Rebel Rockstar (24 page)

* * *

I
t’s not
a beach house or anything special. Just my secret spot.

Our secret spot, I remind myself. We haven’t been in here in years, since the summer before we started middle school and wondered if this meant we wouldn’t be seeing each other much anymore. Sixth grade was around when the sports teams started breaking up my gender, and sixth grade was when my father decided I needed to man up. I picked after years of sucking at football. I’d made the right call.

No wonder I was scrawny until a year ago.

But it took up all my time for a while, and although I’d tried to spend as much time with Faith as I could’ve, we hadn’t been in here since then.

I watch her, gauging her reaction. Waiting.

Fuck! I’m a confident guy…

Except with Faith. Especially not with her, and especially as she scales the little ladder outside and I worry she’ll fall and I’ll have to catch her again. Thinking about having her in my arms has gotten me in trouble before.

We are in my old treehouse, out in the woods that you can only reach from a mostly-hidden path in my backyard.

Now we are silent. I could take beatings in the ring when I first started, tough love from my family, and fights with other people. But I can’t fucking take this. The tension… it’s killing me.

She stands a foot away from me, but it feels like a mile. Her hair slopes down over her shoulder so beautifully, and her eyes are nervous. Downcast, blue and so gorgeous. I move to her, wanting to touch her first. She surprises me when her hands touch my shoulders.

“I want this,” she says in a breathy voice. Before I get a chance to react, she kisses my neck. It is barely a kiss, just her lips brushing my skin, but it undoes me completely. “I always wanted you to be my first, River.”

Fucking hell.

I don’t say anything. My hand buries itself in the thick of her hair, pulling her neck so she arches her back for me as my mouth violates her perfect, innocent skin. My hands fall to her shirt, pulling the sleeves away from her as she struggles to get my shirt off. I pull away from her for just a second, ripping the fabric away from my body to reveal my abs, before getting her shirt off as well.

I want to fuck her like the beast I am.

There is no way she can take it. She’s just had her first kiss hours ago. I growl in frustration as her hands slide up my sides, her fingers digging into me as she pulls herself closer to me.

This is what we are. The boxer beast and the innocent, gorgeous geek girl.

My hands slide down to her juicy ass, down into her jeans and her panties. I grab her by the waist and place her down onto the small mat we’ve kept in here ages ago for sleepovers.

My hands find the button and zipper on her jeans, and I pull them away from her, needing to see her naked. My cock throbs, wanting to bury itself as deep as it can inside her wetness… Only to then pull out and shove back in again as she moans my name, coming for me, coming into her…

Her hands help me when the denim gets stuck on her thighs.

No.

The need to be the boss here is so fucking strong. She’s so small in my arms. So vulnerable, so tiny and innocent.

And I want to fucking ruin her.

We are not equals here. We both chose this, but she is mine to take. God knows she’s already put a claim on me.

I grab her hands and pull them over her head, growling a reminder for her to keep them there. She does, her whole body shaking.

I know I am shaking, too. I rip away her bra from her body, kissing down her neck, her collarbones, showering her beautiful breasts in kiss upon kiss. I suck a nipple into my mouth, moving from her right tit to her left, stopping to look at them as they harden.

For me. All for me. Her eyes close and drift to the back of her head as she gasps, my hand roaming down her stomach towards her pussy.

Clothing isn’t optional right now.

Her panties tear as I steal them from her, my hand gripping up to her sex and clutching it hard. I squeeze her, rubbing fingers along her slit, listening to her breathing to see what she likes, not wanting to hurt her, but wanting to dive in so fucking badly it hurts.

“I want you,” I growl against her skin. I am kissing her, kissing her throat again, moving down her body. “I’m gonna fuck you now, Faith Collins. Is that what you want?”

She whimpers a yes as I abandon my jeans, pulling down my boxers and shoving them both to the side.

Now my manliness is taking over. I’m nothing but my primal instinct, which is shouting things at me, making my head pound with desperation.

Need.

Have.

Want.

Take.

I take her small hand in mine, placing it on the head of my cock. Her eyes open in shock at the feeling, but she’s brave. She touches me, feeling the velvety soft tip, the hardness of my shaft.

Faith.

My beautiful bookish girl… She’s never felt a cock before.

I smirk at her knowingly, gripping her hand and placing it along the shaft like I have every time I’ve pictured her touching me just like this.

“Fuck…” I swear, not expecting her to know how to touch me, her hand roaming my dick as she moves up and down. Hesitantly, then more confidently, but still so gentle. I can’t help myself, I have to tell her again. “I want you, Faith. Now. Right the fuck now.”

All I hear is her high-pitched reply. “Then take me.”

And I lose it.

I take her hand away from her, pulling it back over her head to stay still as I’d commanded her to in the first place. I grip her thighs and spread them open, revealing her glistening pink pussy… The tip of my cock rubs against her sex. I take it in my hand, dragging it repeatedly over her opening, wanting to just shove in. She gulps, letting out a small whimper as she looks at me.

