience of the Fair. Others were people from less exalted walks of life: apprentices with their sweethearts, servants on their half-day holidays, and grubby urchins revelling in the noise and confusion of the scene.

And then there were those who were making their living from the Fair: the hawkers and the piemen who walked confidently across the ice with trays of pies on their heads, and a string of stray dogs following hopefully behind them! There were stilt walkers and fire eaters who roused the admiration of the onlookers with their amazing skills; and pedlars who sold ribbons and ballad sheets from trays hung round their necks.

The scents were no less varied. The food on offer filled the air with the smell of pies and cakes, chestnuts and gingerbread, roast meat and apples.

It was a wonderful occasion.

My dear?' said Charles, offering Hetty his arm.

Hetty took his proffered arm with alacrity, and Rebecca realized with a sinking feeling that she was going to have to take Joshua's arm.

Sure enough he offered it to her, an unfathomable gleam in his eye.

Acrobats tumbled past them as they walked across the ice. Jugglers threw multi- coloured balls into the air and caught them again, displaying their skill.

Hetty and Charles stopped to watch the printing presses turning out the latest satirical prints, making fun of the coldness of the weather, and at last they all sat down at an open-air coffee house and had steaming hot drinks.