Rebel Heart (19 page)

Shannon shut her door carefully, longing to slam it, but was too conscious of other guests who were probably already asleep. Nothing had changed, she saw. Could she possibly work up enough nerve to let her husband know she didn’t offer to sleep with him for gratitude?

And if he asked why she wanted to, what would she say? Dare she confess she loved him? Could she open herself up so much knowing he’d only married her to help her with the ranch?

Saturday repeated Friday, with more fans in the stands, more contestants, more action. The heat continued, the smell of dirt and horses and cattle permeated the fairgrounds. The loud roar when contestants scored high echoed around and around the stands. Jase scored in the top during the afternoon, second in the evening show.

When he drove them back from dinner to the dance on the fairgrounds, it was already close to midnight.

“Sure you want to go?” he asked as he cut the engine.

“Don’t you? Bobby always liked the parties after the shows.”

“Shannon, do me a favor and stop talking about Bobby Blackstone. He’s dead and gone. And stop comparing me to him. We only had competing in common as I’ve come to discover. I don’t want our marriage to be a threesome, you, me and Bobby.”

“I’m sorry.” She had been comparing them from the first and it wasn’t fair to Jase. The more she was around him, the less like Bobby she found him. He had a strength Bobby never had, a concern for others she’d never seen with her first husband.

“For the record, I’m not like him.”

“I know. It’s just so hard to—”

“To what, let go of the past? Darlin’, you’ve had some bad experiences, but all men are not like your first husband, nor your dad, and especially not like Rod Thompson. Give me a chance.”

She nodded.

She loved him no matter what. If only she could express that so he’d see. But he’d see it as gratitude. And she was too uncertain to express her love. How would he respond?

He came around to open the door for her. Shannon swung her legs around and paused, reaching out to touch Jase’s shoulder. “Jase?”

“Yeah?”

She swallowed. The darkness made it easier, nothing made it easy. “I, uh, wonder if you’d kiss me again? You haven’t in a long time.”

He became as still as a rock, trying to determine her expression in the faint light of the stars.

“Why?” A cold, hard word.

“I thought you liked to kiss me.” Had she been wrong? Embarrassment rushed through her like wildfire.

“I do. I want to kiss you all the time. I’m afraid if I start I’ll never stop.” He pulled her from the cab, molding her slim body against his. One hand threaded beneath her braid, gently encircling her nape, the other around her slim waist.

Lowering his head, he kissed her, his lips firm and warm, his breath mingling with hers until they both forgot to breathe.

She reveled in the erotic sensations that bubbled up deep inside. She pressed herself against him wanting more, much more. Wanting to express her love physically while imagining he loved her in return.

His hand slowly came around to run down her side, moving to cup one breast, massage it gently, his thumb tracing the tight point of her nipple. His mouth left hers to trace soft kisses across her cheeks, down her throat, nuzzling the pulse point, tasting her. His lips were warm, his tongue like a brand against her soft skin.

“I don’t want to start something we can’t finish, darlin’. The first time we make love I want it to last as long as we want.” His hand continued its sweet caress over the shirt and bra, continued to tantalize her breast.

“I want to taste every inch of you, from your sweet lips to your tiny toes.” His hand moved down across the slight swell of her belly, the fiery waves of enchantment building as her skin became sensitized through the layers of her clothes.

“I want to bury myself in you and stay with you for days.” His hand cupped her bottom and he pulled her tightly against him, demonstrating graphically how much he desired her.

“Tonight—” she breathed.

“No, darlin’, the time’s not right. I’m still not sure your reasons are right, either. But I can wait. I told you, I want you for days on end, not a quick night when I have to get up to compete tomorrow.

The rodeo. Her heart sank. The rodeo always came first.

Her body was on fire and she wanted him more than anything. But the timing wasn’t right. So just when would the timing be right?

“Hey, you two, break it up. You coming to the dance?” A half-drunk cowboy stumbled by, leering at them.

“Yeah.” Jase eased away, swung an arm around her shoulders and led them into the dance.