And then I can’t fucking take it anymore. This has to happen. I’ve been wanting her for too long, I’ve spent too long without my baby.

I’m suddenly inside her, the head of my cock urging forward as she gasps.

“Not a virgin anymore, baby,” I rasp at her, greedily kissing her neck.

I grab her hair, making her look at me as her head moves back in shock. She disobeys me, her arms moving to hold onto me as I push my cock deeper inside her.

“God, Faith, you’re tight,” I groan, feeling the walls of her pussy squeezing my dick. I know what’s coming, even if she doesn’t.

“Fill me up,” she begs. “Fuck, River, please… I need to feel it inside me.”

I want to stop.

I want to reconsider.

I want to think of the reprecussions.

I can’t.

I pump inside her, lasting longer than I thought I could. Finally, one of her long, sensual moans undoes me and I can feel it coming, feel my orgasm approaching faster than ever. I spill my seed inside her, groaning her name into her mane of hair.

And I pump some more, pushing my cum so deep inside her she begs, whether for me to stop or go harder, I don’t know.

Faith.

Finally mine.

I
don’t feel
that different.

I kind of expected to, especially after reading all those romances where the hero and heroine wind up together forever after a night of love.

I sigh, staring in the mirror at my body. Life will go on just like before... But it will be so, so much better now.

Sure, debate club will take place every Friday, and girls will still make fun of me for being nerdy, but now I have River. My handsome River.

I don’t know if he is mine, though… Or if I should ask him to be. My cheeks flush red at the thought and I feel my skin itch. It feels like only his touch will make me better now.

Stop it.

I have to stop it.

Or not. I don’t want to.

River still lives right next door. He is an adult now, almost a full year older than barely-eighteen-years-old me. He will still live with his parents for a while, at least until he takes off for college in the fall. Maybe he will take me with him. I mean, I have my own plans for college, but… I’d probably change them to fit in with whatever he has in mind.

I can only focus on River right now, and the happy feelings in my chest and… other places when I think of him.

River isn’t that far away.

I could go over there right now. Ask him about us.

That seems so lame, though…

“Ugh,” I groan out loud. It isn’t the good type of groan I learned to associate with River. I make myself think rationally.

I’m so desperate to see him and talk to him again, but then again it has only been a night. I shouldn’t be thinking about this. I’m a good girl. I adjust my classes, wanting to break free of that mold but feeling so uncomfortable with something so… Dangerous.

But River is dangerous. And he makes me feel safe. It was his birthday yesterday and I hope it was his best birthday, because it was the best day for me, too. But only “too” if he felt the same way.

I have to go talk to him.

I adjust my skirt, wearing another one of those numbers I probably outgrew a while back. Before, old me would have thrown this in the back of my closet in embarrassment at the realization. But… Now? I hope River notices where the fabric ends.

It sure as heck isn’t at my knees.

My skin is clammy. I have to leave right away, before I lose the courage to speak to River.

My hands feel hot as I move the old door knocker, the kind you clang against the door from the outside.

Their house is kind of old, too, I realize. Maybe, as much as River pretends his family is okay, they sometimes have troubles, too.

I adjust and readjust my skirt as I wait for an answer, chewing on my bottom lip as the seconds go by. I slam the knocker against the strike plate again, and again.

River seemed to like it when I was strong.

And I’m not that weak.

I can totally defend myself.

Not that the door is attacking me… Just in general.

“Please answer,” I groan, throwing the knocker down one final time.

Looking through the window, I see his mother’s mouth move as she shouts for someone. Probably for someone to get the door, but no one comes. She sets a baby down on the couch – was it Jake? Josh? I can’t remember which one is which, and it makes my heart hurt. Only a year ago, I would’ve been able to differentiate River’s twin brothers from a mile away.

His mother leaves the kid on the couch and moves towards the door.

No, no, no. River needs to answer.
River
.

His mom opens the door, her smile growing taut as she realizes it is me.

Just me.

She’s never been hostile towards me, but I can tell she sees me as a child. Not the girl for her son, if anything.

His father prefers me. Hopefully.

Is she going to tell me that River doesn’t want to see me anymore, that he–?

“River isn’t home, sweetheart.” Her smile is more genuine now, her eyes tired as she picks up the toddler that has crawled to her. She bounces the boy on her hip.

Oh.

“Okay, can I wait for him? Or maybe come back later? He won’t be long, right?” The words are just pouring out of my mouth and I finally manage to shut myself up. I can’t help asking about him. I need to bring her into the conversation, someway, somehow… God, I am so awkward.

“How are you, Mrs. Xavier? Are you okay?” From the way her eyes crinkle as if she is ten years older, I can tell she isn’t okay.

“I’m alright,” she says, smiling again. “Just tired. Motherhood does that, you know.” She leans into me like she is telling me a secret. “Children aren’t for everyone, Faith.”

I nod. I’m not really thinking of having any for a long time. Definitely not now.