Shannon refused to let his rejection drag her down. Time enough to think about it on the long drive home. Nothing had changed.

He said he wanted her, but she no longer believed him. He'd had more than one chance to make love with her and he continued to avoid it.

She raised her head and pasted a bright smile on her face, trying to ignore the longing that wouldn’t ease. She'd pretend she was having a wonderful time tonight and leave at first light.

Jase had decided he’d prefer the rodeo, she’d accommodate him. Time to be heading for home.

Shannon didn’t know if it was torture or the most exquisite pleasure to dance with her husband. Her body brushed against him, tingling and shivering in wild yearning. She could feel his heartbeat beneath her fingers, feel the strength and heat of his big body as they moved easily to the slow music. Pretending everything was fine between them, pretending they would go home together when it was over, was the closest Shannon came to fooling herself. She’d take the one night, one last dance and hold no regrets.

But when he dropped her by her room, she held his hand a moment longer than she should.

“Go to bed, darlin’.” He brushed a sweet kiss across her forehead and turned away. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She watched until he climbed the stairs. Resolutely she turned into the room and began packing. She wouldn’t stay to watch him compete, it was too agonizing. She feared he’d be hurt again and she couldn’t bear to see it. Anyway, he planned to leave right after the afternoon show. It couldn’t matter to him if she left in the morning.

She had an idea she explored as she drove home. Thanksgiving was less than a month away. She’d throw out all the stops, invite his family, have the most lavish spread possible and convince him being at home was infinitely better than following the rodeos.

And she’d find the time he wanted if she had to give every ranch hand the week off with pay. If that was his only excuse, she’d make sure it was invalid. Somehow she had to convince her husband she wanted him as much if not more than he wanted her, all without revealing that she loved him.

It might be easier to compete with another woman than the draw of the rodeo, but she’d give it her best shot. Jase Hart was in for a surprise when he came home for Thanksgiving!

She swallowed hard. At least she hoped she could pull it off.

“What the sweet hell were you doing leaving so blasted early Sunday?” Jase’s voice growled in her ear when she answered the phone.

Shannon had been home six hours and was just sitting down to soup and a sandwich when the phone rang. Her heart skidded against her chest. Sighing softly, she sat on the edge of the desk, closing her eyes to see him better. Longings so severe they threatened to choke her swept through her at the sound of his voice.

“I had things to do.”

“So important you couldn’t even tell me you were leaving early?”

That had been pure cowardice. She couldn’t tell him that.

“I’m waiting, Shannon.” The anger in his tone rolled through loud and clear.

Glad for the distance, she scrambled around for an answer that would appease him yet keep her own vulnerability around him intact. “I have certain responsibilities—”

“And one of them is leaving without a word?” He swore softly.

“I’m sorry, Jase, you’re right, that was wrong. I should have left a note or something.”

“You should have waited until I got up and told me face-to-face, that’s what you should have done. Don’t give me any bull about responsibilities. Was there an emergency on the ranch?”

She almost lied, but he could so easily find out the truth.

“I just had to leave, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first. How did you do on Sunday?”

“I won. Dammit, Shannon, you drive me nuts. You and I are going to have a serious talk when I get home. This isn’t the end of it, Shannon.”

“At Thanksgiving?” Would he come home before that? She held her breath.

“Right. See you then.” The phone slammed down on the hook.

She slowly replaced her receiver, counting the days until Thanksgiving. If he had wanted, he could have found some time to stop by before then.

If he wanted.

Shannon was on edge. No doubt about it, she was plain scared. She’d planned for weeks now and as the time drew near she had butterflies the size of horses dancing in her stomach. Uncertainty was a constant companion. That and her longing for Jase.

She'd cleaned the house until it shone. She'd updated the two spare rooms for Brianna and Josh, pleased with the results. Of course, that placed Jase squarely with her. Now she only had to convince her husband to share her room while his siblings visited.

She swallowed hard as she tried to envision his reaction.

Would he be happy with the decision? Or still coldly furious, thinking she only wanted him for gratitude. Men could be so dense sometimes.

Debating whether to invite Brianna and Josh for a long weekend, or plan to have them leave immediately after Thanksgiving dinner had given Shannon fits. In the end she opted for the extended weekend. If things didn’t work out as she hoped with Jase, she’d have them as a buffer.

Would Jase himself stay beyond Thursday? Or would she end up entertaining his family while he hit the circuit again? She wished she knew what he was doing. What he was thinking.

Where he was!

Sighing softly as she arranged late fall flowers on the dining room table, she hoped everything went smoothly this weekend. Brianna was arriving today. Josh tomorrow around one, Thanksgiving afternoon.

When Jase would show up was anyone’s guess.

He hadn’t phoned her since that one call after she returned from Trinity. Their relationship had definitely cooled, not that there was much of a relationship to cool with him hundreds of miles away.

She missed his calls, missed him totally. Wondered if he missed her a fraction as much as she missed him. Wondered if his dreams at night were of her as hers were of him.

He might be home today or tomorrow at the latest. He hadn’t told her when to expect him, just that he’d be home for Thanksgiving.

She was counting on it. She was going to seduce him. She’d planned every move. Swallowing as the minutes ticked by, the time drawing closer when she’d have to put her plan into action, she rubbed her palms against her jeans.

She’d missed him like she’d never missed anyone before. She loved him more deeply than she’d ever imagined loving anyone. Whatever he wanted would be fine with her, as long as he treated her like his wife.

At the knock at the front door she knew her first guest had arrived. How long before Jase arrived?

An hour later Shannon had shown Brianna to her room and given her a brief tour around the house. Now they sat in the living room, sipping hot chocolate. Tall and blond like her brother, Brianna Hart displayed the same self-assurance he did. But on her it came across as confidence, not arrogance. Shannon liked her instantly.

“It’s miserable out. The snow’s coming down faster than my wiper blades could keep up,” Brianna said as she sat across from Shannon, near the fire. “But I wouldn’t have missed this for anything. I’m so glad to finally meet you. I was so astonished when Jase called to tell me he was getting married.”

“It happened rather suddenly,” Shannon murmured, not knowing what to say. Jase should be here. He should have welcomed his sister to his home.

“I’ll say. But it’s just like Jase. He always knows what he wants. And once he sets out to get something, watch out. He always gets it.”

“Oh?” Shannon frowned. What had he really wanted by marrying her?

“Sure, like keeping us together when our folks died. Or making the Rafter C the best ranch in the state.”

“You were lucky to have him,” Shannon said, envying Jase’s sister for the love she knew she had from her brother.

“Josh and I both know it. That’s why we were so pleased when you didn’t object to his competing. He’s wanted this for so long. It was a dream from when he was a kid. Having to raise us almost put paid to that dream. We’re so glad he’s able to go after it.”

“Competing in rodeos?”

“Yes. Funny, isn’t it. I mean, after working at a ranch all the time you’d think the last thing a man would want to do is go play at rodeos. I prefer a nice restaurant and dancing. Or a movie.”

Shannon nodded thoughtfully. “So he’d dreamed of this for ages.” It wasn’t just a whim, a shirking of responsibilities. It was a dream, a lifelong dream.

Things shifted slightly. Made more sense. He’d said it was something he’d wanted, but a lifelong dream? No wonder he was so adamant.

“Ever since he was a teenager. He competed in the junior rodeos around the ranch when Mom and Dad were alive. I thought he’d given up, but when I finished college Josh and I insisted he try it. He did well the last couple of years. I hope he makes the finals, he’s getting up there, you know.”

Shannon smiled, remembering when she’d mentioned age how indignant he’d become. “He has a good shot at the cutting event. And an outside one for the bareback bronc riding.”

“I know, we’re following the rankings. I hope he wins one or the other.” Brianna tilted her head as she studied Shannon. “Josh told me you were pretty. But he didn’t tell me how tiny you are. I feel like a giant around you. How do you stand up to Jase?”

Shannon glanced up and met her smile. “I’m not so small I can’t hold my own with your brother.” The words echoed around and around in her head.