But she hasn’t answered my questions about River!

I plead with my eyes as she talks, waiting for her to get to what I so desperately need to hear.

Over Mrs. Xavier’s shoulder, I see her husband. He waves at me sadly, like he knows something I don’t. There’s something weird going on here. Neither of them are mentioning River, my River… Where is he?

“River left, sweetheart.” Mrs. Xavier finally drops the bomb.

And I instinctively know she means it. He is gone, not he’ll be back in a while after getting groceries or helping out a neighbor, like he used to do, but he is gone… Forever.

“Uh huh,” her husband nods. He walks over to the door and gives me those sad puppy eyes. He looks tired as well. Downtrodden.

“Signed a contract. Left today. Real proud of him. He’ll be far away now, though. He hasn’t told you, Faith? He’s known for over a year.”

“Oh, I… See.” I pause, my eyes threatening to spill over. I am still just his childhood best friend he hasn’t seen in a while to them. They can’t know how much this hurts me. I pause, catching my breath, waiting for my voice to come back. “No, he didn’t tell me. He’s known for a year?”

His dad nods sadly and I can see the pity in his look. It pisses me off.

“When will he be back?” I smile, but it’s more like I’m just gritting my teeth. God, he could be gone for weeks. And he never told me… despite spending all night with him. Despite the way we connected.

“I don’t know, honey,” Mr. Xavier says, ruffling my hair as if I were one of his boys, not the girl his son loved. “The contract’s signed for two years. But he’ll be back for the holidays! I’m sure he’d love to see you come Christmas?”

It’s May.

It’s fucking
May
.

And no one knows if he loved me or not. Not even me.

I nod again. I’m holding my emotions in check. I have to, at least until I get off the Xaviers’ property. I feel so numb. “Where’d he go?”

“Missouri, for now,” the lonely pride is back in Mr. Xavier’s voice. “Knew he could do it. He’ll be travelling all over the states – River Xavier the professional boxer! One of the youngest, too. He’s nineteen now, you know.”

I know. I celebrated his birthday with him yesterday, bonded with him more than I ever thought possible… And it was probably the last time I’ll ever get to see him.

I nod a final time. “Well, thank you,” I say.

And this time, I can’t hide my voice breaking. I can’t stop the tears from spilling over.

I break out into a sprint back to my house, across the Xaviers’ perfectly manicured lawn, which River won’t be mowing anymore. I don’t even hear the sound of their door clicking shut as my head rumbles like a storm is passing through it and tears cloud my eyes.

* * *

I
sit on the tile
.

At first, I think I feel sick because I miss River. He called me. The conversation was awkward as hell.

I didn’t let him explain. Couldn’t let him cut another scar in the remains of my heart.

I promised to call back, knowing I wouldn’t.

He calls me more times, and I ignore every single call. Now, the days since we last talked have turned to weeks. My heart hasn’t gotten better.

If anything, it has gotten worse. Sicker. He came to my door one day, when he came home to pick up some things he forgot to pack.

Daddy told me he waited on the porch for hours.

I didn’t even leave my room.

Physically, I feel so different, and it has only been weeks.

The toilet is cold against my lower back as I slouch in front of it. I look down at the test I’m holding in my hand, feeling a tear stream down my eye, past my cheek, down onto my chest.

It only took that one time.

I love him… But he destroyed me. He can’t know.

I need to move on, to get over him. He will not be the last.

But he is my first.

I need to be strong. I can’t turn my love for him to hate.

No one knows about us. No one knows anything happened between us, although I think my dad guessed. Things still haven’t gotten better for us, house-wise. Not yet, anyway. But daddy assured me they would.

The house next to us is empty now.

The Xaviers have gone on the road so they can keep up with their star son.

When they said they’d help our family in times of need, they meant it. They left us some of the money from when they sold their property. My father tried to stop them. I saw the conversation through my bedroom door that I’d left ajar.

He couldn’t convince them to take their money and leave. They knew about our problems. I knew, too. We were so close to losing the house. We probably would, if it weren’t for the Xaviers’ kindness.

A new family will be moving in soon. “Befriend them,” the Xaviers said.

I’ve only seen the inside of my room for weeks, besides school. I quit debate club. I won’t be able to go back now. I ruined my chances with Jason, definitely.

Who would take me like this? No one.

I don’t know who to tell.

Definitely dad. Maybe Sabrina.

Never River. Absolutely not River. He has hurt me too much, and he is too focused on his boxing career. There is no way he would – or could – come back. But…

My body slouches forward as I look at the pregnancy test. It isn’t the first one I’ve taken, going to a drugstore two cities away so no one would find out about my suspicions.

The tests all line up on the bathroom tile beside me, telling me everything I already know, even though I was hoping that one of them would give me a different answer, the one I answer I wanted to run with.

But none of them did.

God, I am so stupid.

Positive.

All positive.

I’m pregnant, alone and heartbroken. But this baby is the only piece of River I have left…